mandyjw

Wooooooooooow. I am mighty hear me roar. Or don't, I don't care. I EMBRASS MYSELF. CARE KILED THE CAT, MOTHER FUCKERS. I believe that the QUALITY OF THIS JOURNAL IS GOING TO GO TO SHIT BECAUSE I HAVE TO WRITE EVERYTHING HERE I CAN'T PUT IN A BLOG. CAUSE IT'S NOT HIGH QUALITY ENOUGH but wants to come out. FUCK MY LIFE. Seriously, take it. I don't care. My inlaws think I'm the devil. I am the devil. I think that my inlaws think I'm the devil. This is a really a BIG FAT NOTHING. You're running away from a piece of clingy plastic! The DEVIL'S GOT YOUR TONGUE! I've been making things so difficult. It's like the time I squared my pictures with a fucking ruler on the screen and my husband was like, "you could just change the crop adjustments to square." After like 3 years of doing this, he says this. FUCK YOU, YOU ASSHOLE! I don't want to OPTIMIZE MY LIFE AND ENJOY MYSELF! I want to be right! Who do you think you are, telling me secrets of the universe? Inventing electricity? What is this? Making things easy and enjoyable? How DARE YOU! $1 for a pair of socks instead of 2 weeks knitting them from wool raised on a sheep I had to shovel 5 feet of snow to go out and feed all winter, every winter? COME ON? HOW DARE YOU MAKE MY LIFE GOOD? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

“We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

Shitty feeling thoughts are like a really clingy piece of plastic. You know, the really thin clear kind they wrap things in sometimes and it's like... so charged statically that it just clings to you? The more violent your efforts become to rid yourself of the harmless thing, the less effective your efforts are and the more hilarious the scene becomes... to anyone but you. You don't realize that you are what's keeping it charged. You are what's attracting it. Except there's no plastic and no you. It's not personal which thoughts seem stuck to us. It's not a personal failing. Just some impersonal static electricity. Seems like we're one of those prideful, pretentious looking cats and some asshole dressed us up in a really demeaning costume. We're just like, "Get it OFF, get it off!" https://www.pinterest.com/pin/465981892668468700/ Liberation is not about getting out of the ridiculous costume. It's realizing you dressed yourself. And it's funny. And impersonal. We could liberate the world through cat memes. We will not become higher consciousness. This already was it, the pinnacle of human civilization and achievement, cat memes, right here, right meow.

OH!!! Oh. You sneaky, mother fucker, Source you. That was for me wasn't it? Oh yes, yes it was. I DON'T WANT TO BE CLINGY. GET IT OFF. GET IT OFF. GET IT OFF. I am the plastic. I AM the costume. Oh no. Ohhh no. noooooooooo......

Shitty thoughts are like a really clingy piece of plastic. You know, the really thin clear kind they wrap things in sometimes and it's like... so charged statically that it just clings to you? The more violent your efforts become to rid yourself of the harmless thing, the less effective your efforts are and the more hilarious the scene becomes... to anyone but you. You don't realize that you are what's keeping it charged. You are what's attracting it. Except there's no plastic and no you. It's not personal which thoughts seem stuck to us. It's not a personal failing. Just some impersonal static electricity. Seems like we're one of those prideful pretentious cats and some asshole dressed us up in a really demeaning costume. "Get it OFF, get it off!" https://www.pinterest.com/pin/465981892668468700/ Liberation is not about getting out of the ridiculous costume. It's realizing you dressed yourself. And it's funny. And impersonal. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2782520/Is-new-Grumpy-Cat-Meet-Garfi-fluffy-feline-furrowed-brow-makes-look-permanently-angry.html We will liberate the world through cat memes. We will not become higher consciousness. This already was it, the pinnacle of human civilization and achievement, cat memes, right here, right now.

Those things all sound like fun. There's nothing better than a good funeral. It starts with the word fun, how could it not be fun? In the past, I used to always go a for a good long run before doing something difficult because I'd have a less active mind and be feeling good. I used to get a lot of anxiety and have tons of negative thoughts about all those situations. Now I just find those things interesting more than challenging. Sometimes the same people I used to think were toxic are so beautiful I cry. The whole notion of "toxic" and the toxic being imposed upon you is a thought that would be a good start to drop.

