aurum

You're definitely being defensive. That's the whole problem. Stop defending yourself so much.

Your entire attitude is still combative.

You guys immediately assume the most nefarious motives about women. Yeah, she's doing survival. But you're still overreacting. Some of you seem to imagine that sleeping with women involves winning some kind of war against them. That's not what it's like at all. You want to fight with women, but fighting is not how the dance is done. It's way too combative. People sleep with together when they like each other and when they're having fun. Try assuming women actually want to sleep with you, even if she's giving you some tests.

This is unnecessary.

@Nito you’re learning a good lesson about the importance of giving her space. Do a little follow up and then see if she’ll agree to a meet up. Use a phone call if needed. Don’t be text buddies.

Another general tip for guys in similar scenarios: CALL HER, don't just text You can flip many seemingly dead interactions simply by calling her and instead of just texting. It's shocking how well this can work in the right situation. Texting is just too impersonal and too easy for her to forget about you. But if you call her and she answers, now you're a lot more "real". She can hear your voice and more easily feel your personality. So yeah, don't sleep on the phone call. It might seem old-fashioned but it works. Especially in scenarios where you've already hinted at plans. You could also try FaceTime, but I find a phone call is easier and less pressure than a video-chat.

Give her some space. But no, not indefinite radio silence. These games don't always play out as well as you think. Often times it just leads to no one making any moves at all. Don't let her Hot & Cold throw you off. You know what you want, so stay persistent and lead.

Now you're just being too sweet I enjoy your writing as well. It's poetic and thoughtful.

Beautiful, thank you for sharing.

What does "action" look like for you? We need more perspectives from mature women on the forum.

But you can find mature people, as long as you don't set your expectations for "maturity" absurdly high. There are many mature women at Green. If you lived in a relatively Green city or country, you'd find tons of them.

Sure, you might not be compatible with SD Blue. But SD Green is realistic. Tier 1 can love someone genuinely and strongly. In fact, in some ways Tier 1 love can be better because it's more contracted. Contracted love is what you need for relationships, not infinite love. The whole goal of a relationship is to make that person special and to love them in a unique way you don't love others. It's not right to put too much pressure on your romantic partner's development. Their job is basically just to be your partner in raising kids and be a companion as you get older. You don't need a SD Turquoise business partner, and you don't need an SD Turquoise romantic partner.

That's not really the case. You can have maturity at lower stages.

Is that a quote from last night

True mastery of Actualized.org

It's not specific enough from my perspective. "Realness" does not necessarily imply verticality. "Seeing through a frame" does not necessarily involve verticality. Verticality specifically involves integrating lower frames.

It's not just a frame-level mismatch. Frame-level mismatches can happen at any stage of development. Here we specifically talking about a vertical out-framing. The verticality is the piece I didn't see in your description. If you did actually understand it, great. But this is a subtle point that I know people will get wrong, so I wanted to get out ahead of any misconceptions.

Yeah, but be careful because I'm talking about something beyond just simple approval-seeking. Approval-seeking could be a horizontal development phenomenon. I.e, two people at Stage Orange where only one of them is chasing approval. I'm talking about a phenomenon here that strictly emerges from vertical development. Where because you've transcended and included their frame, you are not explicitly agreeing with them. But you're also not strictly disagreeing with them. You're just unintentionally out-framing them. So this is a higher / lower phenomena related to frames. Not just emotional neediness. I asked GPT to summarize: "Non-participatory dissonance occurs when a later developmental stage silently withholds participation in a frame it sees through, thereby destabilizing that frame in the other—without contradiction, judgment, or overt withdrawal."

If you're an engineering type and passionate about the environment, I would be looking to get into geoengineering whatever way I could: Eventually, there comes a time to dry your tears about environmental problems and instead get solution-oriented. Hippie ideas about everyone just living with less or not interfering with Earth aren't going to cut it. We are going to engineer the planet. Imagine getting to work on a geoengineering project that helps ensure the survival of the entire species, including all your loved ones. You would be rewarded extremely well by society.

Believe what you want. I made the points I wanted to make.

Infinite Natasha. She'll be your ex in any dimension

Wow, you were all the women I dated?

Nice. Synonym: Chop wood, carry water.

This one is funny

Non-participatory Dissonance: noun. The subtle psychological discomfort that arises when a person's identity frame is silently not affirmed by another who occupies a later stage of ego development. The dissonance is not caused by argument, rejection, or overt contradiction, but by the other’s non-participation in the illusion. This silent perceptual mismatch destabilizes the unconscious coherence of the original frame, not through conflict, but through deeper consciousness. Example 1: A hippie, SD Green yoga teacher approaches and serenely thanks you "for being deeply human". You smile politely and acknowledge the compliment, but don't extend it back. They notice a subtle drop in energy and a vague sense they have not been fully received. Example 2: An Andrew Tate follower is being loud and braggadocious. Talking about women, they look to you for affirmation. "You know what I'm talking about, right?". You listen without judgment, conscious of the act they are putting on. They start to feel uncomfortable, like they are being seen through, but they don't know why. A key part of this phenomenon is that it is all unconscious for the other person. They notice discomfort without understanding why. Thus they cannot overtly blame you, but it's still felt by them. They may avoid you in the future or lash out at you in other ways. This is important to our work, because as you move into higher stages of ego development, you will notice this phenomenon with those you interact with. You will be less able to genuinely join them in their frame, which will devalidate them. And you will not even intentionally try to do this. You may even accept where this person is at. But the dissonance will still be felt. So it's important for your social relationships that you catch this when it happens, in case it is causing friction. Giving it name will help you to notice it.