aurum

Love it. Just don't go stealing all the girls from us

I'll put it to you this way. I love sex. I'd like to pretend I'm above it, but the truth is when see a hot girl, I go into like this mild trance where the only thing that matters is us having sex. Kidding, but also not kidding. It was beyond frustrating growing up and not being able to fulfill that desire. It's like you're starving and people are constantly waving a nice steak dinner in front of you. So I never questioned if it was worth it. It was obvious at 21 that I had to fix this. And I spent a couple years doing exactly that. But what's funny about actually taking action and committing to the journey of improving yourself is that it teaches you all these lessons you would have never dreamed you'd get. When it comes to girls, the lessons I got showed me that getting girls (the right way) means learning to love your life. It means getting on your purpose. It means becoming someone who can find solutions. It means pushing through your fears. It means leaving boyhood and becoming a man. I didn't get into meditation because I wanted to wear a robe and live in a cave. I did it because I saw that the more meditation I did, the less anxiety I felt approaching girls. I ate healthy and learned about happiness because I saw that when I was in a better mood, girls just always wanted to fuck me more. Eventually you hit a point where you really do just find yourself loving life a lot more. And you realize that even though you had to take the journey, girls weren't really what you were truly seeking. They're fun but being on the journey itself is where my happiness lies. Here's an example. Last night I went out and should be waking up next to this 19 year old Spanish girl right now. But I misread the logistics and now I'm by myself. Should I be mad and hate life? Yes and no. It matters, but it doesn't matter either. I can have gratitude either way because I see that experience for what it is. But you only get that wisdom by actually WALKING the journey. Not theorizing about what it would be like Here's the coolest part: you get it all. You don't have to sacrifice personal happiness to get girls, and you don't have to sacrifice girls in order to be happy. So is it worth it? For me it was because it was a major pain point. Maybe for someone else, they couldn't give a shit and think I'm being way overdramatic. They'll have their own path and that's fine. No one can tell you what is meaningful for you. Only you can do that.

@kieranperez Biographies or autobiographies of people you admire can really help with inspiration. You get to see the challenges they faced, how they overcame them and what drove them. A really good biography can make you feel like you're channeling that person's energy for awhile.

@MM1988 You need pussy. Nothing is working for you because you haven't solved the problem. You can meditate until you're the god damn Buddha, but your biology still wants sex. You have to accept that, not repress your desires and avoid your problem with some self-help tricks. So how do you do it? Pickup is one way I highly recommend. Another could be getting really good at Tinder and Bumble. Another could be building a great social circle so girls actually come to you. But I think you know that. So what really needs to shift here is your belief that you don't think it's possible. You might want to check out this video:

@eskwire thanks!

Good answers. So if you're going to be doing cold approach and talking to all these women, what's the next logical thing you should be doing to support that?

True or not, it doesn't matter. If you need to pass this class then you need to pass this class. So your only choice is to keep trying.

I'd study like a maniac and get tutoring until I understood it. There really is no other answer than that. Now I'll ask you: why do you have a story that says you can't pass math?

@kieranperez I definitely resonated with this a lot when I was younger. I can remember feeling like I had all the potential I needed, but for some reason just lacked execution and belief in myself. The bad news is this is probably not going to solve itself overnight. The good news is that it's very solvable. My advice is to take it slow. If self-actualization and living your highest dreams seems too daunting, build your confidence by accomplishing smaller goals that seem more realistic. Once you accomplish that goal, aim a bit higher. Once you achieve that goal, aim higher again. Etc etc. Picture yourself like a basketball player. You don't just slam dunk the first time you touch a basketball. You gotta learn how to dribble, pass, shoot and everything else. THEN you'll get to slam dunking. So just have patience. You'll be learning invaluable skills at this point in your journey so that when you do go to take on the world, you'll be ready.

Good. A couple of questions to ask yourself: 1) You don't have to do cold approach and you don't have to do online dating. But at some point, you DO have to do something. So I'd ask you, what is your plan to make this a reality? How are you going to meet the necessary number of women to find the one you want? 2) You say you want "forever love", but you lack experience with women. From what I've seen, guys who come from that position don't know what they want in a woman. They only have ideas about what sounds good in their mind because they have no actual experience. How are you going to solve that? 3) How are you planning on improving your comfort levels with women? Cashiers at your local supermarket is not going to be enough.

