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@princess It's definitely possible being in an old environment triggered some old behavior patterns. You may want to consider moving. Otherwise, realize that ridding yourself of being a people-pleaser is not going to happen over night. People-pleasing is deeply rooted in our subconscious desire to be seen as "good" and approved of. So do your spiritual purification work (meditation, yoga etc) if you really want to remove this area from your life.

@iss100 You lack discipline young grasshopper. Wash these dishes for 40 nights. Also, watch this video from Leo: Your mind drags you all over the place because you haven't yet tamed the beast. Meditation will definitely help, but here are some other practical methods: 1) Cold showers 2) Exercise (sports, gym, yoga, whatever floats your boat) 3) Eating healthy 4) Making your bed every morning 5) Getting up on time Basically anything that forces you to exert that willpower muscle will help you out here. Because that's going to force you to discipline your mind to how you want it. Over time you'll get there. The biggest key is not shirking the small decisions, because those are the easiest to rationalize away. Books for you to read: 1) Discipline Equals Freedom by Jocko Willink 2) The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal 3) Mastery by George Leonard 4) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey

@BobbyLowell It changes how you perceive them. Let's say you get in a car accident. Ego: wahhhh this is such bullshit. Cars shouldn't ever hit me and they're stupid. My life is over and I hate myself. Not ego: Everything is supporting me, even this car accident. I wonder how this experience will help me learn and grow. I'm drastically over-simplifying but that's the general gist. So there's a meta-level acceptance of any situation when you're not acting from ego. It's not that you're okay with any situation, it's that you're okay with a situation you're not okay with. It's like Judo. You can roll with anything, even when it's not in your favor. Ironically this does two things: 1) Makes you okay with the original situation and takes the stress out of it 2) Puts you in a better emotional state to practically handle whatever is going on This is what highly effective people do. They're in the flow because they're not resisting.

Yup. The "don't you fool with me" line was solid. You didn't get emotionally reactive and held your frame, which is 95% of what matters in a situation like that. If you ask her out again, I'd go for a lower investment offer on your part. Don't ask her for another one on one "date", just invite her to some event that's happening with your friends. Ideally one that you organized. Also, writing these reports is absolutely a hack to skyrocketing your results with this. When it's all in your head, it's kind of vague and nebulous. Flushing it out on paper really cements those lessons. The format I personally like looks like this: Part 1 of the interaction *Lesson learned* Part 2 of the interaction *Lesson learned* Part 3 of the interaction *Lesson learned* etc until you feel you've got it all out. I like doing it this way because it forces your mind to understand what was happening at each moment. Then at the end, I'd sum it all up like you did with the major highlights of what I did good and what I could do better next time. Way to take action keep it up.

@Monkey-man I really wanted to answer this because I had a similar reaction to Jed's books when I first read them. The only other spiritual teacher I really knew was Eckhart Tolle, so it was a pretty big switch. That was a couple years ago and my perspective has grown a lot. From a practical teaching perspective, Jed's greatest strength is also his weakness. He shocks you and gets you taking this whole "enlightenment" thing a lot more serious. He forces you to look at areas of your life you'd never look at. And maybe more important, he gets people who don't resonate with the "unconditional love & peace" crowd. But the essence of his teachings are the same. There is nothing Jed is saying that Tolle or Ralston or Leo or Spira or Mooji or whoever isn't saying. They all just have a unique personality and teaching style they use. The fact that you're depressed though means McKenna cracked a hole in the story your ego has been spinning. Which is exactly what was supposed to happen, so congratulations. Now you keep going. This is a beginning, not an end.

I just finished watching Leo's latest video, Why Brains Don't Exist. Video here for reference: It's a relatively advanced video that is going to fly over the head of most people. So I'd thought I'd share a metaphor from my own experience that really helped some of these ideas clicked. Hopefully this will be of value to you seeing things in a new way. Let's call it The Movie Metaphor. The Movie Metaphor Imagine you are watching a movie from a 1st person perspective. In this particular movie scene, the character is sitting in the passenger seat of a car while your friend drives. They look out at the road ahead. In the movie, you might see the car passing other cars. Or driving by trees. Or even turning around and going in a different direction. So from one perspective, you could say that time and space exist in this movie. But actually, you know this isn't true. With a simple SHIFT IN PERSPECTIVE, you could recognize that in reality, no space or time exists in this movie. Why? Because the reality is that the car isn't going anywhere. It's just a changing image on the screen that creates THE ILLUSION that the car is moving any sort of physical distance. The screen never moves. As far as time, you also know that the entire movie is already recorded somewhere. You could pause, fast forward or even rewind if you wanted. It's all already there. In essence, the supposed "material nature" and reality of the movie holds no actual weight. It's just changing images on a screen. Not happening anywhere, at any time. Of course this is fine if your goal is to watch a movie. You're not EXPECTING it to be actually real. You just play along. But here's the million dollar question: What if no one ever told you it was a movie? What if you grew up from day 1 watching and believing that the movie was real life? And that you actually were the 1st person character on the screen? It would be a pretty big shock to realize that wasn't true. Well if you haven't guessed by now, this is a metaphor for exactly what is going on in your life. Your life isn't material. It's just changing images on the "screen" of your consciousness. And it's not happening anywhere at all. Because even the idea of "anywhere" is just another image. Mindfuck, I know. So now we have to ask another question. Who are you? We said you were the one watching the movie...but what does that make you? What is it that is becoming aware that it's only watching a movie? That's for you to answer

@Joseph Maynor You’ve got it.

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Of course. I believe everyone should have more money than they'd ever need. The paradox though is that I know I'm unlikely to make that kind of money unless I focus on life purpose. So I expect to be a millionaire because of what I contribute.

