aurum

I had a similar situation in college. I didn't have the strength to say "fuck it" either until a couple years after I graduated. It may be part of your journey that you actually have to be in the Matrix for a bit longer. You may still have some lessons to learn or skills to gain before breaking out. Or, you could double down on your resolve to break out. Read books like Toxic Parents by Susan Forward and If You Had Controlling Parents by Dan Neuharth. Realize that what they are doing is ultimately selfish and not about you at all. And of course, keep up the spiritual work.

@Widdle Puppy I don't want to make you paranoid but night clubs are designed to intimidate you. They want people to feel like the club is maybe too cool for them. This makes the people who are on the inside feel very validated because they're in the super exclusive club. And it also screens out people who perceive themselves as low status and don't think they deserve to be there. The key is just to desensitize yourself to it. I live in Miami and go to nightclubs a lot, so at this point it doesn't affect me much. There's only so many times you can watch bottles of alcohol with sparklers get wheeled out before it stops becoming a big deal. Combine that with all the inner work that Leo teaches on Actualized.org and you'll be fine.

Grant Cardone, Tai Lopez and Gary Vee are some of my favorites. All incredible salesmen.

I'm happy to share a story. One of the hardest periods of my life was when I launched my blog at AurumReviews.com. I had just finished graduate school and had planned on going into a lucrative career in the financial world. But right towards the tail end of my schooling, I had a deep awakening experience. The experience was so intense that I had to spend a large part of the next couple months just trying to figure out what the hell had happen to me. Major existential crisis. Taking a more traditional career no longer felt right anymore, and so I started AurumReviews.com as a passion project instead. Things were okay for awhile. The blog made some money but it wasn't enough to pay the bills even though I was working basically 24/7. I started burning through my savings that I got from previous jobs in order to keep it going. Then it all went to shit. One day I go to check my bank account and my stomach drops. Zero dollars. I am completely flat broke and a stack of bills to pay. For some of you, maybe this isn't a big deal. Bu I never had something like that happen to me before. And I was triggered bad. Then the next day, one of the girls I was fucking calls me up crying. She's late on her period and thinks she might be pregnant. And since she isn't fucking anyone else, the kid would have to be mine. Now I'm basically panicking. But of course, I can't let her know that because I'm the man and I'm supposed to have things under control. I have to go see her and calm her down instead. The next few days it felt like I was exorcising demons from myself. All these thoughts of what could happen and how my life was over were just replaying over and over. Everything just seemed to be coming at me all at once and I had no idea what to do. At some point I decided to lay down on my bed and just stare at the ceiling. I think it was about all the energy I had I was so beat down. But something strange happened. As I stared at the ceiling, I suddenly started to laugh. The whole situation just seemed absurd. Existential crisis, being broke, the stress of figuring out a new business, pregnancy scare. I mean, could there be anything else? Was I going to get struck by lightening when I walked outside too? So I just let it go. And when I did, things started to shift. I was still pretty depressed and confused. But by some miracle I paid all my bills and got some more money coming in. That girl ended up not being pregnant. And I sorted out a lot of the existential, spiritual questions I had looming. Things are much better now. My career is on an awesome upward track. I'm networking with higher and higher up people. My game is better than it's ever been. And I'm just way happier. What's crazy though is that I feel like this is only the start. I've been planting a lot of seeds behind the scenes, so for those of you who follow my content don't be surprised if you see me doing some big things in the next couple years. Life really is amazing. The fact that I'm sitting here and able to write this at all is a blessing I never want to take for granted. And if you're traveling through that darkness, I want everyone to see that's a blessing in it's own way. Because you don't know who you're going to be on the other side.

Might want to read the book again

Until you have a new girl, it can be tough to left go of the old. It sounds crude but it does work. Quick tip, if you're 22 I would just scratch the whole idea of inviting girls on formal one on one "dates". First dates are high pressure for a girl. Instead, invite out groups of people. Make it a social thing.

Yes it's okay. It's not that a certain amount of support and affection aren't important in relationships. They're extremely important. But they have to be coming from the right place, which is what I mentioned in the previous comment.

Sounds like that definitely could be part of it. You might want to read Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T Harv Eker and It's Not About The Money by Brent Kessel.

There's asking for advice, and then there's wanting to be told what to think and how to act. The first is what every smart person should be doing. You don't know everything, so of course you want to seek out mentors, guidance etc. The second is being a sheep. You don't question things or think critically. You just blindly follow people who you perceive as an authority or certain in their beliefs.

