Barbara

Member
 View profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    337

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by Barbara

  2. Posted

    @Gesundheit2 hey, thanks. That anxiety period is all gone now. It’s been 5 months or so that I’ve not felt anxious. After that breakdown I took indeed a break from everything and was not in rush to go back. But now I’m mentally stronger and healthier and feel ready to take on projects. The problem is that I feel huge resistance to start and fear I might end up the same. I do rationalize this, but I keep procrastinating when I have time for the side projects. And I do understand the difference. Until now, I was giving my self all the space and not even worrying about that kind of stuff. But lately I’ve had so many ideas and will to engage that I believe I’m ready to start over. 

    Will def be more mindful of my feelings in the journey and validate them as my compass instead of other people’s experiences. And yea, I might even ask for help. Thanks for the idea.

  3. Posted

    I’ve started a business last year, but I got super stressed in the building phase before it even took off. I was working nonstop and eventually had a mental breakdown. For two months I experienced the worst sensations I’ve ever felt due to anxiety, so completely stopped all my side projects and day job for awhile. This was in May this year and I’ve learned a ton about myself since then. I started therapy, cultivating better work-life balance, did ton of introspection, also on psychedelics, read books, started enjoying myself more and manage stress peaks. So, I’m in a way better mental place now and have a lot of creative tension within me, new ideas and projects. But I feel so stuck to start them and pickup the unfinished stuff. I’m terribly scared of navigating through unknown waters, being clueless, making mistakes, but specially, that works starts feeling too much again and I’m back in that anxiety, bottom of the pit space. I know I’m not the same person and know I would be way more equipped to deal with adversity, but I’m still scared. 
    These last weeks I’ve been procrastinating HARD. Whenever I do something for my side projects I’ll do it almost in apnea as quickly as I can, and run away immediately. And although I broke down the to dos in small tasks and steps, I still have the feeling that I don’t know how to start, that my work will be for nothing, and that I’m walking blindfolded.. 
    I wanna get shit done and make my ideas come to life. How can I overcome this fear? 

    TLDR: I burned out and now am scared of taking action.

  4. Posted · Edited by Barbara

    You have a bunch of beliefs that are causing you harm. You need to become aware of those, rationalize them and simply choose a different narrative that will lead you to other beliefs and more well-being. Thoughts cause emotions.

    First of all, the meaning of work to you. Work can mean a lot of things to different people and no meaning is more correct than the other, but some might be more healthy than others. Might be useful for you to contact with other realities to broaden your perspective here. 

    You care about your potential and whatnot and that's fine, but, why is harnessing potential only linked to working in your book? You absolutely cannot work nonstop.. So rest is as important as work for performance and attaining potential.

    9 hours ago, BlurryBoi said:

    so by "letting go"

    Are you using rest and "letting go" as synonyms there?

    If yes, you're basically telling me that you cannot afford to stop working because you need to be maximizing your potential "no matter what". "What" being, burnout here?

    So, you cannot rest even tho you're experiencing constant stress, anxiety and burnout, because you have to stretch your potential, otherwise, you gonna die in a cruel way? C'mon. You realize how disproportionate that belief is? ahah! 

    I'm not ridiculing you. Our beliefs are really funny and insane sometimes. It's good to laugh at them. and I know you're joking there, but you do understand how our beliefs, if unconscious and overlooked, are exaggerated and linked to life-or-death scenarios.

    But lets see the "no matter what" part. I think that is a very romantic idea productivity and get-rich internet gurus talk about. But please don't take it so seriously. Otherwise, you should be working 24h. And you're not, are you? So relax. 

    9 hours ago, BlurryBoi said:

    hostile/uncaring environment that the universe/life is

    why do you think this? In what ways do you see this manifesting? Is it possible that this is not true? Is it possible that it's the other way around? In what ways do you think that the contrary belief also manifests itself? 

    One note on psychedelics. Lsd and mushrooms. If you think it's gonna make you feel different things than you're feeling right now, you're right, but not in the way you think. It will make your mind 1000x times heavier, you'll have the same mental patterns, but way way more intensely. With your current mental state it would be a very hard trip for you, I'm sure. Not advising against or in favor of it, but be mindful of this. 

