mandyjw

I think life is all about choosing what feels best to you, I don't think there is a wrong or right. It's all about tapping into inspiration and making things work for you and your situation rather than worrying about what you should feel like doing. I bought an old inexpensive house and got married right before my 21st birthday and that seemed pretty crazy and naïve. It was really difficult living in a construction zone for years. It took seven years for the projects to become lighter and more manageable rather than life altering. Now we have a nice big space and haven't had a mortgage for years. It was a somewhat extreme example of frontloading the burden of housing costs. I love the freedom to have pets and garden and decorate how I like. I love learning about homes and carpentry. I even love mowing the lawn. But if I lived alone and didn't care about these things, it would be a huge amount of maintenance to deal with.

You surrender in those moments because you realize there's no other option, it's checkmate. In less dramatic situations, we resist the suffering, because we think there's a way out, so we think. This "WTF is wrong with me" self talk is what you want to question. This is the "lower self" if there is one at all, the one who beats up on the lower self is not the one with your best interests at heart, it is the lower self. In refusing to be the lower self it creates the concept of two, one inferior to the other. There are not two selves.

It's effortless! It's like massage, you hold all these tensions in your muscles and the massage, which seems like a doing or an effort, helps you to release them. It's the an effort to tackle the effort we don't know we're making.

I have an autistic kid and I'm completely at peace that it had nothing to do with vaccines. The year my child was diagnosed they changed the criteria to combine diagnoses under the autism spectrum. It's easy to say that cases have skyrocketed, when in actuality, we are becoming much more proactive about testing children and giving them more tailored learning environments. From a personal perspective, it sucks as a mother to have someone's personal theory of cause pushed on you based on the assumption that something is horribly wrong with your child, which is not at all the case. Granted, my child has mild autism not severe autism, and there are some challenges for sure, but the way his brain works is unique and fascinating to me.

Yes, if people fully appreciated inanimate objects greed wouldn't be a thing and no one would be shamed for it either. You cannot own objects, you only experience them. The experience is never the same twice, it's only now that we can perceive exactly how the light falls on something, which is only because of the light of awareness, which intimately is our being is creating it.

I have a theory that everyone is already pretty centered, down to earth and stoic (for the most part about most things) but we let other people's aversions get to us. My mom expressed shame to me growing up and told me a few times that I wasn't taught right, I wasn't taught social constructs, proper table manners, etc, and that she was sorry because I would go out in the world without these things. I got the message that I SHOULD be ashamed and I was lacking. I think mom thought this would protect me, and was some sort of disclaimer, but it was more of her own voicing her own shame around it. I've noticed that with growing up in a rural area that there is a lot of shame as well as pride about it. And it's very obvious that you cannot have one without its opposite. Maybe people who are given more pride messages get more stuck, I'm not sure though. It's a lot to work through, it's an interesting challenge really, and it's also not an issue at all. An aversion is an illusion. We say we have them. "I hate snakes." Never was able to get behind that one either. But in pure awareness this is never an aversion. I have experienced this a lot and kept thinking "what's wrong with me, I shouldn't be ok with this." And so lack of aversion becomes part of my white trash background identity. I have never been averse to many smells or foods, but I have a good sense of smell and taste. The sense of anxiety I have when I have to cook for someone is huge because I have zero standards. It's an epiphany to learn that I've created these feelings myself. That other's aversions are not something wrong with me or a reflection on me. Motives get all mixed up. "I want a clean house so I won't feel shame." This ends up being a demotivator and will create a messy house and shame. "I want a clean house because I love how it feels." This ends up being pure motivation which doesn't fear or look at the possibility of the opposite of the desire. The desire is a nice feeling whether the outside manifestation matches or not. it's a desire, in itself it doesn't matter if its reflected or not, the desire doesn't change.

Yes to everything. Where is God? Yes.

How is your diet and exercise and do you have any yoga or meditation practices?

