ShardMare

@Lila9 im not that depressed im feeling good, i still experience some levels of depression. I think i should see more colourful, have more excitement. Also i think for me depression means not enough neurotransmitters in the brain. Being more extrovert, socializing more easily.

@John Paul @Someone here i dont think so. Its not big. I mean all of those things getting a hobby or getting a gf etc etc. not that big @Cathal im openminded but i think i shouldnt do this. I cant just let go, im not on that level. @Richard Purdy yes i like that idea. Through few months it was easier to cope while using this idea. I should feel this feeling but overtime i should change. I shouldnt be depressed for a long time, no?

More stage orange stuff or basics self-help stuff and uploading these vids more frequently.

I was just thinking about how there are so smart people at my age and what actually causes that? Like at school and also i've read an article how many people go to abroad from my country into really famous colleges. F.e. its weird to me how people can learn engineering or medicine around my age. Memorize, understand these stuff. These students are not necessarily conscious. I know consciousness and being smart like this example doesnt correlate to each other but what do you think? Lot of part depends on genetics i guess.

I thought to myself there are lots of people who are depressed, sometimes i told myself most people are depressed. But they are not. Stats say 5% of the world population is depressed. At the psychiatry too there isnt lot of peers among my age. Im 17 and at the psychiatry there isnt lot of people at all. Its a weird thought and it should not happen but its just weird to me how no students commits suicide. Not because school is stressful or any of that. (I actually like school btw). But rather because of depression itself.

Its not a big thing i think. Work isnt that bad. Its not that i accepted being a slave but rather its not that big thing. Its needed to keep up this kind of world we live in. Sure it could be better i mean how jobs and the world built up but its whatever. Keep going, keep learning. Create businesses so you create more value.

Is it bad but can i get a new insight while trying it for the first time? I went to a party with my close friends we are all introverts but can talk decently and we laugh u know. My friends dont smoke, they drank few beers though, little vodka too. It was a highschool party, its weird that its a good school but still most of the students smoked and drank. People did crazy stuff. Ive felt lot more social, there were few drunk teens talking to me. Girls seem so much approachable too at parties. But why drink and smoke its just a short temporary thing, later it will just make u depressed and more sad, no ?also it causes cancer, its a depressant etc. But its so much more easier to make new friends or acquaintances, they are much friendlier. I'll definetly go to more parties if my friends go people are crazy there and dancing is good. I still think smoking and alcohol is bad. I think in life u both should act stupid or goofy without substances and serious. What are ur experiences. How could u improve urself socially throug partying?

Its been 2months or more since i havent fapped but today i was just too depressed. Im doing most of the things right, eating healthy,exercising etc i have discipline. Im on ssri antidepressant ,im 17 it doesnt work that much. Its few months till i get to turn 18 so doctor can prescribe me a pill that passes to my condition. I just have bad mood

A doctorate teacher from a good college came to give a lecture in my highschool and i thought to myself what is smartness in this sense. Im stupid compared to some of my classmates(im not trying to be a victim here, just be more realistic), i also thought to myself which degrees could i actually do in college? How do people understand so much about things, be able to memorize so many things? I recently started programming, im doing simple math problems but still its hard. Why is some people smarter than others? How do smart people become the way they are?

@Average Investor yea @Michael569 in eggs there are dha. Sometimes i eat seeds and nuts. I cant eat fish it gets me headaches. I dont rwork in hospital. They just seem healthy and i dont want my mum to cook everyday.

