mandyjw

Eckhart Tolle is a fantastic suggestion here, but if Eckhart Tolle won't get you enlightened, what teacher can? His books are the most clear, concise, and free of egoic traditions and language of anything I've read on the subject.

I doubt anyone would ask. And if someone said they came to library to meet girls, that would be the perfect answer and if I was interested, I would find that charming and/or hilarious and also a great opening or incentive for me to start a conversation and find out if he was just kidding or not and ask him to have coffee. Maybe I'm weird. Of course some libraries would not be good, like I said it's really stupid example but you get what I'm trying to say.

Yoga. Just kidding. Sort of. My real answer is just go about your life focusing on the things you love and the things you find fulfilling and the right relationship will come to you. Go to social settings and events for things you're interested in to meet people and further your social development. Don't go just to meet girls. Go for the yoga. Or whatever it is. But if you really have to go to a place for the purpose of meeting girls, you can also be a lot more creative about that if you want to be.

It's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the path that was right for you and the steps that you took to get there are right for everyone else. Leo has fallen into that trap with his advice and so have I and most of the rest of us. That's why some of the things I say are judgey even though I'm trying to be open minded. We can only give advice from our own limited experiences and perspective. That kind of advice can only be helpful to a point. The only real personal development is to find your inner voice and know what's right for you. That and to have faith in life and acceptance and appreciation for what it brings you. Going around trying to make things happen all the time gets old and empty really fast. That's why so many of us have looked to mindfulness and meditation. Life is short and you can only pursue so many things to the best of your ability so you have to pick wisely and know which are the right ones for you.

ANYTHING challenging you try or feel inspired to put everything into is the best environment for developing awareness. You think marriage or raising kids with someone is easy? Or putting all your focus into a business not knowing whether or not it will work or fail? There are all kinds of challenges that can grow a person. I'm not discounting pick up I'm just saying that for many people there are going to be much higher ROI challenges than pick up. Some people love having casual sex and connections without commitment or clinging. There's something beautiful about it. But there's a cost. Some people love having a committed relationship and being able to focus on building their life and business and personal growth in other areas. There's something beautiful about it. But there's a cost. NEITHER scenario will make you truly happy. BOTH scenarios will make you realize that you are the only person who can make you happy. The only thing I'm trying to challenge here is the OP's question of whether or not pick up is necessary step. It's not. Figure out who you are and know what you want and then you'll know what steps to take.

Ok, the library was a bad example. But I think you get what I'm trying to say. How is possibly creepier to meet women at a yoga class if men do yoga too! Do you mean you'd feel like you were a creep, which is an insecurity or do you mean to say that women feel too insecure to have men at their yoga classes?

Ok, good point, plenty of women want casual sex too. But for both men and women looking to fulfill a need without having to do deeper work and encounter relationship challenges it can be a cop out. If you go into a relationship knowing it's casual there's no chance for real rejection. Pick up can be a way of getting needs met without ever having to open up emotionally, be vulnerable and grow as a person. Some people have to go through that stage before they are ready to tackle all that, other people are just ready for relationship without having to do it. It's not a necessary step for any guy to have to learn to get good at pick up. Getting stuck in pick up or doing it at all when you're already evolved enough to be able to handle a relationship can really hinder your growth. But again if it's fulfilling for both parties then I can't judge.

That's a limiting belief. There are certain settings where this is true, like the bar/club/party scene setting, but it's not true of the world or women in general. How much sense does it make to go to a setting where there is the largest amount of competition for women and women KNOW that they are a commodity? Why not go to a library or a yoga class or where you'll be the only dude among a bunch of women? Why else, because you don't actually want a relationship but want to play a game. Pick up encourages you to go to specific settings, and do specific things to attract a specific type of woman. It's great because by being so specific you can teach other people skills in how to have success at it. It's not great because it's incredibly limiting, especially if you want something more than the results you're getting. If pick up makes you happy and fulfilled and you aren't hurting anyone, I can't judge. I took the initiative in my relationships when I was dating because the guys who did take initiative with me were not the type I would ever want. So I wanted a guy who was honestly interested in having intelligent conversations with me and I didn't care that meant that he was too shy to ask for more than that, because i could. Everyone, men and women should learn how to take initiative.

Are you asking if you should take it while in care of the kids or asking if you should take it when you are gone on a weekend away while they are in someone else's care? Of course you should never ever consider taking anything while they are in the house or could see you, even if there's another adult caring for them. It will be really damaging to them. My own choice is that I won't consider using any substances until my kids are grown, if then. Having kids is a spiritual practice like no other. They are both developing egos and enlightened masters. You don't need to take anything if you have kids, being a good parent is a massive spiritual challenge enough. It will ruin you, transform you and change you forever for the better if you embrace it. My advice is just focus on this one massive and fleeting challenge for now because no matter how enlightened we are, we're still going to mess our kids up somehow.

