mandyjw

There's more going on in that 25 minutes than you can "take away" from it.

Annnnnnd.... watching yourself on camera and listening back to what you said without judement. "I just KNEW it wasn't real. A projection of my brain." *facepalm*

There are NO MISTAKES. There's a judging mind that has concept of right and wrong, mistakes or not, and has a concept of itself and how it fits into its own judgments. How we see colors everything, it veils the beauty that's already there, already us. Look for the best in you and all around you, and you'll see your perspective and conditions change without effort. Make a list of 20 self care things that make you happy. Make it a point to do three everyday. Listen to Abraham Hicks clips on youtube. Start a dream board. If it's that severe that your life is in danger please don't hesitate to get help and find someone to talk to in person. Sending love.

I deeply mistrust those polls. Among the conservative people I know in real life who begrudgingly voted from Trump because he was better than Hillary, I know that they will have a very hard time voting for Trump over Biden. Over Bernie though, no problem. The dirt that can be dug up on Bernie is unending, the analogies he used in his past writings require a very open mind to understand the purpose of. I can only imagine what buttons Trump will push if it's Bernie vs Trump. Biden vs Trump is much less polarizing. Instead of two extremes pitted against each other (which is the perspective of most Americans), it's a moderate candidate against an extreme one. Most people are moderate, most really don't pay much attention and most vote out of fear. Biden is the classic marketable face of a politician. With that said I still voted Bernie, but that's my reasoning or my own personal fears, I guess. A desire to play it safe, compromise, not ask for too much too fast, etc.

Oh weird, WEIRD! Last night I was wondering if the fact that at the dinner party the woman wore a bright red dress was significant or not. I decided that it was my stupid girly brain thinking about fashion. But I really noticed it in the dream. I just saw this comment. I've never seen The Matrix. https://matrix.fandom.com/wiki/Woman_in_Red

Ok, so thoughts are not a problem, in the way I *think* about thoughts. If I have an inner dialog, the thought is already made conscious of. It's the feelings, the automatic root and the wrong assumption/illusion behind them that if watched can reveal to us our unconscious assumption of being a finite self. This may be why journaling is so key for me, the thought is made aware by putting it into words, then it's put in front of me visually in writing. Especially having a journal that is public makes me examine my thoughts and try to look from an outside perspective as if they weren't my own. Sometimes people even tell me themselves. I have all kinds of opportunities to see what I've been previously assuming. "Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean." -Matthew 23:26 Pharisee, fair I see, *snicker* Previously how I've been watching my thoughts and expressions has been outward, like washing the outside of a dish. I thought I was going inward but, as I stated in a previous insight, there's no outer and inner in thought, there's no center point of a sphere outside of a concept. No point of reference. Look! More boob analogies! " Jesus saw some little ones nursing. He said to his disciples, "These little ones who are nursing resemble is those who enter the kingdom." They said to him, "So shall we enter the kingdom by being little ones?" Jesus said to them, "When you (plur.) make the two one and make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside and the above like the below, and that you might make the male and the female be one and the same, so that the male might not be male nor the female be female, when you make eyes in place of an eye and a hand in place of a hand and a foot in place of a foot, an image in place of an image - then you will enter [the kingdom]." -From the Gospel of Thomas

@tsuki Wow. It took me so long to be willing to see how dreams connect and are trying to point things out. The last few I've had have made me feel strange because in real life I'd be watching my reactions like a hawk not acting automatically on them, but in the dream I have no control. Is control a key word here? I am forced to just witness the full fury of my acting and reacting on my emotions.

@Bazooka Jesus Love it. Funny how in an overworked materialistic society we came up with an expensive cancer-causing addictive excuse for people to get a break and experience the benefits of conscious breathing and meditation.

Have you tried a neti pot yet? Make sure you read the instructions well, the water must be boiled and cooled in case there are any (brain eating) amoebas or bacteria. I developed a bad dust mite allergy a few years ago. The neti pot worked until I was able to figure out that it was my bedding and down winter jackets. All allergy proof bedding and a new coat fixed it.

I'll admit I had a hard time not voting for Biden, because the fearful part of me thinks he is our best bet against Trump, even though I wanted Bernie. I'm pretty sure that a lot of the problem with our election process is that people vote out of fear and not out of vision or inspiration.

