aurum

@Pristinemn Your mind has cleverly used a high level spiritual belief in order to rationalize feelings of victim-hood. It's very good at that, especially when it comes to the part of keeping you blind to it. But every concept you've ever read or heard about enlightenment is not the full truth, including the belief that there is no free will. Spiritual growth means realizing that you are the creator of your reality. You are not separate from the Source that creates everything, and so you can write any story you choose. The only way someone could believe they are powerless is if they still believed themselves to simply be an isolated ego, struggling to win the war against life.

Dude it's bad sometimes. A couple years ago I went on a first date with this girl and we had sex at the end. Literally her last words as she's walking out the door are "Text me. We had sex, so I think I earned a second date". And she was dead serious. Good-bye any chance there was of that happening. So it's not a men or women thing. There's just massive misinformation about how to interact with the opposite gender because any time you try to bring this stuff up, people who are using that strategy get mad af because their bullshit is being called out.

@aniss You're not in love dude. And she's not in love with you. Period. Come back when this doesn't work out.

@Emerald I've worked with a lot of these guys. The whole "she put me in the friend-zone thing" is part misinformation about male / female dynamics due to conditioning, and part just a way to avoid responsibility. Because as long as it's the girl's fault, they don't have to change and face all those fears that are "keeping them in the friend-zone". The female equivalent to this is when a girl thinks a guy should want to commit to her "just because". But the reality is every girl I meet is basically thrown into this ambiguous, default category for relationships UNLESS she shows me something that makes her stand out.

Like I said before, I would spend some time looking at inner game concepts. Realize that both "average" and "elite" are both roles that people just decided at some point in their life. It's not real. So the more you start to see yourself as "that guy", the more the world will accept that label. But realistically, you won't right away. So you'll have to deal with the barriers to entry to these kind of people that stop you from doing just that. For instance, the best nightclubs with the coolest people are always the hardest to get into. And even if you find a way in, there will even be layers of VIP within the nightclub itself. General rule of thumb: if you're going somewhere with no barrier to entry, it's not worth going. So start small and build it up. Go to events on Meetup.com or Eventbrite.com and mastermind with people who are growing. Even better, start your own Meetup. If you live in a city with good nightlife, get a subscription to Jukely and use that to get into those venues. Go out with co-workers to happy hour. find the guy who looks successful and start a conversation. All it takes is one person. I met this entrepreneur in July who has spent the last couple years building a high end social circle here in Miami. Because I provided value to him and we became friends, now I have access to almost his entire circle. Then I met the people from his circle and did the same thing. Rinse, repeat. The better it gets, the better it gets. Never took Leo's life purpose course. I'm sure it's good though because Leo's stuff is always high quality. The Element by Ken Robinson and The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks are decent. Then there's my digital product on my website about life purpose, 10/10 obviously

@sleeperstakes Be Obsessed or Be Average Grant Cardone and Relentless by Timothy S. Grover are both AMAZING books. Get them right now and get the audiobook version for both. There's a lot of different factors that cause this. I'll lay them out as I've experienced. The first is that you've been socially conditioned into averageness. Average people hang around other average people, do average things and get fed average people thoughts. When you actually start performing like an A+ player, average people around you will try and get you to stop or think it looks crazy. Understand that most people don't actually want high level success. If they did they'd either have it or be on a track to get it. But as it stands, 95% of people will accomplish very little. Why? Because success is a threat. Success requires breaking out of your comfort zone, changing who you are as a person, working hard, taking risk, facing disapproval and being scared. It's much easier to just stay average. Another factor is just habit. Every time you make the decision to be average, you reinforce that personality. Every time you excel, you reinforce that personality. They're both habits. Another factor could be that you've haven't done any work towards discovering your life purpose. It's tough to feel inspired when you don't feel that what you're doing has a larger purpose or vision to it. The final factor I'll mention is that maybe life hasn't been hard enough for you yet. It's controversial to say, but the truth is that pain and failure do create leverage for us to take action. So here's some simple practical steps right now: 1) Start treating every decision almost as if you entire life hinged on this one decision, no matter how seemingly small or petty. Imagine there is no past or future and all that matters is right now. 2) Start making friends with people who aren't average. And consume the content of those you deem playing at a high level so you can see how they think 3) Affirmations. Tell yourself that you work harder than anyone else in the room. Doesn't matter if it's true, the more you say it the more it will become true.

