Loving Radiance

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Everything posted by Loving Radiance

  1. @mr_engineer Would you trust a sample size of 1x SD Orange party to be a good epistemic foundation?
  2. Everybody is already loved unconditionally. You being here = you are loved. It just requires a change in perspective to see the already present reality. Expecting human love for oneself is like expecting people to still your hunger. Should-ing people is forcing people and putting your power, sovereignty and responsibility away into other people's hands. Become self-reliant. Seek like-minded people. Build relationships and friendships based on authentic connection. Sharing yourself without needing anything from the other person is the way, and if appropriate also sharing all needs, insecurities and shadow parts as they come up in the moment without being attached to the outcome. If there are needs to be fulfilled by that connection, make it a value exchange.
  3. This question is to those who have integrated these radical realizations. How did you integrate moments of direct consciousness of "identity and reality are constructed" and "Existence/Truth/Infinity"? How did your process look like? My mind seems to have gone into avoiding that which I got conscious of one year ago. Currently, I can easily dissociate (=distance myself) from me and the world (Depersonalization & Derealization), and I recognize that it's a coping mechanism by the mind. When I attempt to integrate these insights, it is too radical and threatening to incorporate into my map of reality. Is it an error to try to integrate it on a personal level? (kinda like assuming the "the map doesn't exist" fits on a map) Much love.
  4. @SeaMonster Thank you Much thanks
  5. https://www.facebook.com/HighdenTemple/videos/301557653942066
  6. I struggled a lot with making sense of my last 2 trips. And so it happened that I watched a conversation between Bruce Lyon and Jon Eden Khan (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88vRm7E7eH8&t=813s) and they touched upon something which made it clearer:
  7. April 26, 2021 I haven't started looking for an internship in all these weeks. I haven't written in the journal for a long time either. I don't put my laundry out. I don't shower or meditate. I feel bad. I distract myself with YouTube and Twitch to take my focus off feeling bad. I realize that a memory game I am playing is pushing me too hard and that's why I switch off, because I wanted to distract myself. I don't do the catching up on lecture notes. I don't look for an English lecture topic. I don't go do shopping errands. I don't do yoga. I don't play the guitar I borrowed or use my dream board. I haven't done anything else for university apart from attending lectures; I'm not studying, nor am I working up anything. The sun is shining outside. I'm listening to this song. The world is beautiful and good. My child, I want the best for you. I want everything for you. You are so loved to experience this. I gave you my seed [for you] to know your goodness. You are here to create. I feel you want to create goodness. Get out there, my child. I love you so much. April 30, 2021 I don't know what to do. I'm in limbo. Just like a year ago when I didn't start doing anything for university. I'm passing the days. I'm afraid of dying. I'm afraid of being great. It doesn't feel good. God tells me what I am and I resist. You don't think you're great and perfect, but you are. You can deny it all you want, but it is in you. It is your nature. When you go into the cold water, you feel resistance. But it subsides and then you flow. [...] I have identified with a lazy side, so now I don't want to let go of it, even though it doesn't feel good. You are so wise. You already know what feels good. Start small. Take the first small step. Give yourself to love. It is a process. It's okay that you don't radiate 100% of your love right away. By letting go, you will be reborn. Let go and flow. You feel that you are the water. You are love. Love destroys you and gives birth to you again and again. You are so loved. You are my child. You are perfect. You are too good to believe in yourself. You are pure goodness. I'll come back to you. Thank you. May 6, 2021 Dear God. I am writing to you again because I am despairing again. I know what is good, but I think I am not enough. I know you say I am perfect now as I am, but I think I am small, and I see I am stuck in my old habits. It doesn't feel good at all. And yet it feels uncomfortable to go outside my habits. It doesn't feel good to be in my habits, and it doesn't feel good to go outside my comfort zone. I just waste my days here and take for granted the life you have given me. I am disconnected from you by thinking that I can just live away this precious time of life, thinking that I can just go on living and giving in to boredom. It's boring to be inside my comfort zone. It doesn't feel good. What does feel good? The knowing and desire in my heart. You already know what is right. You are pure. You are [clean]. Know yourself and see that you have always been