Does Luke Skywalker know he's going to be able to blow up the Death Star and defeat the Empire? No, he's going into the unknown where failure is possible. The good and bad news is that this is not a unique problem to you. The reality is that no one knows whether what they're doing is right. There are people though who are at peace with the ambiguity. These are the people who set trends and run the world. While everyone else is looking to be told how to think and how to act, they make decisions. That's how you want to think of yourself. Not someone who always has the answer, but someone who can decide for themselves anyway. Another important point is that it sounds like you're just getting started with self-actualization. Your context for how things are going to turn out is very small, which can add to the confusion. One reason it's a little easier for me to have faith in the process is that I can see how even my lowest moments benefited me. You may not have that luxury. Nothing to do but stick to the process of the proven things that work. Keep meditating, reading, cleaning up your diet, etc.

@7thLetter All the examples you listed here involve money. What are your beliefs about money?

Great explanation, +1

@Temuka Start by getting small wins. Set a realistic goal and then actually go and execute on it instead of fantasizing. Slowly your mind will open up to more and more possibilities as your self-image and confidence changes.

@Timothy Look, you're free to do whatever you want because it's your life. I'm not trying to push my agenda on you that you should do pickup if you really don't think it's right for you. But I am just going to lay out the raw truth as much as I see it. Self-actualization and growth implies one thing and one thing only: behavior change. If who you feel you are and your behaviors aren't changing, you're not doing self-actualization. The fact that going out to a nightclub maybe feels uncomfortable for you isn't a sign that it's "inauthentic". It's just a sign that you're stretching your comfort zone. That's what is supposed to happen. What really is "authentic" anyway? If who you feel you are and your behaviors are just the product of your social conditioning, why is that authentic? Because someone else told you that's who you are and you just believed it? You should be willing to change anything about yourself at any time. Otherwise you're still heavily ego-identified. The more you go out, the more it will feel natural. The more you will be able to add authentic fun and not just seek attention. The more you actually will be "cool". It's not just going to happen staying in your room. And that doesn't mean you can't do therapy, meditate or whatever else you want to do. I would suggest doing both and looking at them as synergistic instead of combative. You mean guys actually pushing themselves. Guys who are actually growing. Look at how that judgment is an easy excuse for you not to face your own insecurities.

This is a very common problem for men. Here's the deal. Any girl you're going to try to get into a relationship with, she has to first perceive you as an "alpha male" type guy, i.e fun, dominant and fucks lots of girls. if she doesn't see you that way, EVERYTHING YOU DO will be filtered through her perception of "this guy is a loser". That's a battle you will not win. She will not care that you held the door for her. She will not care that you remembered her birthday and bought her an expensive gift. She will not even care that you raised kids together. And she sure as hell is not going to be your emotional support. Conversely, when she perceives you as that alpha male kind of guy and the filter is switched to "this guy is awesome", everything you do is essentially gold. You're treated like a king. I am oversimplifying things, but that's the general gist of how it works. Guys have a really hard time swallowing the truth of this. They want what they're doing to be appreciated and for reality to fit their conditioned beliefs. And then they just get destroyed time and time again and don't understand why.

Good, now we're getting somewhere. Girls are not these fragile innocent angels that you believe them to be. I've seen all kinds of shit over the years, including things like girls dragging me into a bathroom to fuck them after only knowing them for a few minutes, girls cheating on their boyfriend / husband at the drop of their hat, girls who want to be choked and whipped, girls who want to fuck multiple guys at once, girls who want to fuck you in the ass with a strap-on, girls who want to pee on you, girls who want you to pee on them, girls who will lie straight to your face and manipulate you, girls who will hit you, girls who want to fuck other girls with you, girls who will fuck you because you fucked their friends, girls who fuck will fuck you for revenge on their ex and so on and so forth. You don't know this because you lack experience will girls. And so all you know about them is what your conditioning and biology is telling you, i.e that girls are fragile little angels. The other reason is that women aren't going to exhibit the same type of behavior for a guy like you as they will for me. And so you're literally blind to how women act a lot of the time. And now we hit to the real core of the problem. You nailed it. Of course when you don't feel like you're that guy, you feel like you're taking something from the girl. You think her having sex with you would be a negative for her and that you don't deserve it, and so you self-sabotage the whole thing. But here's the mindfuck of mindfucks. The only reason you aren't already that guy is be you think that you aren't. What does it mean to be "cool"? "Cool" is just someone who completely accepts themselves. You not accepting yourself is what largely makes you the guy that girls don't want to fuck. And here's how we tie it back into why I believe spiritual work goes well with pickup. How do you start to see yourself as that "cool" guy? A combination of going out and getting experiences that prove to you that you can be that guy, AND learning to love yourself through your spiritual practice / therapy / healing work. That's it. That's the whole formula. I never think I'm taking anything from any girl I have sex with. I know she's going to have an amazing experience, and even if she doesn't, I know my intention was positive. And so I don't hold myself back.

