aurum

I think your initial reaction is the right one. Sounds pretty miserable.

Could you do all of this without necessarily intending on dating her? When I say "enjoy being single", I don't mean do nothing. I mean meet girls, maybe hook up with them and just let things happen organically. That's actually my strategy for getting a girlfriend. I emotionally let go of needing a girlfriend while still continually putting myself out there in situations where I know it could happen. That's up to you, I can't tell you how much you should be invested in your own goals. So while time may be a real concern, I'd also consider if time is really the issue. Where there ever be a perfect time? Or will you finish your exam and have another commitment to attend to? Just chew it over. Absolutely not, because of one thing: Instagram. Now that most dating apps allow you to connect your Instagram, their value has skyrocketed for me. If you have a good Instagram it can basically do all the work for you in terms of "game". If you don't have a good Instagram, I would seriously consider starting to build one. Follow me at @akourakin if you wanna see examples of what I'm doing. That all being said, of course there is lots of value to approaching girls in person as well.

Well said. We often wonder why people aren't more conscious, but the reality is that many people just aren't ready. The blocks exist for a reason.

@Torkys From the quotes I'm reading from him, he sounds very similar to the mindset of many school shooters. My armchair theory is that he was in a lot of pain and wanted other people to understand him. This is very common in school shooters: they want to inflict pain because it's the only way they see that they can feel connected. In retrospect, all of us should have had more empathy and saw these posts for what they actually were. Cries for help. Let's send some love to his family.

Welcome, thanks for joining us. No there aren't. There are only stages of development. However, you will find that certain hobbies are going to far more beneficial than others. In theory, you could. But most people just zone out like zombies when they watch TV. That's the point of it. They're just trying to distract themselves and avoid being present. I do a lot of social events. Some people might say it's distracting but it really depends on the person and why they're doing it.

@lmfao It really depends. Many people's life purpose will involve helping other people in some sort of fashion, so I don't imagine self-actualization means living in a cave for them.

If you really just want to say fuck it and go celibate, that's up to you. But if you really want a girlfriend, why quit? You already don't have a girlfriend. So the worse that can happen is you just end up back at square one. You have nothing to lose. And yes, most girls you meet will not be girls you want to make your girlfriend. So what? Enjoy being single. Another thing I would suggest you do is get crystal clear on what kind of girl you want to date long term. What ethnicity is she? What hair color? What values? What does she do for fun? What are her goals? Etc Once you have that crystal clear idea, reverse engineer it. Where does she hang out? How could you meet her? Then start putting the pieces in place to make that happen. For example, let's say you wanted to date a girl who is a fashion model. I would start making friends with photographers, attending fashion shows, making sure my wardrobe is up to par, etc. Just swiping Tinder is probably not going to be enough if you really want a high quality dating life.

I set people free from themselves.

@RendHeaven He's actually very spot on. Many people refuse to seek the right help and so they never grow.

It's 0% true. That being said, it's a very small percentage of men out there who would actually be willing to commit to that level of improvement. Improvement is fucking hard and getting to a high level in anything requires a ton of dedication.

@IvanV21 You don't deal with her, you make a better decision next time you choose who is going to be your girlfriend. Break it off. That sounds harsh but you can't control her or fix whatever emotional issues she has. That's not your responsibility. And next time you go to commit to a girl, test the waters first. What happens if you suddenly don't text back for a couple days? What happens if you bring a female friend around? If she freaks out at those kind of things, you can expect it will only get way worse once you're actually together.

I actually plan on making a whole video on my channel about this topic. It's really in depth. Here's a couple options: 1) Work 40 hours a week and hustle on your life purpose in any free time you have. 2) Work 40 hours a week but save money and plot your escape to open some sort of business. I might be wrong but I'm pretty sure this is what Leo did. 3) Get a part time job (20~ hrs a week) and drastically cut your expenses. Hustle on your life purpose in your free time. 4) Leverage social connections you might have. I was able to get free rent for half a year at a beautiful apartment simply because of someone I knew. I've used all these options at different points. At the end of the day, you just have to find a way to make it work. Do whatever it takes.

@BestSelf Very normal, expect that your progress is going to always fluctuate. Keep up the good work.