This is what i eat everyday for the past 8 monts lets say: 5 eggs, 1 glutenfree bread, 1cup milk, 1 banana 0,5liter Milk banana peanut butter glutenfree oat Chicken rice For lunch i eat what they get me from hospital( its diet for celiacs) Its diverse. Yesterday it was broccoli soup and carrots mashedpotatoes and chicken Apple cottage cheese yoghurt And other fruits i find at home( grapes,figs, pear)

@Jannes yes great idea thank u. @integral thats weird. But there is problems with eggs, milk,glutenfree bread too f.e. but in moderate stuff its not bad. @Michael569 i see. Do u think this diet fine? There are lot of nutrients in there

@Jannes i go to gym i have to go high protein diet and its easy to just eat the same stuff everyday for me. There are so many hard recipes. No actually this is just bullshit Rather i think its because it costs lot, i mean vegetables. This too is bullshit. I ll tell my dad get just random fruits and vegetables, im variety colors and stuff. I made the mistake i thought i have to make recipes if i buy vegetables or certain products. I can eat a vegetable in itself.

Already really good advice. Im in 12th grade, i suffered some. Meditate while being in class. Learn how to be just still. Just appreaciate that u can learn. Even if "its not useful". U gain discipline. Its really not a big deal. Its not suffering. Its just how you think about it. I think its fine, everyday im building discipline, trying to build my future, trying to get a little better. Its also a duty. What would happen if nobody would do their job? (In this current age ) You can still make business. Live your life, improve.

What its gotta tell

@Vrubel yes exactly. U just concentrate so much. But at high levels how much do you concentrate after thousands of games?

@Leo Gura exactly. they dont think that much at all. When i was a kid playing chess would get me in different consciousness states but after a certain level you just stop. Its boring. The same patterns show up. after 2000 elo or 1800 there is nothing more. Ok you can master the game but it doesnt require the thinking like it used to. When im watching hikaru on twitch hes playing the same moves, same games somewhat. Honestly just mixing up the whole starting pieces would be good. Also what i dont like is that when you play against high rated players they look away from the table trying to remember the line they studied. It does not requires thinking

Im trying to figure out whats still keeping me depressed. Recently watched a video on dr.k yt channel. I feel as like i should be feelig more. Ive started to consume less dopamine. Im going to gym everyday, meditating,perfect diet, fapping every 2nd week. Also I think i will ask my psych to also raise my antidepressant intake I started to pay attention more,accept more pain, most of the day i feel depressed and i feel it. What will happen if i keep feeling suffering? Will i get an insight. Be able to laugh more or help on my depression? What do u think

@Ulax idk i might be neurodivergent. Maybe asperger syndrome matches me on somewhat level but who knows? My psychiatrist doesnt really said i might be something like this. Sometimes im repeating words. Its kinda weird to hear but im making weird sounds in front of my brother. When i was in 5th grade and younger i used to play that im a cat and meow. But mostly i view these as a joke u kno. I have mostly the same routine.

How do you debunk that he is wrong?

@integral yes i agree. I listen to everybody carefully and with a pinch of salt. @integral i agree with you there are problems with doctors. See i try to tackle my depression from many angles. Or i try so. My health is really good. The thinking is really good, i just realized my sh*t thinking patterns. The journaling i do, the goals i write, the principles i try to live by. I dont have a bad chilhood, traumas. I dont know where my depression comes from. So ive decided I try to be openminded and go to the doctor. First she prescribed easier stuff then we worked up to antidepressant. On the first day when i took antidepressant i felt really good, i laughed all day. I felt anxiety but also i guess my real self.

@Ulax ive already looked into it. It didnt help me @puporing @integral but what if i just have imbalance in my brains chemistry Its not always psychology

You already know the answers to your questions. Or have ideas at least. Yes im assuming. Man u wrote lots of posts. I also realized within myself that there are questions that i asked anf then i got answers but didnt do nothing. Fix ur shit. Go out and socialize dont mental masturbate. Im not negative or trying to hurt u. This is how i see this.

I think there are more than 20% viewers that are ill. But ofc maybe its just projection. For me it seems weird because what psychologists and psychiatrists do is so much little. Yes i havent visited a lot of them. Imo the techniques they offer are not the most efficient. I think Leos content made me so much aware and just how my mind works.

@Bando but what is the problem with it? I dont understand. I dont understand the pill game. I think dating boils down to personality and game. But i also think its really hard to get girl when ur not that attractive