Loving Radiance

Date: 31. August 2020 Set: Relaxed. In the background there were nagging thoughts that didn't feel good... however nothing impactful. Setting: w/ trip sitter in nature on a lake; on my own at dorm site, supermarket, campus and dorm room Prelude: I initially wanted to take 75ug of 1P-LSD if my efforts for the truffle package would be for nothing. So, I called the delivery support line for the location of my package 'cause I already waited for the delivery for 5 days. I got off to a nice bakery, picked it up and opened the grow kit at home. Prep: I ate 2 bananas that day and had no food intake at least less than 6 hours before the tea. I removed substratum from truffles, threw the substratum in the trash (yes, I now know that there could have grown more, noobie mistake of me), cleaned the truffles with a brush and got a teabag. I made a strong ginger tea, while I cut the 5g down to snippets. The first truffle teacup got 20min & I reused the same 5g for another cup and 20min for optimal extraction. My mistake here was me pouring boiling water into the cup. I got no intention for the trip. Beforehand, I wrote down experiencing healing love and a perspective that would make me more functional for human survival, but that proved itself to be not necessary because of the low dose. Report: 30 minutes after intake I got to the lake. Nobody was there. The setting sun was shining through the treetops and a breeze came over the water and sand. I placed my blanket close to the beach and began to get still to really notice any changes in perception. My head felt heavier while the weight itself did not change. My trip sitter came after few minutes. We chatted a bit about how I felt. With progressing time, I was less able to speak full sentences. I felt a disconnect in how I could sense and articulate these changes. One hour in, my thoughts became less tangible. I felt energy in my hands and feet. My 3rd eye pulsated. I began to feel energy all over my face especially in chin, mouth and nose like in deep meditation and then more strongly all over my forehead like during cacao ceremonies. I got a heavy/oppressive feeling in my nose which I usually get in deep meditation. We talked a bit more about random things. However, language became less understandable in its meaning and there was more disconnection & forgetting to what was said previously. I got up hunting for some visuals. I went to the beach and watched the water: There were tiny droplet like waves in between the waves washing ashore. I wasn’t surprised, I saw that being sober, but now it just came effortlessly without intentionally relaxing or becoming still to notice it. I looked at sand and fixated it: around my fixated point of interest the surrounding sand began to move. I saw some fellow students in the far back, however they were not recognizable for me. I waved to them, but these kind of customs for human interactions felt less tangible & with less meaning. I got back to the blankets and got still again. I heard a person coming from behind and surprisingly a man on his jogging tour came from the front. I wore a hood and the sound was directed around to come from behind. In perceiving thoughts and senses, I felt constructs to slowly lose their limits & separations. They got meaningless and merged with other closely related constructs. I felt a general confusion in this world. My trip sitter got up to do some workout to stay warm during our time at the lake. As he got more far away I saw him becoming smaller, his height to be like a manikin. He seemed to be smaller because he as a form of material reality was seen on a canvas. The sense of him being far away was not connected to seeing him smaller. The sense of depth was loosing its limits. I told my buddy that I wanted to go alone to other beaches on the lake, that I would come back in a short amount of time. On the path through the park the distances seemed to collapse through experiencing the moment & collapsing of the concept of time. In retrospect, time was meaningless. The memory of there being two beaches merged into one and I was confused because the beaches were still two and at the same time merged into one. It was interesting to see at that time how constructs of the same category merge. Throughout the trip I sensed what this altered perspective is capable of and I got insights that made me understand the logic behind things happening on a trip: I understand how bad trips can happen. I understand how the killing of the body is entirely possible. I understand how one can travel to other dimensions. I understand how trees can speak. I understand why people seem crazy. There were one or two other insights that were forgotten, but this sense of getting constructs from this perspective was fascinating. In documentation during the trip I mixed up the sequence of things occurring, which was also very fascinating to witness. 1.5h after intake the texture of the ground moved in a wavelike manner. The sense of identity was clearly there as preferences & tendencies were still there. 2h after intake the thoughts were fleeting. It got time for us to go back to the dorms. When packing our stuff together I found it not to be possible to plan or solve any intellectual problem. I jogged besides with him being on his bike on the street (small sized town). I seemed to semi recognize the traffic rules; they too lost their limits & separations. My trip sitter and I parted back at the dorm. There were other people and I didn’t quite know how to behave with them. Behaving in social situations seemed to be pointless and my ego felt awkward to just do anything. There was no confidence to project outwards or act out, and an insecurity came forth. Functional (survival) behaviors seemed to be recognized but I was unable to act out as they were not tangible. Nevertheless, I went to the supermarket to buy a salty snack and to wander over the campus with. Still on the way there I had trouble recognizing familiar & unfamiliar people. Inside when choosing the snack, I saw the judgement of “don’t eat that ‘cause that’s bad for you” to be less relevant. Basic math was possible. The taste of the snack was same & somehow different - different like I tasted for the first time a completely new taste. The sensation in the mouth felt full, dull and heavy which does not necessarily mean that it was a bad feeling. The act of reaching into it, pulling out a few beans stuffing it into my mouth felt primordial. Just interesting. Coming back to my apartment, I read a few threads at the forum. The posts had no coherence and I dismissed them. I watched a videogame on YouTube and ate a pizza: Stories of every kind were less comprehensible, and I remembered that a story told by my trip sitter was less comprehensible too. My sense of orientation within the story of the video was non-existent - just getting dulled by consumption. Magical animations in the game became real. I ate the pizza like an animal with my mouth. Eating with this style felt different. Felt like being in a primordial trance. Insights: Consciousness is to perceive form. The experience of reality is formless and fluid. There are no separations, and constructs are constructed (duh). It becomes apparent that the sense of self is constructed. “I” is a thought construct that is believed to be tangible. Visuals are fascinating and nice pointers to the state of being. I felt good to open my perspective to this altered perspective as it felt good to contemplate & explore perspectives using my journal. Next time I want to trip alone in nature or at home just to meditate & be.

