WonderSeeker

Kudos for getting into the arena and battling it out! I'm 25 and i've been doing pickup for a little over 2 years with about 400 approaches under my belt (~300 of them since April this year). I wasn't sexually abused, but sex and sexuality was something my parents declined to teach me and even shamed me for when they found me fooling around with a girl at like age 6. This event made me think I wasn't allowed to be sexual in any way and it fucked me up because it made me deny my craving for women and pussy in my life. Therefore I fell behind everybody in school in terms of experience. It also got me envying and hating on anyone who displayed anything sexual throughout middle and high school. This problem of being able to physically and emotionally relate properly to the opposite sex for me is actually the motivation behind almost every decision I've made in my life up to this point. Kinda insane. What are your biggest lessons following those 400+ approaches?

@RawJudah I traveled and stayed in Mongolia for over a month. Best 6 weeks of my life. From learning to speak the language, to hiking Bogd Khan mountain which overlooks the capital city, to dating multiple girls, to meeting several nomads in the countryside, to camping and waking up to 1000/10 sunrises, to eating their unique and delicious cuisine, ya there's a lot to be gained. The touristy stuff i did was the least valuable. The main reasons i went was 1) for graduate research and 2) to date women on my off time. What are you specifically traveling for?? Your sounding unsure about your decision makes me believe you don't have a specific objective. What's important to you?

@Sugarcoat That's bizarre, spirituality has taken me in the reverse direction lmao

Natural fear. Just approach and either she will go to him or he will come to her. And if that happens, you wish them a nice day in a natural way and move on. It will feel weird at first, but it gets better. You can't let this stop you from approaching as you'll miss lots of opportunities.

Explained simply: How you experience yourself during your first trips (or low dose trips) is how you will, after enough development, experience yourself in normal waking life say 5-10 years down the line. Explained more in depth: Perceptions and sensations that you experience over the course of a trip (the way you feel, think, and relate to the world) are how you will perceive and sense reality as a baseline in the future if you do personal development / consciousness training properly and efficiently. Ever since my first trips in 2019/20, I'd say the intelligent ways in which I thought/felt/functioned on the substance then are about 60% baseline, normal ways of functioning at present. For example, on my first and second ever trips I tripped in my college apt. Not the perfect environ, but it did the trick. I experienced all kinds of visual distortions and enhanced sensations. For example, as I was eating the oven-baked pizza I watched the tomato sauce ooze out from a pocket in the dough and could literally feel it oozing, on top of the most vivid tomato taste ever. One of my friends and his girlfriend came over, and I got a super good read on their EXACT emotional states based on their facial/body language. Today, objects look sharper 24/7, they have more of a vapor-like quality, dissolving the real/illusion boundary to a degree. When I concentrate, food tastes more real. I have a pretty good read on people based on how they hold themselves; less aspects or reality are taken as normal or 'whatever'. I can feel my mind's entanglement with the world more clearly. In the past it took a few mushrooms to get to all that. Now it's the norm. Psychedelics can show you where you're headed if you follow-up on it.

