mandyjw

Do you realize what that means, that that thought above also isn't true? Thought is no problem. What is an insight, what is an epiphany? Maybe we create puzzles just so that we can feel challenge and the reward of each piece finding its place in the whole. If you're not having fun with your puzzle at the moment, then by all means take a break from it and come back to it later.

Feels like absolute freedom. Why does this feel so big? Because you were assuming a you and a point of reference. That was duality itself. Always occurring in ONE movement of non-motion. WHERE'S THE CENTER OF A CIRCLE? It's an arbitrary point, the point itself creates a new circle itself, another conceptual circle and will ad infinitum!!!! The real center doesn't exist!!!!! How did I sit through geometry class and draw with a compass all my life and never see this??? You ARE the center of the universe! YOU ARE NOT!!!

THERE'S NO POINT OF REFERENCE! Goddamn. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS? NO?! Exactly. Feels like absolute freedom. Why does this feel so big? Because you were assuming a you and a point of reference. That was duality itself. Always occurring in ONE movement of non-motion. WHERE'S THE CENTER OF A CIRCLE? It's an arbitrary point, the point creates a new circle itself, another conceptual circle and will ad infinitum!!!! The real center doesn't exist!!!!! You ARE the center of the universe! YOU ARE NOT!!!

Creation is love, we are creation creating itself, we are love. Art is a way to do this consciously seemingly WITHIN creation, and it's also a way to become conscious of this. Art often flies in the face of judgement, it's about feeling and expression... Love. Artists are people who feel and express themselves freely, at least in their art, and great art has to be presented or performed without a care of what anyone else thinks, at least in the moment of creation. Art is a deep expression of feeling, that dares others to feel. Through that feeling Love and Oneness are experienced, and creator and admirer of creation become one. It makes no difference if an artist makes a piece and never shows it's as widely known as the Mona Lisa. Art is a communication with Yourself.

There can be no movement without a point of reference. There can be no point of reference without a self. Or only movement. Love is alive, a metaphorical river of conciousness/creation. Movement and stillness each require a self, a point of reference. Yesterday I laid down in front of Dr.P's monument and looked at the sky. It was windy and the clouds were moving. It looked like the clouds were still and the tree branches moving and so it felt like I was moving with them. There's no point of reference.

“A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.” — Rumi "The point of creation is the launching of the alignment for the exhilaration that it brings. It's all about the feeling that it's 100%. That's all creation is about, the feeling that it brings to you. The manifestation that matters most is the manifestation of emotion, and you have the ability to manifest the emotion before you manifest any of the actuality that you are all so eager about manifesting." -Abraham Hicks "I like knowing that I can't get it wrong. I like knowing that this is all for fun. I like knowing that I'm getting to do this and that the entire universe is cooperating to show me what I've got going on vibrationally." -Abraham Hicks "We are all love looking for a place to happen. We are all clarity looking for a place to happen." -Abraham Hicks Why is having a self concept so unsatisfying? Why do thought that don't feel good generally require the conjuring of a self concept? Because they're untrue and imply a threat that is not there? Today I feel very even keeled or good, except physically I don't feel good because I have a sinus thing and a bad cough. I can turn illness into a self concept and focus on the illness and feel bad that I can't do I think i should be able to because I'm ill. Or I can say own spirituality and law of attraction and tell myself that I attracted this illness and don't want it and take responsibility/ownership for it, all that requires a self concept and feels bad. Lately I've been fascinated with/contemplating famous people and entertainment. Artists are people who feel freely, at least in their art, and present it without a care of what anyone else thinks. Many struggle with mental illnesses, addiction, depression. Vocalizations and dance moves are judged as strange and easy fodder for people to make fun of. Yet they are deep expressions of feeling, that dare others to feel. People love their art, they are famous for their bravery even though it may be polarizing. I'm still fascinated with this music video, and I love how it includes the reactions of onlookers in the city. It makes me wonder how some artists react against those who aren't accepting, if they cut themselves off to protect their vulnerability using anger and defiance. In needing another to recognize your power, you have no power, so how could you expect it to be recognized? It makes my mind go to the subject of feminism, that there seem to be two approaches, anger and defiance, or accepting and feeling that one is inferior. I have felt the back and forth of both, neither of which feels good, most of my life. The power was never taken from me, apart from me, it was never what I thought it was.