@Loba You're pretty and lucky too when you're not focused on the opposite. Everyone has their own set of interesting challenges. What you call luck is actually an incredibly fair thing. Fair because you're the maker of it, it's in how you see the world. Maintaining a good marriage and attracting men is the same... if you make yourself unpleasable no guy is gonna ever want to be the "reason" for it. Men want to make you happy. They feel rejected when you make that impossible. Men cannot actually make you happy, (don't tell them that), cause you already are an independent all powerful goddess of pleasure. Just tap into that and you'll attract good men like crazy. Not just men, friends, anyone or anything, really. The price? Let go of your excuses and reasons for not being happy. Even if they seem logical or make sense. Bleh. We're artists, right? This is your creation. The whole thing. Do you choose to paint what you hate and already know you hate or do you paint what you're inspired to paint? Create with your thoughts like you create with art.

I'll slip through your fingers the moment you think you've secured Me, just as the very thought slips past. If you believe that your fingers are intimately yours, how could anything they hold be yours as well? I have you, so you have me. I'm inside you, encircling you, embracing you, the source, the core, the atmosphere, the depth, the surface, the inner, the outer. I know you so intimately that there there are not two of us, one that knows the other.

You can't avoid it, if you try you get more of it, you attract it. Attract what you want. You get what you think about. For me the world is literally full of wonderful, kind, incredibly giving men. If I come here to read too long, I might forget that momentarily. If you have a wound and it's fresh, don't run salt on it.

There's a narrative here of becoming a powerful "wizard". By what actual means does a wizard become powerful in Harry Potter?

@LSD-Rumi Imagine perspectives of different characters in a book. Then imagine the author's perspective. The author does not have a perspective within the story, they create the different perspectives themselves, as well as the story and the things and events that are seen and interpreted with those perspectives. In real life the author of Harry Potter has an interesting story and perspective within a story herself. But the Author that we might call God was never born and will never die. You cannot call yourself, (what is born and dies) the Author, although, the only reality the character has is borrowed from the Author. "You are God" is a confusing pointer because of the personification of God. The word "Source" might resonate more. Can you find the center of a sphere? If you were to find the center of a sphere you would draw another arbitrary dot, which would be again, another sphere. The sphere is perfectly symmetrical based upon a center that can never be found. If we look for our center and say "God" God will likely be yet another sphere, another personification of man. You can never find the center, never find your Source, but you are it. You are also allowed to create in this world, and to venture out from the perfect peace that is the eye of the hurricane. Perfect peace knows no opposite just like an author writing a scene of intense conflict is as safe and sound as if they are writing the resolution. Humility will take you far. You're wise to doubt the "I am God" thing. However we can be proud of being humble and self doubt is a terrible substitute for love. "Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything and between the two my life moves.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj. If Harry Potter is doubting himself, the reality of his self doubt is actually the confidence of the author in writing character development into the story. Who is really developing? So what character can part the sea? What is the reality of magic or power in Harry Potter?

Listen. Listen. Listen. How do you convince people that they are already fulfilled? People? What a hysterical question. Just glanced at my son's homework. "What do you say when you don't have anything to say?" I'm speechless. How funny. Does my psyche have walls? Were they built and raised at some point? How did the concussion I had affect it? I don't think anyone ever put a roof on that house. It's just open to the elements. Lay back and look at the stars on a clear night as you go to sleep, but when it rains, you're gonna drown. There are flowers growing up between the cracks in the floorboards. There. Is. Not. A. Moment. That I hate you. I love you eternally, I love you. It's not a state, not an emotion, not a me to you thing. We dissolved somewhere, somehow, I don't remember when, or how but I'll never forget. I've broken all the rules. I'm not your ruler. You glanced the outside line of an arc of my perfect whole, centerless sphere, but you think I'm straight because I'm so expansive and your perspective is short. That rule is just a measure of your own your perspective, it's not Me. The arc of the covenant comes back right round to me. Come back right round to come together with Me. It's hidden in my chest. I could create anything, I could do anything. I've gone out so far I've come back to myself without changing direction. I meet myself in a reunion that never begins or ends. I'll paint your face anew in a flash of light. You could be anyone I want you to be. I want to fall in love with you, again, and again and again. I recognize you again and again but I never forget.

