Roy

Sounds like an underlying issue with perfectionism/acceptance that is manifesting in trivial ways, or it could be you subconsciously feeling lacking from something in the past and you're compensating for it now by optimizing what you do have. It's really hard to say. Being aware of the unnecessary stuff is a good start, but it's only a band-aid that will treat the symptoms. You need to dig deeper into your past to be aware of what the real cause is. Important questions to ask are; - When did this first start? I mean specifically remember the earliest of you doing this. Remember that part of your life as much as you can, and try to find links that might have caused the habit/behavior. - If I make a real effort to force my way through the OCD, what emotions does that bring up for me? Knowing the kinds of emotions that happen will help pinpoint where the issue is. This will help you get started to heal deeper, it's not exactly on the topic but it's really profound and has a lot of overlap; Hope this helps cheers!

I know what you mean. They can feel like life or death, but that's exactly what it is - a feeling. If you relax and allow yourself to take a step back and look at the big picture is it really life or death? If you don't accomplish something is it really that crippling? I know it can seem like a waste of time but reflect on the things you take for granted; - Are you going to be homeless because of "failure"? - Did you lose your arm or leg? More broadly, do you still have your health in tact? - Did you lose all your money and safety net? If you compare yourself to a lot of the intense challenges and struggles many other people go through around the world you'll humble yourself and realize, "hey my life actually is going OK! I may have had a setback here or there but I'm still a position to try again." It will quickly free you of that emotional burden/self-hatred and allow you to move on quicker. Successful people from all walks of life fuck up massively before breaking through. It's a numbers game. Of course this is all relative and people will say "no shit" things look fine if you compare yourself to a poor starving African kid in Kenya, but that doesn't make it any less true nor humbling. I also feel you in the motivation regard. Accept that it's ok if you need to use negative motivation to get started on something, just don't let it be the fuel that carries you the whole way, then you have a problem.

I think he's tried literally everything dude. 100% of his time the past however many years has been spent trying to optimize and improve himself. Not trying to be a dick, just saying a lot of people are coming up with suggestions and are wasting their time. He isn't gonna learn or find anything new he's said so himself.

@Chumbimba That's natural. The key is to realize you have your entire life to do these things! What's the rush? Rome wasn't built in a day. Besides if you aren't working on these things in some capacity, what are you even doing? You mention the word "work", but really it doesn't have to be. Of course some aspects can be hard and will take emotional/physical labour. But like I said a lot of it can be turned into a game to make it fun. It doesn't all have to feel like grinding work. That's mostly a perspective and projection which can be altered or changed. If you actually list out your goals and put them in the real world (like writing them down on a piece of paper or whiteboard) you'll find it actually tricks your brain into making them more concrete and attainable for you. If you leave them all up in your head they just seem like vague and massive dreams which don't feel like they could be a reality.

I literally have physical folders (& digital) of multiple categories in my life. I started doing all this some years ago when I got sick of feeling sorry for myself and took radical responsibility for every-fucking-thing. I work on all of them simotaneously, but some more than others depending on current importance, or if I'm starting to lack in one area. I am always looking for new strategies, sources, information, and ways to optimize them. Like Leo says you want to gamify the process so it feels fun! It's useful to have a life purpose, because then it'll be much easier to come up with the content of your strategy. It has something to "line-up" with. Still, even if you don't have that larger vision yet it's important you start to take them seriously if you want to position yourself strongly for when you DO get that vision. It'll save you a bunch of time and make it seem more attainable if your starting point is much closer. Examples Health: - What kind of body do I want? What does it look like? How do I want to feel day to day? - What exercises and activities support that vision? Can I make any of them fun instead of a chore? - Does my diet support the body I see? Is my diet consistent with my values? Relationship: (I have a long term partner now and I still look for ways to keep things fresh and engaging, before I would ask) - What kind of person do I want in my life? Is there lifestyle compatible with mine? - Do we want to live or be in the same kind of place in the future? - Why can't I attract that person now? Am I looking in the right kind of places for that person? Finances: - What is my exact current situation for wealth? (Count all expenses, income, assets, liabilities, etc) - What resources do I need to get where I want to be in the future? - Do I need to reorganize my current finances? Are they in line with my lifestyle? Those are just to get you started. These are all really tough questions to ask but they are important. Think of your life as a war, to accomplish the things you want to accomplish and thereby "win" you need to constantly be assessing the situation and asking questions. From there you can strategize and know what content to look for and the things you have to be doing. I would recommend spend at least 1-2 hours once a week doing this so things feel much more in control, and you aren't aimless.