A lot of the dysfunction isn't caused by any movement itself but is the habit of the mind to feel fear and insecurity and seek security from the "other". Insecurity in men and women both is what causes women to be undervalued in the first place. Women feel and see injustice, prejudice and they blame others and demand that they change their ways. This movement and other dynamics make men feel insecure in turn and they blame the movement and actions that women create to try to attack the problem. Until the root of the problem is seen and understood in oneself there will be reaction and blame. Having said, that the reality is that women do need society to evolve past the unconscious drives of survival to be safe and not repressed. There's an inherent vulnerability when it comes to a survival standpoint that needs to be seen and not exploited, and for this the understanding of men is necessary. To overlook this and to ask women not to get angry and ask for a better world isn't seeing the whole picture. So it does seem like denial. The entire issue on both sides is one of insecurity. If that was seen and healed in oneself, there would no longer be a fight or two sides at all.

One of the most pervasive problems I have had with my business is terrible communication with customers. I hate responding to questions, compliments, anything. I leave messages unanswered and guilt myself for it rather than just responding. I guess it's because I over think what I say so much. Last night we got a note from our son's teacher about work he had to make up and my husband responded to it in tiny pencil writing that he fit it on the same note. I thought what he said sounded really rude and blaming to teacher, so I just removed the entire note without telling him, thinking I could avoid the problem entirely that way. This morning in a rush to get the kids off to where they need to be, my husband found the note which was bright pink and tried to put it back in the backpack. Under the stress of the moment I exclaimed how rude what he wrote was and he slammed the door. He ended up staying home sick and I tried to explain to him that he needs to take the time to make his intention clear to the teacher, to say that that was the conversation he had with our son, and that's what our son felt about it. I felt like the note implied that he was blaming her for our son's feelings, not simply stating a fact. "It's not like talking to engineers at work and simply stating facts, you're talking to a WOMAN!" I said. So how does this reflect back upon my business and problems responding to customers.... Luckily I've figured out ways to apologize without saying sorry. Made him some hot cocoa.

Can you see how even saying "it's not good nor bad" appears to avoid judgement, it appears to be a statement that is above judgement, and yet, it's just another judgement? Can you feel empty? How does empty feel? Does it actually feel empty or does it feel like a rejection of feeling the way you feel?

I've spent the last year following what I'm passionate about, most could fall under the umbrella of "spirituality", doing a lot of journaling, time in nature, meditation, shadow work when it bubbles up, lots of reading, a little bit of teaching, spending time here on the forum, etc. It's ironic that I worked really hard to get to the point in my life where I have the luxury to even do this, and yet at some point "work" stops feeling productive and becomes avoidance. I guess that what greed is is just ourselves not letting us have the thing that we really want.

@tsuki Yes! I guess the purpose of judgement of feeling (I don't know if you can even call it that, or if I should just say "feeling" because what IS feeling really?) is to be conscious of our desire to feel good. It leads us straight to what we want most/already are. But in a lot of cases or all of our cases if we find ourselves here at actualized.org, the judging mind has to SEE/understand this and be on board with it. Is this the purpose of insight? Where feeling meets mind? The judging mind has incredible potential for creation if it leads itself to its source of power rather than cutting itself off from it.

@Zigzag Idiot Synchronicity be crazy today.

Last night I was thinking, "I'd love it if nowisforever/remember journals again. I should write that on my dream board." I was too lazy to do it but I guess it didn't matter.

Quick learner! So quick that it's as if you already "knew" it!

I've noticed there seems to be two different ways of pointing to this. One is exactly what you said, the other is more like this, They both say or point to the same thing. Meditation, acceptance, feeling good all blends together. The difference is that some people think using the word "good" already implies judgement. What's wrong with this statement? "Judgement is bad."

It's all your own beautiful artistic expression of love. If you look at enough art, a lot of it seems pretty fucked up. The world is such a work of art, that it's a piece of work. That's the beauty in it. You are one with it all, otherwise you wouldn't be able to see the beauty of a flower or a sunset or another with your heart and soul. Your soul is the One of it all. We are One, no inner, no outer. @zeroISinfinity I think you're right about that, like I said above, "work of art, piece of work".

I'm finding it incredibly difficult to relate to people without them being a perfect mirror of all my hidden unconscious psychological stuff. I understand that it's already this way anyway, whether I'm aware of it or not. I don't want to make projections about people, but the current way I interact with people is with my making assumptions about them, some conscious and some NOT at all. I know that meditation and self love leads to the connections being made so that I can see how I am doing this. As I become aware of how I attract/create/am responsible for every interaction, I see through this more and more... BUT it's still EMBARRASSING AS FUCK. The more impurities I become aware of, the more obvious the hidden becomes after a time and the more I see what misled assumptions I make about "other people." Sometimes these absolutely floor me. My question is, umm, well... can I avoid this somehow? And still grow? Is there an easy button? Or is that exactly what needs to occur by letting it play out (to a certain point anyway) and then being willing to see it? I guess I have to die to the embarrassment of it, as it's all by design. If I avoid making projections, I avoid the interaction and the opportunity to see through my unconscious assumptions. To further complicate this I see how some of my projections served me or were necessary at the time. For example, when I was a child I looked to my mother for emotional support. At what point do we stop looking to others for emotional support? For awakening it's necessary and yet true independence, cut off from others, is not a possibility in truth either. I'm really not sure how I could possibly still have a concept of myself as being a reasonable person anyway, it's far too late for that. But there's something there still clinging to that, something that wants to believe that it's reasonable more than it wants to see the truth. Something that cares more about what other people think than it does loving and seeing clearly. As I connect with other spiritual people who are awake or awakening, this seems to get far more wild and ridiculous and terrifying, like completely uncharted waters. It becomes a very careful balancing act between being willing to see one's most hidden and best guarded defilements and also loving yourself through it all. SO THIS is why monks sometimes mediate in solitude in caves.

