mandyjw

This is something that I'm trying to figure out myself so I hope my perspective makes sense here. I had a recent awakening and I have never taken any drugs. A big part of my practice right now is letting go of the mystical experiences I had and not missing them or holding them as an ideal. It doesn't matter how you get to have mystical experiences, spontaneously, through psychedelics, or whatever method, those experiences are all meant to be let go of. It's not right to look at other people's paths and pick them apart or project where we are and what we are dealing with onto someone else. But at the same time that's how we going about understanding the world and other people. When I see other people continuously using pyschedelics rather than using them and letting go of them, I feel afraid and concerned for myself that I won't be successful in letting the memory/desire for my own mystical experiences go. It feels like being stuck in the in between. I just want to see us all either transcend it or settle into it, whichever is meant to be.

So I created all those synchronicities to draw you in, in a way? The whole thing was self deception, like all of creation? I sometimes really desire to go back to those mystical experiences. But it was all just deception, all just something to let go of. The insights seemed so earth shattering but in hindsight they weren't. Why is Leo continuing to take psychedelics? Would psychedelics continue to help moving along the "path" from here? Or are they a clinging to the mystical experiences, deceiving oneself that they are going deeper and deeper when really they aren't. Or are both possibilities simultaneously true? The thing about my own life that I feel now is a real sense of purposelessness. I guess I'm OK with it, sometimes. I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. I've let go of my future visions, or as much as I'm able. It just feels kinda blah. If I had psychedelics and the freedom to do them I would to move beyond this. But isn't THIS the point. The path. The THIS?

I don't let myself express the opposite feelings of self importance but I definitely have them. I don't want you and others to see them, I'd rather appear humble. I am neither. It's a pendulum swinging from one side to the other. I feel like my task now is trying to stop the pendulum from swinging, and it's like during my awakening someone took it and swing it as hard as they could and it's finally starting to slow down to where it can be worked with again. You saw in my first journal plenty of my self-aggrandizing tendencies, don't you remember?

And what's your LOC?

How can I be that advanced spiritually and still be so self-centered?

Those are hard to answer because it's difficult to separate my concepts from the experience. My experience is ever changing for all those questions and so are my concepts about them when I think of them. I am consciousness, I both am and am not simultaneously. The world is a perception, the world both is and is not simultaneously. I feel as if there is a here and a there but I never get "there" and I also know that in some way I create there as I perceive there. Knowledge is thought, a one dimensional language, the only real purpose of which is to communicate. Communication with one's self or other makes no difference and one's self and other is an illusion. The other definition of Knowledge is a thoughtless state and complete understanding of oneness. God is the oneness of everything that both is and is not and when we are cut off from God as a separate self he appears as a higher power. When we are not cut off from God we know ourselves to be God.

@tsuki An incomplete perspective, admittedly. What's my LOC? None of the descriptions fit.

My concern is that 1000 is from one perspective complete and utter bullshit and a lot of ideas that all need to be let go of. Sometimes I wonder if it's better to learn things so you can let go of them or if one should avoid having them to begin with.

@tsuki Woooow. I'm not sure if I should make myself finish 1000 first or read Meditations on the Tarot.

I am conflicted about this topic because I had a natural awakening, which isn't something I would ever wish upon my younger self. However people's lives and maturity levels are so different so who am I to say who is ready for an experience and who isn't? I think that the best we can do is teach people how to be keenly aware of their inner guidance system, which meditation and a still mind encourages. Even with a natural awakening, it's really difficult to not miss those samadhi states of being and you've returned to daily life. It's really difficult not to want to think about them, figure our what and how it happened and not to talk about it constantly. Even though I wasn't able to sleep through the night and the whole process with really disruptive to my day to day life, it's pretty damn hard to forget. With psychedelics those experiences can be revisited whenever one wants. When you miss the magic of day to day life because you're missing a memory of an experience, or if you think there is a future insight waiting that will unlock the world for you, you've missed the entire purpose and magic of being. Is that why we are all so isolated? We're all pretenders?

