jimwell

That's an additional pile of big, crazy claims. I'll be waiting for the video "The Hidden Functionality of Evil".

I just sit there staring at the big, yellow moon and the big white-black clouds around it, admiring and appreciating the beauty and mystery. But I regularly do this to trees, dogs, birds, mountains, myself, and even to the few, beautiful women. ?So nothing new.

That tension in your body is the collective pain trauma inflicted by all your abusers. Continue to be aware of that to keep it under control. All your bullies are related in a sense they have one thing in common, they all hated and hurt you. First, your father bullied you. That left a vibe in you which is subconsciously or consciously detected by other bullies. That is why you were regularly targeted by bullies. Or at least a few times. Why do bullies bully others? It is to regain their perceived lost of self-esteem and power. They were bullied by their father and other bullies. The second reason is to transfer their pain and trauma to others, lessening their trauma. That helps them survive. They choose targets who they think are weaker than them and safe to mess with. They never choose humans who are as or stronger than them. Why? Because they are pretentious cowards. They can't handle people who pose a threat to them. Remember that. Don't work on one traumatic event only. That will not be enough to heal other traumas. Work on every trauma or painful memory. That is a lot of hard work. So I understand if that is not possible. As mentioned in my original post, do at least 70 percent. If your childhood was really bad like mine, do at least 90 percent. It is normal to remember other repressed trauma while working on a specific trauma. It even feels endless. But it eventually ends. You will know when your trauma is greatly minimized and you have achieved significant healing when you can willfully welcome the trauma or painful memories in your mind and feel a sense of peace. Before you achieve that, keep telling to yourself "I want to be at peace with this horror memory." every time a painful memory comes up. And of course, you need to do the Word or Onenote trauma exercise first and learn the lessons of the painful memories so it would be easier for you to move on. If a child is enormously abused by his parents, that child will ask why his parents hate and abuse him. And he will believe it is because he is a bad, worthless child, and he deserves the abuse he receives from his parents. The child will blame himself instead of the parents. That automatically results to low self-love, low self-esteem and much self-hate. This belief and "self-view" are completely ingrained in his soul that he retains them until adulthood, even until death if he doesn't do anything about it. If you can't see this truth, contemplate it and do introspection until you can.