I read Leo's recent blog posts about science/spirituality. They're hilarious! ...But also seriously on point, and they've inspired this rant that I'm about to go on about my development as a scientist and self-ac. This will be about how I got into science, my epic fails with attracting girls, and my militant atheism that slowly evolved to spirituality. My writing style is chaotic, bouncing left and right, so bare with it. I'm curious if there are any other scientists in the house who share a similar story. Go! So, where do I begin ? When I was about 12 I'd reached my peak of social stifled-ness and self-pity. I got bullied at school every day and I hid it all from my family; I was so embarrassed about it I didn't even want to reach out for help, lol. I couldn't talk to girls for shit and anything sexual terrified the living shit out of me (even though of course I secretly longed for intimacy with a girl). I'd spend about an hour a day watching Neil Degrasse Tyson and using his talking points to debate religious people over atheism on Facebook. All of this was all around the same exact time I was introduced to my love-passion to this day: geology. I knew this was what I had to devote a large portion of my life to, as I had the insight that "Holy shit, this is the first time I've ever been enthusiastic about something ever!" So I have something I'm passionate about now. But... (fuck!) having a passion outside of people doesn't kill aloneness. Ya still gotta mingle. So, why did I struggle to make connections? On the surface it was obvious: I played video games all the time, all my friends were also virgins, and I secluded myself in my bedroom trying to meet girls on Omegle. Oh dear, how those early days make me cringe immensely. Ah, but whatever, it's the truth. I spent 6 years at college studying geology, honestly loving it. I loved getting straight A's in something I believed in. I loved hiking mountains with seasoned professors and doing research. (Side note: I was lucky to have green profs; I've met orange ones and they are everything that's wrong with science. But we'll get to that shortly.) In the middle of those 6-years at uni, I was starting to have second thoughts about the legitimacy of science, all before I'd even found Actualized.org. Getting into weed and psychedelics was a solid catalyst in the process of deconstructing science: no other student in my classes that I knew was taking them to understand something. I could now see that science doesn't know everything. (Duh! How in the fuck could it explain the experience of psychedelics?!). I began to have a total change of heart about what I was doing. In my senior year I began dating this actually decently attractive girl (I really have no idea how she came barreling in!). But that sexual bond with another human finally gave me the confidence to investigate reality further. So I did. Right before the start of COVID I began meditating every day. After just 10 days of practice I began having an ego back-lash that would break my notions of science down further. I remember to this day sitting in a climate change class and being like "fuck, how do I even justify being here? I love studying this shit, but I can see the systemic epistemic problems now, clear as day." So I began reading lots of books to gain additional perspectives. And... I moved towns for grad school and broke up with my girl. I did it because I had my first inklings of getting into cold-approach seduction; new girls abound! But since it was COVID, I remained this bedroom-cave monk, meditating daily for 14 months straight before switching to binaural beats for a while. Oh and also I was taking psychedelics once every couple months and having more and more ridiculous trips. In spite of seeing through science, I chose to get into grad school, mostly for a free ride to Mongolia, where my field work would be. As COVID ended, I tried and failed at a lot of chances of getting with girls, because I was afraid of asking and I kept hiding my sexuality. So I decided enough was fucking enough and began cold-approaching. Didn't do much of it at first, but enough to build a foundation. Had a wing here and there, but no results. I was still alone. But whatever, the point was I kept moving and self-actualizing, discovering new aspects of self and life. This year I am 25 years old. Last year I flew to Mongolia and had the summer of my dreams, camping in the steppe and sedeucing incredible Mongol women back in the capital city. I just attended an Owen Cook bootcamp and now approach regularly. I moved from northeast to southwest USA and showed up with barely anything in my pocket. I work in Alaska on and off in a geotechnical job at a mine. The job I'm working at is full of people who are stuck in their heads and I'm not immune to that, as it rubs off on me. In my first week I was told multiple times to tone myself down by higher ups. Some of the younger men I work with are married or have girlfriends, but it's obvious they don't have any amazing social skills and are settling in some form. Nothing wrong with that, but it's funny how this is almost always the case. On another note, I've written half a book and recently barfed-up a big MS OneNote philosophy about geoscience and how the field would benefit from a deeper investigation into epistemics, big-picture thinking, and consciousness, blah blah blah. It's super cool to me, but I think I need to excommunicate myself from the field before I can open up about it, whitsle-blower style. Here's the true dilemma I face and why I might just leave: under the conditions I'm currently in, I am (1) working with people who are sexually beige, and socially meh unless they drink a couple beers (yep, geology has a big beer-drinking culture, look it up), (2) I want to talk about personal development, psychedelics, spirituality, but there's zero room for that and I can literally feel myself wanting to talk about it, but then stuffing it down on the regular. Of course, I can't leave this job right away as I'm still recovering from being a broke-ass grad student. Things are gonna take time to evolve. The way things are now as I see it, living in a big city environment for the first time has exposed me to just how materialistic people can be. But somewhere in there also lies the social elites who at least know how to connect with the opposite sex. And therein lies the crux to the personal development problem: how to do work with the right people AND be socially attractive, yet detached, AND pursue a deep spiritual awakening / God-realization process all in one? It's a beautiful problem I'm working on, and I think the linchpin is changing how I make money to survive. Being self-employed and financially-independent are big steps, and really where everything might spring forth. I'm trying to see if I can learn copywriting / ghostwriting. Or something that will also set me up for releasing content when the time comes to break free. But for now we stand here. Where are my scientist peeps at?

Hell ya! I think he's just as good as Owen. They take different angles and have different teaching methods. Zan is more about metaphysical beauty. I think his latest 21 convention speech (2023) was even better, though this one is classic ZP. The alabaster girl is in my top 3 books of all time. It's gold, and he gives them away for free (minus shipping) on his website! Not sure if he's still doing that tho- https://arsamorata.com/about-the-alabaster-girl/

@CARDOZZO i can tell you're a comp sci by the way you touch your forehead yes speaking your truth is important, but usually when im at the club i inject more emotion into it and front the best parts about my nerddom. creates good narratives! yeah Owen is great, went out with him in Miami this year and it was psycho. also love Zan Perrion although he doesn't market himself on YT much so people don't know about him have you heard of the alabaster girl?

@SeaMonster green transcends and includes orange. no contradiction if the green person still wants to do science. what chages is they are more open-minded, take on a systems-approach, and want to collaborate with people of different demographics (diversity/inclusion stuff). there are religious people who are above blue. likewise there are scientists who are green and beyond. they're just rarer. and they question/self-doubt more because they know they are assuming a lot and have self-bias. i worked with these people, so I'm speaking from experience. have you?