pure. You know your truth. How you think you are is not your truth. You think you have no strength, but your heart gives you strength. The most unpleasant thing I can do now is to start learning, which I will do anyway. And it's smart to learn now than to start later. It's okay to feel fragile. You know your goodness. May 21, 2021 Dear God, I am so grateful for life. I have been struggling with myself for so long, keeping myself small. Maybe I'm fooling myself by focusing more strictly on self-development, but I feel it's a coming back to what's important. Completing basics that I never completed. I feel resistance even now. I want to be connected with people and feel them in their goodness and love. To really understand and feel them authentically. Your heart shows you the way. Come back to yourself. Old habits don't resonate for you. You feel where you want to go. You can achieve anything you want. Do you really want? Yes, I see that desire is the prerequisite for the path. Do you feel it too? Yes. Thank you. May 30, 2021 God, you are so gracious. The world comes alive and I am here. Why do I deserve this existence? You deserve it because you exist. Existence is the meaning and purpose. The earning is that you are here. Now, just flow. [But] resistance arises. You know yourself. June 16, 2021 Dear God. Again and again I forget that I have been in this state for months. Again and again I learn that the habitual ways do not feel good. I feel guilty that I hadn't started all these months. 3 weeks ago I had also spoken with a fellow student of mine, and yesterday she reminded me that I already stressed myself out 3 weeks ago about the importance of passing the exams and that it was important to start as early as possible with learning. I've never started studying early. I've never started studying when I've learned new material, even though I know it's good for a comfortable, calm, life-enjoying state. I distracted myself. I no longer meditated. By not loving myself because I was too bitter and self-hating about my self-sabotage, I was not going in the right direction. I want to forgive myself that I made the mistake of avoiding my resistance for months. I want to thank myself that I made this mistake so that I could learn from it. I want to thank myself that I have taught myself this. Start now to love yourself. August 11, 2021 Dear God, I can't manage to learn everything from the one subject anymore. I will learn until the end. But it is just too much. I already knew I should have started earlier (1 week would have been enough instead of 4 days). I knew months before that it would be better. I was full of resistance. I'm having a breakdown now. I had suicidal thoughts. But I see that even if I don't pass the subject that I can continue studying. Life always gives and gives. There is always a way. I can work while studying. [...] But nothing has happened yet. I continue to study. I listen to my body. You are your goodness. September 6, 2021 Dear God. Today I realized that I won't be able to study for the other subject. [...] It's all good now. And I can also start my all-important meditation and journal writing habit again. I really hope I can leave myself behind. No, this isn't working. I hope I can put this resistance behind me. I'm crying right now. It doesn't feel good at all to be in resistance for months. Actually, it has been for years. I want to flow. I want to have the inspiring feeling of creating my life. There is so much beauty in experiencing life and the bittersweet creation of the life path because it is ultimately finite. There is so much beauty and love in that. [There is so much beauty] in trying to create something and in the inevitable end. But the end is a belief. And yet it feels so real. That you can experience this. Existence is a gift. A dance that dances only for itself. The love in it. Just to be able to feel something. It is a gift. There is so much love in it. In the suffering. In the striving. In expansion and contraction. How beautiful the world is. How gracious the world can be that by contracting you feel that you are striving expansion. I love you. I love you. I love you so much. You are precious. You are everything I wanted. You are perfect. I love you my child. I love you too. I can never give you a present that would show my gratitude that you allow existence. This self-love is too much for me to bear. I love you. I move on. You are unconditional, I know. Never mind, I move on now. Good night. Love you. October 30, 2021 I feel inspired. It is late at night. I am writing here even though it would be better for me to go to sleep now. But I sense how I feel. I listen to SLEEP. Now after looking up the timestamp, I don't feel it anymore. That's ok. The body also just says no in a dynamic way. Even if the mind wants to continue now, it is just right to go to bed. Good night. I see you. You are held. You are embraced. Forever. I feel this love breaking me. Take care of yourself. I wish you everything. January 7, 2022 [Writing about a completion conversation with a former friend+ of mine] This self-centeredness and avoidance (& thus