TheAlchemist
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Posts posted by TheAlchemist
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1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:Can you imagine how much porn there will be in 500 years? Mankind has only gotten started.
Can you imagine alien porn?
And how about some of those alien psychedelics? Must be some crazy stuff for humans to discover
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On 17.9.2023 at 2:14 AM, Matthi said:Hi,
Right now I am stuck in a situation that seems unbearable and I don't know if I will be able to escape.
So, three weeks ago I finally managed to move out from my parents house (I'm 25 years old now). Life there was unbearable and so my only thought was to get away, but I was severely traumatized from something that happened 10 years ago (and still am), to the point where I felt incapable of doing even normal tasks, and even if I managed to do them, they would stress me out so much that I barely had energy left after.
I thought, when I finally would be away from my parents, and the rest of the family, who treated me like complete shit and tried to convince me everyday that I am a retard, everything will become so much easier. And than I finally managed to move out, without a job, via a Website called Habyt.com, which makes moving out very simple and doesn't require many documents (that I didn't have). So that's great. But I couldn't afford a whole appartement for myself on this site, but only a shared one (for three people total). And this was my mistake. Because I have extreme social anxiety, like really extreme. But when I got to the apartment, I was lucky because no one else was there. And then no one came in the first two weeks. And in these two weeks I was finally able to relax a bit for once. I mean, I was still in emotional pain, but now atleast I was alone and, I don't know, I just felt more free, and something in me felt relieved, despite the pain that was still there. It's like something somewhere in the background of my mind, that had been constantly there for a long time, disappeared. There was still much suffering, but not constant stress on top of that anymore.
On the second day after moving out I texted my mom that I don't want to have contact to her or the rest of the family in any way until the end of March 2024. Later she called me on the phone and started crying and asked if she was ever gonna see me again. I promised her that she will. Doing this, and the phone call after, broke my heart. It still feels broken. But this was necessary, or I will go even more crazy, the way I was before.
Anyway, it turned out, I still wasn't really able to do much, which was to be expected, since I only just had moved out. I didn't cook, because the thought was too stressful, so I went out to eat everyday. But usually I was too scared to go into a restaurant, so I just bought junk food at subway and McDonald's. Additionally I ate lots of candy. Lots of it. I also barely could sleep, which wasn't new, only this time it wasn't from the constant stress and fear of being in a toxic and abusive environment, but just from the overwhelming amount of hurtful emotions and thoughts. It still was much better than before though. But I still was suffering a lot and felt incapable of doing anything, and I still felt incapable to get a job. I should be able to last a few months, moneywise, but still. Eventually, because I couldn't think of anything else, I contacted a therapist. The session is next week, though I don't have any hopes in it.
Anyway, here is the thing that destroyed me, which is that yesterday a new roommate showed up at my apartment, and now my social anxiety hit me at full force. All bit of peace and stress-lessness of the first two weeks has been blown away in an instant, as has the tiny bit of clear thinking I was capable of then. Now I'm a wreck. I am so scared of doing anything in the apartment. I am so scared to leave my room, because I might encounter my roommate. She probably thinks I'm a freak. Well, at least I think that. My body is so tensed up constantly. I don't know how long I can survive this. I have no idea what to do now, or how to escape this situation.
Of course there is that appointment with that therapist next week, but honestly, he will probably turn out to be a narcissistic piece of shit like almost all other therapists I had the pleasure of meeting so far. So I don't really have much hope for that. And even if he turned out to be fine, then it would probably be too slow. Because I think even good therapy takes months and years to get really good results. But I can't wait that long. I am in extreme pain right now.
I started meditating a few weeks ago, and I think it has a good effect on my mind while I do it, but again, it only has a small effect for a short period of time, and it will probably take months and years until it will really transform my mind. I will keep doing it, but it isn't enough right now. Because I won't survive multiple years in this state.
I don't want to go to a psychiatry or something, because that's where much of my trauma comes from. About ten years ago, when I was 15, my parents sent me to a psychiatry for a total of about 3 months, because I wasn't obedient enough, and to convince me further of how I retarded I was and how I deserved punishment. When I got out of there, I didn't feel like myself anymore. Suddenly, I couldn't express my emotions anymore. I didn't cry anymore. Which also made the psychiatrists diagnose me as autistic, while completely denying my suffering. So, that's my experience with that.
Okay, this is all I can think of to write for now. I'm sorry that this got so long. And I'm not even sure what my question is, other than maybe if you have some suggestion of what I can do now. But of course that's stupid of me to ask, because how the fuck are you supposed to know what I should do with my life? And on top of that, I will probably get offended by most responses to this, for varying reasons. But I wanna try anyways.