@SirImprovement I've moved on, but I actually was pretty involved in that community for awhile. So I know all about it. Basically it's the place to go if you're angry and hurt about your past experiences with women. Maybe you got divorced, maybe you got cheated on or maybe girls just never wanted to have sex with you. And you're starting to see that the beliefs you were fed about women by society are just not true. So there's a lot of accurate ideas that get thrown around TheRedPill. At the same time, the whole community is so based on pain that there's a lot of victim mentality / misogyny that comes up as well. But you know what? I'm okay with all of it. It's easy for us to judge guys who are going through that. But the truth is none of us are born with the perfect paradigm and perfectly enlightened. You have to go through the process. And sometimes that process is messy. Sometimes the process looks like you being pissed the fuck off. Sometimes it looks like you lashing out at others. Sometimes it looks like plain delusion. So I see TheRedPill as healing disguised as anger. Healing for guys who truthfully don't have many other options. Where else can you learn this and find people with similar experiences who will understand you?

Life purpose. Much easier said than done, but that is the answer.

There is some fundamental problems with this line of thinking. First is that you believe that her emotions are your responsibility. That's another socially conditioned belief. In reality, every person has the choice to feel however they want about a situation. I'm not suggesting using that as an excuse to run around hurting people. But notice that this belief is actually keeping you from being free and fully authentic. Whose life are you living if you're afraid of how she will feel if you break up with her? The reason seeing her feel "bad" makes you feel bad is because it triggers your own feelings of shame. Unfortunately she doesn't understand any of this and so she will likely externalize the cause of her negative emotions onto you. You can't control that, that's her own issues she will have to work through when the time comes. Again, the consequences of you not doing this are far greater than doing it. This relationship is likely just going to get more and more toxic as long as these feelings go unexpressed.

Sounds to me that maybe you want this because you're lost, at least somewhat scared, and don't know what to do.

That's true, but I also believe that's a limiting belief at the same time. Yes, it would turn a lot of people off. Most won't even be able to comprehend it or want to. But consider a guy like Eckhart Tolle, who was essentially unknown to the wider public before The Power of Now. Suddenly he's on Oprah. There's more to drawing a crowd than good traditional marketing. There's an energetic component that often goes underlooked. And when you consider the rate at which the collective consciousness seems to be evolving, who knows. Maybe not so crazy after all. Still, I always try to make sure I show how people will benefit from these teachings and deliver the material in the best manner. That's just social intelligence.

@littleBIG I'm definitely not here to tell you "no". Do what you want. But I'd consider if you're deceiving yourself here. Do you really want to live in a car? Or are you looking for an escape to your problems? Would you be doing this if someone magically dropped a million dollars in your bank account? If so, what beliefs might you have that make you think you can't do that? I'm asking because I don't want you to go live in a car as a reaction to the fact that you lost your job and money is tight right now. I get the whole "don't want to slave 40 hours a week" thing, but that isn't the only way to make some money. Again, it's totally up to you. Maybe try asking these questions in meditation and see what happens.

Understand that your views towards relationships have largely been conditioned by your upbringing and society. We are told things like monogamy = love, fidelity = love and that there's ONE SOULMATE (scarcity) out there for everyone. In reality, these beliefs or agreements were simply created to serve the agenda of the people who were in the relationship and society at large. So I don't think you're on some ego rampage, desperately trying to find the next girl to fill that void in your soul. I think what's happening in this situation is your innate desire for sexual freedom is clashing against your conditioning. Notice that you said the emotion you're experiencing is guilt. That's almost a sure sign that you're suppressing something, which leads to problems. That suppression will turn into resentment for your girlfriend very fast because on some level you'll feel it's her fault. Also, you said that your girlfriend isn't as attractive you'd like her to be. Doesn't make her a bad person, but you don't have to just sit back and let that happen either. You can draw a boundary and date a more attractive girl if you want to. People will try to shame you for that, but the truth is that they're just afraid that they're not attractive enough and won't make the cut. If you're not up to an hour a day, keep upping the time until you get there. Consider yoga too.

I'd question this belief. If you were feeling your emotions fully, they'd pass right through you. You wouldn't be walking around depressed. Technically true, but not in the way you're using it. Your emotions are absolutely under your control, that's just a belief to keep you stuck in your patterns. That's not what letting go is about. Trying to make it go away is likely bringing up resistance, which is the exact opposite of what you want. I'd try focusing more on fully feeling whatever you're feeling. Don't intellectualize, just becoming present to it.