Own being a minimalist fully. By that I mean that you're so in love with minimalism and your life in general, that other people should sometimes feel dumb around you for choosing a different path. You could start a simple blog just detailing your life, why you decided to live like this and why you think it's cool. Or you hang out with other minimalists and doing minimalist things. That's called flipping the script. Some girls are going to think minimalism is lame, but if you're so in love with it and don't give a fuck what they think, many of them will just fall into that reality. From there I would say just make sure you're meeting a lot of women and boost your odds by doing social events where girls who like minimalism are more likely to be present.

You could grow and learn it all yourself, just like you could do a lot of things. Doesn't make it a good idea. Unless you honestly think you have more wisdom than the millions of human beings who have lived before you and have faced the challenges you are going to have to face (you don't), then you need to study the theory. Think about the fact that you could read a book from someone who spent 30 years developing a single topic. You get to leverage all that time, blood sweat and tears they put in so you don't have to. Then they hand you that wisdom on a silver platter. You don't even have to pay for it these days, you can just torrent it. If there's a bigger "hack" in life, I don't know what it is. It only seems like "common sense" when you don't have the proper experiences to appreciate it. Then you realize that 99% of people aren't acting on this "common sense". The majority of people aren't happy. But the problem is you can't even see that until you get to a certain consciousness level. Going with the flow is actually a valid phenomena when you get to a certain point in your journey and you appreciate what that actually means. For you, "going with the flow" means not taking proactive control of your life, going back into the herd and falling asleep.

Dude, wake up. Whether you get into legal trouble will depend on YOU. Not what I say. It sounds like you haven't been able to even socialize normally without pretty bad repercussions. So get that down before you start doing more crazy shit.

But pride for what? Saying the socially approved thing? Conforming? Staying congruent to your ego? Fuck that. I have pride for the times I did the right thing, even though it was hard. Or when I pushed through those obstacles. Or when I spoke my truth. Not my ability to play some character. You may not need to come up with a line like that because you're already comfortable going direct. That's fine. But for a guy who isn't comfortable, it could possibly help. And if it helps, he should do it.

I know it does but it's not. You're actually deciding to take some proactive control over your life. That's called stepping up and being a man. "Nuts" are people who spend their lives in self-soothing rationalizations about why they don't challenge themselves. I don't condone harassing strangers or making people uncomfortable. But what sickens me even more is living in this socially conditioned haze where the second you do something slightly out of the ordinary, waves of social pressure come crashing on you to put you back in the box. That shit destroys lives. So if this is something you feel called to do, go for it. Look, I've done some obnoxious things while gaming. The worse that has ever happened were guys getting in my face cause I hit on their girlfriends. You're gonna be fine.

@Hardkill That extreme direct style of game was useful for me for a short period. But it's definitely not the best way to approach or something I'd recommend long term. Here's why extreme direct game is useful. Many guys studying the PUA stuff are terrified to put their sexual intentions out there. That was me, and even now I still occasionally fall into it. So you take this terrified guy and you get him to say this really sexual, polarizing line. He will feel like he is committing suicide, but if he pushes through that, then what happens is his comfort zone is massively expanded. Once you CAN do that if necessary, you don't have to keep doing it. The point is you never want to be in a position where you're rationalizing not taking right action out of fear. Fear and getting laid are basically inverses of each other.

@SelfPeace The question isn't about right or wrong. Different people are at different stages of their journey and different people have different need and desires. Really the question people should ask themselves is: what's right for you? Personally, I resonate way more with Elon Musk than lifestyle minimalism. I value contribution so much. I love success. I don't care about taking it easy. BUT, let's look at my biases. I'm a competitive, 26 year old guy who is focused on building his career. Maybe when I'm 50 and I've had a couple decades of crushing it and all this testosterone dies down I'll come around and look into lifestyle minimalism.