@hinawashi The hero never really understands what he is getting into when he accepts the call. But as mind bending and confusing as it can be, I kind of like it this way. You never know what the next paradigm is going to be. Which is way more exciting than when you just thought you knew everything.

I get it. And I do believe you. But I also believe you’re avoiding what’s a very obvious problem. Where’s the fear?

You get a girlfriend. One of the main reasons for doing this work is that you can produce any kind of results you want in life. Want to be a millionaire? You can do it. Want to travel the world? You can do it. The idea that you should sacrifice getting a girlfriend just so you can do personal development is completely missing the point. Even Leo has a girlfriend. Here's the new question you need to ask yourself: why don't you feel you deserve a girlfriend?

@LessonsSavesLifes Do you have a business you’re working on? You could ask about that. I’d also ask him about his experience as a CEO. How did he become an entrepreneur? What has been his biggest challenege running the YMCA? What would he do differently? Soak up as much of his mindset as possible. Listen 95% and talk 5%.

@mikeyy Love it. You obviously can approach so your next step is learning how to do it more strategically. At what stage in the interaction did you find it going downhill? When you first approached? When you asked for her number? Tell me that and I can give you more specific advice.

@Monkey-man My gut says you’re not teaching out of some sort of ego trip. You’re actually looking to help. The problem is your execution is off. You can’t force people into this work, there has to be some crack of receptivity first before that can happen. Also, you better make sure you do your homework. Master your subject and your ability to teach it if that’s what you truly care about.

The Ultimate Model of Human Knowledge. That video came at such a perfect time for me when I was really questioning the nature of beliefs and what is true about reality. Completely opened up my mind.

@doucey24 It is realistic, but maybe not for you at this current stage. One of the things you realize in this work is that you can only move up so fast. Everyone has a subconscious / energetic “baseline” they feel most comfortable at. And when you push outside that baseline too hard, too fast, there’s a snapback effect. That’s what you’re experiencing right now. This is progress though.The only thing to do is just to get back on your habits as soon as possible. Eventually you’ll get to a point where managing that morning routine is no struggle.

@Peter Zemskov I’m on this as well. My gut says it’s absolutely possible. But so far I haven’t made much traction. Check out a guy named Meir Schneider. He’s been helping people do this for years. The main exercises I’ve seen people get benefits with is sungazing. Maybe it’s just the process of looking into the distance for an extended period of time. But there are good reports I’ve seen on that. The hardest part for me has just been the practical ramifications of dropping lens. My eyesight is so bad that to not wear my glasses or contacts means I almost can’t function. Add in the fact that almost all my work revolves around my computer / cell phone and it’s a struggle.

@Joshua_ You’ve gotten some awareness that your emotions have always been under your control. That’s a big insight so well done. If you study Law of Attraction, they will say that your emotional state determines a huge amout of your reality. God speaks feelings, not words. So positive emotions not only feel nice, they guide us to creating a positive reality. After being skeptical of this for a long time, I have to admit that it lines up a lot with my own experience. Life is an emotional game, and those who can consciously control their emotional state reep the biggest rewards. Part of the reason its not talked about is because it ruins the stories people cling to about why they’re unhappy. They’d have to take responsibility for their own emotions.

That’s the point. Confusion means your mind is processing new ideas. Did you just understand math the first time you stepped into a classroom? Or was there some confusion? You don’t need to read every book, and there are books you should read more than once. But I also I agree with Leo. Read 200 books and many of the questions you have will be answered. You’ll still be confused, but you’ll at least be confused while understanding more than 95% of the population. Understand that life is far more complex than you may have previously believed. For every good point an author makes in his book, there’s likely a counter argument that’s just as valid. So you need a mental model of the world that is ultimately contradictory. You should be seeking those ideas out, otherwise your thinking will be too simple to really navigate at a high level.

@Samuel Garcia Would you have really listened? There’s certain things people just have to experience. Suffering might be part of that. As much as I believe in helping people, the the truth is that if someone else could do all the work for you, there’d be no point. And when you try to force change on people it almost always backfires because it’s not genuine. Its become about YOUR need to save everyone, not whether the other person wants to change.

Of course it doesn’t feel that way. This is a lesson you’re probably going to have to hear hundreds of times before it starts to really sink in. If it was as simple as understanding it conceptually, almost everyone would get it. So start looking for how this plays out in your life. Watch what happens when your focus shifts from “it’s about me” to “it’s about contribution”. See the ramifications play out. Also, keep hammering yourself with kind of “contribution-positive” material. Leo’s life purpose course would help. Or you could read books which talk about the importance of contribution and service. Start programming yourself with those thoughts.

@Ilya Your strategy has one serious flaw. People who don’t care about contributing to others never get what they really want. You say you want a wooden house beside a river. How are you going to get that? Unless you build it with your own hands, it’s going to be by working and contributing value for someone. You say you want the love of your life to live with you. But why would anyone want to be in a relationship with you if you’re not going to contribute to the relationship what they’re looking for? I could go on and on. It’s a law of the universe: you give to get. You might think that by not contributing you’re winning because you’re going to get what you want and not have to worry about anyone else. But that’s a myopic, naive worldview. So feel free to try your strategy. But I think you’re going to be ultimately disapointed with the results.

Nice work. You took action and got some lessons. Now rinse, repeat until you’re where you want to be. You don’t. Things are generally happening too fast for the conscious mind, which is why we need to make it instinctual for you. You get that through massive repeition and getting out of your own head.

I definitely agree with you, that’s the ultimate version of what game should look like. But consider that: a) what you’ve done in the past that may have seemed authentic hasn’t worked b) any personal growth is going to require change. If you’re not changing, you’re not growing. c) any new action is going to feel clunky and inauthentic at first So I’ll ask you. What are some specific things that you found inauthentic or distasteful about game?