Ahh... the drama, the devotion, the feeling. I am the creator of it all. d ram a God is right in the middle of it. I am always right in the middle of it. Mama always told me so. I Am the synchronicity and the conductor behind the fireworks show. I line them up and light the fuses. I am the spectator, the ooooer and aaahhher. I Am the hilarity, the punch line, the happily ever before, the alpha and the omega. I am the narcissist and the co-dependent, Narcissus and Echo. I Am the mundane, the worthless, the rags to riches, the riches to rags. I am the idol and the devotee, the teacher and the student, the master and the servant. I Am the apple, the snake, God and the Devil, Adam and Eve, the Garden, the trees and the Sword. It truly does all revolves around Me, and I Am Nothing. Nothing. Without You. ? I Am nothing without any "one" to see me, to look upon me. I am nothing without a second, nothing without imagination. “You cannot see My face, for no one can see Me and live.” Exodus 33:20

@dflores321 ?❤ Yeah, I don't know why it seems like we have resistance to transitions. It's a kind of letting go of something we didn't want anymore but thought we wanted. I don't think it's something we can make happen although we can put the intent out there, and just be aware of that point when the transition wants to be made. Which involves our letting go of thinking that the pleasure is dependent on the activity.

I Am the True Vine 15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants,[a] for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 These things I command you, so that you will love one another. Oh. Right. Jesus' "I Am" was source not body mind character Jesus. Seems so clear now. Damn what an amazing LOA teacher he was. Whew. Love for another verses vs co-dependence, depends on body identity. Damn it. "I'm nothing without you. " Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. It's TRUTH and it's LIES! Oh fuck it, now that I'm laughing and crying, I'm gonna stop at a high point and go mow the lawn. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

Ironically I had no plans of continuing this journal. I started a new journal and it got deleted with the data loss. Lately I've been so busy and so energetic that I haven't been writing that much. The daylight hours are so long it's hard to sleep and there's so much to DO. It felt great until a couple days ago when I started to feel like I'd been on vacation too long and was starting to get homesick. Funny that our vacations are mostly full of activity. I listened to the beginning of an Eckhart Tolle video that autoplayed while I was working and someone asked how they could reconcile what he teaches with Abraham Hicks (without naming her). He said that there's the inward and outward movements, the creating and dying back. As an explanation within duality, I equate this with seasons, I generally feel great about the busy, energetic seasons and then loathe the winter, yet understand one depends on the other. This turned into such a huge pattern of suffering over the years, that seems so silly and impersonal. Before the shift I had I almost got stuck in idolizing the spiritual winter stage, then discovering the law of attraction resulted in huge experiential understandings which in turn after the fact may have flipped the balance. The belief that happiness comes from conditions, that happiness comes from events, circumstances and things and is something that someone can have and something someone can lose or secure is so sneaky. You actually create best when you aren't expecting anything from it, this is the essence of creation. I guess that's why I like journaling. I like the amount of focus that trying to explain something in a way that someone else might understand helps me find me on a certain subject. When I'm journaling on my own, it's often lazy and lacks flow and intention. Yet, I also don't really expect anyone to read it or get anything from it, it's for me. So it tricks me into finding a good balance. I got stuck in this really self centered perspective that I was the chosen one. Years ago I adored and kept contemplating this line from the Sia song, "I'm still fighting for peace." And I want it, I want my life so bad I'm doing everything I can Then another one bites the dust It's hard to lose a chosen one You did not break me I'm still fighting for peace Funny when you put the song lyrics together with this video I made. "It's hard to lose a chosen one." How strong this narrative has been of the chosen one. Jesus Christ. Harry Potter. The hero's journey. Essentially you are your own chosen one. You are your perspective. And so much more, you are all the possibilities and the choosing. In the narrative anyone who chooses himself is a narcissistic asshole. "I volunteer as tribute." Because if I don't I loose lose someone I love, someone weaker than I. Jesus Christ. I must do this only as a sacrifice, to save others. I make myself infamous, I make myself eternal in the story, eternally heroic and loved by sacrificing myself for others. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You're telling me now, that this as an ideal is suffering? This is all bullshit? Jesus, is co-dependence love? Hello? Hello? C-can you hear me? I can be your China doll, if you like to see me fall Boy, you're so dope, your love is deadly Tell me life is beautiful They think that I have it all I've nothing without you All my dreams and all the lights mean Nothing without you All my dreams and all the lights mean Nothing, if I can't have you

@Nahm (I normally use three laughing emojis when something is really funny, but I better stop before it's too much.)

