aurum

"I see me as worthless". They're your mirror. I'd suggest doing some work on opening your heart chakra. Reiki can be a powerful tool for this. Also try socializing more.

He likely did something right that you did not. What can you learn from this guy?

@billiesimon Definitely sounds like mom-stuff. Why does it scare you? This is the question I'd focus on. Let's say everything you said is true. When it comes to these girls, you're just one of their choices. They're using and exploiting you. What then? What does that mean? Notice also that your mind will want to avoid doing this.

Here's some truth. You don't. Everyone has life purpose confused. It's not something you're just handed, it's something you evolve into over time through ACTION. You have to dive into what is motivating you right now. For instance, when I was 19 years old, I became obsessed with studying different religions. I was raised Catholic and had a lot of fucked up beliefs that needed to be released. Then after about a year of that, I was done. The motivation was gone. That isn't a bad thing. That was a necessary experience for me to be able to do what I'm doing right now. The reality is that when you're young, you lack self-awareness and experience. You have to take the journey to discover these things. As romantic as it sounds that you can just go into the woods for a weekend and discover your life purpose, I've never seen it happen that way. You evolve and adapt over time. Let's say you write for a couple years and then eventually decide you want to quit. Good. All that means is you've gotten closer to your truth. I don't even expect that I'll do what I'm doing forever. Take the thing that's right in front of you. If it's motivating you, IT IS GOOD.

@Hansu There's a lot of things that could be causing this, but a simple solution might be a change in environment. You think you're "you", but in reality you're mostly just a product of your environment. So if you can switch up either where you're living or what's in your immediate environment that could really help. For instance, I like to have things in my room that remind me of my goals. Books, pictures, clothing, jewelry, etc. Anything that gets my mind thinking along the right track.

What are you doing to relax? If relaxing to you means watching TV, netflix or that latest movie you torrented, that's not relaxing. That's actually going to get your mind activated a lot because it's a very stimulating experience. Relaxation to me is meditation. Or going in a sauna and taking a cold shower. Second thing you have to take a look at is your diet. If you're not eating clean, do that right now. It takes zero extra minutes out of your day to eat healthy vs eating unhealthy, with the exception that you might have to cook a bit more. Once you're eating healthy, you'll automatically have a lot more energy. Next, look at the quality of your sleep. Don't drink water right before you go to bed so that you wake up and have to go the bathroom. Buy blackout curtains so that your room is completely dark. Don't sleep with the TV or noise going on. Final step in all this is you gotta change your job situation. That's a long term plan usually but you have to start planning now.

@Jasmine DM influencers on Instagram in your niche and tell them you'll send them some product for free. Don't even ask for a shoutout. They'll likely say yes because hey, why not? Free stuff. Once they get your product and see that it's good, they'll almost inevitably give you a shoutout in their story or maybe in a picture. Realize that they also want to show the world that they're getting sent free stuff because that makes them look good.

I used to say "no" because there's too big a difference. But my opinions have changed on this slightly. Most people try to make their boyfriend / girlfriend into everything. They want them to be their best friend, gym buddy, therapist, lover, business partner and everything else. It's really not a fair expectation. In reality, you want to look at your life like you're a casting director and you're looking people to take specific roles. Who is going to take the best friend role? The therapist role? The business partner? Etc. As long as she is supportive, I don't need a girlfriend who is aggressively self-actualizing. That's a personal choice and honestly most people won't get it. So for you, define what you really need out of a boyfriend. If he doesn't fit that role, drop him. If he does, look to other people to fulfill those needs.

@metamorphose It helps to have a reason why you guys should be friends. For instance, if you were both on the same sport team, you'd have a reason to be friends. If you were both musicians who wanted to play music together, now you have a reason to be friends. Get specific on why you want friends. Define it clearly. "Deep connection" and "like-minded" is way too vague and wishy-washy.