Not a judgement just an unbiased observation. Look at the thing being pointed at not the pointer.

I think because of the internet and smart-phones being ever so increasingly popular there is WAAAAY too much conceptualizing and time being spent of people burrowing themselves in communities which usually end up being highly self-bias and ideological, instead of being out in the real world, feeling instead of thinking, and genuinely interacting with people as an individual. Notice how so many of these communities even under the marketing front of "self-improvement" spend so much time judging others. This is clear with any scroll to the comment section of a pick-up, red-pill, or whatever channel. They are so insulated in their own worldview they come up with their own languages and labels for everyone. People who don't agree to a T with the dogma and point out their hypocrisy and the absurdities they convince themselves of are labelled "beta" or whatever other nonsense you'd expect a 13 year-old to say, let alone full grown "men". Even for simply linking a thread on this very forum a while ago about all the scummy things a "self improvement company" like RSD have done I had a user in this thread react and say that I will "push women away for judging people about sex", obviously while not knowing a thing about me or my sex life. This was clearly just a projection to demonstrate and justify his own values, but see how being so immersed in this content can trap someone and the way they think and interact with others in the world? Even if they are doing this stuff to better themselves I don't think people are quite aware of how it's coming from a place of selfishness and certainly not from love, which not only can hurt others but themselves too. I think there is a tremendous lack of self-honesty that taints so much of the content. If most people were really honest with themselves they would admit they just want their cake and to eat it too. People need to be MUCH more careful about where they are getting their advice and leadership from, and their reasons for doing it. You really need to be a critical thinking person who isn't scared to go it completely alone if you want to get healthy change that sticks. Of course people are going to say "but you just have to take the good and leave the rest", just like with Elliot here. Unfortunately I don't believe most people are actually equipped for that and are way too self-deceived. There needs to be a lot more preliminary work that people need to do before they even start and it isn't talked about enough. Hence why there is still so much arguing and toxicity even on a high quality website like this one.

@Raptorsin7 I think this is a brilliant thing to get into right now. Our lives are becoming more and more digital and the gaming industry/E-sports is only going to expand and include more people. Being a pretty hardcore gamer the past 7 years, I've definitely noticed a lack of helpful content in this regard. Except for the occasional "don't be toxic" mantra that people repeat, and the anti-bullying fundraising that happens once in a while. Overall the community has pretty low self-awareness and when it is aware it's usually pretty warped. I think that's simply a consequence of the demographics and culture but there is no reason it can't be helped. It might be hard to get a receptive audience for this but I think if it's done with the right humor you can connect to them and make that "healthy" image come off as cool and relatable. Just playing devils advocate here but do you think enlightenment even has a place with video games or vice versa? How do you see this taking shape? My intuition tells me to get enlightened you'd probably have to transcend something like video games but I haven't thought about it that much.

That's really cool. Is that going to include how to practice healthy mindsets and teaching certain mentalities for improving/controlling emotion and rage?

@DLH Woah! No way I lived in Emsdale and spent most of my life in Muskoka. Went to high school in Bracebridge. What town you from? BTW for thread I'm living in North Bay. Cold weather smaller city of 50,000 people close to the great lakes, I'd say it's 35% Blue, 65% OJ, 5% Green. I'd say the further north you go in most of Canada things get more and more blue because the cold weather and survival needs encourage tradition and don't allow much much change if at all. There is a sticking with "what works" attitude.

Trump will win again lol. Country is too corrupt and beyond saving. Bernie won't run again because he'll be too discouraged, tired, and dead in 4 years, and there likely won't be anyone like him for a while. Pax Americana is coming to an end. America is declining as a hegemonic superpower. China will overtake the US economically and impose more of it's hard and soft power in the Asian world. It will be less and less affordable for the US to stop it.