So, that's it. Thanks for reading, and maybe for responding.
Hi Matthi,
What I'm hearing is that you are feeling very overwhelmed and in pain right now, you have just gone through a major change in your life and you're also experiencing strong anxiety and stress from traumatic experiences. You might be experiencing this because your need for love, autonomy and basic support wasn't met in your home as you grew up, and that deprivation was in and of itself traumatic. You were also deprived of basic psychological safety in that environment and in those circumstances where the traumatic events took place.
I felt inspired when you said how you left that very difficult circumstance, I thought it was a bold and very courageous thing to do.
I am learning about Nonviolent communication (NVC) in my life atm and my purpose with this (perhaps odd) response is to try and learn how to connect with peoples underlying needs and emotions, and express that I feel compassion and empathize with these struggles you have been through. Please correct me if I have misunderstood some things.
Much Love.
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We are now understanding better than ever what massive effects even minor trauma in childhood and adolescence has on how a human operates in the world. We are understanding this especially in the west, where it seems now that most people have some kind of mental dysfunction or insecurities etc.
That is all good knowledge, but I am just left wondering about the past thousands of years and other parts of the globe where violence, rape and killing has been so prevalent and much more intense than what most experience in a western democracy.
My interest is in how much of what we think of as "human nature" is actually the result of traumatized people doing their best to cope with their pain and hurting/dominating/oppressing others because of the pain. Often we kind of assume that humans by their nature are somehow greedy and that killing and violence is just "natural" for humans. But what if a lot of it has to do with trauma and people acting from that trauma, which we are just now beginning to understand? Wouldn't this be extremely important for us to understand?
If our fundamental view of human nature is skewed, and humans actually are not so violent by nature, but do so because of trauma; that would have major implications for how we think about almost everything in society and community life.
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All creative acts are from and of God. Sometimes though, the creation happens through a human being.
The human might not be aware of where the creative force is coming from.
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6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:Think about it like this: In the end, even the most macho man has to surrender to death.
A finite thing cannot dominate the infinite in the end. The infinite dominates the finite. Maybe that's why God is called he, not she. God is death.
This is an interesting discussion. It seems that for most of human history God has been more likely to have been perceived more like a She than a He. The western hierarchical thinking turned God into a He.
Also in Hindu Tantric tradition Kali is the Goddess(God) represented as and in Death, and also as the Ultimate Reality itself.
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Bernardo is a serious scientist and philosopher who doesn't shy away from mysticism or even psychedelics; here he talks about how it was obvious to him that having his own high dose psychedelic experiences was totally relevant for him in studying the nature of consciousness, death and reality.
I think Bernardo is a refreshing signal of what future scientists and methodology might be like, regardless of if one agrees with his views or not.
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Once had a nofap streak of 180 days.
Not worth it although there were some minor benefits. It's not very healthy to supress sexuality IMO.
We need to look deeper into what the nature of addiction actually is and what is fuelling the compulsive behavior, if the behavior really is excessive. I highly recommend Gabor Mate's work.
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Found this clip very interesting..
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I think for many it's about excitement, adventure or even a desire for transcendence. Trancending the mundane for a moment and also trancending social norms and internal blockages, which feels freeing. For many it is also a way of connecting with other people and just being part of something fun. We can see many problems in the world, but I don't think partying is one to be too worried about.
You can also have parties that are not centered around alcohol, but other substances such as cannabis or psychedelics, which all tend to create a very different kind of vibe. For many, a psytrance party for example can be a deep and meaningful spiritual experience. Also, you can have great "parties" without any substances, just using other methods to shift state like collective mantra chanting or breathwork etc.
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I know what you mean, sometimes you also realize that you will soon remember it if you just relax, other times you know the memory is "lost" somewhere further away and you have a sense that there is a very low chance that it will come up. What I also find interesting is that often there is also a sense of if it was an important memory or not that important.
Maybe these are a sort of metadata that the mind stores about the memory, even though the actual content of the memory is not in awareness. Interesting to explore this more.
Being in the state of not-knowing is much more fruitful in many cases than trying to figure out with a sort of force..
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@Oceansky1980 @LSD-RumiBtw here is an excellent resource on retreat places all around Asia, most of these are really affordable ones also. None of those flashy retreats that cost thousands, the list is written by a very legit guy who has stayed in a lot of these places in Asia. Funnily I randomly bumped into him when staying at one these places, which I discovered thanks to his post ?