I'll challenge you on this since I doubt anyone else will. I think your critique of Tyler is unnecessarily harsh. That's a very cartoon version of PUA and you should know that after being in the community. Most "PUAs" are not trying to bang the hottest .001% of girls, they're way too intimidated by them. I WISH more guys I knew actually wanted to go for those girls, I'd have much better wingmen. Most guys I see get into PUAs are scared nerds who just want a girlfriend that is moderately attractive. That's all they really feel they deserve. There are exceptions of course, and their preferences will evolve as they evolve. Sure, if a guy is new to PUA and he sucks at it. That's not because a "PUA can't be wrong". It's a coping mechanism to deal with rejection. Most people have core beliefs about their unworthiness, and rejections are like salt in the wound. So of course people who aren't ready to heal that will project. That doesn't mean it's wrong. That's the healing process. Never in my life have I seen advocate Tyler advocate to become another "McDonalds". He always places a strong emphasis on personal growth, spriritual growth, life purpose, and coming into your own as a man. The distinction here is that he doesn't believe you should do that IN ORDER TO GET GIRLS. There is some overlap between self-actualization and meeting women, but it's not necessary. Do it because it fulfills you and leads to your best life. You'd have to define what you mean by manipulation and what manipulation is not, but generally speaking I'd say that's false. Not in the long term at least. This is not necessarily true at all. I do know friends who have fallen into the "must have a new girl all the time" trap. And it sucks to see because you know they're not happy. But, you're dismissing a whole lot of valid lifestyles. I know people who are very happy being polyamorous, open and single. We get a lot of conditioning telling us that monogamy is the only answer. But is that actually true for everyone? Again, you're making a lot of assumptions here. Tyler speaks very openly about the spiritual work he does that doesn't involve pickup. Maybe some, you're making a very broad generalization. For me I'd actually say it's the other way around. I wasn't capable of being in a loving relationship UNTIL I did pickup. It was / is a healing process. It helped me let go of a lot of negative beliefs about women and relationships, and only then was I able to actually be in one. It also gave me the skill set and experience to know how to attract the kind of girl I wanted. I'll be very blunt. I think you're a highly evolved guy, but I would consider that you may have some shadow work to be done when it comes to receiving. Consider that PUAs are a trigger for you. Besides that, you definitely made some good points. Thanks for forcing me to consider my beliefs on the subject.

Like Biggie Smalls in that South Park episode, I have been summoned. @Nexeternity it sounds like you had some epiphanies about the importance of congruence and authenticity when it comes to women. Very important concepts, but know that there is more. Higher levels still to go when it comes to your results with women IF you choose to take it that far.

@kieranperez You have to be really committed. You don't have much in terms of resources at the moment, so I'd start small. Maybe just do some affiliate marketing. Send me a DM.

@Dogsbestfriend Interesting science for sure. He does fail to address the metaphysical component of sleep but that's to be expected.

@Max_V What negative consequences is this causing in your life?

@KMB4222 "Letting go" in this context does not mean you literally must destroy everything you own or use. It's more of an emotional thing. You can use notes but not be attached to them.

@Kaity Google a guy named Jean-Claude Carvill and check out his books. He's a female intimacy coach that helps women get over problems like this. Also look into Tantra if you're into the spiritual stuff. One of my close female friends is a tantric sex coach for women, and I know she uses tantra practices to clear these kinds of emotional blocks. It's understandable that you're upset at your mother. Know that your life is your life from this moment on. You have to decide how you're going to play the hand you've been dealt, no matter how shitty it seems.

@Salvijus It's important for any guys reading this to know that no, this does not make you a pussy. When I think of the coolest guys I know, they're not stoic, emotionless robots. Don't confuse emotional suppression with emotional control. That's the big mistake I see. Understand that most people are conditioned that it's not okay to feel. We have massive amounts of emotional suppression going on because that's a coping mechanism most of us develop at a young age. Something painful happening at home while growing up? Lock it away and don't let anybody see. A large part of this work really just comes down to learning to let yourself feel again.

