machinegun

I just read what I wrote the previous day, and Jesus I need to work on my writing. I'm jealous of the way some people can just form completely coherent and thought out sentences and communicate exactly what they are trying to say. You know, I thought having my first blow job ever would have a bigger effect on me, but I barely thought about it today. You feel different after your first kiss: you feel a little more mature and confident, but after getting my first blowjob it had a similar effect but different. I heard someone describe having sex as it feeling like "life", it was more similar to feeling like life- in hindsight. Today, I again did everything except drink a gallon of water, I'll have to be more conscientious of that. I'm adding an extra hour of creativity per the books guidelines, and an extra hour of the mediation where you don't move. I think I will also wake up at 6:00 just because I want to feel good about myself waking up early and being productive. 5/18 30 min walk 10 min cold shower 1 hour mindfulness meditation 1 hour awareness meditation 20 min of reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida 30 min of using a white board to teach an imaginary class what I just learned (this is one of my methods I use to study for school. It's rly good and I highly recommend. Drink 1 gallon of water 1 hour of being creative 1 hour of no moving meditation

So I met with the girl today and she gave me my first blowjob ever. You would think because it's my first time, I would nut very quickly but she was pretty bad at it. It was her first time doing anything, including cuddling and even kissing. You would think she would be more scared, but she was pretty brave. Salute. Anyway, I told my dad because I had to figure out an escape route for her, and she was able to sneak out the garage door while my dad distracted my mom upstairs. I couldn't help but feel my heart swell with pride when I caught my dad grinning very widely after telling him I had a girl over. I was able to do everything today except drink a gallon of water, and I think I should increase my reading hours, at this rate I won't finish nearly enough books as I would like before summer is out. Same plan as yesterday, except 30 min of reading. 30 min walk 10 min cold shower 1 hour mindfulness meditation 1 hour awareness meditation 20 min of reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida 30 min of using a white board to teach an imaginary class what I just learned (this is one of my methods I use to study for school. It's rly good and I highly recommend. Drink 1 gallon of water See ya!

I did everything I promised myself I would do today except even though I thought it would take me the morning to complete everything listed out, I spread it throughout the whole day. The mindfulness meditation I was considering not doing. Anyway, I would like to get better at time management skills, but I am proud of myself for completing what I had set out to do. Exact same thing tomorrow except I drink a gallon of water. Oh also Schwab was close and my dad wouldn't let me drive but that was out of my control 5/16 30 min walk 10 min cold shower 1 hour mindfulness meditation 1 hour awareness meditation 20 min of reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida 30 min of using a white board to teach an imaginary class what I just learned (this is one of my methods I use to study for school. It's rly good and I highly recommend. Practicing driving if my dad lets me I'm meeting with a girl tomorrow wish me luck.

I am a senior in high school right now. And listen, I know these people aren't my friends. But, I'm going to have to face them when I go back to school for the last two weeks, and I don't want to sit by myself. So, the situation is I've done some serious work on myself over the past year to improve my self-esteem. My friends are really into roasting, but I'm pretty bad at it. So, what usually ends up happening is they all gang up on me and it's literal hell. My social life in high school consisted of getting made fun of at lunch and during free periods. It has sucked harder than anything in my life, and I don't know how I will face them for the last two weeks. I can fight back for two weeks, but the real problem is I don't want to repeat this in college. I have always been the bottom bitch, and I don't know a way out. Help.

@SamC I don't want to be their friend, but the shame of being a loner keeps me stuck there. I don't mind being a loner, because in actuality I am. But, I just don't want other people to see me as a loner. I can set boundaries and tell people to fuck off easily now. But, my shame hasn't gotten better to the point where I can sit alone and not let is phase me. @Roy Thanks for your kind words. It's hard to envision such a bright future. I do in fact plan on re-inventing myself and blocking those friends after I graduate. Some of which are coming to my college, but I will make it a point to let them know we are not on friendly terms.

lmao FUCK this loser

Before anybody recommends it, I tried to watch the "what is goodness" video by Leo. I have no fucking idea what this man is saying. I feel like many people many people try to act nice to preserve an identity or because of culture, not out of genuine selflessness. Do you know what I'm saying? They view themselves as a "nice person" (or so they have been told) and so they carry out actions that reflect this image of themselves: burdening themselves with other people's work, over complimenting, and sometimes being a flat out people pleaser. In any case of selflessness, I feel like people make it all about themselves: how they want to be viewed, what benefit they can get from it, etc. This is true for me. In actuality, I am a pretty selfish person; but, because I want to be like by others I act very agreeably. I have been pondering this question for a few weeks now with no avail.

@Parththakkar12 you know I dont understand a lot of that either. But, if it has to do with raising your level of consciousness then I'm all ears.

@Megan Alecia What do you mean by the possibilities are endless?

I feel like I have only seen genuine acts of kindness only a few times in my life. Do I just live around a bunch of assholes??

Full disclosure, I have known about actualized.org since December or so and I haven't been doing any of the work. I've watched hours of Leo's videos and watched other content creators listed here on this form (mostly ones pertaining to pick up because I'm a horny teenager lol). But, I've finished my final exams for high school now and have abundant time because I don't have any friends. My problem is there's so many areas I can focus on, it's paralyzing. I would like to focus on my career and be confident with woman, first. Don't get me wrong I'm definitely heavy into spirituality, but I feel like I got to worry first about being able to sustain a living. Are there any meditations, journaling, or other work that I can do to become more clear? I feel like I'm pretty solid on the theory part as of now. Maybe the life purpose course, or awareness exercises? I want to be able to go to college in the fall and make it my bitch.