Leo's most recent video about forgiveness has the core principles: 1. People who hurt you in the past did so because of ignorance. 2. They hurt you because they were trying to get love (from you or somebody else) but had limited, unhealthy ways to get it. 3. They hurt you because their level of consciousness was very low. 4. They hurt you because of their selfishness. 5. They hurt you for their survival agenda. That basically means people who hurt you in the past did so because of selfishness and ignorance. And this is true. If you don't see this, it means you have not done enough introspection and have not developed enough awareness of your past pain (and anger). He said being able to forgive is strength and not being able to is weakness. I think both are strength. His video is useful and effective to people who ordinarily got hurt or hurt as an adult. For example, the forum administrator banned you, another is, your boss unfairly fired you. But to that little 6-year-old japanese girl who was repeatedly dragged by his father by the neck from the entrance door to the bathroom and then brutally punched and kicked til blood comes out of her nose and mouth; to the child Teal Swan who was repeatedly sodomized or "analized" by an older family member, to the child me who was enormously mentally-emotionally wounded by his dumb father by being completely ignored and screamed at his entire childhood and teenage years, that forgiveness video is far from enough to heal the wounds, and even adds more harm. If you are in the "second category". You need a deeper perspective and understanding of your pain, anger, and forgiveness. 1. Forgiveness is the letting go of anger, that is, the letting go of the desire for revenge or justice. It is not when you say "I forgive you" to your business partner then suing him for screwing you. Forgiveness is when you say "I forgive you" to your business partner then say "And to prove that, I won't sue you or harm you in any way though you betrayed me.". It is not when you proclaim to everybody in the court "I am a true Christian, so I forgive this psychopath who murdered my daughter and your daughters." But then celebrate when the jury decides to give the death penalty to the serial killer. Those are just empty words, not forgiveness. 2. Complete forgiveness is reconciliation. It is the letting go of anger, that is, the letting go of the desire for revenge or justice, and starting a good relationship with your abuser again. So that means not only suing the business partner who screwed you, but to have another business deal with him again. That means to end the "no contact" situation you have with your NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) father or mother and start visiting or even living with them again. It is obvious this is dangerous. Complete forgiveness or reconciliation should only be given to people who love you though they might have hurt you a few times. It should never be given to people who have NPD or Stage Red or to people who hate you though they might have done a few good things to you. 3. Your anger is valid and must be honored. Don't demonize your anger. Don't believe them when they tell you you are a bad, evil person for holding anger. Anger is a valid response to harmful things done to you. It doesn't mean you should hold your anger until death. It simply means allow it to exist and understand it has an important function. And the paradox is, it is the acknowledgment and honoring of pain and anger which breaks the trans-generational wound transfer. I mean directing the anger at your parents or abusers then naturally letting it go, not forcefully. If you direct it at random innocent people because you lack awareness of it, you will transfer that pure shit to your children. 4. Forgiveness is a result of the healing of the mental-emotional wounds, not the other way around. You can't force forgiveness even if you want to. It will only lead to suppression. If you force yourself to forgive somebody who deeply broke your spirit, you might be able to do so for a few weeks. But the anger will still be deeply there. And it will be alive and kicking in your mind and body again in a few months if you become conscious of it. If not, it will run in the "background" of your mind and behavior. You will unconsciously hurt yourself and others. 5. Unconscious or disowned pain and anger manifests as physical and mental diseases. If that pain and anger is enormous but "unconscious", it manifests as mysterious bodily pains, cancer, anxiety, and depression. I have experienced this. My early adulthood anxiety and suicidal depression immediately disappeared after acknowledging my enormous pain and anger. Of course I did great inner work to accomplish it. It was completely difficult but it was worth it. 6. Learn the lesson of your pain and anger so you can then naturally and gradually release it. Beneath the pain and anger is deep wisdom. If you choose to welcome it and work on it, you will have a deep understanding of yourself and the humans who caused it. Through it, you will be a more self-loving person who sets boundaries. If you have been extremely and disgustingly abused by your parents during childhood, that means you are an adult person who has low self-love, low self-esteem, and a doormat. 7. The healing of your wounds is directly proportional to your capability to be at peace with your painful, imperfect past. This is where forgiveness can sprout from. You can implement the concepts above by doing the exercise Leo described in his video. But add this step. Write the details of what exactly happened, how you felt about it, and what you should have done and said during that time. Say that to yourself while writing or typing it on MS-Word or OneNote. And feel the deep pain and hatred engulfing your body. You need to be alone when doing this. The best thing is to do that for every painful or traumatic memory you have. But if it's impossible, just cover at least 70 percent of all your traumatic memories. Make sure to include your most traumatic memories. Be patient and persevere. You will feel very bad and angry in the first few weeks or months of doing this. But just continue. And observe your anxiety, depression or physical problems gradually disappear. That exercise is very powerful. If your anger stays alive for more than a year, that's ok. Consider the other possibilities. If you don't do the inner work, you will continue to suffer (anxiety, depression, physical problems, etc,) for 20,30 or 50 years until you die. Or you murder yourself now because you can't bear the suffering anymore. That was the inner work I did aside from developing self-love to accomplish great self-transformation. Before I was a young adult with very low self-esteem, low self-confidence, low self-love, much self-hate, had pure O, BDD, agoraphobia, and crippling depression. Now, I am the exact opposite. I am 10 years older but still a young adult and with strong, unshakable self-love, high self-confidence, and slight to no anxiety and depression. And I feel good about myself. I still have some anger but greatly reduced. How did I develop self-love? I might share it in the future. I am already too tired to make another long post. I don't know whether psychedelics helps in healing trauma and in forgiving your abusers. I have never tried any psychedelics. And I don't know whether the "existential" perspective of forgiveness is the ultimate solution. I can't see I am God imagining existence, I am infinite love, and I am all there is. That sounds just like an interesting, beautiful story to me.