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2 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:Lol, I have already heard that taking a train in India can be quite an adventurous experience.
Have you tried sitting on the roof during a train ride?
I didn't see a chance to travel on the roofs anywhere, a huge portion of the rail network is electrified nowdays, so I don't think it really happens anymore.. if you go to Bangladesh you can try that
5 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:Mmmm, I am already looking forward to the Indian street food. You have any favourite dishes that you'd recommend trying out?
Oh man the food was heavenly and so affordable..
Biryani, chole bature and chana masala with chapati, vada pav, samosas, idlis, dal tadka.. so many good ones. Best places are these random shacks that dont even look like restaurants but are filled with locals, you just say 3 chapatis and they bring you the bread and top up your plate with some gravy to infinity..
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Amazing. I just travelled for three months last winter in India..
My tips:
- Use trains (sleeper class for best adventure, general class if you are fully insane)
- Eat local food, look for places that are busy and stick to veg food to prevent food poisoning.
- Don't let the touristy spots demoralize you about India, they will be filled with all kinds of touts and scammers. But outside those tourist hotspots you wont find almost any of that and people tend to be super genuine, just the best <3
Interesting places:
- Auroville, Pondicherry
- Ramana ashram and Arunachala Mountain in Tiruvannamalai
- Arambol beach, Goa. (Hippie lifestyle and psytrance parties in Anjuna/Vagator winter). Palolem or Gokarna are better for peace and quiet chilling. All of these beach places are a bit touristy though.
- Mumbai, see the utter intensity of what human life can be in an Indian mega city.
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Kodaikanal or Vattakanal (known for some special mushrooms growing there certain time of the year)
- Varanasi 100% recommended.
- In Rajasthan go to Pushkar during the Camel Fair if you can, I heard it is wild. Otherwise Pushkar, Udaipur, Jaipur etc. in Rajasthan tend to be a bit more touristy but still can be worth a visit I think..
- Meditation retreats. Here is a great resource: https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/comments/jr19vu/updated_buddhist_dharma_retreat_listings_for_asia/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
- Any small villages along the way.
If you need some small help with some practical things like how to book train tickets etc. feel free to shoot me a message. Godspeed my friend!
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Collective intelligence:
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There exists a very narrow environmental state where humans can survive, and an even narrower state where human civilization in its current form with a global economy and supply chains can exist. We are deeply blind to how utterly reliant we are on nature and the Earths life-supporting systems to supply us with clean air, clean water, minerals, healthy soils, a stable climate and all the ecosystem "services". All these we take for granted.
When the systems that enable us to live as a global species on this planet start shifting even slightly in a short period of time, we have no idea what sorts of feedback loops or unexpected changes we could trigger. We must remember that for billions of years in the Earths history it has been a totally uninhabitable place for a species like Homo Sapiens. Even modern agriculture became possible just about 10 000 - 15 000 years ago, due to suitable climate conditions.
But any kind of doomerism won't save us from ourselves, we need a hopeful vision and people who can inspire us to move into harmony and into long term, sustainable co-existence with the Earths life-supporting systems.
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9 hours ago, Migue Lonas said:Finland might be the only exception. Or am I being naive?
They have done tests where they compared bottled water to tapwater in Finland and the tapwater was considerably cleaner with less chemicals and microbes.
Most of the tap water comes from natural or semi-natural groundwater sources. I think it is about as good as tapwater can be. Also, many municipalities publish reports online on the levels of different chemicals detected in the tapwater weekly/monthly which you can check. But I think it's up to the same standard in most of the Nordics and also a few other countries..
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Martyrs (Pascal Laugier) is a very very brutal but deep film about extreme suffering and trancendence. Thanks to @LSD-Rumifor the recommendation.
We shouldn't forget that in this world there exist states of suffering where having the option of suicide would be pure heaven..
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10 hours ago, integral said:I agree with what you said but you took what i said out of context. I did not say well look your just irrational get over it. I pointed to santa claus to explain where her epistemology came from, the origin of her belief during the conformity years of her development.
I agree with your first comment, I think it just brought to mind how some folks view Christian beliefs, I didn't mean to misconstrue your views.
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There is this nice zen oriented place up in the mountains in southern India, people from all over the world are there. It costs about 10 bucks a night and it includes a room with private bathroom and the price also includes all meals (which are excellent). The schedule is also very relaxed, there is about 3 hours of scheduled meditation in the hall and just a few hours of light work in the morning like sweeping the terraces or cutting veggies for the meals. Outside of that you can spend your time meditating or reading or walking around in nature. It's quite a small place and I don't want to advertise it too much, so shoot me dm and I can send more info.