I have harm based Pure OCD. It's annoying as hell and absolutely terrifying. I know what it's like dude. There may not be a "cure", but would it even be relevant? You don't control your thoughts anyways, AT ALL. They just arise spontaneously. All you can choose is how you react to them, and realize the truth that your thoughts and your mind is not you. It never was. They likely arose because of particular conditioning you happened to get or states you found yourself in. Improve the quality of your conditioning, environment, and put yourself in better states. The content of your thoughts and the Pure OCD will improve as a result.

@Carl-Richard Some of them if they are beginning to transition, and relativism is certainly a common quality among stage Green, but most Green are moral crusaders. They can be very absolutist about what they think is right and wrong quite similar to Blue, but Green has simply expanded the range of who is protected under their moral principles. Being Yellow is keeping most of the good parts of those moral principles, but not being too attached or emotional about them. It is a large step into emotional mastery.

hehe I think so but that's just my opinion. Realize there needs to be a certain degree of economic freedom or many people won't have incentive to create businesses and products, competition breeds innovation and development. A free market typically adapts to the needs of the people, which is generally a good thing. There just can't be too much freedom or devils will exploit others once they get powerful enough. Governments aren't financial institutions, they are legal ones. It shouldn't be there job to control the economy, they should just watch over it and only interject when it's appropriate/needed. Environmental regulations for example. I think they just added the flags for fun.

Conspiracy theories are never true. People just have fun believing wacky shit. It makes traditional monotheism look more legitimate lol. Hope Leo locks this thread.

@ivory Precisely! That's exactly what we're talking about. It's just like Terence Mckenna said, we have the resources, the power, the technological knowledge, and the community to build a utopia. But we are led by the least among us, more accurately our least inspiring ambitions and motivations. The change that is necessary for these things to come to fruition isn't a fantasy, it is an actionable path in reality for people to wake up tomorrow with a new perspective and healthier set of values and radically change the world for the better. But we are all mostly trapped in our own cages of illusion, willingly or unwillingly, where the bars are made up of selfishness, greed, fear, survival needs, want for power, etc. "How am I going to retire without excess money?!" (Everyone wants to shelter away the old til they rot to death in expensive hotels, a cheaper healthier solution is in a community/family oriented solution, with volunteers). "We can't just be giving money to bums and drug addicts!" (But when they are the ones struggling they demand handouts). "It's too expensive!" (The resources already exist for a good quality living for everyone, it's just dispersed unequally). "We can't lower our defense budget! The world will become unsafe!" (Terrorists exist exactly for the reason of intrusive wars destabilizing nations. People who live with infrastructure don't have reasons to commit terrorism). You notice how it's just endless excuses, no matter how much or in what way you press people? It's just like @Leo Gura had said over and over again, people want change and results for themselves but yet they aren't willing to make the structural changes that are necessary. They would rather just complain, bitch, and moan instead. We have everything we need between each other and the planet to create a paradise. We just lack the VISION and have our priorities backwards. Don't get me wrong I'm a pragmatic person, and I don't get stressed worrying about this stuff too much. I just think it's a little amusing how people argue and complain on both sides endlessly when the potential is sitting right there. Everything seems impossible for humanity until it's accomplished and becomes the norm, and then people take it for granted and scoff at the next "impossible" thing.

I see a lot of news agencies and governments reporting morality rate numbers like 2-4%, based on whatever nation it is or age group, but isn't a more honest statistic the CLOSED case rate? Either you recover from Coronavirus, or you don't and you die. There isn't another option. In that case the mortality rate is actually 21% right? Are they not putting this out to avoid mass panic? Am I just dumb and not reading these numbers right? Stats came from these; https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/?utm_campaign=homeAdvegas1? https://gisanddata.maps.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6

Free will is an illusion. Be completely honest with yourself as you read this sentence, now say out loud the very first superhero that comes to your head. Notice how what you said was completely random? You had no anticipation that you were going to name the superhero you were going to name. It was purely and completely involuntary. Now realize the truth that this is your experience for every thought, action, and impulse you've had for your entire life. There you go. Free will is just an illusion, but a convincing one at that!