I believe that the brain does produce DMT. Scientists seem very confused and ignorant about the pineal gland in general. https://beckleyfoundation.org/2017/07/05/do-our-brains-produce-dmt-and-if-so-why/

I was not good at working as part of a group or under someone else's authority, it was such a strong preference that I didn't even want to go to college because I was so frustrated with teachers and a classroom setting. I really wanted to study on my own. I started my own business and it was successful. But now I'm older, and I want to be more involved with people and my community, I want to volunteer for different organizations but I need to learn basic skills on how to work with people. It takes certain skills to work independently and other skills to work with people. A well rounded person has both and your success will always be limited if you don't know how to work as part of a group.

I do not have anything to say. Ok, I have lots of things to say but none of them seem important or true enough to say. I feel very normal and like a functional human being again and yet I also feel like I don't have define myself as those things or anything else anymore.

@Natasha I think it's the right kind of psychedelic. People tend to categorize all religious belief in the "bad" category just some believe that all drug use is bad.

I believe so, faith itself is everything and continues to be everything the more you move into nonduality. The ego believes in its separate finite self, the religious person believes in a separate self and God that loves them and cares for their soul even after death. The next step is to inquire into the nature of oneself and merge with God.

A love for life!

Part of acceptance is accepting people who aren't ready to accept. It's challenging especially if you live in a community where most people are religious or if your whole family is. What were their emotional states upon leaving? I'm curious.

Welcome back! Tough times can often be the times that we grow the most, they can be seen as a blessing or opportunity for growth. It's ok if you don't always see the down times for what they are when they are happening, but it helps to remind ourselves when we can. I live where the winters are really harsh and I have seasonal depression. So far my biggest spiritual breakthroughs so far have both occurred at the end of the winter strangely enough. Try to welcome suffering with open arms, little by little, as you are able. When we are able to see through it and surrender to it we see that it's empty and hollow. In the meantime there are plenty of wonderful things to focus on instead.

Ready Freddie?

I wonder how many spiritual teachers get pulled into thinking that what they say is true when they are saying it? The truth is between the words, between the teachings, in both the teaching and its contradiction. The best teachings would be two enlightened people seemingly disagreeing on something yet knowing fully that each is also the other and that the conversation was actually a reconciliation, an illustration of a paradox. Is desire the root of suffering, is it evil? Or is desire the vortex flowing through us as creation springing creation? These questions can never be answered. You must desire more than anything to walk the Path. There is no path and one must not give a shit about it to reach enlightenment. There is no such thing as enlightenment, enlightenment is a very real state or states with levels. There are false teachers, there are no false teachers. Right now I'm enjoying Lao Tzu and Abraham Hicks. I still enjoy Leo and Eckhart Tolle, but recently I've been listening to Rupert Spira in place of Tolle. . https://astudygroup.files.wordpress.com/2017/07/lao-tzu_-tao-te-ching_-a-book-a-ursula-k-le-guin.pdf?fbclid=IwAR2rA5uFYZ4ryW5AgKmgTI5iOwIzkCo8YWSfEosPiGi-byw_EsFPk__zF2Q I've been reading a lot of Faceless' posts. I really resonate with his point of view yet as language it's still one facet of truth. You can only point in one direction to a directionless "centerless" center. I appreciate how important having his point of view here on this forum was.

I know that they use visualization in the law of attraction but I don't think they necessarily have to go together, you can use one without the other. Esther , Abraham Hicks recordings and books are absolutely fantastic. She teaches "understanding" that is a piece of the puzzle that many will need to awaken. Personally when I visualize it's always spontaneous, I don't make it into a practice but I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

It's tricky isn't it, having the courage to follow your own unique path and inner guidance and at the same time watch others follow theirs without expecting all paths to look similar?

I feel your frustration. Is it a relief or more frustrating to know that ultimately there is no path? You can drink beer and laugh on the beach and still be on your path if you so choose, so there's no need for jealousy. I second the recommendations for Tolle and Spira! One teacher can only embody a small facet of the truth for us. Meditation with the purpose of getting somewhere is not true meditation. Sometimes dropping a practice and picking it up again can be wise. Sometimes dropping out vision of the path itself is very helpful.