Lately I had an insight that it's a pretty awesome skill to be able to intuitively stop at the height of something. Like Bill Waterson stopping Calvin and Hobbes before it lost it's magic or got repetitive. Like ending a conversation when it's still at a high point. Like knowing when to stop working out when you feel energized. Like eating until you feel perfectly satisfied, not full. It's neither an abstaining nor an indulgence. It's a secondary effect of knowing where one's happiness really comes from.

Yeah, don't do that. There's a link between cured meat consumption (as a part of a more balanced diet even) and certain cancers. Plus the amount of salt and nitrates and the effects of that are likely going to make you feel awful. If you're feeling bad, it's your body telling you something.

I've been noticing headaches when I eat a good amount of meat daily as part of a balanced diet. If you eat sausage or cured meats there's nitrates involved too which can cause headache or migraine. Listen to your body.

Possibly it's your projection that pain is hard to deconstruct. The desire to see the believe that we are a fragile thing that is subject to events, circumstances, things and other people is most intense when pain is present. That's essentially what pain is, desire to feel better. There is normally little desire to see through pleasure being attributed to a mind made cause. The lack of complaint present in pleasure is a taste of reality. If the pleasure is attributed to a thing, or circumstance that's the delusion and the birth of pain.

I love living in a world where people love and want to do vastly different things with their lives. If everyone loved being alone in nature all the time, no one would be alone in nature ever.

While you do create your reality, you cannot create someone else's reality. While you attract things into your experience you cannot attract anything negative. The way reality works is that everything negative will ultimately be transmuted into positive. However, we want to learn to use the guidance of feeling to guide our thoughts because not listening to it creates suffering for self and others. In fact we see suffering as bad but in fact it is guiding us to what we want. If a map reveals to you hat you've been going the wrong direction for 50 miles, you may tear the map in a fit of anger. But you aren't mad at the map, you're mad that you disregarded it. If a thought feels bad it is either moving away from what we want or it is being interpreted on the part of the separate self, (through long held beliefs). In this way you can BOTH disregard intrusive thoughts as the therapist is likely suggesting, and sort of reach out grab them and love them rather than pushing against them. Whatever we push against we get more of because the universe is one of no exclusion. The universe does not hear the word no. It does however, love you. The other thing that can help as it is difficult to drop an unwanted thought with a lot of charge behind it, is to flip the switch the creative mode. Maybe plan a creative story or outline a book about parallel realities but in a positive light, how you WANT them to be. If that's still too charged find whatever creative or constructive line of thinking you find transmutes the unwanted thoughts, or simply switches the subject.

How would you like to be loved? Would you like to have a conversation with someone who has all these pre-formed ideas about you that are both accurate and wildly inaccurate, and rather than really seeing you, and really hearing you, all they know is their own mental chatter? Would you feel loved and seen by someone if their interpretation of everything you say is going through this filter of assumptions and expectations? Or would you feel loved by someone who is there, seeing, feeling every word, just openly appreciating you? This is the already true nature of your awareness, of the awareness that is actually seeing and feeling the words on the screen right now, prior to and beyond any thought or expectation of ideas of "knowing" what they mean.

Yeah, I think Pfizer is the best, there are less side effects in testing and a week less wait to be fully vaccinated. (Although a longer wait may provide more benefit.) We have just recently freed up supply here in the US so that you are able to more easily choose the vaccine and walk in and get it. But the mask mandate and all social distancing is gone, so you are on your own quite suddenly. Canada is still way behind on vaccination so it seems we can't open the border yet.

Spirituality is what allows in the enjoyment of any action and outcome, which is ultimately the realization that there is no action or outcome. It enhances and optimizes, not afraid to utilize the wrecking ball, sledge hammer or the gold leaf and the finest set of artists brushes. People as individuals don't want the same things out of perfect divine order. During the pandemic for example, as a society we needed people to fearlessly brave the virus and be willing to put themselves at risk substitute teaching and supporting businesses and we needed others to be recluses. The notion that everyone can or will or should all do the same thing isn't right, it usually comes from a need to justify one's own actions because one feels doubt about them.

If you silently read to yourself the word "CRASH!", does it make a sound?

@ivankiss Yeah, as you become conscious of its limitations you may also recognize its power. Experiencing clairaudience really messes up the "it's beyond language" expectation. It's still accurate to say that it's beyond and prior to language, but, yeah, non duality, not two and the actual nature of "no exclusion" makes for some fun surprises. There is no power at all unless it's channeled into something. It's like a lightning strike.