Roy

What were yours? (While trying). You were likely in your head too much. Sex is supposed to be a primal, natural act. You shouldn't be thinking at all.

For anyone doing any kind of coaching or consulting, did you have any post-secondary education or professional experience relevant to teaching, guiding, or coaching people prior to becoming a coach? What was your general path? Is it simply the aptitude and understanding of the content you're coaching that gave you the foundation for what you have now? Thanks in advance.

Yea it's absolutely not fair @ColeMC01, but you have to ask yourself if you really want it, what other choice do you have?

no life coaches around these parts?

Why worry about something that is inevitable? Worry is reserved for things which have not yet happened but we fear might happen. You will get old, so what is there to worry about ? You are only as young as you feel. How many laps you've done around the sun is irrelevant unless you need to be a certain age to buy alcohol. I've met people who are 70 and look 50, and 40 who look 60. I've found it's best to ignore all that stuff about cognitive decline and what your "peak" is. Yea there may be science behind it, but isn't it more positive and exciting to just pretend you're going to beat the odds? Fuck science, be exceptional.

Then don't indulge her. Being the other participant with someone who might be looking to cheat on their partner is pretty much just as bad as what they're doing. Be better. Delete her number and forget about her.

God damnit it's like dealing with children in a daycare except it's fully grown adults who can vote.......... just take the vaccine. No they don't cause autism, you can't catch something you already have. You are gonna be fine.

It's obviously an egoic approach and is easily corrupted by selfishness. "Pleasure" being "Good" can make one easily blind to the fact that many pleasures come at the expense of other creatures and the environment. But since it's "Good" from the ego's POV the ends justify the means. Not to mention no matter how much you indulge in hedonism those experiences and states of pleasure are always fleeting, they are ultimately hollow and will never satisfy you. Anytime someone says they are a hedonist to me I basically laugh, they may as well have "Devil" on their forehead written in bright red letters

In a way yes, but what the OP is saying is just pragmatism, there is nothing offensive in any part of his post imo. MGTOW is saying what he's saying BUT doing it in a really selfish and blatantly sexist way, which is of course stupidity and devilry. I'm also in the same boat as the OP, it's funny I came across this now. I broke up with a recent partner yesterday because I've got other things I want to succeed more at in life right now and ultimately if I'm honest I'm just using a relationship as a distraction. I'm starting to realize I only have so much energy and resources in my life right now, I can't have it all so I need to make sacrifices. When I think long term anyways, I'm leaning quite heavily towards NOT getting married or having biological children anyways, so why do I need to foster and invest a ridiculous amount of time, money, and emotional energy into getting a woman for those things if I don't want them? I only want to adopt 1 child one day and I don't need a partner for that. Of course I'll want a partner again eventually as great relationships can be amazing things, but it won't be a major priority for me until I figure some other things out and accomplish what I want to. He does have a point here that people could learn from. We need to break the cultural conditioning of things we "should" be doing because for a lot of people it just leads to a mediocre or even shitty life. We're encouraged to do EVERYTHING at once, but that's absurd because only a rare few people are superhuman and can pull it off. If you're really serious about getting exactly what you want you need to make sacrifices and go hard at it and not care what people think because you won't be able to do it all by just following the "normal" path. You cannot have it all, but you can have what you want if you're focused and strategic enough. Just masturbate. There is nothing wrong with some self-love to fulfill your sexual desires in the meantime. Just have the discipline and self-awareness not to become a porn addict. There are plenty of successful and developed people that sacrificed relationships and sex on the way to reaching their goals. Do you think they all had a chastity belt on and were /r/NoFap moderators on the way to their accomplishments? No of course not.

