Setzer901

Horniness works if you don't have neediness issues. If you want your penis to latch onto her vagina like an umbilical cord for your mommy issues - then horniness is only going to 10x your neediness. However, a non-needy horny person would probably radiate sexual appreciation rather than desperation.

Listen to @Wisebaxter This guy(or girl) gets it.

@SirVladimir Unfortunately my heart lacks access to psychedelics. But I have caught glimpses of what you are pointing to. Right before I fall asleep. My visualization skills seem to skyrocket then. Too bad I just want to sleep.

@SirVladimir Loved the post! However, I guess psychedelics is something that can help you shed those beliefs faster?

@SamC Glad to help my dude! Check out Eugene Gendlin's Focusing. A great resource to help you reach those AHA moments by understanding yourself deeply.

@SamC Hey man. I understand your pain. This is something that most people struggle with. And it is okay. Focus on self-love, like other commenters mentioned. You have an aspect of you struggling to fill that lack of love in your soul. Do some loving-kindness meditation. Forgive your ego, there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. You kinda answered your own question right there.' to not look inferior to anyone'. You feel inferior = lack of self-worth/feeling useless. Like I said nothing wrong with feeling these things. You aren't alone.

@Jono I used to be a fixer and try to get all my friends who were suffering into personal development. Some friends jumped onboard, some were mildly fascinated but did not take any action, yet some others did not give a fuck. People will be ready when they are ready. Usually it comes at a point when they hit rock bottom and all their other ways of coping aren't working. Only then will they be open to something radical to change their life.

@Hawkins Hey man, I've been in your shoes before and I can totally relate to that situation. The way I see it, there are 2 ways out of this mess. 1) Read books on social skills and start trying to better yourself socially. A good start would be "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Try to put yourself out there more often. Develop a sense of confidence. This is a more band-aid solution, but it is better than doing nothing. 2) The better option would be to find a therapist. There is a part of you that keeps your mind blank when you are with other people. I had a part of me that used to shut my throat when I used to speak to a group of new people. This aspect of me did this because it wanted to prevent me from getting rejected, as I had been rejected in the past for speaking up in front of people. Find therapies that deal with your feelings than ones which are too mind or behaviour oriented. If you aren't talking about your emotions at all during therapy, that therapy won't do shit for you.

@ColeMC01 Everyone is different. If you just observe people around you, you'll notice: Average guys with girls who are hot and have a great personality. Average girls with high value guys. High value guys with hot girls. Ugly girls with ugly guys. and everything in between. Just be authentic to your desires and go for a good-looking girl if that's what you desire. Just remember that most good-looking girls(not all) want a guy who brings something to the table. But do not settle just because it isn't 'spiritually' incorrect.

To forgive others, you have to first accept the pain that others have caused you. You need to feel the hurt beneath the anger deeply. Cry if you have to. Once you process all the emotions from the experience, step inside the person's shoes and see why he/she may have hurt you. Then you are ready to truly fully forgive. Do not forgive if you haven't processed your emotions yet. That would be just be pseudo forgiveness with your anger and hurt just suppressed out awareness.

Great post @ivory! I notice there is a lot of spiritual bypassing that happens over here. Some people over here seemed to have denied their humanness and replaced it with a spiritual ego.

If you find a book good, I think it's better you stick with it for a while to assimilate all its concepts. That said, finding a phenomenal book or course can take time, as there's a lot of fluff, copy-cat content out there. How to know what theory is worth it? When you read any book, see if it blows your mind away. Outstanding pieces of work completely shatter your paradigm. You would be better reading that one book 10 times than reading 10 mediocre books. On the practical side of things, I'd say stick to a certain skill for at least a month to hammer that concept in. I've wasted so much fucking time trying to learn too many skills at once, and I used to go around in circles with NOTHING to show for.

I'm not a fan of affirmations. You would be better off watching that video once a week, contemplating how you can use these ideas in daily life.

Why not use the negative motivation until you get enough clarity for more positive ones to surface? I don't see the point in judging motivations as negative or positive. Just do whatever you feel like now and later, when you grow more spiritually, your authentic desires would surface. The negative ones will naturally drop away.