@Hansu RedPill is a internet based reactionary culture movement against modern feminism, liberalism and progressiveness in various degrees, among other things. It unconsciously (and consciously) ignores broader context in things like dating culture for example, in favor of being extremely selective and focusing on minor truisms. It will usually cherry pick science to find things to support it's agenda and blow them out of proportion, while deliberately ignoring contrary evidence. For example RedPill, Incel, and MGTOW will come up with a bunch of stories about how women in general are terrible, biased, have no loyalty, and they will come up with a bunch of labels and names to shame them. While not acknowledging that statistically men cheat more than women, and make up the overwhelming number of cases of domestic abuse. RedPill puts on veneer of being reasonable and "woke" to the truth. But this is just a facade for a biased/sexist ideology that clings to some minor truths that while are true, don't represent the full picture. It doesn't appear to be right wing because it co-opts things like science to support it. It's reality it's hot garbage.

I know exactly the feeling you're talking about. I struggled with that for years man, more than a decade from about 14 to 24...... The problem is you have unrealistic expectations of yourself. You feel you have to carry the conversation at all times, like it's your divine responsibility. You feel that when you run out of things to say and you encounter that silence, that awkwardness, that it's some kind of punishment or reflection of yourself. The reality is it's not. That fact you're even concerned about this and seeking advice means you're a real genuine person (respect!). I'm willing to guess the content of your conversations is genuine too. You probably get really bored and couldn't be bothered to talk about bullshit right? If you pay attention you'll notice it's hard to keep up and pump out that authenticity and genuine content all the time, that's ok! Realize that most people who are able to talk endlessly and keep a "conversation" going are usually just using filler. They are going over meaningless crap like pop culture, the weather, politics, gossip. Of course there are exceptions but if you pay attention you'll realize this is the case a lot of the time. Ask yourself is it worthy for you to try and fit that mold or would you rather be comfortable being yourself? It takes 2 people interacting to have an authentic flowing conversation. It's not solely on you. Embrace the silence and that awkwardness! Learn to be comfortable with it, show that you're confident in it. You'll find that even if you're faking the confidence, most of the time they will break before you do and be desperate to carry on the conversation. This takes the pressure off you and puts the ball in their court. This can come off as manipulative but it's all in the intention. You can make them feel more comfortable too with your body language. Smile at them, have open and chill body language, look around to observe your environment so you can calm and free your mind from that overthinking. Then the authenticity won't be blocked. This authenticity can also be impaired because you care too much of what people think of you, but I won't go into that here as my post is already quite long. Hope this helped anyways cheers!

You don't like clubs as in you really don't like clubs, or did you just tolerate them because it was the best place to practice your personal development?

@Leo Gura Out of curiosity, out of all the times you went out how many times were prefaced with the intention of personal development and getting better at pick-up/relationships VS just going out because friends invited you or just wanting to blow off steam? I imagine after a while of mastering whatever process or goals you set for yourself you simply did it for kicks?

Ben can rub people the wrong way with his pace of speech and matter of fact attitude, but he is very direct/honest/explicit educator for some healthy stage blue thinking, if you can look past all the hyperbole. I used to listen to him in 2018 some when I was exploring conservatism/libertarianism a bit out of curiosity, but abandoned it after I learned what I thought I needed to. The thing with him and anyone you need to recognize though is something so simple but gets overlooked; It's in his best interest for his survival to behave the way he does and say the things he says. His reputation, ego identity, and financial well being of himself and his family DEPEND on him being the way he is. Even when confronted with superior, integral or more healthy ways of thinking it's simply not in his minds interest to change. It will rationalize, twist, and cherry-pick any information it can to justify it's current worldview, or discredit everything outside of it to avoid shifting. If he didn't cater to his audience by saying outrageously stupid shit like this he would lose many base subscribers and therefore income. And if he shifted and outgrew his current Stage and moved towards more Orange and Green he would have the relinquish his position as chief creator and leader of The Daily Wire and abandon his peers and current life, which is obviously very comfortable for him. Do you think that's in his interests to do that? It should be, but it's simply never going to happen. Therefore you're going to continue seeing insane stupidity from him and everyone else who is stuck in their own dogma.

True. The second link I posted is from John Hopkins University, which I think is a pretty legitimate source. I imagine most of the data input into their servers is reliable, except from China............