meta_male

I've gone through several relationships, sometimes even tried again after breaking up because I couldn't make up my mind about what's missing. What I learnt: the missing part doesn't just magically disappear. Getting back together only feels beautiful in imagination, not in reality. Yeah I can imagine. Grief is brutal. Nothing can ease it except time.

Sounds like you got stuck in something that confirms your "I'm not wanted" belief..? So even when you try you're not met with enthusiasm and your subconscious takes that as proof that you're just another number. And if she's asexual then there never was real desire reflected back at you anyway. There are some pathetic little humans out there, you don't come across like one, bro. She'd want that simply for the same reason you do too...

Why are you not meeting enough you think?

Having been on both sides of that struggle I honestly don't know, sometimes neither decision feels clean. Love isn't always enough if the weight keeps dragging you down. Real question is, is it temporary or permanent?

It sounds like you reject the parts that might actually balance you. Why not stop theorizing and lean fully into the side you're most drawn to? See what happens when you stop trying to solve it in your head.

Misses the point. If someone’s going slow in the fast lane they shouldn’t even be there. I’ll tailgate until they move, it’s called traffic flow. Safe driving isn’t just keeping distance, it’s knowing where you belong on the road. How to train that into people's heads?

Along what journey...cold approach? I do that sometimes. But more often it's a girl giving me a signal and me not acting on it cause I literally don't feel the urge. Feels more like some mental block than lack of skill.

@enchanted You don’t. Most people suck at driving, always will. The only real fix is stricter licensing and ongoing training. But there would be serious backlash by poor drivers so it will never happen. Natural selection is doing its job for now.

I know what you mean. But blending in with the forum normies sounds pretty boring anyway Use your alienation as distinction instead of weight. Difference is magnetising.

Leaving space doesn’t make you a good driver, it makes you a safe driver. Look at racecar drivers, the leave zero space. If everyone was actually competent behind the wheel, space wouldn’t even be a discussion. But because most people are half-asleep we gotta come up with rules like "leave 2 seconds" to cover for theri lack of skill. So we could raise driving skills...or slow everything down so grandma can keep up.

Jesus Christ, how do guys survive meditating through this stuff? You don’t need more breathwork, instead you need more experience with women you find attractive. Not in a have-to-date sense but just being around them so the energy feels normal. You’re crashing because you put one girl on a pedestal. Also, get an exciting hobby that gives you a bigger rush than a first kiss. Otherwise you will always be more hooked by her vibe instead of your own life.

Well said. No need to collect rejections just for the sake of building thicker skin. You can just be smart instead.

It's not a spiritual issue, it's a boundary issue. Why are you tolerating being bossed around at your own place instead of saying: my house, my rules. You sleep over as much as you want and he can do the dishes after laundry. If he doesn't like it he can pack his bags. No need to get angry that way. Unconditional love doesn't mean letting others walk all over you...that's self-betrayal and spiritual bypassing. You can't meditate your way to peace, you simply create the rules.

So what if you got a grandma going 50 in a 120 zone? Everyone just slows down? Tailgating isn’t the real issue. The issue is most people can’t drive for shit. Driving is dangerous. We don’t need more rules or around following distance, we need better drivers. Flooding traffic with unskilled drivers just makes it worse for everyone. Stage yellow chooses the higher order solution and filters through on a motorcycle

If someone’s content and living a simple life they’re not going to obsess over the meaning of existence. So they might seem shallow to you. But people can go deep in all sorts of domains...robotics, mechanics, nutrition, sports, whatever. Existential questions aren’t inherently more valuable, they’re just your preferred area of interest. Not many are interested in these topics and I can see why lol. Look at people on this forum: half the time it’s just smart sounding words, online socialising and banter. But most of them are struggling (or have struggled) in life. Maybe you’re not lonely because people avoid deep topics, but because you're looking for others in the same trench to connect with. Thinking out loud, a recurring theme here is: I’m lonely, I’m struggling to find meaning and I’ve been through painful experiences.

@OBEler Bro rolls in like a German Leopard 2 through a flower garden.

@Fabio If I get you right you want it more like: This girl is interesting, but I’m watching to see if she can actually meet me. Journaling and meditation won’t fix that. They just give you more space to watch yourself crave a state. What you’re after isn’t abundance in women...it’s abundance in that euphoric state. Currently, you’re outsourcing it instead of creating it yourself. If you keep doing all the spiritual practises and then kiss a beautiful girl the gap between boring shit and exciting shit is too big.

@PurpleTree Still one of the most scenic Middle Eastern countries in the West. Right after Switzerland.

You feel that way cause you have no success in relationships.

She was never "yours" to lose, man. Sex doesn’t lock someone in, it just gives you a false sense of power. It was just an illusion built on the assumption that sex = attachment. I've heard this on the forum a lot...it's fantasy. That's smart. Keep doing you, that's how your energy will stay clean. Let her orbit if she wants, but you keep doing your training.

It isn't baked into their personality. Not everything needs to be shared is what an INFP needs to learn. You could tell him this straight to his face, as long as you're being warm. What's worse for him is not knowing why he repels women.

@OBEler What is shocking about it?

@LoneWonderer Btw, I do know where you're coming from and I have times I feel lonely af because I can't share my experience. Even here on the forum, nobody could ever reproduce my exact path. But honestly, I think we all communicate the same thing with different words and symbols. I connect with people over other topics. My bro is into anime, I couldn't care less. My riding buddy games when he's off the bike, I think it's boring. Some friends are into the same festivals, nothing else. One close friend is totally stuck in life but that's where he needs to be. Not everyone can and wants to go that deep into their psyche, some are simply unable to. But you can still share close bonds. In fact, you might feel less lonely if you just listen, without the urge to force your knowledge onto anyone and live your life well. That's the stuff that piques people's curiosity.

I'm sure he's got a stash he can share if I ask nicely

I'd get Eminem to do a diss track against my inner critic.