@kieranperez Nothing you just said matters. Is it unfair that you don't have to inject insulin into your body everyday because you're not diabetic? Is it unfair that you have an internet connection instead of living in a third world country? Is it unfair that you were lucky enough to even find self-help? No. It's just the cards you were dealt. If success doesn't come naturally to you and you have to work on it, what other choice do you have? You have to accept where you currently are at. Just admit that your situation sucks and to get better might take years of grueling effort. Then you can actually get to work. Other people's experience has nothing to do with yours. Comparing yourself to others in this way only serves one purpose: reinforce your victim identity.

@Akshay Yes, it's likely that as you wake up your subconscious will reveal more and more in your dreams. Usually they will be things still unresolved in yourself that you're not consciously aware of. Look at your dreams in terms of metaphors and symbols. What do gunmen trying to kill you represent? What does having a great time with a girl you've decided to cut off mean?

@otmane One of the things I constantly try to point out on this forum is not only can they go together, it's almost inevitable that they will go together if you choose. I don't look at waking up as this "separate thing" that I do for my spiritual life. No, waking up is about getting a life. And getting the exact life that you want with ease and joy because you've realized your abilities as a creator. When you start to do that, that's when the wins come rolling in. Money, health, relationships and all that will start to become easy.

@7thLetter I'll answer your question with a real life story of mine. Around 3 years ago I was going really hard at learning pickup. I had this one friend who I knew had potential, but he had a ton of limiting beliefs around learning game. I briefly tried to talk logic to him, but just like in your experience, it didn't work. So I decided to try something different. I stopped attempting to convince him and instead committed to leading by example by embodying everything I was trying to teach him. I knew that if he could see what I was doing was working, he would change his mind. It worked. Every time we went out, he couldn't deny the success I was getting and so he slowly started coming around. Now not only does he has an awesome dating life, he basically 10edx his charisma and has become a more confident, secure and happy person since then. The personal development / game group I help run works on the same principle. People who come to us get inspired not because we lecture at them, but because we attempt to embody what we teach. When you do that, suddenly your friends will be coming up to you and asking for advice. But it doesn't happen unless we can let go of that need to be right and change people to fit our expectations of who they should be.

@ValiantSalvatore Yes there are. In fact, I'd say you're more likely to find people who are conscious and successful than successful and unconscious. Here are some potential models for you to follow: -Russell Simmons -Jim Carrey -Gary Vaynerchuck -John Carlton -Tony Robbins -Eben Pagan -Jewel -Oprah -Ryan Holiday And that's really just to start.

@LiakosN Realize that the majority of people, male AND female, are unsure of themselves and are subconsciously looking for people to make their decisions for them. Making decisions is scary. It means you could make the wrong one and fail. It means that other people might disapprove of the choice you make. If you want to be a leader in life, you have to rise above that. This isn't suggesting that you become some sort of tyrannical dictator around your girlfriend, always telling her what to do. People don't respond well to that either. Be open to her opinions and seek out her input. It's important. But you're seeking her input so YOU can make a decision, not putting the responsibility on her.

@Gabriel Antonio I'm on the cold shower band wagon as well. Everyday it's a chance to face those old conditioned patterns and do what is right anyway. You're taking back your power. I'm curious what was your experience that led you to believe that committing to other practices was a trap. Was it simply too much all at once?

@Shir This may be too blunt, but I don't believe you. I think you're afraid. You're afraid of what would happen if you had casual sex, and so you've constructed this whole identity of "the proud virgin" in order to avoid that. Ask yourself: is this role I'm playing still serving my needs? If it is, great. Keep it. But if it's not, and I highly suspect it's not, you may want to make the conscious decision to start dropping it.

@Wouter Write 100 blog posts and analyze each one to see where your writing could improve.

@kieranperez It's not "like" you're trying to be miserable. You actually are trying to be miserable. What I mean is that human self-sabotage for all sorts of subconscious reasons. Sure, maybe you theoretically want this awesome life purpose where you live your dreams. But what would that imply you would have to do? Change. Focus and work hard for a long period of time. And most importantly, you'd have to face many of the fears that are keeping you in place. As long as someone desires to avoid the pain of growth more than moving up in life, they're fucked. Because you always get what you most want. If you want to stay small, you'll stay small. Some journaling can really be helpful here to release blocks. Sit down with a pen and paper and just vent all your frustrations. All about how you hate your life and how much it sucks and how you're just sick and fucking tired of this bullshit. Really feel the emotion of it. You'll know it's working if your actions change.