Last night I had another dream in which I had very strong uncontrollable emotional reactions that I acted on. In context, my Grandmother died a year ago, just had to look it up, she died a year ago TOMORROW. They just sold her house. I never thought it would sell but property has started moving much faster. In my positive mindset I didn't think about it, knew to let it go, but seeing the uhauls and the strangers in made it real. She lived down the hill from my parents, with the brook we caught frogs in and skated on in between. I used to cross the stream and go visit her all the time. Lots and lots of memories I won't go into. It's a HUGE change. Dad told me that the woman's name is an alias and she paid cash and my parents are always suspicious of people and disagreed with my aunt's decision to sell the house for various reasons. Side note, I really hate the idea of owning land as property, but also don't know how we get around that. Anyway, last night I dreamed that I took my kids to play in the brook and ended up climbing up on their property because the water was higher than I thought. When I did there was this big group of people and the woman who bought the house loudly complaining and dissing the community and they said "drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs!" I for whatever reason, (emotions aren't always explained by the story which makes no sense when later examined), was livid. In mocking them and letting them know I was there listening to their conversation with two small kids listening I yelled out "DRUGS!". They/she immediately told me that I was on their property, explained that the property line was way further back than I thought (which was an actual conversation I overheard my parents having) and I immediately felt awful about what I had done and apologized and backtracked. Next thing I knew I was at a dinner party with them all, we were friends, even though I didn't think I really fit in or was fancy enough for dinner parties. I normally would shirk this off but since the last emotionally charged dream was important to realizing something, and it came back to me so vividly and I figured I'd write it out. I'm just getting over a really rough virus I think may have been the flu, so I'm just going to write what I have and maybe come back to it later. I remembered that when I first found Leo's videos, I thought he looked like a "druggy", and had lots of judgments and some reservations about this. I was a little surprised with myself that I put that aside and liked his videos so much. This was long before psychedelics were spoken of. Drug issues are a major concern of the community and because of lack of opportunities and resources, they aren't dealt with well. My neighbors are raising their little grandson because his Mom ODed... while he was in her care. Anyone from "away" is suspected of being a drug dealer. There's no subject so charged with shame, fear and judgment. For years I was programmed to believe that anyone who uses drugs is unstable, dangerous, immoral, unclean, worse. There's a survival instinct or learned judgment of scanning people's faces to look for signs of it. It's more than that though. There are other visual triggers that cause me to mistrust, fear or judge someone seemingly automatically. I want to see through these. I can with time, with talking myself out of it, looking for things to appreciate, but I don't want it to be a knee jerk reaction anymore. I still remember in 7th grade, getting a new kid in class and noticing the contrast between my knee jerk reaction to him and how I felt later. God, I hated his eyebrows. They were just so thick and awful and made him look mean. I hated him. Could hardly stand to look at him. Then I got to know him. He quickly became one of my favorite people to be around. Love at first sight? Not for the separate self.

@King MerkIt's lonely and there's pain but it's also the adventure of your life. The stories we tell ourselves about it are powerful. It does not have to be painful, yet there is pain sometimes and that's ok. Don't forget that love and truth are the same thing, and one can't be lost in pursuit of the other in the end. Have you seen Leo's Self Love video? I discovered that Abraham Hicks and the simple but not simple "paying attention to how you feel" can make the low points more understood and less significant.

There can be no movement without a point of reference. Or there can be only movement. Love is alive, a metaphorical river of consciousness/creation. Movement and stillness each require a self, a point of reference to be experienced. Yesterday I laid down and looked at the sky beneath some trees. It was windy and the clouds were moving. It looked like the clouds were still and the tree branches moving and so it felt like I was moving with them. But this was not an illusion, rather the point of reference of myself was the only illusion all along. The illusion is my creation. I can't understand "my own" spiritual evolution anymore, it feels like a strange loop with no point of reference. When I notice that I feel bad I have held myself to a standard and have unconsciously referred to myself as a point of reference. The courage to see that truth is love feels amazing but the mind will rob it of that and use its newfound insights against it in the form of self judgement. I've never seen so clearly before how even in practice, truth and love are ONE. The truth FEELS like love. "That's all creation is about, the feeling that it brings to you. The manifestation that matters most is the manifestation of emotion, and you have the ability to manifest the emotion before you manifest any of the actuality that you are all so eager about manifesting." -Abraham Hicks

Sometimes I feel like we're all a bunch of little kids who want to play zen master and student, and everyone wants to be zen master and hit people with sticks but no one wants to play student.