insecurity) is really something that remains from my teenage years. And because I hadn't really noticed it before, it's the thing that equals the most growth. I don't feel ready for a relationship. I feel that I'm just using people for fulfilling my needs. Here I am. I like to describe it nicer, especially to tell myself that I am further along. But that is not the case. And that's okay. Oh, [LR]. You are so loved. Be here. Just be here where you are and love yourself. Holy fuck, I feel uncomfortable to show who I am. Especially to myself. I am my best trickster. January 15, 2022 I stop consuming topics with God, goodness, infinity, existence etc. [...] I will not give up meditation, but I will stop deconstructing my perception and doing self-Inquiry. [...] it's still a good way to stop spiritual bypassing and ground myself in ordinary life. Even if deconstructing my world and questioning the self is the way to go, I will stop to build the foundation. You cannot build the roof on non-existent walls, and you cannot build non-existent walls on a non-existent foundation. And when the house is there, then you can ask yourself if it is true at all. Before that, it is just dreaming and not functional. Be guided by your heart. Yes, it feels good to continue meditation and finally focus on the basics. January 16, 2022 [Feeling the presence in me coming forth] Oh God, please don't. You see. You are aware. This is my gift. Writing to itself. Through you. I love you. Always. Here. Existence is the greatest gift. June 2, 2022 [Wanting to complain how miserable I am in order to get a channeling.] I call upon you. You know your goodness. June 8, 2022 [Writing about how God calls me. Towards the end I noticed a heaviness or seriousness in myself.] Just let go my child. June 20, 2022 Now in the last few weeks in order to fundamentally change my behavior I need to focus no matter how I feel and want to escape. Please show me the way. You already know the way. February 13, 2023 I feel the black hole of [depressive] emptiness inside me. I feel it in my solar plexus. I feel it in my neck and forehead. I feel tension and stress in my neck, face, and chest. And the black hole is the most noticeable of all these sensations. I also notice a slight headache from the stress and the inner condemnation that I am not acting according to my intuition. But I also notice at the same time that I have little energy to act. I hope that I will feel good after I have worked today. Please, God, can you send me a message with which I can get through today and always come back to my strength? You are not that attachment to the energy-sucking hole. March 2023 [Complaining and being in victim mentality] Please give me strength. I cannot give you what you already have/are. July 28, 2023 [Feeling the pain which I caused myself for years because I never expressed myself and the love in my heart.] You are so loved. [...] Do you want to be you? Do you really want to know yourself? Then there will be fear. Only you will remain when you go in that direction.
  8. Hey there, I got aware of this course through a yellow network here in Germany, and I thought that you folks would appreciate such course. This is already useful for people working in positions facilitating organizational, business and governmental change. This framework can be implemented right away in your work. It's also good for those of you looking to prepare your LP and expand your toolbox. It's useful for self-transformation too. (course material available starting on August 31, 2023) Website: https://www.u-school.org/offerings/u-lab-1x-2023/pages/home Overview: What you learn: Requirements: Theory U account (for exchange with fellow changemakers who also take this course) MITx Online account (course material is here) Times: Estimated weekly work of 4-6h Material accessible August 31, 2023 - May 30, 2024 Live sessions for 6 weeks, September 14, 2023 - October 26, 2023 Why create this course: About the organization: It's about bringing the highest possibilities of the future into the present It's about aiming to change the internal place which a system acts from
  9. @ark0143 I understand you. Homeostasis is a powerful force. Start slow. Maybe only meditate for 5 minutes in the morning or right after you got home from work. That's enough for the day. Slowly increase the duration over time. The goal of meditation is to return to the object of or state of focus again & again no matter what comes up.
  10. Question to you: Why don't you understand the benefits if you follow this work? Is it because it's a nice ideology to fantasize about? Care for your human needs first. It's easy to stay in the mental wonderland of this work (because Leo's nature is of an introvert) and it's easy to disregard the need to be with likeminded people, for doing meaningful work. Build a good work ethic of the practices. Doing that with likeminded people is easier and for some people it's the only way because we our tribal nature. So, maybe search for Green intentional communities in your area or connect to people through Green gatherings or groups on meetup.com.
