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Everything posted by Keyhole

  1. "To be or not to be?" "Going to the grocery store in 2020 be like..."
  2. It looks that way, it also looks like she is suffering from an autoimmune disorder of some kind. I relate to this. She probably feels like she has no control over her life now because of it.
  3. "Namaste the fuck away from me." Don't worry, I will. You're not who I am looking for, I will know when I find it when I'm ready to. Still have a lot of work to do. When I find my wolf, it will be a mutual recognition. If it isn't mutual, then the energy is wrong, and I've been through this before enough to know better. Sorry to hear your ex was "crazy" and that they didn't love you. I'm sure if you keep your heart open you'll find someone who will if you have not already. If you have, then turn to them and give them the love you desire and maybe they will be able to return it? Who knows? I'd offer up my "bad boy" sob story, but I'm over it and so there's no point in sharing or reliving it. Moved on. I don't really fully believe you that this woman conned you or that she was a covert narc, or that there is some arbitrary label that you can slap on your bad relationships. Maybe you two just weren't on the same wavelength? People act weird when they aren't compatible. My ex used to tell me stories about his "terrible" "crazy" exes. Well after about 8 years of dealing with him I contacted the first girl he had been with. And as it turns out, she had a restraining order on him because he had beat her with a hammer. He would pour out wine bottles and leave aspirin around and pretend as though he had committed suicide by laying on the bed "passed out". He did so much to her and she sounded so sweet. Maybe she did love you? She probably did the best she could. Also, you are offering up this story about someone who is identifiable to some members in your audience. I read the comments in Dr. Grande's videos about people's personal experiences with you. You're a trustworthy source of knowledge but I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole. Do you know what true love is? On the universal level? Where everyone and everything is connected? You can feel it, and everyone else moving through your body energetically. You had your crazy goons attack this woman that you claimed to "love", they hacked into her website, chased her offline - you pathologized her online to a very large audience of neurotic idiots, and now three years later are still making identifiable videos about this person. Seems to me like the narc is probably you. In fact, when you first met this woman, you shared some details about your sex life online. Love isn't for an audience. It's a private affair, an unspoken energetic bond of positive action between two people. The world doesn't need to be witness to anything if it is true love. You know nothing Jon Snow. "Sad bunny stories". You're definitely reading my journal of that I have no doubt. My fault for giving it away. ^ In a nutshell. Women with ASD are not narcissists. Nor are they cluster B. You're spreading your personal subjective experiences as if they are facts. ASD may look similar to cluster B if they are dealing with sensory issues or are being overloaded. We have empathy, and I am sure that your ex did as well. I agree with you that pitying someone is unhelpful. You sure do seem to like to point at people and diagnose them with things, don't you? I'm using my journal as a way to be vulnerable to work through things and if you poke at those things from within your video content I will absolutely bite back. I'm not going to get thrown off my spiritual trail just because I am working through my problems in a way that some stranger thinks that I shouldn't. I'm not watching your content anymore and I don't trust you. *hand chop*
  4. I'm going to do a massive art project over the next year. My personal philosopher's stone. This will be my information scrapbook journaling the process. I'll post what I learn and my progress so you can learn about it too if you'd like. No comments please, I'm all business (lol) thanks! If you have a question, send me a note.
  5. @Roy There are two mechanisms that work within our reality - positive and negative feedback loops - karma - it is all based on personal ownership and the actions that you take. She is saying that she was following the guidance of numbers (numerology) thinking that she was getting messages from angels who were helping her on her path. She got scared/sick for some reason and is now stuck in a negative feedback loop of fear. We live in a mirror based reality and so if she keeps feeding those negative loops then they will grow and will be reflected outwardly in her environment. That is essentially what the Devil does is it causes people to forget how powerful they are in creating their own realities. It gives them the illusion of fear and death. It seems like there is a lot missing from her story and so we would need to know more.
  6. Bit of humour for trying times. This guy's opinions on the situation. I'm pretty much open to wherever this pandemic will take us, I have no stance on it. As long as we can do our part to keep people safe. Let's hope what follows ends up being beneficial for mankind.