@Shir I don't believe in waiting for marriage to have sex for a couple reasons. One is that it would be repressing a natural, healthy urge in myself. My sex drive is so overwhelming at times that if I didn't express that energy through actual sex, I'd 100% end up as the creepy guy sitting alone watching porn all day and hating life. Also, I'd would lash out and judge everyone who was having sex because secretly I'd be jealous. The second reason is that I need to know that I have sexual chemistry with the girl I'm going to be committing myself too. If we are going to be having sex for years and years, we better be on the same page. Otherwise that relationship is basically doomed to fail. The third reason is more of a "guy" thing. When I meet a girl for the first time, I'm not automatically thinking about how can I get relationship with her. It's not personal, I just don't even know anything about her and I'm happy having casual sex. The best relationships I've had are when a girl and I were just having fun, but then as we got to know each other we realized we actually both wanted to commit.

@SFRL It is possible to manage all the major areas of life to a very high degree. But what you won't be able to do is manage and focus on them equally. Past a certain level, life is about tradeoffs. You don't get to do everything, that's the nature of being a finite entity. So really what you should be focusing on is what is the right balance FOR YOU, not to do everything equally.

@the_wanderer You have limiting beliefs. You're just not aware of them yet because you haven't yet seen the full ramifications of how they're effecting your life. That IS a limiting belief. Afraid of people not liking you = belief that there's something about you that's not likeable. Then this belief limits you by making you chase the approval of others instead of doing what you know is right. Your issue here is awareness, so study yourself like a scientist. Examine / question all of your motivations and actions, never forgetting that the easiest person to lie to is yourself.

@Gabriel Antonio First off, congratulations not only for your growth but for being with your practice that long. That discipline will take you a long way. Now see if you can take that peace and calm into the real world, not just when you're meditating four hours a day. I'm not taking away from what you did, but I've found it's common that people are unable to translate the insights they had on retreat when they have to engage with the world.

Yup. Welcome to entrepreneurship, where you don't know what you're doing and no one can tell you what's right. That can happen, but that is the most pointless thing to worry about right now. You're way overthinking this. No one cares about your idea. The fact is that even if you gave everyone on the planet the best business idea in the world, only 5% would actually be able execute it. That's how bad most people are at creating results. Plus, do you know how grateful you should be that you got a business to a point where people want to steal from you? Again, most people can't even do that. That could happen. Large percentages of business are stomped out by competition. The question is, does that really matter? By doing nothing, your failure is already assured. Only by doing SOMETHING can you actually make it. Your mind is playing tricks with you because it doesn't want you to take risks. It doesn't want you to grow. It wants you to STAY THE SAME.

Do you actually suck at balance? Or are you just focusing on one area more than others? Balance is a nuanced thing. It's not I do work 20%, relationships 20%, health 20%, spiritual growth 20% and family 20%. That's a simplistic notion of balance. In the way I or Leo might talk about balance, you could be spending 95% of your time doing one thing and still be balanced. The question is, what do you want? Balance is relative based on your current goals. Also, balance is not something you just achieve and then it's over. It's more like continually walking a tight-rope, with adjustments being made every step of the way. My gut reaction is to say you need to prioritize and being willing to cut shit out that you really don't want. Many people can't balance things because they can't say no.

@Lynnel Noticing is definitely the first step. So congratulations on that. Now KEEP noticing every time it comes up. Be aware of when it happens and how it influences your behavior directly. Remember that our shadows / judgments about other people are never about them, they are about us. So if you're noticing these kind of beliefs, ask yourself: how is this really about me? What pain might you still be holding on? It could be leftover feelings of resentment from not being successful with women. It could be hurt from a breakup. That's for you to dive in and figure out.

@Sagatarius Yup, time to fly from the nest. You may have to wait to see how he reacts to you leaving for school. Are you financially independent? What are you waiting for to leave for school?

I'm not saying you're wrong. But notice that your judgment of guys who do pickup actually handicaps your own ability to improve in this area. You WANT to get better with women, you WANT to learn the skills necessary to get an amazing relationship and you probably want sex more than you realize. But doing it would make you "shallow". Shallow = bad, and you don't want to be "bad". If it's not important then you won't get it. I've done a good amount of cold approach at this point in my life. The sheer volume of women who you should never want to be in a relationship with is huge. Not because they're bad people, but just because you're not right for each other. So how are you planning on finding that 1% of women who you seriously connect without meeting a bunch in the first place? Also, think of how important sexual chemistry is in a relationship for both parties. I would NEVER get in a relationship with a woman before having sex because I don't know if we're going to be a match in that area. It's insane that anyone would leave that up to chance.