Of course. ? Thanks for the positive message.

There is some truth to it. The original post is a display of inauthenticity that he forgot to mention the most important characteristic of a "sage", which is Love of Truth. The title should have been "How Do I Learn to Love Truth At All Cost?"

You mean in the "objective" sense? If there really is an "objective" truth, which is everything is one and equal, at least in the relative sense, psychiatry has more lies than truth is the truth. It is "Who is the deepest I?" and "What is the deepest existence?". As of now, my answer to the first question is "The deepest I is this awareness inside my head." And the answer to my second question is "The deepest that is that beautiful, mysterious star made of sub-atomic particles." My intuition strongly suggests there are deeper answers which I have no access to. I lament the truth that I still have no access to them after searching a few years.

My pleasure. But you are probably not doing the "trauma MS Word or OneNote exercise" and probably not actively developing strong, unshakable self-love. Honesty, especially self-honesty is very important in self-transformation.

@SageModeAustin I saw your "serious emotional problem" post. And my post is relevant to your post.

Reality is the ultimate horror movie. It's a valid perspective.

@Matt23 @AwakenedSoul444 @SageModeAustin @Husseinisdoingfine @Joshi3 @modmyth @VerballyHazardous @WhatAWondefulWorld I deeply understand how you feel. And I know you are doing your best. You have my compassion. I have been there. If you think there is nobody out there and there is no way out, remember, you have Yourself. Other humans like Nahm, and other things like videos and books, can help you by giving you new insights and tools to handle your suffering. But it is You who have the greatest power to heal yourself and change your situation. Why? Because it is you who has the direct access to your thoughts, feelings, desires, and suffering. If you always get the thought "I don't know how to heal myself, or where to go from here.", always say to yourself, "I don't know. But I will continue living and looking.". Just Continue. Things will be clearer as you keep continuing. Read and understand my original post. Then continue. You don't know how? It doesn't matter. Just continue.

Thanks! My pleasure. I'm happy you see the value of it. It's good you feel the physical sensation. If that trauma sensation is not being put into awareness or not taken care of, that will eventually manifest as anxiety, depression, suicidal feelings, mysterious bodily pains,cancer, etc. In my first few months of digging deep into my past, I was overwhelmed by the the number of painful memories flooding my consciousness. I focused on one painful memory, and in the middle of dissecting it, another painful memory came up. After one session which lasted about 2 to 3 hrs, I always got exhausted and would take a nap to recover my energy. This work of digging and dissecting your past or entire history is very serious and is naturally time, energy, and will-demanding. But it is the only way to go. What else is more sensible and rewarding than understanding yourself, your past, healing your trauma, and feeling good about yourself? It was a very long, winding road. I started with going to the psychiatrists and taking meds. It was a waste of time. I never suspected psychiatry as almost like a fraud. I just assumed every institution is legitimate and trustworthy. But as months go by, I could not ignore my perception that psychiatrists don't have a deep understanding of mental diseases and just blindly follow their protocol. That realization was very horrifying to me. And I was disgusted by psychiatry. Treating mental-emotional diseases is as serious, even slightly more serious than treating physical diseases I must say. How could psychiatrists charge spiritually broken people a fortune after bullshitting them? I was lied to. And my college friend who had GAD and depression was also lied to. He murdered himself after 6 months of seeing his psychiatrist (who was also my psychiatrist) and taking meds. So I took everything in my own hands. I did much research and bought a few books about my condition to have a deep understanding of it. One of the books I read was The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. His non-duality teachings did not help me. It just confused me instead. But the meditations he mentioned in the book were useful. I imagined a white light inside my head. Then I moved the white light to my neck, arms, belly, until it reached my feet. I did it for a few months. It increased my focus and made me more aware of my bodily sensations. Eckhart's "silent watcher" is powerful. It allowed me to "get out" of my feelings and observe them instead of being taken over by them. And I loved his "24/7" meditation which is to be very present all the time, in every situation. I started feeling the pressure on my feet while walking. I carefully observed the shape and color of the branches and leaves of trees and watched them swayed in the wind. It intensified my focus and concentration. I still do this form of meditation now, especially when I'm alone in nature. I came across a book about self-love. I intuitionally (intuitively) knew that would be a game changer. I spent a few years generating self-love. It was very difficult because there was much resistance. I had very low self-esteem and much self-hate to love myself. But I pulled it off. Now I have deep self-love. And it's unshakeable because it is unconditional. The greatest form of love is unconditional. It is easy to love somebody or something if it's beautiful. But if it's ugly, it is very challenging or impossible. And I know self-love is what you need. Start with recognizing your positive characteristics. Acknowledge and be appreciative of the things about yourself (especially something about your personality) which you naturally approve of. When you look in the mirror, notice and admire parts of your face and body which you find beautiful. Do this long enough until you notice the general positive feeling you generate when you think about yourself. When your self-love becomes stable, it will be very clear to you. You won't even question yourself whether you have it or not. Then you can level up and try to generate Unconditional self-love. I can't give details on how to do this. I don't have enough time and energy now to cover another complex topic. I might do it in the future. It is very natural to me to contemplate things. This must be one of the major reasons why I had pure O ( a form of OCD). I have always had a natural curiosity about things, especially things most humans are not interested in, since I was 4 years old. It is through deep contemplation that I understand and discover useful methods for solving things. I love being alone in nature. I regularly ride my bicycle or talk a walk in places like this. From time to time, I pick a spot and just sit there, contemplating or admiring and appreciating the beauty and mystery for 6 hrs straight. It always refreshes my soul. https://goo.gl/maps/ky5Xrtn79r37B3Cr7 I love beautiful women, especially if they are authentic. Being with them and enjoying them also helps in healing yourself. This might make you envious.