You don't have an ugly personality. You're kind, I can sense that. You don't bother to engage with people. People read that as you being completely uninterested and put off by them. Women aren't put off by you, they think you are put off by them. All you have to do is engage more and show your interest. Then you'll receive that interest right back from them.

Some of the RSD skills are just to meet people and become more confident in groups or around the opposite sex. Those skills are great and can be used to form any kind of relationship you want. But isn't the point of pick up to pick up women? Even the term pick up implies that girls are something like inanimate objects that can just be picked up and dropped off. It implies that the point of the entire thing is self gratification. Relationships definitely do not have to start with sex, plenty of people have sex after they establish respect and mutual friendship. Sex is just one way of connecting with someone. My point is just that the OP should set his intention. Does he want to have one night stands, a series of short shallow relationships and sex with various different people or does he want a deeper connection with someone including sex? The reason it's important to know that beforehand is because women can sense your intentions, they know when they are being used, and that's going to dictate what type of woman you attract. If the only way you know how to get women is to attract women who only want sex and an ego boost of being desired by multiple men then that's the only type of woman you'll get. It's a lot easier to teach someone how to attract a woman like that and a lot harder to try to teach someone how to form a deeper connection with someone.

You've already done the most important thing, which is realizing that those thoughts are hindering you. Try to catch the thoughts in the moment when they come up and recognize them as just unhelpful thoughts. The point of meditation is to be imperfect because as thoughts come up your build the muscle to let them go and not identify with them. Purposefully try to do things with the mission of being imperfect at them. Is there an art project you can do, just for the fun of imperfection and to practice it?

@theking00My life is way way more peaceful than it was before I learned about enlightenment. But now I'm not sure that I still believe in enlightenment at all.

@Shin

@Shin Do you live in your Mom's basement?

Ok for 2019, Before enlightenment, do the laundry, wash the dishes, pay the bills, after enlightenment, do the laundry, wash the dishes, pay the bills.

Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

Going from two assumptions, All suffering comes from the mind. Enlightenment is the state of being free from suffering and does not exist as a future state, or a permanent state. It is only a state that one can achieve in the present moment. There is no such thing as an enlightened being. People can appear to the mind's judgement be enlightened because they are never or very infrequently in other states. Therefore the only path is to enter a state of freedom from suffering. Suffering is nothing more than an indicator that we aren't in a conscious state. Why then in so many spiritual traditions is the emphasis on seeking suffering? Isn't that completely backwards? For example I used to run long distances and I thought it made me a better person through suffering. I was focused on the suffering part. I dropped running for a few years and then picked it back up and discovered that I didn't care what I got out of it, and it was purely enjoyable. I didn't change the activity I changed the focus of it. Why do any method to "get" enlightened that makes you suffer? The suffering can only mean it isn't working for you. The trying can only mean that your doing it for the wrong reason. Why ever meditate or do any any other practice for any other reason than that it makes you feel good? Enlightenment is nothing you can work toward, you can only experience it now.

@RawJudah Do you just want sex or do you want sex with several random people? A relationship brings more sex. The point of pick up is to still get sex without relationships.

So if you are completely uninterested in this conversation, that's fine. Are you? Because you barely engage in your responses. Just pointing this out because if you have a problem engaging ever single person is going to think that you are completely disinterested in them. What do you like best about you self and your life?

@Mikael89 Those types of women tend to have a way of making themselves invisible, including being reclusive, anti-social, overeating and not caring about their looks. Are you SURE that you'd want that or would even be able to SEE those women and not completely overlook them? Try to re-frame how you look at rejection. If I'm trying to come up with a new design in the work I do I set a goal for myself that I have to fail or make a complete disaster. If I don't I'm not trying hard enough. Your can make it your intent to get rejected.

@Mikael89 So my positive beliefs are false but your negative beliefs are true? Be fair here! It's fine if you don't want to have beliefs but you do, you strongly believe that no women like you. What if you met a woman who believed that she was completely unattractive to men and that no man would ever want her or like her. Would you want to approach her and work through all that resistance? Is that the kind of relationship you'd seek out?

You have to sort out your inner voice (gut instinct) from messages you've absorbed about what other people think you should do. Sometimes that means doing what other people want you to do to find out that's not right. It gets easier and easier with practice. Certainty only comes from being able to hear your inner voice clearly.

@Shaun Both are true simultaneously and paradoxically. Just stop trying to sort it out and focus on what feels good. There's nothing wrong or untrue about focusing on what makes you feel good. Especially since that's the direction you need to go in right now to even just balance out.

I love Leo, but you have a lot of very valid concerns. Leo says himself he has a hardnosed masculine approach to enlightenment. He is overly focused on the dark aspects of self, and I'm really hoping he comes back and balances those out more. In the meantime it's important to balance his teachings with a lot more softer approaches (or non-approaches) to awakening and wisdom, Pema Chodron, Eckhart Tolle, Tara Brach, etc.