Breakingthewall

It seems that Leo is not looking for happiness, he seeks to deepen. not to make a profit, but for the passion of an explorer. interesting to see where he goes

you say the trip triggered a process of bringing large amounts of trauma to the surface. Would you have preferred to live the rest of your life without that happening? I don't understand the negative part. we are alive, we must take risks, nothing has happened to you that will not have positive consequences

I think now i know what internal dialogue is. it is a simulation of conversation with another person, since the ego is the relative self. It is in relation to others. it cannot be alone. So when you are alone, pretend to talk to someone imaginary, to continue existing.

existence is. non-existence is not. since it is not, it cannot be perceived, so it is irrelevant. There may be abysses of non-existence between fleeting moments of existence, but as they are finite, since if it were not so, there would be no existence, for practical purposes there don't exist

your inability to wake up is because you are overwhelmed by "real" problems and trauma to solve. Life is long, those problems will eventually lose their venom and take the pressure off you from focusing on this. the time will come when everything flows naturally, all you are doing is a preparation for that

@impulse9 ram Dass was a criminal, giving 900 ug to a guy who has never tried psychedelics ... since he was a criminal, surely he is also a liar and is making up everything

I feel identified, a year ago meditating 10 minutes was an effort. Today, meditation is the best thing in my life. It has been thanks to 5meo, without that I would never have managed to break the first barriers, now it flows. far from the depth you're talking about but I see clearly where it leads: completely disassemble the entire fucking game, in a definitive way

great report, I had a good time reading it. the brilliant perfection of the present moment is perfect, right?

The meditation vs psychedelic debate doesn't make much sense here, when the op says that he has done psychedelics many times, in doses of breakthrough, with the intention of dissolving his ego, etc. If it hadn't been for the psychedelics, his meditation probably would have stayed on the surface. Btw great post

I think the matter is like this: right now I am sitting in a park, meditating. a beautiful place, I feel calm, joy, but there is a limit, an obstacle. it is always there. the obstacle is me. the obstacle disappears with chemistry, for a while, or at some specific moment if I meditate for several hours, although it soon returns. enlightenment would be living without that obstacle. It is something that I (the obstacle) would like. It's not simple at all, but i think it's possible

@Raptorsin7 I'm not enlightened either, I just imagine what it's like to be. total absence of the self, no preferences. the absence of the self leaves room for absolute joy. complete feeling of connection, no difference between you and what is not you. total absence of concern about yourself. no repression, total fluidity. but it is only speculation based on brief moments. I've never met anyone enlightened

Are there self-referential thoughts that provoke emotions when you are alone? When you meditate, do you realize the absence of limits? If this happens, does a serene, ineffable joy fill you? you are aware all the time that your entire field of perception and other people, is you?

because when the limitation disappears and reality is manifested as the undifferentiated infinity that it really is, there remains only being, infinite joy, love of the infinite towards itself. as this is reality, and torture is apparent manifestation of what it is, so torture is infinite love, we just don't see it that way because of our egoic programming. The real work, the liberation, is be able to see the love in what seems the opposite of love. something that very few of us will be able to achieve

You can do it alone but with someone you decrease the chances of getting into endless loops. what they say about age is relative. the maturity of some people or others differs abysmally. I took a strong dose at 18 being immature, and living in a very difficult and incomprehensible family situation that made me on the verge of an outbreak. 12 hours of nightmare, plus three days just integrating it, seeing how gears in my mind rectified, fitted together, changed the course of my life, made me mature in a week. I know it's not your case, you look mature, balanced, but since it helped me so much at that age, I can't say it's bad by definition. It's not the same 16 or 18, and, as you look stable, if i were you, I'd wait. Why the hurry? But if you really want to do, it's not so dangerous. a lot of 16-year-olds spend whole months on weed, which is much worse in my opinion

the more conscious you are, the better. things will run their course

If you have it so clear and you are so mature, do it, and that's it. If you ask, with your age, you already know that they will answer you

If you vape, do it little by little, prepare 3 pipes with 5/6 mg each. wait at least an hour, better two, without doing anything, meditating or just lying down, before do. your mind has to be as calm as possible. when you vape don't expect anything, just let it happen. Once it has passed, stay relaxed as long as possible without doing anything, feel how the energy of your body is released. do it lying on the floor, without clothes, in a wide place. Above all do not resist, 5meo disintegrates you, that's what you do it for, so let the disintegration happen

@RMQualtrough The point is to understand that I am not in a bar and you are not working. A while ago, after hours of meditation, it was clear. now I am totally back into the character and what I wrote before seems nonsense to me. As you say, if it seems that I am in a bar, it is that I am, if it seems that there are two of us, somehow we are two. it's a very well done trick

Leo is moving your body and it is you, what you see is the same as what he sees. Your experience is exactly than mine, but for a trick looks different. Looks an experience. Everything you think is happening to you is not happening, it is a trick. Now I am having a coffee in a cafeteria for breakfast, and maybe you are working, and another is being tortured by narcos. We are all the same at this very moment, and none of this is happening, it is a multiple mirage. A single thing with the appearance of many. I am imagining the other people in this bar, and they are imagining me, and we are all the same at this exact moment, and our experience isn't happening

You could think that you are going to go through all the pain, or that you have already gone through it. the second option seems more cheerful. it does not matter, they are imaginary. they are not-happening right now

marijuana has two virtues: the first, that it initiates you into spirituality, opens your mind. the second, that hooks you, blocks your life, and makes you draw strength and take control of your life, and you abandon her forever

it's a twisted thing. I would say it is like this: only you exist, I am you. there is only one experience. the one you are having. the one I'm having. They are the same, but by an incomprehensible trick, they appear different. When multiplicity collapses, you see that there is only you, that everyone is you and what you thought was happening was an illusion, a trick. It's the same for all, because all are one: you, or me.

the only terror of loneliness is that of the human, who is a social monkey. the ego is the relative mind, that is, it exists in relation to others. solipism is terrible for the ego. If you were an octopus, loneliness would not matter to you.

knowing is from the ego. spirituality is transcending the ego. all we know is irrelevant, the point is to be without limitations, knowing is a limitation

Liberation is when you realize in a deep way that nothing means nothing. your mind stops being a rugged landscape, full of differentiations that provoke emotions, and becomes a calm lake. one thing is the same as another, you are free. when this happens your mind stops being limited, closed, and widens. free from conceptualization, you can realize your true nature