Part of it is just fear of the unknown. You're not used to going on dates and so you're nervous. Prescription: more dates, more meditation.

@Freakrik Guys you don’t need to interpret everything through Spiral Dynamics. There can be positive, conscious reasons for doing pickup and negative, unconscious reasons. Just like anything else. Know what you want, know what your intentions are, and then let it go.

Then it doesn't work lol. Good reactions are not the goal. Things like the 7 hour rule, the 3 second rule, the frame of needing to demonstrate value, the emphasis on isolation, etc. It would take me several pages of writing to explain it all. Luke definitely does not have awful cold approach skills. I obviously don't know what Denton say that made him think that but I'm pretty shocked he would say that. But even if that was true, it wouldn't matter to me because I don't learn from Luke in order to get better at cold approach. I already know how to do that. I go to Luke because I'm incorporating a lot more social circle game into my life. That's his area of expertise and so I just focus on that piece of the puzzle.

Lol no, Todd is definitely not suggesting going back to SS, NLP or hypnosis. That stuff is massively cringeworthy and not effective. MM definitely has some good pieces but it's flawed as well. What he is advocating is treating pickup like a skill. Don't just approach it blindly, telling yourself you're being "authentic" and "having fun". Actually be strategic and smart about what you're doing. At the moment, really only RSD Luke. Another friend of mine and the only one teaching the kind of game I'm interested in doing. I also learn indirectly from a lot of "naturals". That tends to be more of a do what I do, not as I say kind of relationship. Because many of them don't even really understand how they're getting the results they're getting.

Of course it is. Todd does teach a lot of excellent mindsets, it's just not what he is focusing on in this video. Don't knock the "fucking a hundred nameless plates" thing until you've done it. If you weren't good with girls growing up, that will be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. I have respect for any guy who has made that happen. Anyway, we're not talking about what is the "optimal" lifestyle. That's a whole different debate. What we're talking about is how do you take a guy who wasn't previously getting results with women and get him succeeding? When you say "Be authentic and connect with a woman", what that basically translates to for a new guy is KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. Keep doing what hasn't been getting you results in the past. That's completely backwards, a new guy has to have a mindset that he is willing to change everything about himself. Because what he thinks is "him" isn't really him anyway, it's this socially conditioned ego that he has identified with. I made a video about this called "I don't want you to be authentic". Self-actualization is about growth and evolution, not staying the same. So yes, a new guy needs to go out and learn some skills. Learn about false time constraints, investment loops, qualification, seeding the pull, objection handling, hard stops, walk-withs, etc etc etc. Once you get that stuff down, it becomes like your utility belt. You don't HAVE to use any of it, but you got it if the situation calls for it.

@Silvester Consider reading Discipline = Freedom by Jocko Willink. You can have both the magic Leo was talking about and the discipline. The fact that these things seem contradictory is only conceptual. In this work, we like to use the term integration. It's a bit like bringing together pieces of a puzzle. One part of you can see the magic in everything and be carefree, and another part of you can get down to work when necessary. It's all still you, just different aspects.

@Cudin Stop judging them for being at their stage of development. Just because we're on the actualized.org forum and we know some spiritual stuff doesn't make us any better than anyone else. Consider that maybe it's awkward not because of them, but because of you. Instead of focusing on you're different than them ("omg they're so stage orange, ugh"), focus on finding commonalities. I guarantee you have a lot more in common than you probably think with even the most plugged-in-the-matrix type person. There are universal challenges we all go through. Does that mean you have to spend excessive time with everyone? Of course not, you're allowed personal preferences. But if you're going to be spending time with these people, at a certain point you have to admit that no one is perfect, no one is perfectly evolved (including you) and you should just learn to get along.

@okulele If all you want to do is yoga and meditate, you could easily do that when you came back to the world. Become a yoga teacher or a meditation coach. These are actually in demand professions right now, especially with the rise of mindfulness in the corporate world. And the barrier to entry is almost non-existent.