Loving Radiance

It was a masculine awakening. Nothing spitting itself out to itself. From the human perspective it felt life a manic artist just pumping out creation after creation till eternity.

Life is to be experienced & ego-backlash I was 13 or 14 years old. I was sitting on a lounger in my grandparent's garden, reading in the sun, having a cat besides me. I felt that the world was perfect and I was at peace. In this moment I could have died and I would have gladly said farewell to life. Even though I judged my life to not be perfect I still felt that it would be just good, if I died in that moment. I thought about life and the experience. Living just once. Experiencing life and dying at the end and it just being for nothing. So, what is life for? What does it offer? Well, life offers a wide range of experience. If you are here once, you can experience all of life. Why else should you be here? It's experiencing life without making it toxic, of course. Today I recognitized that me claiming to be a person that wants to experience life to the fullest makes me suffer. Every time I judge myself not to experience life I make a shadow out of me. Presence is experiencing life. Even when not present, there is an observer always observing. However, there is a resonance in expanding oneself & in realizing one's angelic radiant love. A while back during shamanic breathing there was a vision coming to me. There was a love-sun and I wanted to be that sun. Just being on fire & radiating love. I wanted to be another person. The Infinity-insanity trip showed no person. I rewatched it. I couldn't contain this Love.

I went to a friend (she was also in March 10th & April 13th) who was sitting at a volleyball field while some of my fellow students played there. She asked a question and simultaneously some of them players came towards us (either for the ball or for a pause, idk anymore). There was no uncomfortability or panic in seeing the story just being played (having no control is accepted). The world just happened on its own. It was known that there was an absence of a story that made sense of the happening (knowing of absence of knowing) and it was still just happening. It felt like looking at art movement on a screen and not making sense of the colorful shadowy movement. All perception was clear as always, but the sensemaking was gone (while it was known that there is the possibility of sensemaking). I then proceeded to chat with her. At the supermarket I went through the fruits & vegetables area or looked at it from the checkout line. No story as well.

Imagine basing your reality on that ideology he created. It is apparent that he thinks in duality and relative answers don't compute for him.

You can rewire yourself to recognize beauty in every form. It is an additional lens in the toolbox of recognizing the world, and this lens is distinct from the human-beauty lens. You could say it has a different flavor than human-beauty.

Do you mean making a story that resists feeling?

@Carl-Richard You mean getting mesmerized? Yeah

@Leo Gura @fopylo I get flashbacks to insanity when faced with this. It just doesn't make sense. And that makes sense

It is like investigating the letters of a book to look for the meaning. Meaning is not coming from letters as consciousness is not coming from the brain.

I had an experience during shamanic breathing where the love-sun radiated to me. I felt that I wanted to be that. During a guided workshop (with magik elements) there was the feminine light loving me (also radiating to me). The body was shaking uncontrollably. What does it mean to you? Does the meaning extend to you in the present? If so, how does it affect you? Of course. What then would it mean to you? Depends on what questions you have and what you seek. Spirituality is very broad. I'd suggest direct experience with a solid structure of theory to interpret your experiences. @Seraphim Can you suggest resources for me to dive more deeply into this?

I dunno what went wrong with me but since having faced death & insanity on a shroom trip I felt that any unconfident thoughts were created by me aka I believed them to be about me and thus they had substance. I had the knowledge before but it then really stuck - something in the trip shifted something in my mind. It made me feel more comfortable in my body and more accepting of old patterns of feeling inadequate. Some related things coming up: Feeling > knowing. All things that don't resonate (don't feel good) aren't true and there is love towards untrue things for them to be let go of.

Do you think letting users question their own epistemic grounds of their knowledge in one area like epigenetics is a good approach to point out ways to expand the perspective without inducing a backlash? In a way every expansion of the perspective is felt to be death of the contracted perspective and would elicit a backlash. Do we even want to prevent a shut down to expansion due to a backlash?

"I have a video of your birth. Look!"

@TheDao My point is that I'm interested how I can differentiate between compassion coming from blue, orange or yellow.

@TheDao Thank you, that cleared up alot. So then how does compassion for men look like at blue, orange and yellow? What are the differences? I mean they have to be distinct tastes amirite? You crack me up

Do you mean this video you posted being an indication that he's green? What exactly in the video is green? I am interested, how does compassion for men look like at blue, orange and yellow? What are the differences?

After bringing my stuff to the laundry room I sat down on the table for breakfast and had the thought that it would be not benificial for me to forget the laundry. Then there was a distinct recognition that this is a story. Doesn't make sense that there is a story.

@RendHeaven It's suffering through feeling your fluidity and holding on to ice rather than an aspect of time & conditioning. Oh wait, we mean the same thing. Ok then Being ice teaches alot about water.

Less identification to the body (or, there is more than the body) I read the newest posts from this thread: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/18958-let-us-see-your-face-?/ Is it conscious to post pics of the person behind the account? Of course. Would I post? I could. Yesterday I was hiking with friends. Perfect day for a hike, even from a judging perspective. Just flowing. Feels good. However interestingly, in the evening I went through the photos of me and there was a strange feel of being alien in this human body. Yes, I know this body, but the person is so radically different from the body. This beingness feels outerworldly. I think Leo mentioned in the JP video the delicate balance between deconstructing and integrating aspects of reality. You can go overboard with it (and yet it is Beauty and Love). Interestingly, the person can be rigid and have an agenda by focusing more on transcendence. Spiritual bypassing. Avoiding life. Seeking a shortcut.

Reminded me of this timestamped video & then at 50:47. It made many things clear about the person that wants to use Mu for its survival & dealing with its conditioning (57:00 - 1:02:35). Its somewhat related but it connects some points which were not seen before. My favorite quotes from your video @Mu_, "[...] because most likely the idea you have is not true." "There wasn't much to say about nothing."

What a beautiful release. I sometimes get visions, however I tend to like more the meditative state. Feels like resting & flowing as the eternal river.

Done. You are already perfect. You being here is being loved. Hold out your hand in front of you, palm to sky. Do you see the reflection of light in your hand? Your existence here is love. Other than that, the core belief of feeling unworthy is of the person. As for a start, begin by saying "I love myself."

Leo's comment under Deconstructing The Myth Of Science - Part 2: The mind constructs causation and any story is causation. During my last trip it was known that Infinity causes infinite variations of form till eternity. So, is it still a story being comprehensible enough for the mind to grasp? I mean, the mind tries to make sense of everything and it was direct feeling that Nothing/Formlessness causes everything/form. I never felt anything to be that true and now it is turned upside down. It's still true for me. So, is directly experiencing Infinity spitting out or manifesting infinite form not true?