     

  5. Posted

    6 hours ago, BlurryBoi said:

    like deeply rooted subconscious-beliefs

    such as? really try to identify those. get a notebook and write what comes to your mind regarding that topic. And what happens if you don't work? what's the worse scenario on your mind? 

    I stopped, for 2 months, facing the fear, but had a lot of support from family, friends, and psychotherapy couldn't have done without it. Then slowly started again, learning how to create healthy & sustainable productivity, and watched out for the high-performance peaks that steamed from stress and anxiety. I try not to feed that now. Once you stop, you'll take your own lessons. No point in telling you mine, especially not knowing that much about your situation

     

  6. Posted

    Hello, 

     

    On 14/11/2022 at 7:04 PM, BlurryBoi said:

    I cannot "just stop" bc im deeply scared of not working

    That's exactly what you should do. Stop working. Your brain doesn't know anymore what's not being in constant stress and anxiety, fearing all the ifs. I was in your shoes, deeply scared of stopping working, so I understand. But that's what you have to do. Consider it a strategic withdrawal. There's no place you have to go to, no goal more important than your well-being. If you're not well right now, you won't be able to grab any opportunity, so start there. Get better. Wish you well

  8. Posted

    1 hour ago, Illusory Self said:

    I am only 26 & need to think more positively. Not many people my age know about personal development & self transformation. I must think more highly of myself to increase my own self worth & esteem. I try my best & I am not going to be so harsh or self critical for set backs in my life. i must love myself more, I must love others more. The inner critic is hard to deal with but love will heal everything. 

    I have to be more kind towards myself, I don't currently have a career. My financial situation is not the greatest but I am in a first world country & have family around me that love me. I am loved by others but still feel lonely. I need to express self love towards myself. I am in a good position in life & need to stop comparing myself to others. 

    It's all about how you perceive reality. 

    You got this :)

  9. Posted

    34 minutes ago, trenton said:

    Most of my family was interested in how I explained spiral dynamics and demonstrated the conflicts of mankind.  I try to be very careful about leaving the impression that some states are better than others, but my sister still thinks of it as liberals are better than conservatives.  Meanwhile, my grandma was interested in learning spiral dynamics, but she interpreted the model as Donald Trump being stage yellow.  My brother is more interested in understanding how societies evolve, the implications in geopolitics, and what to expect in the future.  He noticed that societies often evolve by the older worldviews dying off and becoming irrelevant.  Then the younger generation repeats The cycle.  My brother, two cousins, and my grandma on my mother's side seem to get The most benefit from research and development theories and we don't argue much at all.

    The interesting part is when I tried to apply spiral dynamics to the conflicts in my family.  I strongly hesitate to say that I'm stage yellow as if I am the most developed in the family, as that would be an obvious sign of self bias.  I also found that individuals can be very mixed and it is hard to say that they are just at x stage.  They seem to be a mix of stage blue and green.  Much of this is caused by our family's history of drug dealing.  My family reacts strongly to psychedelics because of this, but on the other hand they also practice yoga, are open to other religions, and appear mostly liberal. 

    Most of the conflicts in my family are the parts which are stage blue vs the parts which are stage green.  For example, my grandma on my father's side is still saying the n word and calling Obama a Muslim.  My grandma on my mother's side looks at her like she is stupid because we can have whatever religion we want.  Most of my family is close minded to research into psychedelics, so I only discuss it with three people in my family.  My transgender cousin appreciates me saying "him" as this becomes a point of conflict sometimes.  My family seems to have very mixed feelings about abortion when they argue about it.  I tried to tell my family that I would rather have a quieter discussion of politics as we compare and contrast many different sources to see what can find.  My mom said that would be no fun and she just wants to make my sister upset.  Meanwhile my sister thinks that the research isn't worth her time.  So far the best I have managed to do is change the topic from politics.  My brother is often disappointed in politics because it devolves into people shouting rather than learning.  We share our research with each other and don't really argue.

    How would you approach this kind of family?

    That was brilliant!