@Leo Gura I love it.

If you have a deep love and respect for beauty and the mystery of existence, this is for you. It will be a good form of meditation. Watch it at 1080p (at least).

@Unemployed My pleasure.

I have seen Leo and people in this forum often disapprove of Trump and Stage Red. I can see why. But I think you Stage Green and a few Stage Blue people have overlooked the good side. Trump and Duterte shake the status quo, not Biden. Bernie and Stage Green can, but very slowly (can take hundreds or thousands of years on a global scale). If the status quo is unacceptable, it's worth shaking it up and taking risks. Duterte proclaimed the Pope, bishops, priests as useless and hypocritical. He told the Filipinos (over 80 % Catholic Christians) bishops and priests prey on altar boys if they are homosexuals and prey on nuns if they are heterosexuals. That sounds very funny but is also true (at least in many cases). But it's very offensive to very Stage Blue Catholic Christian Filipinos. But the inital shock brought good changes. Now I see more Filipinos questioning their Catholic faith and some even renouncing it, having an existential crisis as a result. What Duterte did is equivalent to Biden saying Fortune 500 corporations and Wall Street people are extremely selfish and seek profit at all cost. They have unfairly acquired much wealth that there's a need for regulations and wealth redistribution. It is also equivalent to Shinzo Abe (Japan's prime minister) saying that Naruhito (the Japanese emperor) has no real authority but the authority given to him by the Japanese people. And he needs to stop receiving "emperor" taxes. This is completely unthinkable. Shinzo Abe would rather commit seppuku than tell the truth. But that's exactly what Duterte did and continues to do and what Trump is capable of. Humans significantly and rapidly change only in a serious crisis. That's what the coronavirus pandemic has proven. Suddenly, normal people have OCD. They wash their hands and wear masks more than usual. People work at home and go out only when needed. Humans, buildings, and places become automatically cleaner. Landlords lower rent to minimize business profit loss. Senseless sports events and gatherings are cancelled. School terms are shortened. Airlines cancel flights to "highly infected" cities and offer refunds. Governments inject emergency funds to support small businesses and employees. The cooperation as a way to cope is amazing. Now, imagine what World War 3 can do. It will be a great tragedy but I am very open to the possibility that something very beautiful and miraculous can emerge. Trump and Duterte are the type of people who start great wars. That's a few examples of how Stage Red forces Stage Blue and Orange to evolve to Stage Green on a global scale (quickly, in a few years or decades).