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3 hours ago, Majed said:@Leo Gura exactly and even when people call themselves "atheists" the conditioning is still there, not realizing that they're taking a position towards something that is not relevant and defining their worldview as the opposite of that.
it's like you never define your beliefs as the opposite of animism, or greek mythology. why do it when it comes to christianity, or islam ?
I think the pendulum tends to swing far that way in many cases because a proper distancing from fundamentalism and magical thinking is necessary for most who have been raised and conditioned into it. Kind of like a teenager who rebels against his overprotective parents to create his own identity and sense of self. The essence is not that the person actually hates their parents, they just need to rebel for a bit to establish their own space and sense of self. Eventually most come around and come to respect their parents while being fully grown adults themselves. But yes, I think some can get stuck in the rebel phase, but ultimately the rebellion serves an important purpose in many cases and shouldn't be dismissed and might even be worth encouraging in some tactful way.
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3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:Materialism is even worse and more sneaky than Christianity. All these worldviews operate in the background, invisible to the mind.
Do you think someone can go from being a fundamentalist Christian type straight to a post-materialist mystic? Or is the hyper rationalist scientific thinking mode a necessary stepping stone towards depth for most people who are coming from backgrounds of fundamentalism and/or magical thinking?
I'm still wondering about that. For me it seems rationality and scientific thinking has been a necessary stepping stone and I have needed that as a tool to shed the fundamentalist Christianity out of me. But there are probably exceptions..
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Psychedelic states and psychosis can put you in a paranoid state of mind where you will draw connections that seem to make sense but are really just the mind grappling with reality and projecting fear, even utter terror into some finite symbol in order to maintain its idea of itself.
I have a similiar background, being raised in evangelical environments. I once took LSD and watched a bit of Leos video on God Consciousness. I sensed that I was about to open a door that once opened could never be closed again. Right then the video started freezing up, getting very low quality and it just stopped, due to connection issues. It froze and I thought Leo looked like a total demon in that frame that froze and I thought he was deceiving me and was the devil himself. I felt quite terrified in that moment. I realized later that this was clearly my Christian conditioning coming up and through integrating it I shed the tendency to ascribe evil meanings to any forms or objects. They only have power to the extent that they are feared (or desired).
And I also stopped giving such authority to external figures or symbols. I wouldn't give even the figure of Leo such authority anymore. Essentially what you are doing when calling a form a demon or absolute evil is giving them a sort of metaphysical authority, saying to yourself that this form is controlling reality in some fundamental sense. And also reinforcing the idea that the nature of reality can be split into some absolute good vs. evil. Which both are strongly tied to evangelical Christian conditioning.
These symbols and forms ultimately cannot touch what you are and ultimately they don't have power over you if you don't allow them to. It seems it is just the mind struggling with its deepest fears, it is never about the form or symbol itself, they are very much neutral. The mind just projects up all sorts of meanings onto those forms in an attempt to protect an idea it has of itself as some limited form. It does this most effectively through deep fear I believe..
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Most people have no idea how deep the fundamentalist Christian conditioning penetrates into the mind and a persons whole being, they think its just like believing in Santa Claus and one day you just stop believing and become rational. But if you have been raised into it somce birth, your whole worldview is shaped by it and deep fears are installed in your mind to prevent you from even seriously questioning the dogma. I wouldn't call it an exagerration if someone feels that they have been truly brainwashed by the fundamentalist conditioning. It can take years or even decades to shed that conditioning, and its important to be patient and compassionate with yourself in that process. For some it is more painful than others. But it is absolutely worth the effort I believe..
some online spaces I have found very helpful in shedding the conditioning;
Reddit: r/exchristian and r/deconstruction
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I don't see spiral dynamics as necessarily a model of development of consciousness. It is more related to values. These two tend to correlate but also, no matter how conscious someone is, they might still hold stage blue or even purple values in the relative domain.
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Yeah experience is key like Leo said. Embrace it, it is great fun and an exciting part of the journey. You get to explore what it is to be human, the vast array of experiences that are possible. There's no rush. Just no heroin or meth, ok? ?
in Health, Fitness, Nutrition, Supplements
Posted · Edited by TheAlchemist
Here's the best take on caffeine I have heard, from Daniel Schmachtenberger.
Basically the main points about caffeine in the video:
(Time-stamped)
Ps. I probably would not have posted this if I wasn't on on a caffeine high :D. It helps me with focus and I suddenly get pleasure from mundane tasks or research and writing. Also, music is much more pleasurable for me with a solid caffeine high.