Life Purpose, career and beyond

[Loving Radiance]

This is my journal to write about my journey through the LP Course, plans and updates about my career development, and thoughts and contemplations which are all around designing my life for higher-consciousness living.

For forum members, please post only supportive and constructive comments. Thank you.

 

Note to self: Do all important tasks first and only then come and write here to exclusively reflect on topics.

Edited May 16, 2023 by Loving Radiance

[Loving Radiance]

Update

Today I began to make flashcards to learn all the concepts. I notice that otherwise they would just fade away even with consistent reading over my notes.

I know that the real work is building the tree house, but when I keep forgetting how to screw the wood together I feel I will spend more time looking at the instruction rather than actually working and having the map inside me. I like this process to be as fluid as possible. I want to know and navigate through these waters like I know and do at my home.

In school I didn't like to use flashcards to learn because I associated it with being forced to learn something that I wasn't interested in. However, here with the LP course I am internally motivated and I can see how this will help me in the long-term.

 

On the value of small steps

I spoke with my a friend about if we do "enough" work. Apparently he wasn't satisfied with himself and judged himself for it. Yes, we are not doing enough compared to others and to our expectations, however we are already doing enough considering our position. Only because everybody else seems to run a marathon doesn't mean that those who never ran 100 meters need to run a marathon too. We can only start with 50 meters and maybe increase it by 10 meters each day. It's okay to start slow. And in the end we are doing marathons regularly because we enjoyed being consistent and dedicated to the journey.

Edited May 16, 2023 by Loving Radiance

[Loving Radiance]

Reflection on limiting beliefs and mental health challenge

Man, limiting beliefs have guided me my whole life. I found many great guiding questions on the internet to uncover limiting beliefs. There were so many times I felt the subconscious impulse to just look away and not investigate into it. Especially the core wound and resulting beliefs my identity is standing on let the urge come up to distract and forget all what I have learned.

Being dissociated (depersonalization-derealization) is not easy while wanting to do the LP course. Leo said that one should care for their health first and then come back to do the course. It was difficult today. Because the mind's analytical capability, to think straight and the self-perception weren't functioning right. However now I am doing better and I continue the course because it gives me purpose and is a goal that shows me that I can care for my future self. Still, it's tricky because I easily distract and dissociate when I go into serious investigation like for example with limiting beliefs.

[Loving Radiance]

On 16.5.2023 at 9:11 PM, Loving Radiance said:

Update

Today I began to make flashcards to learn all the concepts. I notice that otherwise they would just fade away even with consistent reading over my notes.

I always had huge resistance to learning with flash cards and I didn't do this since writing of it. There's a rejection of my mother-introject (psyche part) in me because back in elementary school my mother used to push me to use flash cards for learning English vocabulary.

On 19.5.2023 at 11:09 PM, Loving Radiance said:

Reflection on limiting beliefs and mental health challenge

Man, limiting beliefs have guided me my whole life. I found many great guiding questions on the internet to uncover limiting beliefs. There were so many times I felt the subconscious impulse to just look away and not investigate into it. Especially the core wound and resulting beliefs my identity is standing on let the urge come up to distract and forget all what I have learned.

Having lived here at a conscious community for inner growth for a few weeks, I know now that this was a guardian protector part which didn't allow me to illuminate my shadow.

Edited November 22, 2023 by Loving Radiance

[Loving Radiance]

Pass #1 - Most Meaningful Things In Life

It took many hours of introspection to arrive at my top 10. Not at all just 30 minutes. I finished this pass way back in September.

So many of my real-life examples of the values were connected to multiple values.

1. (internal) Exploration & Curiosity
2. Companionship
3. Authenticity/Truth/Wisdom/Simplicity
4. Impact
5. Wholeness
6. Clarity
7. Love
8. Feeling (deeply)
9. Beauty
10. Understanding
11. (Joy & Bliss)

 

 

Pass #2 - Tabula Rasa

1. Self-mastery in intellect & emotions through:
   • meditation
   • introspection/contemplation
   • growth-zone: facing that which I avoid
     • shadow work - aligning energies
     • conflicts with people
       • e.g. what I criticize, truly think and stand for; showing myself
2. Authenticity - centered in myself, following my heart's calling and being what I am
3. Sharing my gift and impacting people - empowering people (through the system); my kindled flame ignites people's flames
4. Joy - doing activities in deep love-, trust- and joy-contact with many people
5. Intimacy - secure social net, and being in deep friendships & partner relationships (and if resonant, being a father and bringing children into the world)
6. Health - taking care of my body (& nature)
   • balance of rest/nourishment & healthy stress

 

 

Pass #3 - Master Values List

At first, I had 23 values and needed to reduce them by combining them to get to 10 values. To combine the similar ones I needed to define them.