Yes I have. No I'm not.

Yes I have had many experiences like this where I'm just blown away by the Love. It is beautiful beyond description. Never once has it made me not want to still have sex. Sex is a beautiful thing as well. It doesn't just have to be this needy, ego rampage like what you're describing. You can bring Love into it. If you're checking out girls from afar and masturbating, what you really want is real sex. The only reason you wouldn't be doing that is if you felt like you couldn't. Did you call an Uber today instead of a taxi cab? Some taxi cab driver really needed that money and you didn't select his services. Did you go to a grocery store? Some family that runs a roadside stand in South America probably needed that money a lot more. Are you friends with 7 billion people on the planet simultaneously and spend equal amounts of time with all of them? And I hope you didn't start a business, because your business cannot equally serve all 7 billion people either. You have to understand that part of life IS about being selective. The fact that ultimately we are all One is just a side of the equation. The other side is celebrating and loving our differences. Our individual dharma or unique roles that we have to play. You're allowed to have standards and boundaries. Yes, that means some people are compatible with others and some people aren't. Some people will like you, and some people will not. Some people will want to fuck a fat girl, some people will not. None of that is "bad". In fact I'd argue it's just an egoic desire for approval that we want everyone to like us. Again, these things are not mutually exclusive.

@egoless Read Unscripted by MJ DeMarco.

It's a great question. Rant incoming. To put what I'm going to say in context, I've done meditation retreats, breathwork ceremonies, psychedelics, reiki, yoga and spend around 3 hours everyday doing a formal spiritual practice. I also could have probably built a successful business or written a book in the amount of time I've put into pickup. So why am I doing it? First off, my motivations have changed over the years. When I first started at 21, it was pure sex drive and ego-validation. I've also taken long periods of time off for spiritual work and to focus on myself, just like you suggested. But things are different now. The easiest answer is that no matter how much I meditate, I've noticed that I still have a dick. And that dick wants to have sex. If I don't have a girlfriend (which you get through pickup) or if I aren't at least making an effort to get laid, I basically turn into the creepy guy trolling through Craigslist for sex. Sometimes I read messages from guys that say they don't care about getting laid, they just want to get enlightened because sex won't fulfill them. I think that's insane. By that same logic, you should also never eat, sleep, drink, clean your apartment, pay your bills, play music, read, have a life purpose or do anything because that won't fulfill you ether. Only Being can fulfill you. So let's just sit in our rooms with our eyes closed until we die. And of course, the same guys who usually say this are the guys who wouldn't be successful at pickup even if they tried. Another reason is that pickup is just so much god damn fun. Even when you have a terrible night and your ego is crying because it's not getting the validation it wants, it's still fun. Joking with your friends, meeting new people, singing, dancing, feminine energy, new adventurous situations, letting go of all concerns, blasting through challenges, drama when it doesn't go well and of course, sex. It's an awesome ride. But at the end of the day, even a fun experience is just temporary. So the next question we have to ask is can pickup help with spiritual work and life purpose? What I've found is that when done with the RIGHT INTENTION, it absolutely can. Pickup will fuck with all of your ego's desires. The need for approval, the need for certainty, the need to think, the need to be right, the need to be logical, the need to conserve energy, the need to only see things from your perspective, etc. You basically need to be the exact opposite of all that. So it trains my mind to think that way and it also helps motivates me to do my spiritual practice. If I go out and notice that I'm over thinking everything and looking for an outcome, that gives me leverage to meditate harder. If go out and I'm silky smooth, that's positive reinforcement that meditation is helping. It also helps me with my life purpose. It makes me a better public speaker, a better communicator, better at networking, a better coach and just about everything else. The ancillary benefits are huge. And here's maybe the coolest part. I think a lot of us on this forum have had a lot of pain from negative social experiences growing up. Pickup is a way you can truly heal that. It will teach you to love people again. Will everyone get these benefits? Of course not. But I have seen it happen for many people. So if someone reading this resonates with pickup, go for it.

@Akim You know this answer, it's everything Leo talks about.

This isn't what you want to hear, but you'll figure it out when you're ready. Keep meditating, breathwork, yoga, psychedelics, etc. I can't remember if you've ever done pickup, but if you haven't you might want to consider it.

@WildeChilde I know people who do. Most of them have spent a lot of time developing those powers but they do seem to be real.

@PlasmicProjection The LOA is extremely nuanced. Most people aren't going to get it just because they read The Secret or whatever. At the end of the day, it's just a model though. So if that way of thinking works and helps you, go for it.

@ROOBIO What's the value in going back to school? Do you think it will help you get a job?