  11. Posted

    What the heck people. It's his money. No one should tell you how to spend your money. If he wants to save that's with him, accordingly to his life views. I personally think that's great, OP thinks it's not great, either way, it's not our money to dictate. 

    As a woman, you should strive to be independent and not fall onto a minority status, or look for a man that will take care of you financially. That's, in my view, a bad manifestation of the surrender characteristic of the feminine principle. If you can't afford the places he can, just tell him that, instead of expecting him to pay. Freedom is foundational for self-development. And you're not free if you don't get your financial shit together, and depend on your partner. 

  16. Posted

    18 hours ago, Vision said:

    How can I accept missing out on opportunities because of these problems? Due to my low energy and fatigue I can’t effectively do anything.

    Hm.. Even acceptance does not mean you'll never ever be bored about it again. It might mean you simply handle better the fact that there are things we can control and there are things we can't. And the things we can't control might be a burden but you don't let yourself get stuck in a suffering rut for too long. You might experience suffering, but in the back of your mind, you know that's transitory and it will go away. Other than that I would say to have the things you're grateful for present within you.

  17. Posted · Edited by Barbara

    12 hours ago, Preety_India said:

    To me feminine means nurturance, sensitivity, sweetness, supportiveness, gentleness, warmth, passivity, cooperativeness, expressiveness, modesty, humility, empathy, affection, tenderness, and being emotional, kind, helpful, devoted, and understanding and vulnerability. 

    Just don't get stuck in gender roles. You should have the liberty to do as you feel like. I would say that knowing and having confidence in yourself is more attractive than any premeditated action you feel would make you more attractive. But still, learning about feminine and masculine energies might be helpful for your quest. And because reality is highly fractal you can have great insights just by contemplating things like Birth and the whole process of creating a new human being. I won't tell you what insights to have to not influence you. I would most definitely like to hear yours and what arises in your mind spontaneously, by thinking of the birth from the masculine and feminine energies pov. 

  19. Posted · Edited by Barbara

    4 hours ago, Eph75 said:

    From this point of view it's impossible not to conflate femininity with attributes that the male (or attracted) finds compelling and attractive. 

    Where is the breakpoint between being feminine and trying to be attractive to men?

    How can we even tell, as we're so deeply programmed towards attraction.

    That leaves femininity to predominately include attractive, desirable features, and not anything that is less attractive or unattractive to men. 

    Does it have to be attractive to be feminine?

    Or is it about a power dynamic at play where the two halves need to come together is a state that creates a sensation of equilibrium? Where masculine is predominately "this way" and feminine is predominately "that way" but where there is no room for individuality? 

    Breaking it down, it becomes more about the dynamic than about specific characteristics, and not limited to male and female or two individuals but also essential to the equilibrium that can be reached within ourselves. 

    Strong "this or that" in ourselves, need a certain dynamic of other to have strong something else, to reach that equilibrium.

    I can't say what is feminine without telling what attracts me more than not. That is also shallow and I recognize that those things have nothing to do with the equilibrium. And what positively affects that dynamic play ultimately isn't about someone else, it's about me. 

    An example would be the pianist video in a previous post; attractive, sensual, alluring, graceful movement, glittery, girly, slim, devoted, invested, skillful and such a thing as the hand slowly touching the seat at the end.

    Call it feminine it you like. 

    It's also a façade, a persona, a game.

    The distinction what authentic feniminity is feels much more interesting. 

    That takes the attracted part out of the equation, but still the attractor's biases and self-deciet need to taken into account. Impossible to overcome? 

    To me it comes down to dropping façades, persons and exiting the game. There's really no need to play, when the desire to play drops away.

    Then what is true femininity would shine through, and it will attract, maybe not the same, but someone. 

    That's spot on. 

    What matters in a union is sexual polarity. Now, who's the predominantly female, who's predominantly male energy... who cares? Just be authentic and you'll attract the opposite energy from the spectrum. And that's whats going to fulfill you. Not some act. 

  21. Posted

    @nistake Thank you so much for your answer! 