Two years ago my face broke out in extreme cystic acne that resulted in not a centimeter of my face to be without a pimple. This was caused by my severe anxiety but I also suffered from a multitude of issues. Since then, I've done a lot of inner-child work and healed issues stemming from my faulty parents and childhood (depression, low self-esteem, social anxiety). I wouldn't say I'm a 100% yet, but my main problem is I used to find all these thing wrong with myself, and I still do; but, I'm having trouble motivating myself improve when I have come to such a place of self-acceptance. I used to be motivate myself with anxiety or because I had to make up in some way for my inadequate self with good grades, looks etc. But now, I sit on the couch and do nothing. So... I guess my question is how do normal people motivate themselves to be better?

@universe My goal is to be happy and content

@universe both

I want to start pick up this weekend. Any videos, articles, books and general tips that would be recommended?

Question is the title. Read on if you would like to hear about my grievances. So I went to meet up with this girl today, and we talked about making out on text -but when I got there we just talked and I went home. I'm so frustrated with myself. I know girls are interested in me, and I know they want to kiss and make out with me. I can be as cool as a pepper, until it comes to making the slightest bit of initiation and then I just don't do it. In some situations, there is a zero percent chance of rejection and yet I'm so nervous I can't breathe. Is this some sort of mental blockage? By the way, I know any move to touch the other person is a move that would lead to other things, I'm just having trouble saying fuck it and going for a kiss on the cheek. Please help. I don't want to be a kiss-virgin forever.

If you exercise in the morning, it will energize you all day and the sleep you get at night is bomb as hell. Also you don't have to spend money.

@Alz_x9 I've also suffered from this since I was a kid. I don't know about you, but I didn't have the best home life. When I was younger I think I dealt with my pain by imagining a brighter future with a white picket fence and happy family, which temporarily made me forget about my soul crushing reality. Since then, whenever I'm dealing with painful situations it's easy to get lost in my head about some imaginary scenario. Doing this but imagining future scenarios is a big chunk of what causes anxiety: it's called "speeding up into the future". By not speeding up into the future you will experience a tremendous reduction in anxiety and you won't be up in your head as much. What helps me is wearing a rubber band. Every time I envision a future scenario, I snap it against my wrist and it immediately brings me back. I, unfortunately, still live with my parents. So until my reality becomes bearable I doubt that these intrusive thoughts will stop. Best of luck <3

I'm starting college this fall, and I don't want to be one of those people who are in debt for their whole lives. For my four years, I've mostly spent time doing excruciating school work (I'm in the IB), but now I have some free time. I wanted to ask here because I'm afraid if I take this step on my own I could be sucked into some bullshit, because I don't have experience in the field, or the real world yet. My question is where should I go to start off with stocks. Also, if there are other ways to earn money on the internet I would be VERY interested (I recently tried to get a sugar momma, but they all ended up being scams lmao). Optimally, I'd get some money first (maybe around $5000?) and then worry about marketing and financing later. Let me know! BTW I got around $2000 saved up

Damn, I always thought Leo's fanbase was misogynist, but not this bad. What is with the shitty memes

I'm at the beginning of this journey, but to be honest a lot of you do sound crazy. Somehow I'm often convinced by the arguments though

I don't know if this is a revelation everyone has, but a few days ago I came to the conclusion that life is not even remotely fair. This was because I read about the case of Junko Furuta. Don't read the Wikipedia page unless you're willing to cry and/or vomit. I think karma is something we all want to believe in-bad guys getting punished- but seriously, a lot of the times it works out in favor of the bad guy. I watched a video from Leo about how karma comes back in the form of a guilty conscience, but some actions are so fucked up that guilt alone could never absolve the pain these people cause. Like do you really think a motherfucker like Gengis Kahn was feeling remorse at the end of his life? People were celebrating this mass rapist and murder as a hero, he must have felt like a fucking god. I guess I'm just disappointed because I have always wanted to believe things return to balance at the end. This world is truly fucked up.

@How to be wise Did you just choose to deliberately ignore the second-half of what I wrote? There's no way in hell being raped and tortured, and then subsequently dying, for 44 days has helped anybody's "higher good". I don't know why you choose to believe that, and to be able to say something like that proves to me that you've lead a pretty cush life.

@DefinitelyNotARobot

I feel like this is a trait among some of my peers that I'm very envious of. But, they seem to radiate confidence where ever they go. I feel like these dudes could get knocked down, pushed around, but as long as they have their confidence they still look untouched. I was wondering if this is a skill I can develop. There's literally no reason why I should be unconfident: I'm young, tall/handsome, smarter than your average dude, and I get girls. My parents never complimented me and never showed much affection growing up, along with telling me to think through the perspective of others, which I think made me extremely shy as well as being a people pleaser. This is probably what holds me back. Anyway, I feel like I'm missing this key ingredient to propel myself. I don't think I have to spell out all the ways having confidence would change my life for the better, but I'm going to college next year and, I don't want to hold myself back. Any insights would be appreciated