  11. Currently I am taking 200 mg of Doxycyclin for Lyme disease after having been bit by a tick 4 weeks ago. I have stomach ache on a daily basis and can't wait to finish this. Do you have suggestions which probiotics are best to take after I finished this treatment? @Michael569 @undeather
  12. @Michael569 @Twega @undeather Thank you all for your help! I don't have diarrhea, so I will make sure to consume lots of fermented products.
  13. @Ima Freeman Do longer hardcore meditation sessions. Like SDS. Or go to a retreat like vipassana.
  14. @Kksd74628 Amazing list! The question was meant for SQAAD, but i am glad you used this opportunity to reflect too
  15. @SQAAD Deeply connect to the subtle knowing in you. Follow your heart and intition (subconscious mind) to your calling... and even into the unknown. There will be more situations coming up in which you have to take the jump. So, trust yourself. The parachute only opens when you jump. Program yourself to trust the universe and to recognize that your highest vision and life are already here in every breath, sensation, sound, emotion, feeling, thought, situation and state. Program yourself that everything happening is a confirmation and a stepping stone for your highest vision. If it works for you, include a minimum of 30 minute visualization in the morning. I also agree with identity being the key: @SQAAD In all detail, how would your identity feel like when you live your highest vision in daily life? With meditative focus, choose contrary action (not only useful for recovering addicts; listen to this multiple times if needed):
  16. @tuku747 ? @Jodistrict Really interesting, thanks for sharing.
  17. I had my first rapé on the 31th of december. I selected the strongest kind of all the offered ones called goddess. The first blow was strong and I calmed down after maybe 3-4 minutes of snorting my nose and spitting out saliva & bile. Receiving the 2nd blow I realized that I couldn't hold the energy in the body. Yeah, the state of being was in deep meditation, divinity of this world was seen. However holding this much energy in the body was almost frightening. I had to decline the 3rd and last round as it felt too much. I had to puke but had no food inside. How do you know when the next blow is too much? More reference experience? Btw, @electroBeam I had no facial hulk reaction to the rapé. Do you know more about that or could that be just another kind of bodily (non-) reaction to the rapé?
  18. The sort of rapé had Diplopterys cabrerana (Chalipanga) which contains DMT and traces of 5-MeO-DMT, so no wonder why it was the strongest rapé... of course it had a psychedelic effect on me, no wonder why I became conscious of everything being manifested by divine thought and everything being love. Plugging wouldn't work for DMT but only for the nicotine.
  19. When you decide on a life path it's important to ground yourself in the feeling of your desire towards that path. You are invited to let go of those scenarios of fringe situations (which seem to be challenging, to disarm you and to be areas of your weaknesses) which your mind comes up with, and you are also invited to come to trust. Trust in yourself, and trust that life is benevolent, takes care of you and provides growth opportunities if you only ask for it. The mind will always come up with opportunities to safeguard you and it's your job to differentiate between what is valid or of no concern. Don't let your mind be hung up on this small part of being a politician. Ground yourself in something deeper... like the principles of service and integrity (like cleansing politics of corruption).
  20. @Oliver Wright I support the suggestion of polyphasic sleep. https://polysleep.org/wiki/Getting_started
  21. @Enlightement @BojackHorseman Kriya Secrets Revealed - J. C. Stevens There is also a playlist of the lessons https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-Ok8djivmdQbkEntvYR6Uz-9yoRp1k_6
  22. Your nervous system needs to rewire. Meet the social anxiety in small portions. When it comes up feel the it in your whole being. Make it a meditation: Notice sensations. Notice emotions. Notice thoughts. And breathe. There's always going to be fear involved if you want to meet and be the real you.
  23. @Insightful27 Develop your anima (Jung psychology). I also agree with the others that insecurity is the root thing here.
  24. I cannot relate because I am not a full-time artist, I only create occasionally. I see beauty in my creations and I appreciate every bit of it. I thrive in the creation process and I love to read them afterwards from time to time. I like the overarching, big-picture feel and view of it, and I love every small piece that creates the picture. Perhaps there are micro frustrations coming up from listening to every detail on repeat, and so when you finish it these micro frustrations arise as a big wave of feeling sick. Is this true, do I overlook something? It may also be that you go over your own boundaries (e.g. overworking) and the sickness feeling is the result from that. It may also be the case that you are the type of person that needs to create only. I mean some actors or directors never watch their movies.