Let me put it to you like this. Before meditation: I spend my days running around, chasing little temporary glimpses of pleasure. Anything to get rid of that constant feeling of anxiety inside of me, usually using alcohol, drugs or sex. I'd overthink and analyze everything. Tons of personal biases towards certain groups and beliefs. Terrible diet. Low motivation to actually work hard towards any type of life purpose. After meditation: I experience a calm feeling of fulfillment the majority of the time. My thinking is way more efficient, sometimes with nothing going on in my mind at all. I respect different people's perspectives. My diet is clean. Motivation to contribute value to others is 10x. Of course, I can slip up. I'm not trying to paint this picture like my life is perfect and I'm this perfect person. The point is just that things are way better across the board. Progress is all that really matters.

Why isn't it the time and place for that now?

The harsh reality is that my schedule is so full that it's NEVER a convenient time to do my meditation. On any given day there's an infinite number of things I could be doing. My head hits the pillow at night with a whole list of things not finished. So given that's the case, what I do is I ask myself, "how high a priority is this?" If it's low priority, sorry. It just might not get done that day, no matter how productive I am. But if it's high priority, like meditation is for me, then I DON'T MAKE EXCUSES. If that means I go an hour less without sleep, then that's what is going to happen. Or I'll drop some other low priority task altogether. Beyond that, the other thing that has allowed me not to miss a day of meditation is over a year is that I do it first thing in the morning. Nothing get's done before I do my morning meditation. And if for some emergency reason I have to break that rule, it'll be the first thing I do once I handle that emergency. It's a commitment I'm willing to make because I'm bought in. I know first hand how amazing meditation can be. Really you have to ask yourself: how high a priority is this for you?

@kieranperez @Nahmand @Emptystickfigure made good suggestions. Start handling your inner emotional world. I'm also going to add on top of them what I see as the most obvious solution of all: you need to practice your social skills. That means going out and actually interacting with people. Go to networking events. Go talk to some pretty girls. Whatever is actually going to motivate you to start gaining those experiences you need. This is the one thing you don't want to because you've linked it to pain, but that's why you have to do it. This isn't going to resolve itself just by you sitting in your room and meditating. It's a skill and you have to practice it.

Why do you feel this is likely to happen?

@Marios Tsagoulis Yeah I can relate to this a lot. A harsh truth is that close family members are not perfect or necessarily even mature adults. Realize that shaming you for being selfish and "forgetting" about them IS them being selfish. It's about what they want, not what you want. A lot of it comes from the fact that older people tend to place a ton of meaning onto their children / grandchildren. They don't have much else going on, so you're what makes them feel good about their lives. It's really sad when you think about. Unfortunately you pulling back often only makes it worse. The real solution is to confront the issue head on, which is something you may not be ready for yet.

That's the exact voice you can't afford to listen to. Ego trying to hold you in stagnation. If this all happen purely because of pickup you have to switch up your strategy big time. What do your approaches usually look like?

I've met almost every RSD coach at this point, including a bootcamp with Todd. And they are definitely not natural extroverts. When you see a guy like Tyler doing what he is doing, that's something he cultivated. You could do the same...if you're willing to let go of your limiting beliefs. I know this because not only can I flip from introverted to extroverted on a dime, I've seen many other guys do it as well. When a guy is initiating into our personal development group, if he has this "oh I'm too introverted" bullshit excuse, I'll take him out to one of the best nightsclubs in South Beach and tell him to cold approach 100 people before the night is over. When he realizes I'm not kidding and that he has no other choice, one of two things happens: 1) The pressure is too much, he gets in his head and he can't do it. He ends up having one of those "soulless" nights where it seems like you're the biggest loser and you couldn't talk to anyone even if somebody put a gun to your head. Anyone who has done game for more than a week can probably relate to that. 2) He starts doing off slow, but eventually gets a ton of SOCIAL MOMENTUM. By the end of the night, that same "introverted" guy is the most outgoing, funniest, coolest motherfucker in the club. It's like you're dealing with a completely different person. And from what I've seen, EVERY guy has that potential. Does that mean you have to be like Tyler? No. Todd actually was an extremely quiet guy when you just hung out with him. But the difference is that so make guys use this "introverted" excuse to rationalize staying in their comfort zone, whereas Todd didn't.