Ultimately from every aspect you've described and hinted at in your post this relationship sounds like it's going to destroy you if it hasn't already, so logically it would be best to leave and I think you already know that @MoonJade39. Take some time to contemplate on this but do NOT put this off or fail to make a decision. Yes it will also destroy her, but this will be temporary. It will provide her with the radical shock she needs to get her life in order and to actually live. Some of the things you've described about your credit card debt, her not getting up and trying to keep you in bed, the guilt tripping....... these are signs of someone who is desperately co-dependent. Maybe you have been able to heal and protect her to some extent in the relationship up until this point, but you can only do so much for a person before they MUST start helping themselves. You do not need to feel obligated to stick around if it is literally causing both of you to suffer, in fact it's a weakness on your part that you are perhaps so fearful of being alone you're willing to carry on something that you know if your heart needs to end. Do not ignore those signals from your higher self. If you really love her consider the best thing you can do for her is to cut off that umbilical cord so she is forced to go it alone. You are worried that she will kill herself and that is a scary thought to have I know, because I have been through it myself, but through the haze of the emotion it's actually highly unlikely and a very convenient thing to say on her part to make you imagine the scenario and retreat into fear again. What you can do about this is provide her with some guidance, a few resources, and some basic ideas about what she can do as you separate (make sure you are gone for some time as you both process the future, being together after breaking the news can be highly toxic and open the decision to a reversal). Where can she go to stay after, friends, family? Where can she get a job? Are there any unemployment or welfare benefits she can get to survive? Where will you live? These logistics are the kinds of things you need to think about but only worry about them immediately AFTER you've broken up with her to help ease the pain and make it more real as you both move on. You mentioned that it's not a win/win but actually I believe that's just because you're stuck in the thick of it right now and can't see. It's a win for her because she will finally start creating a life from the ashes of this, and a win for you because you will be free again from a toxic relationship that is hurting and weighing down your health, your wealth, and your happiness. Are all those massive sacrifices really worth it so you don't feel "lonely" and "empty", even though you were happy and fulfilled before you met her? I'll also add with blunt candor that this person you've described is your fiancee? That makes this somewhat of an emergency as the potential of your life is at stake here. I know you can't see it know but if you don't end this before the knot is tied and then decide while you're legally binded that you want to leave, she can absolutely FUCK you and essentially ruin your life making the misery you could experience magnitudes higher than what you're feeling now. I wish you both all the best and I hope you have the strength for whatever path you choose.

What did you expect @Leo Gura? The guys that are looking to get into it are typically young and with not a lot of life experience, not to mention they're sexually frustrated. Shouldn't some tamer alternative be taught to such ripe vulnerable egos? Yea pick-up can be done "properly" but it's like asking for them to find a needle in a haystack lol.

You need to come to understand that loneliness isn't something that needs to be "handled", like it's a problem. We are conditioned to think that loneliness is bad and we should avoid it, so all sorts of labels are put on it. Those shitty feelings or thoughts you might be having are the result of that conditioning. You can train yourself to let go of them, and be ok and even feel good in the state of being alone. This is done by being aware and an observer of your own thoughts and emotions, silent mindfulness meditation is a simple way to get better at this. This isn't to say you should avoid people and try to be lonely, of course still go about your life, try to enjoy relationships and human contact in whatever capacity it comes in, but realize you can also be completely happy and content regardless if anyone is around or not. How do you do this? - Break that social conditioning by realizing those negative thoughts and shame you feel from being alone are coming from a false place, from people who are usually scared. Make yourself a strong person so you don't feel that fear. - Become such a complete person and love yourself so much that being alone actually becomes a great thing when those times do arrive in your life, because it is inevitable. Think about it, if you are going to go through stretches of loneliness in your life, doesn't it make sense to be content and be able to enjoy those times? - Extra tip: find hobbies and things to do that don't depend on anyone. You need things to get excited for when nobody else is around. An activity that puts you in a state of zen or joy.

Let's go slightly meta on this, even asking "was this girl right to block me?" is a partial failure on your part because you are asking the question with bias. Within your own questioning you're implying as if the girl already knows you're a great guy who isn't a pervert, which you very likely aren't you just meant to joke around. Look at it from her perspective though, would you consider blocking that person? That might give you your answer. Adjust your behavior accordingly.