*Chucks metaphorical rubix cube puzzle at @Lento 's head.*

If your disbelief in romantic love is less of a rejection and more of an open-mindedness you might be surprised how very right and how very wrong you are simultaneously. The ego turns love into something to be embarrassed of, something chemical and not to be taken seriously. Much like people believe that a psychedelic high is a delusional experience rather than one that may bring clarity and an entirely new perspective on life, they draw the same conclusions about romantic love.

@Lento I don't think that's the case.

@electroBeam Freedom feels so good, doesn't it? No standards to hold oneself or anyone else to, just freedom to live an inspired life of love and creation here and now.

@Lento I was talking to @Raptorsin7 in my journal and realized that without examples it doesn't seem helpful, so here's what I mean in practice. Hope this explains a bit better. It's just referring to entering a meditative state after getting caught in thoughts that don't feel good, ie involve and imply an I, or a point of reference. I believe that what is missed so often is that the self or the I is not the only point of reference, and unconsciousness persists, not seeing that it IMPLIES the "I" when it thinks other thoughts. It's so subtle that surrender to feeling ie meditation is the only way it can be brought into awareness. It's only by feeling that you know the nature of your thoughts. The "I" is never the problem. "I like apples" is not a problematic thought, even though I'm explicitly talking about myself and my relationship to an outside object. However if I watch a man judge another woman's body and I feel awful about what he says, I have identified with her, or with myself rather, without having any thought of an "I" whatsoever. I had a "point of reference" both for how he should behave and maybe another layer of feeling held to a standard of beauty and identification with the thought of the female body that is ultimately threatening to me. Even though I'm just witnessing this situation my feelings about it without a self referential thought that I can point to, my unconscious identification with the illusory self make itself known by feeling. Too often we turn the ego or the I into a point of reference, and enlightenment into another point of reference rather than surrendering to feeling in the moment.

@Raptorsin7 Yes, but it's only by feeling that you know the nature of your thoughts. The "I" is never the problem. "I like apples" is not a problematic thought, even though I'm explicitly talking about myself and my relationship to an outside object. However if I watch a man judge another woman's body and I feel awful about what he says, I have identified with her, or with myself rather, without having any thought of an "I" whatsoever. I had a "point of reference" both for how he should behave and maybe another layer of feeling held to a standard of beauty and identification with the thought of the female body that is ultimately threatening to me. Even though I'm just witnessing this situation my feelings about it without a self referential thought that I can point to, my unconscious identification with the illusory self make itself known by feeling.

@Raptorsin7 Who, what, when, where? It's just referring to entering a a meditative state after getting lost in thoughts that don't feel good, ie involve and imply an I, or a point of reference. I believe that what is missed so often is that the self or the I is not the only point of reference, and unconsciousness persists, not seeing that it IMPLIES the "I" when it thinks other thoughts. It's so subtle that surrender to feeling ie meditation is the only way it can be brought into awareness.

Still contemplating spheres, circles and eye balls, the blind spots in the eye, how the mind fills in the gaps, and no "point" of focus, how the eye "sees", how light enters a hole in the middle, how it's as if there's a hole right in the middle of reality, as if everything is a peripheral illusion, how there's a screen that's not there, all just amazes me that there's no "I", no ground, no point of reference, however you want to word it and how everything points to it and AWAY from it at the same time. The eye both sees and is blind simultaneously. Thoughts come up that don't feel good and knowing that there is no point of reference is sufficient to bring the mind back to the body without telling it to. What is a body? Is it a point of reference outside of thought? Or periphery when felt? Is it the ultimate stick that burns itself up Ramana Maraharshi talks about, in more ways than one?

There are a lot of spiritual books, or even posts on this forum that I have to read several time to get the full meaning out of. Sometimes over the course of years and other times within the course of a half hour. Remember that consciousness is alive, dynamic. There's no ground. There's no you, but an illusion that's always in flux. That illusion colors and veils things strongly, so as it is seen through "the same things" revisited become incredibly rich and new. You'll never step into the same river twice. You will be entirely changed and so will the river. This is what is meant by the importance of having "beginners mind". Nothing was ever lost, nothing was ever wasted. There's just perfect never ending unfolding beauty here and now.

Kids are incredibly clear mirrors of us. If you're really enlightened it makes no difference to you whether your child is enlightened or not, in which case, there's a good chance the kid would turn out to be highly conscious. However if enlightenment is an ideal or goal you have for your kid, there's a good chance your kid will be a complete disaster, the complete antithesis of whatever you imagine enlightenment to be, so you'll learn to love the kid unconditionally. Then he would have been YOUR teacher.