    On 05/03/2022 at 6:20 PM, nistake said:

    1. Treat it like a physical training. Do some warm up exercises beforehand (stretching, yoga, qigong, foam roller, etc). If yo do that, you'll have to actually prepare for your practise, not just randomly sitting down whenever you feel like it. Plus these warm up exercises make your body loose and relaxed. It can make your meditation so much better.

    That's really great advice. I started implementing it already and I see so much difference. It used to take me 5-10 minutes at the beginning of a session just to relax the body entirely, and only then I would have unlocked the ability to concentrate and bend the mind as I aim to, and this shortens that immensely. I don't know if that's odd for others but I function that way :D

    On 05/03/2022 at 6:20 PM, nistake said:

    3. Think of meditation as the most important part of your day and treat it as such (I know it's easier said than done, but still). 

    Hm I see. I meditate twice a day, but maybe I should try to make that one time only just to kinda reset and see how it works. Btw when do you meditate?

     

  24. Posted

    Ok, you are in a hard place in life right now. 

    Let me put this, this way, no matter who you are and what your life is, you're going to face challenges. You might see your healthy friends, and envy them for their health, for their vivacity, but I assure you, they suffer too. Even if an objective perfect life was possible, we would still suffer. That's life. I mean, is it? Or is that Us? Is the life that has to change or are we the ones who have to change? 

    I think it's us. And change here would be a change in behavior/ mindset, from resistance mean acceptance and gratitude. Of course, you are in a hard place in life right now and that is so difficult to see. But you know, it takes Vision and reflectiveness. Look at your life. Did you ever want something sooo bad, and then you got it and then it didn't matter anymore? Or maybe it solved some things but brought a different load of problems? Ask yourself, why would this be different? It only varies in content and grade. 

    As Gili said, the lesson is acceptance. And that's something you'll cherish throughout all your life. I even dare to say that you'll feel like this disease was a blessing. It thought you how to appreciate life at a young age.

    Either way, allow and notice all your feelings. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just notice how sometimes reactions invade your body or thoughts enter your mind. Make what you want of them, either that's shove it away or embrace them. Simply notice yourself doing it. And then, don't give so much value to it. You'll notice they'll come and go and the less attached, the more peace you'll find. Other than that, I'll say, start journaling if you haven't already. Keep track of your days, write as it flows and what you're grateful for. This takes as little as 2 minutes of your day and the outcomes may be really great. I recommend the Journalistic app. If you have IOS you can use it on safari. It's really simple and has cool features.

    Wish you well

  25. Posted

    What's your goal? Do you want to reach and engage more people, or do you just like writing and want to exteriorize that? 

    Are you aiming to help people by providing methods or teachings on how to solve problems or are you just sharing your vision with the internet? Both are fine! I'm just asking to understand a little further what's your goal. 

    I think that how often is not so important as the topics you touch on because of SEO. People will find your content on google if they search and your blog ranks on the same keywords they searched. Meaning if I search "How to make apple pie" the blogs that first appear are the ones that best rank on Google for these keywords. Providing useful and how-to content in blog format is crucial because people don't often read blogs as entertainment nowadays. They can watch yt videos of "A day in my life" but not so much blogs. You can use tools like Moz to see what questions and problems people are facing in the topics you touch.

    Although, your goal might not be so focused on the reader and that's all right too! 

    Anyway, here are some best practices to drive traffic

    • Use SEO keyword research (i.e Moz or Google Keyword planner) as a guide to identifying topics to write about
    • Note the importance of specific questions as a means for searching online.
    • Optimize page titles, page headings, and body content for SEO.
    • Create longer form evergreen content, that is, content that isn't time-dependent and won't get old
    • Write short-form pieces about current trends and topics.
    • Choose themes that are useful to people to help you become an authority and resource.
    • Look at the performance of existing content to gauge what audience responds to and see if you can look at it from a different angle.
    • Comment and engage with other people's blogs to generate awareness of your blog and goodwill from the other bloggers and their communities who may check out your blog or share your social posts.
    • Create the best piece of content by far to answer the question you've identified (in keyword researchers) in as being in the mind of your target audience.

    Hope it helps!