Oh wow, all that came out of/ties in perfectly with my husband's newest dream board vandalism. "Be a good person." Right under my very explicit material/monetary wishes. How very fucking stage green of him, I thought.

This question that Eckhart answers here seems so simple, but this attempt of the mind to cut in keeps occurring, for me recently it comes in the form of "but IT WAS SO SIMPLE how did you not see that?" The mind also cuts in to make me feel downright awful about how I had been living my life unconsciously, forming stories and self concept over time of how I've been such a monster. The courage to see the truth is love and feels amazing but the mind will rob it of that and use its newfound insights against it in the form of self judgement. I've never seen so clearly before how even in practice, truth and love are ONE. 6:00 in, his laugh is hysterical. So now having said that I'm going to enter into dangerous ground. I don't really like the woman in this video. There's something off. Why is that? Well, she really wants to a be good person. Isn't that beautiful? (I think I'm supposed to think it's beautiful.) DOES SHE want to be a good person, DOES SHE? NO!!!! She wants to see herself as good! She is the devil!!! Ok, so what happened here, why is she the devil? Why the judgement? You are judging her for wanting to be a good person, the same thing you've done all your life. Is it possible that, now you've seen that the only thing keeping you from being good is the need to see yourself as good, that the desire to be good is truly LOVE. That it's Good? Just look at the mental gymnastics that are occurring here. Pretty fucking spectacular if I say so myself. Now I'd like to identify as the Devil now, and rebel against God? Why, the further you go does it seem like the ground is so fertile for devilry, or whatever you want to call it? Is it that the closer we get to to core, the more digging we do in the self conscious (not digging but allowing to to bubble up and be seen), the more powerful the backlash that comes can be? What happens when the mind hijacks the concept of Self Love and turns it into a need for superiority? What if... it only started its journey to kill itself, to fully love other people because all along it wanted to be superior? To see itself as good? The only conclusion I can come to is that spiritual people are the worst devils of all. How could it be otherwise? This is truly none other than digging into the very core and being and belief of the devil himself. When self referential judgement is gone there will be no devil. No self. You are the devil. In other words, your desire to be good is Good. I don't have any more thoughts to think about that.

Who would have thought? So very happy for you. edit, I just thought that I could have italicized "have" instead, and it would have point to the same thing, "Who would have thought?"

If a teacher who used psychedelics to awaken then helps guide a student to awaken without the use psychedelics, did the student awaken with the use of psychedelics, or without them?

@BETGR164128 Everything is happening for you, BUT there's no you. It's a radical way of taking responsibility, yet, there's no doing and no you. To speak of it sounds very paradoxical. We often like to blame other people or circumstances for our problems, but life is our greatest teacher if we are willing to see the lessons it gives us as opportunities that come from a place of love. The alternative is to be stuck in survival mode and to continue to see the world as an outside threat. It's the negatively perceived outside world and the limited self that creates fear, only ever existing in our perception, which is illusory.

@tsuki I know, right? It almost makes what happens with the ox over time inconsequential. That's the secret.

@Lento I will TRY and I will FAIL but I'M GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME DOING IT. Subliminal messages have taken on a whole new creepiness/beauty for me. We parrot each other and don't realize it so much of the time. Disclaimer, I have such a sinus headache right now that I don't even know anything on both a dual and non-dual level today. @tsuki Your description of reality as asymmetric is really good. I guess the maya, the illusion is our perceived experience of hate and constraint, unequivocally tied to ego and separate self. Remove either suffering or the beliefs that perpetuate the separate self and you remove the other, it doesn't matter which you tackle. Where I'm at now is when I hit suffering, or become aware of it I connect with body awareness or belly breathing. It's shocking how fast things turn around when I'm present enough to do it. It's when I stop trying to fix what I think is wrong, that this is seen because that assumption was flawed in the first place, so of course I can't fix what is wrong, because it never was wrong, that's the suffering!