@Serotoninluv I have thrown pearls in front of pigs. Don't use only Green ways in every situation, especially when dealing with extremely selfish demons who are below Green. Embrace and utilize Red. It is very powerful and has a place in societal evolution.

I understand your perspective. That is a traditional "righteous" approach. And that's ok. I am just revealing something unconventional, overlooked, and ignored. Considering the advancement humans have made in science and technology, we now have the resources (buildings, trains, factories, computers, internet, food production, globalization, etc) to cope up with a great tragedy and rapidly evolve ourselves. You have forgotten or underestimated the stupidity and extreme selfishness of humans. And that's the exact reason why they reject truth and not evolve. What forces them to change and evolve is to present a threat to their survival. Because it will be in their best self-interest to do so, otherwise they die. We clearly see this rapid, significant change and evolution now with the coronavirus pandemic. It took only a few months what would have been decades long change and evolution. The video below clearly demonstrates one of the miraculous changes. The province and everybody living there now receives financial subsidy and support from the South Korean government. It's too good to be true. It can exist only as a dream for Bernie, Yang, and you. This is the power of Stage Red. It might be "unethical". But it is certainly very effective and respectable. In the short and long run, it can produce greater love and beauty.

@Futarino I'm sorry for my late reply. What is "consciousness?" It is about your mindset or worldview (how you see yourself, things, and society), your values (things which are important to you), and your behavior. Please read this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs and this https://www.actualized.org/insights/spiral-dynamics-essence Why is DUterte Stage Red? Because he violates rules and conventions to satisfy himself. Murdering criminals and other politicians for his benefit or satisfaction is Stage Red. It is bad but is also good. It depends on the situation. Watch Leo's Spiral Dynamics videos. Don't hide your posts. It's good to honestly ask questions.

That's funny.

@universe You don't understand my posts enough. And you don't know what you are talking about. The only sensible things you wrote are your last 2 sentences.

@Emerald @Serotoninluv@Apparition of Jack Look at the global situation. The developed countries (though they are not actually developed) have extreme wealth inequality, corruption, homelessness, health care (people die of illnesses because they can't afford it), 8-5 low salary jobs, depression, mass murder and self-murder (suicide) suffering or problems. The developing countries (though every country is actually developing), also have those problems (but to a more serious level) except mass murder, but with additional mass starvation and extra judicial murder. What else can be worse than this? Yes, Bernie can shake up the status quo from "above" but it will be certainly very slow, especially on a global scale. AS mentioned in one of my posts, it can take hundreds or thousands of years because societal evolution depends on the "consciousness" of the majority. Are you willing you to be that little girl whose mother recently died because she was forcefully sent home by the hospital because she couldn't afford the hospital bills anymore? Are you willing to be that wage slave who is living paycheck to paycheck but seriously thinking of murdering herself because she has anxiety and depression but can't receive therapy because of she is just one paycheck away from homelessness? Think, be sensitive, and embody their suffering. There are millions of these little girls and wage slaves around the world. Are you saying we should wait for hundreds of years for a significant global change to happen and relieve them of their suffering? The global situation is already and has been for many decades very ugly and unacceptable. It is a very slow, painful death. The world needs to take a gamble. It's sensible to try Trump and Stage Red because immediate change is needed.

No. That's wrong. Stage Red is also good. Every stage is good. It depends on how healthy and controlled it is. The point of Spiral Dynamics is not to move to Turquoise and drop the previous stages. The point is to move to Turquoise while embracing and maintaining healthy characteristics of the lower stages. That's what makes you a more balanced, complete human. Every stage has an important function.

@Serotoninluv It's amazing you two have the same question. But to ask me this question is ridiculous. Why? Because I don't need a crisis to change for the better. I change when I see I need to, for love of truth and beauty. You should direct the question to the majority instead. And maybe, also direct that question to yourselves.

@Milos Uzelac No, you didn't bother me. I'm happy you expressed your feelings and you understand my ideas and feelings. But you not using periods is what bothers me. It's difficult to understand. Please use sentences in expressing your ideas next time.