It's as simple as this: If their survival strategy is working well enough in their environment, what incentive do they have to change? A conservative stage blue farmer is never going to give a fuck about rampant stage orange capitalism or stage green social issues and feel the need to develop themselves in the face of those things if their life has more or less worked out for them with little resistance. They got married, raised some kids, had a steady honest job for 40+ years and now own a decent home and can retire. If that's all they value and it's been accomplished it literally feels to them that they have reality figured out and they don't need to do any better. This is why most people die at the stage they are raised in. It just has to work out to a certain minimum level and that's it. Appreciate the fact that any of us being interested in developing ourselves is a major stroke of luck. Just the fact that you're aware of spiral dynamics or any sort of personal development puts you in a crazy high percentile of privilege, let alone having the luxury and resources to pursue such things.

The reason you're not lasting long is because you are probably stuck in thought and so preoccupied with the "result" and anticipating the future so much (oh my god I'm gonna cum, she is so hot I can't cum this fast or I'll look weak!) that it is actually making your body tense up and spasm out of reaction to those worries. The antidote to this? You might think it's more thought of something negative or gross to distract you. It's actually no thought at all. You want to feel into your bodily sensations even more! Counter-intuitively this will actually make you last longer because you are now relaxing your body and slowly enjoying the process of it, instead of obsessing about the grand finale. Don't just focus your gaze on the penetration all the time, look into her eyes, notice other parts of her body, and yours too, notice little details while they arise, explore while doing the act, feel your breathing and make sure it's natural and flowing, communicate and check in now and then to make sure they are comfortable and nothing hurts. Remember sex is shared, sacred event. Do not ever go into it with a selfish mentality of wanting to get off, your role is to be entirely focused about what YOU can give to the other person as a gift, and they will reciprocate (hopefully). Learning this has helped me become quite good in bed and made me last way longer than I used to, even the woman I'm with now who is incredibly attractive to me I can basically last an infinite amount of time unless I want to focus on finishing. It's actually kind of hard to cum when you're so preoccupied with doing what you can to satisfy the other person. Next time you have sex @Solvinden, genuinely focus all your energy and passion into pleasing your partner and let me know if your stamina improves.

I wonder how many people have gone to the doctor panicking after shitting out beets thinking their insides are broken or that they have cancer Yea jokes aside beets are awesome. They taste delicious in almost every form.

Here is what happened man; She was drunk and when she sobered up the next day probably thought what the fuck was she thinking trying to have random sex in the back of a moving car. She didn't text you back because she is embarrassed and doesn't want to think about it dude. Just give her some space and don't talk about it for a while.

The discipline to resist the ego minds demands, and to act authentically in it's place.

Nothing evil or wrong with pornography. Sex is a wonderful thing in life and people should be able to enjoy it in the various forms it comes in. Just try to only use it a handful of times a year when you're single and really horny. The problem comes from the fact it's so readily available, and the majority of people don't have the discipline to stop themselves from using it too much. Where is can easily become an addiction. Think of porn like chocolate bars or candy. Almost everyone in the world likes some kind of chocolate bar or candy, and no matter where you go in our modern society it's pretty easy to find. Whether you're in a small town in the middle of nowhere, or a city. Every gas station, corner store, grocery store, or even non-food related stores will have them, ready to be eaten. However you know they're so tasty and rich that if you eat too much of them, or get one every time you go into a gas station or grocery store it might damage your health, and for sure make you sick if you overdue it. They taste so good because there is so much sugar, and it's designed in mind to give you pure pleasure at the cost of everything else. The cost is any nutrition, damage to your teeth, even the risk of diabetes after years of not controlling the addiction. Porn is just like candy, but the costs of the pleasure are mental, sexual, and physiological. By all means enjoy it, but treat it exactly like what it is (no pun intended)......... a treat.

I thought Leo would appreciate the larger picture at play here for something like this, but it seems he's adamant in being a contrarian and pointing out the selfishness coming from all directions , which he is isn't that wrong in by the way. Still, I think moments in history like this are perfect examples of how we're evolving. It's never been so hilariously transparent that our systems are deeply flawed, corrupt, and unequal. It's so blatant now that no apologist should be able argue otherwise without getting laughed out of the room like a flat-earther. Hopefully when all is said and done some laws are passed that insulate us all against this stupidity, and regular people start to decondition themselves from the money cult of a society we're in and realize; Rich people truly don't give a FUCK about anyone but themselves. Fuck The System

Be patient. When things are meant to happen, things will click and you will feel it. Stop expecting to be successful with every encounter, you're just gonna disappoint yourself. No guy or girl is good enough to game every other person from the opposite sex. Sometimes people just aren't that compatible. You can know all the theory and do everything "right", that doesn't guarantee shit. If that spark isn't there, it isn't there. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop overthinking and dwelling on any mistakes. Use that time and energy to be working on the next girl, make sense?