1. Love/Intimacy
   • Importance: 10/10
   • My definition: Connection. Recognition of divinity. Awe. Aliveness. Expansiveness.
   • Reason: To love and to share intimacy is why I'm here. Sharing my love means to contribute, impact and touch people with my gift. Love is my essence; it is who I am.
2. Authenticity
   • Importance: 10/10
   • My definition: Being grounded in who & what I am. Being grounded in my truth and expressing my truth. Moving from that grounded security.
   • Reason: Authenticity is about self-love.
3. Clarity/Truth/Honesty/Consciousness/Awareness/Feeling/Understanding
   • Importance: 10/10
   • My definition: Noticing all energy movement in the mental & bodily dimension. Seeing truth rather than illusion. Recognition of the essence. Being connected to truth, a higher state of being. Living life in that state.
   • Reason: Understanding, true seeing, truth recognition, and thus love.
4. Contribution/Impact/Helping Others/Society/Wholeness/Nature
   • Importance: 10/10
   • My definition: Adding value to the universe. Giving myself to life. Being the highest expression of what I am. Sharing my gift and unique expression. Creating a healthy way of living for all life that is natural and win-win.
   • Reason: I want to be selfless, idealistic and working towards something higher. I want to deeply touch & move people.
5. Beauty/Connection/Joy/Spirituality
   • Importance: 10/10
   • My definition: Being conscious of reality; appreciating a part of reality; appreciating the being of reality; being in touch with & connected to reality. Being one. Recognition of the highest. Being captivated and fascinated by existence or in awe of existence.
   • Reason: Connection to a higher state of being.
6. Health
   • Importance: 10/10
   • My definition: Self-care in nutrition, exercise, mental activity (lifestyle, habits, information intake, inner work).
   • Reason: It serves Clarity and clear perception. It serves Authenticity.
7. Self-Mastery
   • Importance: 10/10
   • My definition: Being a conscious creator in order to serve life. Knowing where energies go. Releasing energy blockages of emotional repression, limiting beliefs, and autopilot-stuck psyche parts.
   • Reason: Being a pure, superconducting channel and serving life. It serves Contribution. It is also fun to discover the blockages and feel the relief of (painful) truth.
8. Friendship/Companionship
   • Importance: 9/10
   • My definition: Seeing and recognizing each in the other. Having a foreign water-awareness-mirror to see myself.
   • Reason: I love the uniqueness and landscape of others. The completely foreign world. I value the energy exchange. Dancing together. Recognition of the other.
9. Open-mindedness/Perspective/Novelty
   • Importance: 9/10
   • My definition: Seeing all possible ways to look at things; all possible angles to look at a diamond. Finding the most true, healthy, whole and functional lenses. Recognizing where energy gets lost and already flows.
   • Reason: There is a merciful, compassionate understanding, and also a curiosity. It leads to being connected with life because everything is seen & deeply felt from every position & survival bias.
10. Wisdom/Simplicity
    • Importance: 9/10
    • My definition: Touching the essence/core of something. Signal instead of the noise. Clear self-understanding. Compassionate understanding. A feeling of appreciation of development. Feeling at peace with development. Trust in life. Relaxed energy but alert & awake.
    • Reason: There is a calmness and relaxed peace & trust in life. Knowing what is essential... because the natural state in this digital age is to be full of noise.

 

 

Pass #4 - Toxic Values

Not one of them are toxic. (Seems to be a step only for those who are primarily at SD Orange)

 

 

Edited December 27, 2023 by Loving Radiance
Formatting

[Loving Radiance]

Pass #5 - Value Definitions

First I rewrote the definitions according to the guiding questions. Funny how accurate the initial definitions from pass #3 were already. I then merged "Love/Intimacy" and "Beauty/Connection/Joy/Spirituality" because they were too similar.

"Communication/Creativity" is something that I added to the list and I realized that it was already implicitly part of "(internal) Exploration & Curiosity" in pass #1. I first thought of adding "Positivity/Optimism/Hope" or "Community" as the 10th value, but it didn't feel right because it wasn't showing up in the passes before. This list feels coherent now.