Mongolia was incredible. Simply the best 6 weeks of my life (I'm age 25). I can tell you about it in depth, PM me. Sending this from Alaska on a crappy WiFi connection

You gotta understand that a lot of the ugliness that the world produces is systemically-created. Green sort of understands this with their notions of 'systemic racism' and the like. But they don't take it's implications far enough, nor do they have enough perspective to see that a lot of issues are individual/group egos fighting with each other up-and-down a chain of human worldviews, and that the only way to eradicate these at their root is to raise the consciousness of all these people to Tier II. A task that yellow is sympathetic toward, because the yellow person understands that raising ones (and especially others!) consciousness is so goddamn difficult, both in theory and in personal experience. So what you want to do is to forgive the evil people, and hold them accountable as well. Here's what I mean: existensional acceptance = forgive the existence of the being/group's bad behavior and their ignorance that caused it (they just didn't have enough perspective) practical non-acceptance = in practice, we want to hold the being/group accountable (place limits/boundaries on them until they grow to be trusted and re-integrated into your life or society) It's like a mix of blue law and green sympathy. Yellow integrates them. And in your specific case if these people do not change, cut them off from your life entirely. And if you're never going to see them again anyways, then you might have some trauma work to do if you have scars.

@something_else not just backpacking, but travel in general. that's the power of it: you meet other open-minded, interesting individuals seeking expansion. a year ago I was in Mongolia for graduate research, and in just a couple weeks I went on like 10 dates, made a couple strong friends, and developed a new love for life. doors opened in a flash So, if you've got the money, go back and meet more people. Hell, what are you asking us for?! ^ is this your voice, or a parent? you know goddamn well that there is a chance at long-term value here; you basically said it yourself in this post. if anything, cut the travel to just 3 months. then you'll still have some money to fall back on.

^ right on! do your science but also notice the limits of academia and how your field has an effect (pos/neg) on different aspects of your life. then develop some original perspective on the matter (how the social system can be improved, what your field overlooks, new syntheses, etc.). that's basically what I've done. @Epikur ya that's somewhat the idea for the next few years. my field is cool because companies fly you to their mines all over the world, so I intend to work in Australia by late 2024 and visit southeast Asian countries to do more seduction, exploring, etc.

^^ I'll slide forward instead. @Cocolove sounds epic. hope those were non-gmo mushrooms

@Leo Gura For now I will stake my development mostly on pickup and travel. Then grade into a more refined career and so on. Many thanks for the encouragement.

It's an anime. Warning: it's a tear-jerker Search: Bakemono No Ko or The Boy and the Beast. In the beginning of the movie, you have the narrator implying that raising children is a big responsibility; this is expected of someone who wants to become a grandmaster in the fictional world of Jumangi. Watch how the two main characters––Red and Kumatetsu–– emotionally transform throughout the movie. And the grandmaster takes notice, wisely stating that they helped each other transform as interdependent parts. The movie is also a cool showcasing of the concepts of the hero's journey and psychological shadow as well. Enjoy!

Bro I'm the same way now, used to think there was something wrong with me

@Rishabh R the second you get with a girl, you won't care that it took hundreds of rejections to get there. It's all about emotions. There is no logic in dating. Maybe 5% just to steer the ship.

primary: 2.6 secondary: 2.1 (higher than ~30% of other participants)

12 / 40 I was expecting a 17. Over the past year spiritual practice has made me realize how freakishly devilish I am. Maybe I do a good job at filtering it, lol I'm curious about the link between narcissism and self-esteem. I go through periods of high/low self-esteem, and in my last swing of high self-esteem, I was Narcissistic (capital intended). To me, big Narcissism is where you are not only self-absorbed, but Self-absorbed, as in you want the best for all beings in your awareness. Action-wise I was able to be more giving, compassionate, and dynamic with people. Would be interesting if NPI changes with self-esteem.

Well, mindfulness meditation is what would kill your itch to go masturbate, so of course you masturbate in place of meditation. Consider learning mindfulness. You'll find that your urge is linked to a thought or feeling that says "go masturbate" just before you pull the trigger. I'm gonna challenge you and say that you DON'T want to meditate. Why? Because, you're not doing it! And nobody is going to save you and get you to do it except YOU.

Watch from 0:46-0:52... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI27mX1BHvk

^^ lol how true it is

A couple things to consider– 1) All of those ego games that you see in other people: see how you play those same games. And if you don't, then you're suppressing them, which is unhealthy. To be human is to exist as an ego in some capacity. I personally like to have friends from all stages of spiral/ego development (if you're familiar with those models). Doesn't mean you have to eat the pizza or smoke the weed per se. 2) Your yearning for close friends of high-caliber intelligence and creativity is nothing new. That is mostly limited by geographic location. For me, I've been living in tight communities of <50,000 people my whole life. (Not so great, not very many originals or true creatives in these places. I live in Burlington, VT and people often call it the "Burlington Bubble" because of the rampant SD Green groupthink here.) I'm looking to move to Reno, NV and socialize a lot to fix this. Also consider joining online mens groups based around success/lifestyle. I've been a part of a few and now have access to like-minded people all over the world to hookup with. Met up with one recently and practiced a little pickup together and helped each other with emotional issues. "Winners"––or what I'd translate as 'highly motivated people'––are typically found online through memberships to these types of groups, at least for guys. I guess what I want to know is where do you live? Is it adequate for meeting cool, creative people? If not, do you have an escape plan yet? If not, why not? Deuces.