Gnosis

@Keyhole You're welcome. Merry Christmas!

Who knows, maybe I am an unholy piece of shit. Time to find out, right?

What you're describing does not sound strange at all from a developmental perspective. For you, if deep down there is the sense of total; utter okay-ness and peace, despite anything that is happening on the relative level, such as emotions and so on, then that is genuine realization of Truth. Since you're describing what you're experiencing as a 'Dark Night of the Soul', I assume you already know this on some level. If this is Not your experience, you can ignore everything I will say next. You will recognize some time in the future that, That 'sense' of total and utter okay-ness IS the Absolute; it's actually not a "sense" or "feeling" - it's direct Consciousness, and if that's not what it seems like right now, it will become that in time. It's possible that you will also recognize that the developmental reason for all the emotional arisings which occured, is transformation. That having had genuine realization of Truth, there is actually Space for emotional transformation, which is why it all took place. Enjoy all the emotions while they're still turbulent. Savor and bask in the negative thoughts and depression - you just might miss it. I personally envy you having a good material life as you're going through this. When I went through this stage of development, I felt like I had absolutely no one, and objectively, I really didn't have anyone either.

This is not easy to address. Essentially what is needed here is actually cognitive development, which will happen naturally; from my experience, in parallel with Awakening. Something Leo talks about is the different facets of Awakening. My view is even more esoteric and nuanced so I can't explain it here, but judging from what you've written, your experiences were most likely "flavored", for lack of a better term, in the "reality is illusory" direction. It may be helpful to become conscious of other facets, and your understanding will naturally mature in parallel. Especially seemingly opposing facets, such as, "all formed appearances are the face of God". Since, ultimately in the end, nothing is contradictory, your understanding becomes transcendent, non-conceptual; it's not relative, it's groundless, or it grounds itself; it can easily apply itself to any appearance and yet as itself remains completely untouched. And lastly, it may be helpful to consider that actual realization of the Absolute is not any particular experience at all; by definition it cannot be an experience.

“Youߴre much too much, and just too very very To ever be, in the Websterߴs Dictionary And so Iߴm borrowing a love song from the birds To tell you that youߴre marvelous, Too marvelous for words.” — ߵToo Marvelous for Wordsߴ, Written by Johnny Mercer

As someone who has contemplated this question on many occasions, my suggestion for you is to change your approach to this question. You cannot answer this question through logical deduction. If you were to recognize the Absolute in this moment, the question itself would become irrelevant. In that realization, one of the things you may recognize is that your "subjective experience" IS the "subjective experience" of "other people", therefore it makes no sense to even ask the question in the first place. In other words, to ask the question in the first place, implies not having seen the Truth clearly enough (I'm sounding a bit like Leo here). Unfortunately, that's the only answer I've ever found to this question - namely, that the question itself is poorly constructed (I find that this result comes up quite often).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ma_(negative_space) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ma_(negative_space)#/media/File:Hasegawa_Tohaku_-_Pine_Trees_(Shōrin-zu_byōbu)_-_left_hand_screen.jpg "Po, I think it's time I told you something I should have told you a long time ago. The secret ingredient of my secret ingredient soup. The secret ingredient is... Nothing." - Ping

To be sincere, this discussion is complete already. Thanks Leo.

The insight is as follows. It may be necessary to understand that relatively, the most accurate verbal description (of Truth), does not necessarily provide the most helpful experience, the clearest transmission, nor is the most accurate description necessarily the most elegant verbal expression (of Truth). In a way, it is a subtle criticism of Leo's (and some other's work) on non-duality, which does have it's own flavor and tends to be, from my experience both humorous and brutal at the same time.

Topic closed.

That reminds me of something Ramana Maharshi said.

I've had a dream of dying. I've had a dream of an enlightenment experience. I've had a dream of giant multi-colored tigers, running to me, one of them snatching me, and running away with me clenched in it's jaws. All of these, were extremely believable while I was having the dreams, and in some cases very vivid as well. And then I woke up. What I've learned is that consciousness can give you a simulated experience of anything you subconsciously believe. I didn't have these dreams all in the same night, I'm not even sure if I can handle that. On some level, I even think that my meta-belief of believing that consciousness will give you a simulated experience of what you believe has contributed to these obscure dreams where I indeed am being given a simulated experience of those things. My question is, how deep does the rabbit hole go? And where does it end. Perhaps I've just re-framed my subconscious mind so much now that I'll now regularly dream about obscure domains in consciousness. Also, I was wondering if anyone has had a similar dream with the last dream I mentioned. Something about it makes me think that others might've had the same dream. The multi-colored tigers behaved more like conscious beings than typical dream entities. Their appearance and behavior was unexpected to say the least, and not coherent with the current dream scene at all.

@Neo That's quite incredible, I reckon if we had more experiences like that we'd be certain they occurred.

The getting snatched by a tiger actually triggered lucidity. But by the time I was lucid enough the dream scene had shifted to a different location, and the tigers weren't there anymore.

Indeed. I'm very open to the possibility of conscious entities traversing dreams. Though, almost anything that will annoy or trigger you during hynogogia or REM is going to correspond to something unresolved in the subconscious. So that possibility is slim. Not to say impossible, but the possibility of a unpleasant hynogogic or REM experience being some kind of psychic attack is slim.

@Soulbass Was a pleasure reading that, thanks you.

Thoth built the Great Pyramid. He build the Great Pyramid of Giza in 1 day, and before all other pyramids in Egypt. Those lesser pyramids were built in awe of the original one that Thoth built. Aha! Of course, it was Thoth all along. Who else could it be?

Meditation, is the most versatile activity consciousness can engage in. One can even say, that it is the only activity that consciousness engages in.