 

1. Love/Intimacy/Spirituality/Beauty/Connection/Joy
   • My definition: Being one with reality/divinity (with a human and other being and its vulnerability). Feeling awe, aliveness and expansiveness.
2. Authenticity
   • My definition: Feeling grounded in my core essence and truth. Moving from the core; expressing my truth.
3. Clarity/Truth/Consciousness/Awareness/Feeling/Understanding/Honesty
   • My definition: Living at a state of truth which illuminates, makes me feel and be conscious of any true form. Dispelling illusion.
4. Contribution/Impact/Helping Others/Society/Wholeness/Nature
   • My definition: Using my gift to help and elevate all of life to healthy and the highest possible form of living.
5. Health
   • My definition: Self-care and maintenance of the body and mind with nutrition, exercise, intentional habits (physical, emotional, mental hygiene) and inner work.
6. Self-Mastery
   • My definition: Being fully conscious of inner processes. Cleaning, Growing and Waking up. Kindling the inner flame and being a conscious creator.
7. Friendship/Companionship/Community
   • My definition: Support, trust, energy exchange and mirroring. Unknown, mysterious depths of the other psyches make me recognize myself.
8. Open-mindedness/Perspective/Exploration
   • My definition: Discovering and seeing reality from all different angles. Unattachment and fluidity of mind allow recognition where energy flows and is stuck. ["... and stagnates." is also quite good, maybe change this in the future]
9. Wisdom/Simplicity
   • My definition: Seeing the core of a thing. Root-cause thinking. Ripple effect. Trust in life. Alert & relaxed. Focus on energy flow.
10. Communication/Creativity
    • My definition: Recognition and understanding through feeling images which capture the essence of any form and state of being.

Edited January 8 by Loving Radiance

[Loving Radiance]

Pass #6 - Congruence Ratings

1. Love/Intimacy/Spirituality/Beauty/Connection/Joy
   • My definition: Being one with reality/divinity (with a human and other being and its vulnerability). Feeling awe, aliveness and expansiveness.
   • Congruence rating: 3/10
2. Authenticity
   • My definition: Feeling grounded in my core essence and truth. Moving from the core; expressing my truth.
   • Congruence rating: 6/10
3. Clarity/Truth/Consciousness/Awareness/Feeling/Understanding/Honesty
   • My definition: Living at a state of truth which illuminates, makes me feel and be conscious of any true form. Dispelling illusion.
   • Congruence rating: 5/10
4. Contribution/Impact/Helping Others/Society/Wholeness/Nature
   • My definition: Using my gift to help and elevate all of life to healthy and the highest possible form of living.
   • Congruence rating: 2/10
5. Health
   • My definition: Self-care and maintenance of the body and mind with nutrition, exercise, intentional habits (physical, emotional, mental hygiene) and inner work.
   • Congruence rating: 5/10
6. Self-Mastery
   • My definition: Being fully conscious of inner processes. Cleaning, Growing and Waking up. Kindling the inner flame and being a conscious creator.
   • Congruence rating: 5/10
7. Friendship/Companionship/Community
   • My definition: Support, trust, energy exchange and mirroring. Unknown, mysterious depths of the other psyches make me recognize myself.
   • Congruence rating: 4/10
8. Open-mindedness/Perspective/Exploration
   • My definition: Discovering and seeing reality from all different angles. Unattachment and fluidity of mind allow recognition where energy flows and stagnates.
   • Congruence rating: 4/10
9. Wisdom/Simplicity
   • My definition: Seeing the core of a thing. Root-cause thinking. Ripple effect. Trust in life. Alert & relaxed. Focus on energy flow.
   • Congruence rating: 4/10
10. Communication/Creativity
    • My definition: Sparking recognition and understanding via feeling images which capture the essence of any form and state of being.
    •  Congruence rating: 4/10

 

 

Pass #7: 10/10

During the writing process I noticed that my congruence ratings changed. And my last value Communication/Creativity isn't resonating. What I learn from that is that I need to feel into what I value at a high level or meta level and not just the content of something. Although communicating & sparking insight and bringing something across using the feeling images is something that I feel is meaningful to me (it's more connected to Contribution, Clarity, and Wisdom), it's not something I see as a value. There are values behind this skill but not the true resonant values which are deeply embedded in me. Perhaps the definition is too limited, but I'll investigate this soon and maybe swap out my 10th value.

