Litaken

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About Litaken

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    Newbie
  • Birthday February 21

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    Hungary
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    Male
  1. Looking back, fear is amazing. When you are inside that state, you can not differentiate your fear from, hard to name but let's call rationality. I've been in that state for so many hours, years, swinging back and forth, and I was shocked how my seemingly same mind with the same information could take radically different things for truth relied on how I felt that moment. BUT when the bad times pass, you'll be able to reflect back, and see what you thought was dead true at that time, and yet it wasn't. I think you are afraid of meaninglessness, because you are used to having meaning. If you weren't, you'd probably see it's like music, it has no meaning and DOESN'T NEED one. Do you need one :)? Meaning isn't bad, desperately needing meaning, not accepting meaningless is bad. Try to bite and accept! maybe something simpler first that you don't yet. My latest huge huge huge relief was accepting that I'm insane :DDD It loses all it's power once you don't resist it. You can not be sane and not insane. There is no object without background. Also be aware if you defined meaning, you at the same time defined meaninglessness. Sides of the same coin. Absolute equality means either both or neither So in this sense reality is meaningful and meaningless at the same time. Or neither. Honestly, I have no idea how enlightened I am, not do I care. I don't need it, but I can describe what I feel now that my honest, best knowledge and understanding what everything I ever sensed or thought seemingly supports: I am reality looking at itself. Have you ever realized you are in a dream and got a huge relief because you knew you can't get hurt, so all your fear fades away? That can hit you in real life as well. I haven't felt fear or felt bad in the past week, I'm honestly starting to get disgusted by having too much good. Immune to guilt or any self-manipulating behaviour. I know it's not caused by the outer world but me causing it to myself. Can't trick myself with projection anymore. I still got the triggers firing up for a moment, but it can not latch on, I don't even remember it a minute after. I don't hate anyone or anything, consciously, by free choice. I know I did it in attempt to manipulate others, and also it doesn't make sense anymore. How could I hate myself? Wouldn't that be insane :D? I noticed I can be wherever, and move my focus to my body, and notice a general nice sensation, it's like some joy fluid moving on in my body. Mild but definitely there, "physically". I don't fear death. Death is reunion, the revesre of a split up, as the saying goes dust to dust. Love means whatever got split up wants to re-unite. We split up man-woman, and god damn how much we want to unite! So yeah now I think death is probably an awesome feeling since it's reunion. Just now I understand how much guilt I had for my desire for women. Now I understand, that it's just love I can look at others so deep now, knowing that we are the same, to be conscious of it is a very intimate feeling that I love to excercise now (I couldn't look into people's eyes for an instant in my past 30 years of existence)
  2. Just for the sake of the note, the ego does exist, it's derived from the same one thing than everything else, hence exists equally to everything else. I think people tend to fall into the trap of denying the ego. But all denial is a trap as far as I could tell.
  3. Sounds like you lost motivation Maybe something like every other life is going to be lived by you, might count as one, for example :D? I'm feeling so weird I used to look at soooo many people like I want to be them, now that I know I will be them I want to be me more than anyone else
  4. For me most of the things that made me feel really bad are still occuring (recent stuff), it just doesn't affect me anymore. Accept that thought, there is nothing bad with a thought. If you resist it, it'll push you harder and harder. The desperate need to stop thinking something will just make you think more of it I like to think of meditation like you are your own psychologyst and the patient at the same time, and you say to yourself: you can say or think anything and you won't be judged. This helps you to free up.
  5. Yeah both, you make a division in reality: static and dynamic. But what you divided is both. That's the property of identity/identification. Same truth-falsehood. See you say a word and ... you cut the world in half. This division is just intelligence, "recognized patterns", the whole stays the same. Your definition of truth is incomplete if it doesn't contain it's every relation. If I write 1+1, i wrote a relative truth, creating a relation, changing the (one) complete definition of truth which makes it dynamic. Or: Truth is relative to Now, and of course vice versa just with everything.