@meow_meow There is a very clear source of brain chatter. It comes from different parts of yourself (or ego, but I hate that word personally). These parts are trying to make sure you survive in this world. Yes, they do it in highly annoying ways, but these thoughts are trying to help you! Shocked? I know most of us look down on these thoughts. That's understandable. Here are ways your inner parts try to help you: 1) The Inner Critic: This part internalizes the rules of authority figures. For eg, when you were young, if you started screaming loudly in the middle of the restaurant, your parents shouted at you. Because of that, you felt really hurt and unloved. The Inner Critic then took form to make sure you pleased mummy and daddy to get their love. This voice carries on into your adult life, shaming and judging you. 2) The Goal oriented part: This part thinks about what should be done throughout the day. These part think thoughts like 'Man, I need to clean my room', 'You better read that book you have been putting off', etc). It makes sure you get stuff done (otherwise its scared your Inner Critic may judge you). 3) The People pleasing part: It wants to be nice to others because it fears rejection if you don't suck up to them. It gives you thoughts like 'Don't be angry', Don't rock the boat', 'Shit she's pissed off at you, be nice', etc. 4) Your Inner Child: These parts get stuck in the past, thinking thoughts of all the tragic or sad events that happen to them. Hurt, grief and shame burden them. Every thought comes from a part! Without these thoughts you would just reside in just presence or Self. These parts can healed. Healing reduces the mind chatter. How these parts are formed is a longer topic and I may make a post on this sometime.

@soos_mite_ah I have been through what you are saying (and in some ways I still go through it). It can get pretty painful going within, what with all the fear and false beliefs we carry. I think a huge part of it for me was also that I had been through so much in life that to get out of it, I had no choice but to turn to the allure of self improvement. Sometimes I have had the feeling that my life was better off without it. But I was a kid who was bullied, rejected and considered a loser, self improvement and self-actualization was an escape from hell. I also think that the contemplation and the introspection we do now now serves us later. A lot of people haven't grappled with these concepts and they may well realize in their 50s and 60s that they wasted away life and are no where close to grasping its true purpose and meaning. I think the work that we do now will pay off in spades later.

I think it depends how important your goal is. How badly do you desire it? If this goal goes away, would you be at peace? Some goals take a lot of time to achieve. You need to be able to push through the monotony, discomfort and frustration with the lack of significant results you're seeing and keep marching ahead. Maybe break the goals into smaller mini goals and celebrate each of your small wins. To be honest, it would be helpful if you could let us know more about your goal and what do you mean by the phrase 'everything reaches a point where it sucks so how can you keep pushing' ?

I think it comes from the underlying belief that people should be able to control their thoughts and emotions easily. Phrases like ' think positively' or 'çheer up, stop being gloomy all the time' gives a hint that this may be the unfortunate case.

@Persipnei Addictions which are hard to let go are usually due to some inner feeling that you are trying to run away from. A clue as to how to solve the problem was there in your own post: you started it because you lacked self love. Try to get in touch with that part of you that lacked self love and give itself the love it needs. Get in touch with the memories of how you felt before taking weed and show that inner part of you having those memories your unconditional love. This might help.

@Antor8188 It's okay to feel like the victim sometimes. But don't overindulge in it. We all desire things. There is no guarantee that we get the fruits of our labor though. However with enough effort we might get some of the things that we want eventually through just doing what's necessary. Cultivate a sense of okayness as well - that you are enough just as you are. See where this desire is coming from. Is there a part of you that feels lack? And why so? Did it not get its needs met in childhood? Can you meet the needs for this part of yourself (by giving it the love, connection it desires)?

Honestly no one can give you the 'right' answer. Life is chaotic and it all depends on you. If you get a secure job, you may find yourself becoming complacent. If you do freelance you may rise upto the challenge and light a bonfire up your ass. Or you may sink into depression if things don't pan out(and become complacent again). Know yourself first. See what other people have to say, but ultimately you have to decide.

@AlphaAbundance Have you considered therapy? Even though some others have talked about 'cognitive reframing', I don't think is an solution for your dilemma. Using just the mind to change your perspective is futile for some people(especially for those who live in their head). You need to engage your emotions strongly as well. Try getting some therapy or do some kind of energy work. I am not saying that you will solve this dilemma, but start going through all the options that have been presented in this thread. If one advice doesn't work go to the next. Maybe let a little fear of your life being potentially meaningless get into you. See what your life would be 5, 10, 15 years down the line. Can you live such a meaningless existence? Wouldn't you do more of a service helping people, God, animals transcend this harsh world?

@ColeMC01 Healthy self-esteem involves both the ego and consciousness. Your ego can be useful if others mistreat or try to take advantage of you. A healthy ego will assert boundaries to prevent you from getting harmed emotionally or physically. An unhealthy ego (self-esteem) will have roots of insecurity and fear and it will try to put another person down to make itself feel safe. Or it may always have to be on guard because it knows that the moment its facade breaks all the insecurity, shame, fear, and pain will come out. It's best to release hurts, pains, and fears to truly get a healthy ego. Otherwise, the ego is just a wall that is bound to collapse one day.

Here is a great course on writing I highly recommend. https://www.udemy.com/course/writing-with-flair-how-to-become-an-exceptional-writer/

@Recursoinominado I'm curious though as to why you think manifestation is the basis of self-actualization. It may be great for actualizing materially, but how does it help you grow spiritually? Aren't there more direct methods of helping you grow spiritually than manifesting?