1. Love/Intimacy/Spirituality/Beauty/Connection/Joy
   • My definition: Being one with reality/divinity (with a human and other being and its vulnerability). Feeling awe, aliveness and expansiveness.
   • Congruence rating: 4/10
   • 10/10: What is missing is a sense of deep presence and tranquility. A deep embodiment of feeling/letting through the love of/in my essence at all times. That embodiment illuminates identification & resistance to inner conflict. Seeing the world as myself, being universal consciousness. This is realized to be my inherent nature by daily prayer and meditation.
2. Authenticity
   • My definition: Feeling grounded in my core essence and truth. Moving from the core; expressing my truth.
   • Congruence rating: 6/10
   • 10/10: Continuously letting my inherent joy of living flow through me, come out of me and express itself through my being. Being undisturbed by fear because I see through it. Being grounded in self-love and all-accepting, judgment-free presence. Creating from my inner knowing anything I desire. Being internally sensitive and perceptive via meditation, and activating my will including the need to sometimes step outside my comfort zone
3. Clarity/Truth/Consciousness/Awareness/Feeling/Understanding/ Honesty
   • My definition: Living at a state of consciousness/truth which illuminates, makes me feel and be conscious of any true form. Dispelling illusion.
   • Congruence rating: 4/10
   • 10/10: Undisturbed, free-flowing cognitive ability. Cleaned-up and aligned psyche which requires deep meditative presence, observation, and lack of bias, which is achieved by doing introspection like process work. Compassionate understanding. At will thinking and operating at a high vibrational cognitive state which requires daily training through contemplative journaling. 
4. Contribution/Impact/Helping Others/Society/Wholeness/Nature
   • My definition: Using my gift to help and elevate all of life to healthy and the highest possible form of living.
   • Congruence rating: 2/10
   • 10/10: Searching for ways to access my transformation & empowerment and transmitting/teaching these ways of being and doing to others. Helping people empower themselves through bodywork, process work (mental), and energy work. Being engaged in a high-conscious team in an educational organization which is the leverage point for global transformation. Seeing the transformation happen before my eyes in person; statistics are secondary.
5. Health
   • My definition: Self-care and maintenance of the body and mind with nutrition, exercise, intentional habits (physical, emotional, mental hygiene) and inner work.
   • Congruence rating: 5/10
   • 10/10: Starting each day with intentional self-care habits like meditation, body activation exercises, inner nurturing and visioning. Being so grounded and psychologically aligned on doing good for myself that attachment to old unhealthy ways of being are melting away. Having steady & continuous body awareness and introspective presence (solution for noticing bodily intelligence when and how to regulate and be in healthy homeostasis) through body-based meditation, process work, body work (body-based process work, and personal stamina & strength training) and energy work. 
6. Self-Mastery
   • My definition: Being fully conscious of inner processes. Cleaning, Growing and Waking up. Kindling the inner flame and being a conscious creator.
   • Congruence rating: 5/10
   • 10/10: Continuous and steady presence & equanimity through meditation. Compassionate and non-judgemental understanding through meditation, journaling and process work. Living with conscious people and growing together through lifelong learning and exploration and mastery (resistance-less moving of energies). Stepping into challenge and the grow zone in social, physical, emotional, cognitive and energetic domains. Being engaged in creation without resistance by aligning the psyche through process work.
7. Friendship/Companionship/Community
   • My definition: Support, trust, energy exchange and mirroring. Unknown, mysterious depths of the other psyches make me recognize myself.
   • Congruence rating: 5/10
   • 10/10: Having up to 20 friends and 5 close friends by openly connecting to resonant people and maintaining present friendships. Feeling deep connection to friends, creating space for intimate recognition, and being in that intimate nature of connection in social situations by opening my heart, going into flow and exploring & feeling the other being. Living in an intentional community by having ways of income and seeking or founding resonant communities. Having healed my SD purple trauma of being the outsider in groups through process work. Having healed from avoidant attachment into secure attachment through process work. 
8. Open-mindedness/Perspective/Exploration
   • My definition: Discovering and seeing reality from all different angles. Unattachment and fluidity of mind allow recognition where energy flows and stagnates.
   • Congruence rating: 4/10
   • 10/10: High-vibrational cognition accessible at all times by practicing deep contemplation and exploration of perspectives in journaling daily, and through meditation and aligning the psyche (process work). Putting myself in the other's shoes. Attaching and letting go of any thoughts, beliefs and theories through daily meditation and journaling. Being in presence which allows tapping into intuition, opening up the subtle sensors and introspecting what energy there is and where it flows.
9. Wisdom/Simplicity
   • My definition: Seeing the core of a thing. Root-cause thinking. Ripple effect. Trust in life. Alert & relaxed. Focus on energy flow.
   • Congruence rating: 3/10
   • 10/10: Deeply grounded and observant presence & alertness that recognizes & filters the energy, which is developed through daily meditation, and journaling & reflection on inner dynamics, processes and development, and also personal sharings with friends and close ones. A detached introspective focus on the essence of my being (love, presence, peace, joy) to be able to notice the energy flow arising the root/core/essence, which changes and moves with each moment and while being in connection with higher guidance. To live in that state I need a continuous connection to intuition & inner knowing and way of life of expressing/manifesting them, through daily introspection and consciously creating situations of my authenticity where I am stepping into tension, like ice bathing or going over my boundaries for a bit longer.
10. Communication/Creativity
    • My definition: Sparking recognition and understanding via feeling images which capture the essence of any form and state of being.
    • Congruence rating: 4/10
    • 10/10: Continuously living in that feeling state and capturing & expressing it on a daily basis through journaling and conversation. Deliberately bringing it into my way of communication with myself and others. It's developing a way of being in internal clarity and seeing how the inner feeling landscape is moving and shifting. Continuous internal understanding and knowledge. However now that I think of it, I notice that it doesn't really resonate. It's too limited, not really like a passion, but more like a side-hobby.