  7. @traveler Thanks for the suggestion, I love Matt Kahn - I watched this video a few days ago but have been meaning to watch it again and take notes. Perhaps I will a little later today. For anyone who is dealing with negative entities, there is some good advice to be found in this video. Be curious about it, not fearful. Inspect darkness like a scientist rather than as a victim, don't let fear win. <3
  8. Better, a slow progress. I view it fearfully at times, but also curiously. I have let the negative energy know that I am working on moving into the Light and that I will take it with me and transmute it if I can, that is, if it wishes to be a part of a better energy. And that if it cannot it will need to leave. My own actions brought it to me, and so I take ownership of its presence. Creativity, courage and positive action removes/transmutes demonic energy. If I knew her I could give her some advice on how to beat them and even work with them in her favor. You can take that energy and transmute it into love. The Devil wishes to return to God just as much as we do, but it can't because it is pure chaos by design. It will simply continue to be what it is until a person takes action to change their lives. It gives people the illusion that they can't by feeding on their fear and dissolving their faith. Love will either transmute it, or it will leave if it is not interested in the light. But while she has no energy, she might need to borrow it from a benevolent protector deity/entity. I'm not sure how to show someone how to do this as Kali came to me of her own accord. The Devil is the "light bringer" because it is a mechanism that forces change on an unwilling individual who is stuck in entropy. Its energy is currently within the virus that we have circulating in order to teach humans how to develop appropriate healthcare systems.
  9. There are dark entities and dark energies, and if you do come from a low vibration home they will target you. She has been targeted by demons genuinely, I can tell by the way she is talking. I am crawling out of the same hell. The cure is to fight through it by acting in your own best interests, self interested action daily. To call upon a protector deity, like Kali Ma, who devours demons. Calling on Kali requires coming to her as a small and frightened child. There are others, like Jesus, Archangel Michael. She needs to build her faith in light and love. I'm not a healer, so I can't really give her the steps on how to do this, but I suggest that she go to this page: There is a woman who was trained by Mary and who is taking on clients. She needs to see someone experienced who understands how these energies work that can help remove them. NO ONE HERE IS QUALIFIED TO OFFER THIS WOMAN ADVICE SHE NEEDS AN EXPERIENCED SPIRITUAL PRACTITIONER. This is the energy she is speaking of - I encapsulated the alchemy of Nigredo in this playlist. Everything that she talks about you can reference back to this. She is talking about a real phenomenon.
  10. You might need another exercise put in place that can help ground you, try this five times a day for 30 days. I have been doing it for the past five days and have noticed a huge difference in self interested action and emotional regulation. Just from 5 days. It is basically a shortened energetic cord cutting technique. This is the long version. Here is the short one. This person says it takes about 30 days doing it five times a day - more when you are going through an emotional upset - for it to take effect. Meditation can be ungrounding for sure, especially because it brings up old garbage from the bottom of the unconscious ocean. This can really help recenter. GL! <3 Keep going, you got this girl, you're strong!!!
  11. Today I made a doc apt and attended my first video conference for a different doc apt. My brother bought me a mic for it, so nice of him. Gave him my face masks for his job. Dysfunctional family, but we love each other. I started off well with my schedule, woke up a bit late, about 30 mins. Got some art done but it doesn't warrant a WIP picture because I stopped at a place where it doesn't really look too nice. Will work on it more tomorrow and take a pic then. Filled in the entire top part of the collage above the moon, but I need to smooth out the papers sticking out from the edges behind the picture, and fold along the corners so it looks very jagged right now. It doesn't blend in well with the rest of the sky either and so I need to figure out how I am either going to blend this together with paint or some sort of other papered layer. Gotta think on it a bit... I am really starting to get physically tired with this new schedule, as I have just gone from doing nothing to doing things that I am very ego resistant to with a near full schedule and so I am going to take Wednesdays to sleep in and to relax for the rest of the day. I won't slide! I can't. My family wants to retire and it wouldn't be right to expect their help forever. If I put in a good effort, then I will know where I genuinely fall short, at least - instead of worrying that I fall short everywhere. But yeah... I really need this extra day at least for a few months until I have more energy reserves, or I am going to completely burn out. Like a fast flame instead of a slow burning one. Once I start to feel restless instead of tired on these off days, I will remove them, but one day a week for rest should be ok. Watched Beastars a few days ago and it really touched on a lot of sensitive subjects for me that I have been working through in my own life. This guy has made some excellent videos on it, how the plot relates to social segregation, fetishes; controlling urges, how other people view you, mental health, ect. I'm pretty much in love with this series. It's on Netflix. Season 2 comes out this summer. Beastars is a deviant furry masterpiece "Hope this doesn't awaken anything in me." *snicker.*
  12. Not really if taken in test form. You have to pay attention to which cognitive functions you use in order to type yourself accurately.
