meta_male

Yes I tested it but didn't delete the account first, had it for maybe couple months. Not sure I can delete it clean slate without it remembering me next time.

I’m realising I’m burnt out from always being the one who has to initiate connection. For years I was the one trying to build a circle, reach out to friends, meet women, plan things. If I stop initiating my life goes quiet. I tried pulling back to see who would step up and sat with that. Mostly, nothing changed, I was just alone. I used weed to cope, which helped me tolerate the isolation, and even seek it. Meantime I've stepped away from it and without the numbing feel like I'm back at square one, only with far less energy than before. I’m not looking for dating advice or put-yourself-out-there type of answers, I’ve done that and still do, but I have less and less capacity to carry all the social effort myself. If anyone here has navigated something similar, especially after long periods of isolation, I’d really appreciate your perspective.

@CARDOZZO Not 130+, but every second swipe is a match.

It's an office job in planning industry, not too isolating but also not seeing new faces often. I had been isolated for weeks on end and it doesn't get better for me the more time passes. In what country is this?

That's funny, I noticed the same with extroverted people. They just keep planning and initiating, almost regardless of friction. One of those friends once complained to me about how hard it is to get people together and I remember being genuinely surprised. I assumed he didn't even register that part. Travelling solo is a good idea, somethign I never really got around to, partly due to being in relationships and partly low motivation when I was smoking weed. Yeah, you're right, and I've actually spent a long time there. I'm comfortable being alone, probably as much as I can be. This is less about avoiding solitude and more about enjoying being around people and wanting to socialise while noticing I have much less capacity to be the one to carry initiation all the time. Especially on days when I’m already low or had a shit day, and then also have to plan things, only to find people already have other things going on or cancel last minute. I've noticed this pattern when we hang out and talk about doing something a bit more active, some adventure-oriented plans, they tend to like the idea of it but when it comes to actually commit, plans slowly fall apart and I end up going alone. @Hojo Can you clarify what you mean? @Elliott Volunteering is something I've never done but it might be worth it. Have you actually built a circle through that or is it more meeting new people without much continuity?

Seeing "introducing her to actualized.org" as a milestone is concerning. Also you're investing heavily before you've even met. Introduce her into your life, not into an online belief system.

You have integrity. I wouldn't let a girl cheat on her boyfriend with me, that's pathetic. Most of my friends have ADHD, I myself probably have ADD. It doesn't matter though, you are not doomed.

My ex was an Aussie, I foolishly called her a cu** once and never again 😅

I love Australia, been there several times. Very open, very laid back culture. They roast you whenever they can... and then invite you for barbie and show off some redbacks in their garage. Nature there is like a minefield. You can be on a peaceful walk and get attacked by a magpie for no reason.

Try this: https://nomadtable.app/

There's a difference between accepting uncertainty and seeking psychological damage. You do not need to traumatise yourself to grow. Actual growth does not require being emotionally destroyed, that's spiritual masochism. Emotional overwhelm and trauma is not needed for insight. Women cheat, men cheat, so how come YOU don't cheat? Can you see from that alone that there are women who don't cheat as well? Plenty of people have a secure attachment style, work towards developing that yourself. You definitely don't need an ego death for this. Learn to feel deeply without using other people to regulate and stabilize you, go to therapy if that's not otherwise possible, don't drag this step out forever. That alone will put you in a much better position to meet healthier people. You can't think your way out of your current worldview.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Minneapolis/comments/1qlyj9h/i_did_my_best_to_stabilize_the_video_you_can/

Check out this youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@AddictionMindset

@Carl-Richard Being sober changes you much after years of consumption.

@Carl-Richard Possibly. Many of them say it doesn't affect them much, myself included. But it does.

@LordFall How's your social life? What's the reason you've tried quitting?

I felt this in my bones. My mind does shit like that too. Good work bro.

Yep, did civil service too. It did have value, but in hindsight it was just too soft and easy. To make up for it I now drink mud, skip deodorant and use pepperspray.

I regret not saying yes to naughty girls in church. Big mess up. Also, this one keeps coming back: not doing military service.

Something heaps of people learn the hard way: the more you chase something, the more it slips away. Some go through the "steep learning curve" of pickup, get frustrated, trying different approaches, get depressed. Until something finally clicks and they can relax and be themselves. Others skip the this chase by focusing on themselves, practice self love, and after a lot of struggling finally relax. In both cases the key seems to be letting go of the outcome instead of trying to control it with “A game.” Also there's people who have no clue what they're doing, feel free to ask me.

Like I said.

@theleelajoker Sure, that can happen and I agree that roles can be fluid. But in early dating with low emotional investment the initiative usually comes from the person who wants the date to happen, momentum doesn't create itself. Waiting passively and judging in silence is more avoidant than balanced.

Exactly. She replies politely, is waiting for the next step and instead of leading he goes “fuck this!”

There is no need for conversations via text. Next time call the girl and make plans.

This. Set a date and then get off the phone. No relationship vibes like "how did you sleep" etc., girls get that all the time from guys, it's a weak frame. Only text with intent.