The mis-understanding here is the duality of how we try to explain "ego death". This may confuse you more, but you cannot get rid of the ego, because it "doesn't exist", it is only a part of your experience and therefore inseparable from the experience. You can however miraculously it may seem, cease to identify with it and along with all that implies. Though, you will always wear a mask, and that will be your "ego".

I don't think it matters too much as to how you make sense of it. Teachings and stories are just that, teachings and stories. By magic I presume you're referring to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siddhi. If there was one point Hindu literature couldn't stress enough, it was that Siddhi are ultimately distractions.

In my view, the Buddhist and/or Hindu belief of Rebirth and/or Reincarnation is more of a perspective than a religious belief. As a matter of fact, it does not change anything in actuality. The teaching of reincarnation can be interpreted in a whole range of ways, and you'll see that none of these affect the practice in a direct way, though all of these are debate-bly valid and in-valid. Let me elaborate by giving a few different perspectives on the teaching of past-lives, as the teaching does not have to be interpreted in a literal sense (though it can be). Past-lives can be interpreted as just another cyclical metaphor (that you see in so many different cultures around the world). For instance, you in each moment or perhaps you in each day. As you "die" when you go to sleep and are "born" again when you awake. Or you may interpret past-lives in a literal sense, in that the experience that you identify yourself with (some call it the I AM experience) is "dying" and being "reborn" again as your body dies (the common literal interpretation of past-lives). Or you may interpret past-lives in another literal way with a little more flavor, for instance some would say that other people, animals and things are equally your past-lives, and that is no more and no less valid that any of the previous interpretations. Or even to take that interpretation further added with a little modern physics (the many worlds interpretation of Quantum Physics), we can interpret past-lives as perhaps "you" in other parallel universes, or even every particle in existence across all parallel universes. So there you go, that's a bunch of different ways to interpret the teaching of past-lives. But in fact, none of these are actually relevant to you and your path. To say "you only live once" would be just another perspective of viewing the same "phenomenon" (for lack of a better word), that is the I AM experience. Because "you" as who you believe you are and this particular experience, is only occurring now. And in that sense, "you" only live once. Which is why, regardless of your belief or disbelief in the teaching of past-lives, the matter of the fact remains unchanged. In my opinion, the teaching of past-lives is more of a motivation to pursue Enlightenment than an excuse to excuse it. I hope this helped.

If you're into Hip Hop, I would highly recommend checking out A-1 and Kenny Shane. These are two artists I can really back as more "self-actualized" or "aware" Hip Hop. Very different from the Drake or Future you hear being played so often, if you listen to artists like Kendrick or Logic then you know what I mean, but the guys I mentioned take it a step further in my opinion. These are their Soundclouds, and almost all their tracks can be downloaded for free.

Watch the video. It actually addresses in a way, directly at what you've proclaimed.

Leo, I believe in this particular case you don't entirely understand the situation. ADHD isn't depression, it also isn't a sickness. Most people with ADHD have it without an obvious cause and it usually stays with them. Our current medication for ADHD are in no way a "cure" for ADHD, just more stimulants to make people with ADHD more "functional" for a short time. It's why so many people with ADHD "self medicate" with drugs and alcohol. Medication for ADHD does fundamentally the same thing, but a lot more expensive (On a side note, I'm aware you did not state anything about ADHD medication, just wanted to mention the above). Another perspective is that ADHD doesn't exist. ADHD is complicated because it is not just one condition, a better description would be a whole variety of conditions (that are not limited to just the common view of ADHD, which is "chemical imbalances" in the brain), which may appear in a certain way. And we call the "symptoms", that is the certain way that it appears, ADHD. In addition, the "chemical imbalances" people refer to, are not very well defined at all. And so isn't our definition of what is "chemically balanced". In one way, people with ADHD are simply less adjusted towards our society's standards and nothing more than that. Therefore to "cure" ADHD, would be in-applicable. And to complicate the situation even more, there's also ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) which have almost the same symptoms as ADHD (and are often tested together). I have ADHD myself, so I apologize if I'm trying to "defend" the "disorder". The following is addressed at the topic. Regarding the subject of meditation, I can say that for the most part I agree with what others have said in this thread. I'm diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm committed to meditation. There's no way anyone can make a set-in-stone judgement about whether ADHD makes it harder to meditate effectively (though it does seem like it does in early stages). My recommendation is the same as Emerald's, if you're motivated enough to meditate, push through it. This thing we call "ADHD" alone doesn't seem to be a major road-block in meditation from my observation. If you have actually tried hundreds of times (without exaggeration) to meditate without success, there's without a doubt something else that is in play here keeping you from meditating effectively (which may or may not be coupled with ADHD thus making it difficult to meditate), I do not know what that may be and it's up to you to find that. If you're dedicated enough to observe yourself, there's a good chance you'll realize what is keeping you from meditating more effectively and be able to overcome that obstacle (On a side note, there's also a good chance that you already know). Also, it may be simply that you're trying too hard. Meditate consistently and use a very basic technique such as mindfulness or do nothing, even if it's just for 10 minutes every day. And the likes are that you'll get better at it. And regarding "curing" ADHD or making yourself more "functional" without needing to take medication, personal development and counter intuitively, meditation is the way to go. Don't let ADHD be an excuse for you to live off stimulants (because that's essentially what you're doing when you're depended on ADHD medication). Lifestyle or dietary changes are included when I say personal development and meditation. It very well may be that, once you've progressed further enough in personal development work, that ADHD is no longer relevant (In that sense, you've "cured" ADHD). And as Leo says, discipline comes with sufficient awareness. This is just my perspective on the matter. MWS who posted above me has some great practical advise on ADHD.