  13. @mandyjw I'm not against him, I agree with him 9 times out of 10. He is for the most part usually accurate and I respect that about him.
  14. I agree with pluto - in fact there was a livestream that I watched a few days ago - it was taken down and if it is posted again then I will add the timestamp here - a man had gone through an ayahuasca ceremony and the spirit of the plant basically said that it is unwise to be using drugs for consciousness work - the man asked, "But I thought you were the spirit of the plant?" And the spirit replied that it was absolutely not just a "spirit of the plant", and there was a feeling left in me that what it meant was that there was something far greater at play below the surface. The person mentioned that they don't believe that it is right to be advocating for drugs so irresponsibly to an audience of people when you have no idea of their backgrounds. Teachings need to be very personalized. We all have our own path. I trust what they have to say because they have a much broader grasp on understanding different people's perspectives, and have more real world experience and they have more spiritual experience taken place over a longer period of time than you do Leo. Emerald's recent ayahuasca experience also gave her the message to stop seeking, which I assume would include curtailing drug usage. You made it seem like she hadn't gone far enough, but for an INFJ to say that they are stopping the seeking and the need to be understood by others is a huge leap in development as that is the core of the identity of folks who view the world in that way. The letting go of that is going quite far as far as personal development goes. You're viewing your audience and your students and fellow seekers from a "my path" lense and it ends up taking away from the beauty of their experiences because you're not viewing their journey in its entirety and the communication is not personal enough for you to be able to point out what they need to work on in any real way. Let God go for a while, you are hurting your body with the over use of drugs. There is sometimes a lack of respect for the paths that our peers are taking, and I know that I participate in this at times - I think it is something that warrants introspection from all of our own vantage points of authority. Let go of the need to spread your path and meet people where they are as they are or you won't see their paths for what they are.
  15. Lyrics of the song belong as words spoken from the artwork. Blends well together. Today - refined the white lines on this - refined lines elsewhere on the cactus and am working on covering the very top of the collage with magazines, not enough changes made in other spots to warrant a picture. A great podcast I found today on intuition. I also found my first three grey hairs. Right in the very front - that was surprising. I took a walk today... went outside. First voluntary walk in over a year. Found an old Orson Scott Card book on the way in the "take a book leave a book" mailbox style libraries they have around the city. "Speaker for the dead". Made phone calls that I have been putting off. Today was less productive than the previous days, but I accomplished more in the way of ego resistant activities and for that I am proud. This song sounds like intuition.
  16. If a person is absolutely truthful with themselves, the cards will be as well.
  17. Click full size - scaled down takes away from the smoothness of the lines. Added more line work to the cactus on the left, finished covering up a spot on the left. About 4 hours work, it was hard to get that shape the way I wanted it and even now I am not sure I am satisfied with it but it is good enough so I'll leave it alone for a few days before deciding on what else needs to be added to it if anything. Was not as good about getting my other things done as yesterday - but did as well as the first day. I start getting tired around 5pm. Noticed posture was easier to maintain longer during meditation today. This film analysis is very well done. It pairs perfectly with this song - although I think that the song is about a plane crash - if the first video was made shorter with commentary placed in just the right spots - the music in the background - it would be a really good mashup as both discuss rebirth after catastrophe and the lyrics hit home at just the right time. Very moving.
  18. @EmeraldThanks a lot, I appreciate you taking the time to give me a reading.
  19. How do I take absolute ownership/responsibility for myself i.e. the path to manifesting this psychologically?
  20. @kieranperez I know you left the forum, but maybe if you see this and feel up to it can offer some tips?; I know you worked through a lot of your adhd symptoms and could provide quality advice for this person.