Eat the rich.

You're so off the cusp @Striving for more, I don't even know where to begin mate, but I'll do my best to address everything you said as I think it's warranted. Maybe it will help some other readers as well. First of all nobody who was raised with the social conditioning that taught them to have any level of success and experience with the opposite sex feels the need to do pick-up. If you already know how to catch fish, why the hell would you go to fishing school? You wouldn't go. It's not smug to point out something as simple as that at all. What I said isn't even controversial, how you came to that conclusion is frankly confusing to me, I'm guessing you're just being a bit defensive here. Also "95%" of men not having the social skills and confidence to attract the opposite sex is not only anecdotally absurd to anybody here reading that statement, if it were even half that number let alone close to it we literally wouldn't even be here having this conversation, because the species wouldn't be able to survive and reproduce LOL. The vast majority of people know how to get in relationships or get sex in some capacity, the lack of social conditioning is mostly a recent phenomena, likely caused by technology being too abundant and popular No, but they CAN. You have to realize, whenever anybody lacks something and they try to compensate for it, they might feel it's necessary to go overboard or be reckless/hasty about it because there is social pressure to "catch-up", which was my original point. If you take a chronically impoverished person and suddenly show them all the potential ways they could make money, they might be tempted to take the easiest, selfish, and most ruthless route they can. The same goes for someone who has been deprived sex and human connection for whatever reason, whether it was their fault or they were a victim of a shitty environment. The lesson here is you can never underestimate a desperate person. "Lacking" can push people to improve healthily, but they can also improve unhealthily. Watch out and observe all the ways the mind will justify and rationalize exploiting other people to fill that "lack". There is too much in this salad of a rant so I'll just say a few things. - Be clear about distinguishing pick-up and general self-improvement and not mix them up like they are the same thing. Yes pick-up has a lot of general self-help in it, which is great I hope people do that and it helps them, but don't misconstrue the fact that the heart of "pick-up" is to get better with the opposite gender so you can have relationships/sex. To challenge YOU specifically, think about the fact calling yourself someone who practices "pick-up" might be apart of your identity. So it's of course in YOUR best interest to defend it and make it appear as noble and great as possible. "Oh yah, pick-up is awesome. It's all about self-improvement. I just want to be the best I can be. I wanted help with women and now I got it and I'm better because of pick-up." Really challenge your own biases. - Yes maybe it would help a lot of guys to get into pick-up (once again they wouldn't need to do it because well, most guys already know how to get laid. It's actually the exception to struggle on something so basic, unfortunately) but it also has the potential to be abused in toxic, selfish ways. A lot of people are very egoic and aren't responsible, they will abuse the spirit of improvement and the power they might get from it in awful ways. There is countless evidence of this. This isn't even debatable so I don't need to bring up a semantic list, but just the fact ALONE that some of the biggest most successful pick-up channels that existed on YouTube and the internet have been permanently banned and had countless accusations come to light. If that doesn't make you immediately laugh, and then question your position a bit, I don't know what will.

Here is all you need to know to understand "pick-up" >>> It's from and for, men and boys who didn't get the social skills and development growing up that they needed in how to deal with the opposite sex, so now they are overcompensating. That's literally all it is. It's not any more complicated than that. Of course as should be obvious, whenever you are overcompensating for anything in life, it tends to be done in sloppy, reckless, and selfish ways.

It doesn't even matter at this point. They will have no chance of beating Kamala Harris. They either try to backtrack and save face by nominating someone milk toast and boring compared to Trump, who won't galvanize the nation enough to win, or they introduce someone even crazier than Trump that they won't want to rally around because of the fiasco they just went through. Either way the GOP is colossally fucked for 4, 8, maybe even 12 years.