Ulax

@Timothy Okay, not quite what I was after. But, nonetheless, I'm curious. How would you compare being in a state of self-love to being in one of more self-loathing?

Fuck man. That's a tough situation. One thing I'd say is that it is not your responsibility to manage her emotions. It is her responsibility. Even if she feels uncomfortable, that is on her to deal with. Your responsibility is simply not to escalate where you can reasonably ascertain that she doesn't want you to. Which doesn't sound like that was the case. I think Yarco's advice is pretty much spot on.

@Nightwise I like what you say. However, I would stay away from Hulse. Dude is toxic imo. Jocko Willink would be a healthier example. He's more psychologically integrated than those two imo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubOlsCr13q4

IFS

I'd go for IFS all day every day. And add in some loving-Kindness meditation

Sincerely, love them unconditionally, or get them to work to love themselves unconditionally. Otherwise people just see through the lens of trauma, and that they see is bleak, colourless, and full of things worthy of suspicion.

Probably luck of the draw re which culture they were in

@Khin Still active on this forum? I'd like to ask you some stuff about metta

I'd recommend Richard Schwartz

Haven't seen there stuff, but if your description is true to life, then i dislike them. Sounds bypassy and narcy

Sounds like an epiphany. I think we're all perfect always.

@puporing I liked your comment

"its clearly a foolish assumption, thinking that a job is easier than high school." Depends on your high school experience tbf. For me I find working jobs is way easier than high school.

@Jenkins Been there dude, still there. I don't have a sex life anymore because of multiple unpleasant situations that this caused in my sexual relationships. It is what it is for me. I personally right now believe that long-term depth psychotherapeutic work is the answer for me. As well as transcending out of my current toxic life circumstance, which I'm finding very challenging to do. I agree with Nahm's point about tension. Something else that comes to mind is that perhaps when you are smoking weed your mind is able to dissociate away from certain parts of yourself. When not on weed those parts are activated, and these parts inhibit your sexual experience. For example, it may be that the activated part shames your sexual desires, and so sex becomes associated with shame. The film Shame (2011) captures this exquisitely, in my opinion. Regarding kicking the weed addiction, I think having structure to your day helps, edging off weed gradually, and inner healing is the long-term solution. But, the latter is more based on faith, I'm still struggling with addiction myself. Notably, internet addiction.

@ValiantSalvatore Hatred or self hatred? Re your experiencing hatred?

Thanks Have passed this onto someone

I'd delve into critical theory. You can talk a lot about reification and alienation in the light of Leo's teaching on here

Hmmm, thanks for sharing. It appears to me that you are taking on stage-green as stage blue. Instead of an acceptance attitude that typify green, you are holding people to various difference standards of good and bad. I note numerous uses of 'underdeveloped' to label people. I also noticed some covert contracts, which is a toxic behaviour. That is you do things with the expectation that you'll get something in return from the other person, and then hold them to that expectation. However, they never agreed to fulfil that expectation. I note that particularly with: "In the virtual context : I met someone on shapr with whom I spent 1 year talking very sporadically who never at the end of the day MET ME and I was like for fucks sake why are you wasting my time by saying that you want to meet me irl if you in fact do not want to !? Yes, sure, I shouldn't expect decency out of low consciousness people who simply act out their survival agenda." "Anyways I'm quite buthurt because I interpret the fact that people do not seemingly want to make efforts to maintain friendships with me as me being low value which I completely disagree with as I have plenty to offer." That sounds like a really healthy approach. "I have another quote on quote friend who takes ages to answer messages." I'd have a think about your boundaries/ standards. Do you want to be friends with someone who treats you like this? To be honest, I think you could get a lot of growth from doing long-term depth psychotherapy, and developing a loving-kindness meditation practice. If you have positive experiences in these modalities of growth, then you'll naturally attract and be attracted to more psychologically healthy and fulfilling relationships. You may also like the non-violent communication book.

@Lyubov I really like BJJ. I'd be wary of doing something like boxing. I've been involved with the sport, and had some reasonable success I am proud of. However, in retrospect many of the gyms I attended were run by toxic people, which created toxic, healthy environments. Toxic masculinity is a large risk with boxing gyms in my opinion. At the two gyms I went to most, I noticed many attendees seemed quite repressed in terms of their anger, despite how long they had been there. And, I was no different.

Or that they would ever think of me. Im sort of shaking as i write this because ive never put this out there before. Because if it is true that i can be seen then my whole life is a lie, and how could be people have been so fucking horrible to me..

@DManKee i would answer no.

@bejapuskas Poor 'old' Nahm

@Yonkon I understand there is correct information promoting the anti repressed memory stance. I believe said correct information is that there have been many incidents in therapeutic scenarios where a client has come to believe that they have remembered an abusive event, when in fact it is not actual a memory, but an imagined event. Hence, this has led to some innocent people being falsely accused of perpetuating abuse. However, I strongly disagree with the idea that memories do not get repressed. I myself suffer from serious dissociation. And I often access new memories that I know to have happened, but for many years of my life I have been able to recall, or even know occurred at all. Hence, from anecdotal experience I understand, at least for myself, that it is false to claim that the theory of repressed memories is untrue. Further, dissociative disorders are not uncommon. And, intrinsic to them all are repressed memories. Hence, that provides evidence that repressed memory theory holds true for human collectively.

@lxlichael Nice one. I plan to reply to these two recent posts in details at a later time. Till then, I appreciate the discussion.