Another DM I wanted to answer. This time on the topic of LOOKS and dating for men. Do they really matter? If so, how much? And how much time and energy should be invested? The Great Debate This is possibly one of the oldest questions in the seduction community. People have been arguing about whether looks matter or not for what seems like forever. If you think there's a simple "yes" or "no" answer, think again. This goes way deeper than most people even have a clue. In this post, I'm going to attempt to expand your mind and force you to consider some angles to this question you may have never looked at. So let's get to it. Side Number One: Looks DO Matter This is the opinion of the majority of the population. The average guy is totally convinced that his looks are the primary reason for his success/failure with women. The reasoning behind this is pretty obvious. Good looking men are often seen dating attractive women while ugly men are not. Or you might hear a woman say "he's hot!" when looking at a picture of a good looking man and talk about how badly she wants him. In the seduction community, people typically take this a step farther. They might talk about how when a man is good looking, it often gives a woman social approval to date that man. No one is going to look at her funny for dating the guy who looks like Channing Tatum. In fact, most of her friends would be jealous. Another argument made is that looks give a man confidence. By improving your looks, your confidence will go up and you will do better with women. Finally, you'll often hear women talk about how a good looking man shows that a man is disciplined and cares about himself. Those are attractive traits. I don't totally dismiss this side of the debate. I've never once seen a guy not being able to do well with women because he was too good looking. That's just kind of ridiculous. So there's a PLETHORA of reasons to fix your fashion, fitness and look if you're a guy. Side Number Two: Looks Don't Mean Shit This side of the argument comes almost entirely from the seduction community. What guys who have spent large amounts of time devoted to learning social dynamics and pickup have discovered is that despite their looks, they can do just as well with women as many man could possibly dream. In fact, the guys who I see do BEST with women are typically NOT the guys who are best looking. The enemy of the great is the good, and guys who are good looking often don't have the leverage to really take their dating life to that extreme level. How is this possible? It's essentially because women are not responding to the external, logical layer of your behavior. They don't give a shit about your resume. They are responding to EMOTIONAL, SUBCONSCIOUS TRIGGERS. Anyone who has ever done some real marketing is familiar with this concept. The way to really motivate humans to do anything is by speaking to the subconscious part of the brain via the cognitive biases (status, social proof, authority, reciprocity, scarcity, compliance etc). When you do this right, whatever "logical" reasons a woman may have for liking or not liking you goes out the window. This is also not to say that women are stupider. Men are just as susceptible to these biases. However, we're looking at things from a male perspective in this thread. Ladies can feel free to make their own. What this means is that even if your looks are holding you back in certain situations, you can overcome it. And it's a lot easier than you might think once you've got it down. It's a SKILL that can be developed. It's sad to see a guy who feels like because he doesn't have a six pack, he can't do well with women. That's so ridiculous. I honestly think that guys who obsess about looks and dismiss actually going out a meeting women do so because it's easier. Sure, going to the gym 6 days a week takes discipline. And it's physically challenging. But it's not emotionally challenging. It isn't likely going to push your comfort zone. And humans will put themselves through hell physically any day if it means avoiding a painful emotion. The other problem with saying "it's all about looks!" is that you're relying on something external to feel good about yourself. Even if you are good looking now, what will happen when your looks eventually fade? What will happen when your "socially approved self-worth" gets ripped away from you because you never actually developed real self-esteem? Anything based in the external is impermanent. When you don't learn to give yourself UNCONDITIONAL love, you'll always need more than the guy who doesn't. And on some real pimp shit, the guy who loves himself for no reason is going to smoke you in the field. If you sit around and complain about your looks, you're also not likely the kind of person who is going to be successful at anything. You fundamentally have a victim mentality, and so no matter what options you might have for improving your situation, you're just going to throw them away. Who Is Right? The answer here is a balanced approached. When I was learning pickup, I was also in the gym a couple days a week. There's really no reason not to work on your looks, especially if you've had very little success with women in the past. But at the same time, don't make it an excuse. Realize that no matter what you look like, you can still make it work. And eventually learn to start developing unconditional self-love.

@Emne It's not, but just saying that doesn't help. You need to become conscious of that on your own.

@hinawashi They're incredibly helpful. One good book can change the entire trajectory of your life. Try stacking many of those books and watch what happens.

@vanish No more Fight Club for you.