@Husseinisdoingfine You can also paste the link with the timestamp in here so that it automatically begins there. Just add "&t=XXXs" at the end of the youtube link and you don't have to make an extra comment on where it is. In your post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFZjZa5ZAyY&t=1455s

If Infinite would know finite, it would be finite, no?

@AtheisticNonduality I thought that they just maintain equal distance to the others.

@mandyjw

@SirVladimir

@Arzack Ok. Is there now a knowing why/how the messages were dismissed?

What a treasure trove

The book triology of this movie is worth checking out just sayin

@Arzack Read the thread I linked. Then, see my question. Why is the messenger repeatedly getting killed?

@Arzack Look above at the quote & at the posts by me & you. Is there now a knowing of the messenger repeatedly getting killed?

@Tim R Approved by the forum member. In the past there was a voting system for individual posts.

What an insight. True. Society needs tripping licences. Safe tripping is as important as safe driving. Imagine failing a tripping test (driving test) because you just enjoy it to get wasted.

@Arzack I made this question. What is your perspective?

@arlin So, what is going on with sleep then? If I got you correctly, you said that awareness ceases in sleep. How do you see the thought of awareness coming & going in connection to sleep?

@lmfao I planned to take 8g and see how it is comparable to my first trip with 5g, and then feel into how much the playing field has turned. Initially I wanted to try lemon tek the next time but for quality controls sake I will do a tea again without lemon.

Berlin, Germany

@Forestluv Just looked it up. Thank you

@Arzack Is there now a knowing of the messenger repeatedly getting killed?

@JosephKnecht What a lovely read. Thank you.

@datamonster good description What do you think of "trash TV"? Does it impact in any way the culture and thus people being stuck?

At least green. Yellow glimpses more towards the end.

Journalism: creating a newspaper (or even better a publisher) journalist: articles, books, interviews

I just had a Parts Work session with a friend concerning a disconnect between the part of moving in the direction of "I want that" & the part of "I want to feel comfortable". In the past I felt like crying; I wanted to expand myself & go after what I want but then contracted myself & disengaged to be in my familiar comfort zone. I cried because of the difference in love I felt (expanded-contracted). I was more identified with the expanded part while the contracted part held me back. It felt like I was being torn apart, like my chest area was pulled on from two opposing forces... just frustrating. In becoming the comfort-part of myself, I felt like being pushed out of my comfort zone by the want-part. Like, comfort gets left behind by want because comfort drags want down. Want wants to be free and radiate love. There seemed to be resentment and disdain in want towards comfort for being held back for years. It felt to be irreconcilable for comfort & want to have both their needs met. For comfort there was no way for want to go after anything and comfort being in safety & comfort at the same time. Comfort suggested want to make baby steps towards what want wants. In visiting Loving Radiance who was more identified with want, it became clear that want thought it has to let go of comfort in order to go in the direction of inspiration. When asked, comfort was ok & just fine with both having their needs met. Then it magically occurred for comfort that it wasn't needed for it to be let go of at all. There wasn't a feeling of having to be let go of to have want's way. Before it felt like there had to be a disconnect; it wasn't necessary at all. Now it all became full circle: Want believed the thought of having to let go & never considered to take comfort with it. In choosing the good feeling thought, want can take comfort wherever it wants to. As long as Loving Radiance is in a grounded state of being comfortable & safe, the whole world is open for exploration. Loving Radiance chose to suffer & disconnect himself from himself by choosing the not-good feeling thought automatically. In realizing the whole game, Loving Radiance recognized the difference in feeling & thinking & speaking. Speaking about the feeling to his friend couldn't encompass the extent & depth of feeling. Totally otherworldly levels which, if translated to another, are not at all that what is translated... lost in translation (btw, it's a good movie ). Loving Radiance also realized the truth in "it is already here" & "THIS is it". There is nothing outside of reach. The universe is so loving, so eternally giving, it is here. Where else could it be. TL;DR Insights Feeling is another language than speaking Maybe downloaded trip insights can be on a kind of feeling level? That's why it's downloaded and not spoken It's so important to be grounded in one's presence anywhere at all times Being with oneself includes letting thoughts of "having to let comfort behind" pass & includes choosing the better feeling thought Meditation is being with myself Being grounded is like being in meditative state Always being in comfort is being in meditative state 24/7 It's already right here: The choosing to belief the automatic thought of "having to let comfort behind to move forward to what I want" causes me suffering disconnects me from myself Edit: She also commented on how well I can describe my feelings & inner workings in language & that this inspires her a lot. My other friends also noted that when we had deep talks... I know that my journaling got me there. I may begin to journal here in the forum for other people to get inspired by & to just feel good; let's see.

Can the merging of computer & brain allow a normal life? Like cyborgs... Then I think it can also be extended to 'normal' people and elevate their quality of life. Reminds me of a black mirror episode where you can visually watch a tape of all your past experiences to rewind & fast forward... for better or worse. I feel like these kind of experinces can be shared like on social media (surrogate experiences). Replacing 'real life experience' with recorded experience. Endless Potential, and it's all Love.