[Loving Radiance]

Update

Living here at the community (they have a focus on creating a new earth through awakening on all levels) makes me be distracted most of the time. I took on their commitment to their shadow work processes & inner growth, and right now my processes take up most of my resources. They bring up strong emotions which are hard to handle and it's intense how my psyche is rewiring itself on a daily basis. Deep unconscious forces pull my attention away or distract with all kinds of emotions, using every technique to keep the system in homeostasis, even if that homeostasis means that in the long-term energy is being lost and that I am not able to create what I desire most deeply in the world. The strong negative emotions require me to need more time to settle myself and be clear-headed when sitting down for the LP course steps. Yeah, doing introspection, shadow work and recreating how my psyche and nervous system are built is bringing up lots of ego backlash and emotional rollercoasters... Deep inside I feel that I need to take on responsibility for myself and create more time & space for the LP course. Just for some time I need to make the LP course my 1st priority and the processes 2nd. I deeply desire the focus that comes with discovering myself and creating my vision.

Edited February 3 by Loving Radiance

[Loving Radiance]

Pass #7: 10/10 ~ continuation

I looked through other lists of values on the internet and I discovered my 10th value! It's Grace! It is something I missed because it is very similar to Love.

Funny, now I see where my avatar name is coming from  

 

    10. Grace/Compassion/Empathy

• My definition: Recognizing the divinity & innocence of a being (in front of me), and being loving, merciful and kind grace & presence.
• Congruence rating: 4/10
• 10/10: Deep embodiment of Self-love in daily life through prayer and daily bathing in presence & love. Self-forgiveness (seeing my innocence) & grace by channeling infinite love in my diary, practicing self-compassion, and letting go of myself. Having an open heart by consciously letting go of protective layers & parts and going into authentic and warm contact with the world. Feeling & understanding of the other's world by seeing where a person is and being in their shoes, including their pain, emotions and psyche's dynamics.

Edited February 7 by Loving Radiance

[Loving Radiance]

On 2.2.2024 at 11:27 PM, Loving Radiance said:

Update

Living here at the community (they have a focus on creating a new earth through awakening on all levels) makes me be distracted most of the time. I took on their commitment to their shadow work processes & inner growth, and right now my processes take up most of my resources. They bring up strong emotions which are hard to handle and it's intense how my psyche is rewiring itself on a daily basis. Deep unconscious forces pull my attention away or distract with all kinds of emotions, using every technique to keep the system in homeostasis, even if that homeostasis means that in the long-term energy is being lost and that I am not able to create what I desire most deeply in the world. The strong negative emotions require me to need more time to settle myself and be clear-headed when sitting down for the LP course steps. Yeah, doing introspection, shadow work and recreating how my psyche and nervous system are built is bringing up lots of ego backlash and emotional rollercoasters... Deep inside I feel that I need to take on responsibility for myself and create more time & space for the LP course. Just for some time I need to make the LP course my 1st priority and the processes 2nd. I deeply desire the focus that comes with discovering myself and creating my vision.

Again, I am finding myself at this point. Protector parts in me made me procrastinate by using community work and being part of it as a means to avoid looking deep within myself with the LP steps. And I understand it, it is an arduous task to compare my values (I am currently at 11/45 of comparing each to every other value) and it requires energy to be so focused and continuously internally observant. It's no flashy, high-dopamine activity. Even listening to music or doing meditation is more engaging. Hell, even being emotionally wound-up in processes and shadow work is more engaging even if it's uncomfortable to feel all these emotions.

I am responsible for myself to take aside at least 2h each day to focus on the LP course. I am responsible for myself to focus on what is essential and most important in the community work and then delegate the rest.