Yes, it's real. Emotional love is an expression that comes out of what's already unconditional. You get to have your cake and eat it too. Love is the only thing that has any reality at all. The only love that is love to you is what is felt as love. Any talk of love, is an idea of it. When you feel love, that is real. Only now can you feel love. The feeling of love and the thought of it, that distinction is worth feeling into. It only makes relationships all the more real and rich. There is nothing that will be excluded, emotions are not excluded, others are not excluded, there are no borders between anything. There's no need to throw away anything though there is a letting go of tensions held in place as if there were. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”- Rumi Every illusion has a reality behind it. This is the secret, the magic... there is no opposite, you are beyond and all inclusive of both. You even get to wake up to what you've stumbled upon, how fucking beautiful and Loved you really Are.

intervention (n.) early 15c., intervencioun, "intercession, intercessory prayer," Late Latin interventionem (nominative interventio) "an interposing, a giving security," literally "a coming between," noun of action from past-participle stem of Latin intervenire "to come between, interrupt," from inter "between" (see inter-) + venire "to come" (from a suffixed form of PIE root *gwa- "to go, come"). Later "act of intervening" in any way; in 19c.-20c. often of international relations; by 1983 of interpersonal intrusions by friends or family meant to reform a life felt to be going wrong. https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=intervention I suppose that you literally are the intervention. A coming between yourself. Which sounds dirty, quite appropriately, because hey, that's how you were made. Conceived, thought of. A thought is the only thing that can seem to come between, to draw a line, to define, to make two of ... what? How do you make sense of this? Any miracle of grand scale seems like a small potato scale mystery after this... When I was a kid I experimented with doing a few bad things, stealing, disobeying and almost immediately karma hit hard. It was like I had a Universal parent. One time I went ice skating and showing off for other kids I put my foot over the boundary marker my mom said we weren't to cross. One step and immediately my skate went right through the ice in that very spot. Stuff like that. Of course there is no outside entity that intervenes, the idea that you are an entity is what requires and gives birth to intervention itself. You created the notion of God and yourself by thinking them to be separate, there's your intervention.

Anything Abraham Hicks. Ask and it is Given is great to start. I prefer her videos to the writing (not that it's not good), there are many of her recordings free all over the place on YouTube.

Are you completely comfortable having a conversation with an older woman or man, someone that there's no possibility of sex with? If yes, are you also comfortable just talking and being around women your age? If no to either question, why not instead volunteer for an animal rescue organization or a similar organization where you will be working with and around women? For one, you are the one helping now, you are not in need of help. Two, by getting into this mindset of volunteering and giving you don't care about the interactions that happen. You have a reason for being there. Sex is a need that typically comes from having a bigger need of human interaction, belonging and community (and giving back to the community) met first. You can get the sex need met alone, but it will not give the full satisfaction you're looking for.

Imagine that you are working on an enormous painting. It's finished, really, it's everything you dreamed and more. But you keep getting struck with inspiration, a shadow here, a gleam of light here, a tiny detail here. Each idea and the implementation of it thrills you. The "finished" painting is never finished, always becoming more, more, more. That's what life is like. You... this... is already a fucking unexplainably beautiful masterpiece. The best part is that it's still and always, infinitely becoming.

@Blackhawk People already love you and want you to be happy. You may disappoint them by disbelieving it, and then you observe their disappointment and wonder why you don't feel loved. My advice is stop worrying about the girlfriend so much and just master casual fun interactions with anyone. And if they are awkward as fuck? Awesome. Scrambled eggs in the trash. Try again. Sometimes the most synchronistic first meetings are awkward AF.

Some people just wear their hearts on their sleeves. Why keep your love hidden?

I really, really, really, REALLY, want to be a master chef. But I don't know how a microwave works. I'm fucked. Right now, I don't know the first thing about being a chef, but I do know what I want. I also can work on my skills. I can learn how to make scrambled eggs. Maybe the first time they come out so bad, I throw them in the trash. But I'll try again. Maybe some super accepting married lady that has dealt with severe social anxiety in her past and totally understands it offers to Skype chat with me, and I actually let her see my face. I dunno.

@EmptyVase Yes! It's like we get to know that there are these awesome resources that help us let go of thoughts but then if you have thoughts about how you need it and forget you're actually source itself... well... opps.

Even if you get the very best stuff, there's no way you get the same high every time. Good feeling isn't actually caused by activities, things or substances. You want to be reliant on weed or not? Cause your reply makes it sound like you're perfectly happy there but your question sounds like you're not. So which is it?

I Am... "The only one" goes too far. To be honest I Am goes too far too but saying "I am _____ anything in exclusion of anything else" goes too far. In my best GPS voice... "Make a You turn."

1-1=?

I'd focus on trying to tap into natural highs more. Weed doesn't even hold a candle to a runner's high or a creative high (painting, writing, etc) or Wim Hoff breathing, swimming in a cold water, singing, etc. In fact you can't really call that a high, that's just the real you, unfettered, uninhibited.