  6. Are you good or are you bad? Are you big or are you small? Are you capable or are you incapable? Are you sane or are you insane? Are you beautiful, or are you ugly? Are you smart, or are you stupid? Are you an imp or a god? Admit it, you are both and all. Are you solid, or are you liquid? Gas? Earth? Water? Air? Fire? Are you selfless, or are you selfish? Are you the body, or are you the mind? Are you love, or are you hate? Are you an angel or a demon? Are you life, or are you death? Accept that you are both and all. Admit that you deny some of these. Are you constant or are you changing? Are you input or are you output? Are you finite, or are you infinite? Are you relative, or are you absolute? Are you the observed, or are you the observer? Are you a creator, or are you a creation? Are you me, or are you you? Is reality not any of these? Are you many or are you one? Are you whole or are you part? What are you not? You are everything. The one everything.
  7. We only see the world relative, but it's more than that. you see yourself a droid relative to someone with an easier life. but you are the god relative to an ant. Find the things you are a god related/relative to, either way I hope you find it's everything Don't underestimate yourself! Negativities always have bad thinking habits behind them. See you might not have a good relation to reality, and you are in your head instead. If so, first accept now, and then love it, in that order. Don't think, observe! Focus on what you can do now, instead of what you couldn't do somewhen. Your closest relation to reality is: NOW. I bet there is yet another thing you don't know you can feel in your body, try to stretch the longest rope in your body and scan it for any feelings your didn't notice before. There is a very good sentence to rid negative thoughts: Okay, but do I need to think of it NOW? You can free your mind of thoughts if you understand this The more you practice the more you will be able to listen to reality instead of talking into it
  8. see forgiving really means forgetting. do you want to constantly get reminded of something negative that happened in the past? Wouldn't you choose to have the nice ones? You can choose Realize you are relatives, and it's the best for the both of you. That's a form of teamplay. That's the direction of life. Grudge is the opposite direction.
  9. You know funny the only thing I can say is what we are more than. And what we are more than, is whatever you can imagine. Imagine what a monkey thinks about what life is. You can see whatever he thinks about, it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more. Do you think it's not the case with you? But see you can observe so you can make decisions, a looooot of decisions. you can lick your hands out of cuz you can. Do you know the only time you can make decisions? Now Whatever you can imagine, life is more than that. Then start to realize the relations: one of the most thought of is good and bad, they are relative and one is not without the other. you can accept and deny both of them, but in reality you can love everything. You can play with anything you can observe. that is say, a gift, in every way imaginable. if you accept them you start to understand them more clearly. So for the answer to your question yes, they are, everything is equally real to you now You are just a little scared of seeing reality from only one point of view But believe me it's infinitely many point of views Here is a thing to observe: NOW
  10. We only see the world relative, but it's more than that. you see yourself a droid relative to someone with an easier life. but you are the god relative to an ant. Find the things you are a god related/relative to, both ways. I hope you find it's everything, both ways Don't underestimate yourself! Negativities always have bad thinking habits behind them. See you might not have a good relation to the reality in the now, and you are in your head instead. If so, first accept now, and then love it, in that order. Don't think, observe! Focus on what you can do now, instead of what you couldn't do somewhen. Your closest relation to reality is: NOW. I bet there is yet another thing you don't know you can feel in your body, try to stretch the longest rope in your body and scan it for any feelings your didn't notice before. There is a very good sentence to rid negative thoughts: Okay, but do I need to think of it NOW? You can free your mind of thoughts if you understand this The more you practice the more you will be able to listen to reality instead of talking into it
  11. ++ on Nahm, what you are experiencing is negativity hiding the bright side, which is how it works and which is without it wouldn't be able to. Try to accept some simple things that now you deny or even hate, and observe how you will start to see and understand more and more about it. One of life's challenges is to realize that ultimately everything is loved without exceptions, and alignment with it more and more will make your life better and better and your environment clearer and clearer. I think what you percieve as "droids" is that you see that to live there are things people "must" do, like go to work. If you accept that part, you will start to see the other side, which is the things people do not because they must, but because they can! Which really is the good stuff, and makes the difference between a droid and an entity with free will
  12. F**k society! If you realized how many many many things they are wrong about, and how wrong information spreads amongst sheeple, you would dissolve your NEED to fit in it completely. That's the root cause of your issues, you think you NEED to fit in society! You don't need to do s**t! Let your free will free! Do what you want! Accept yourself for who you are. This kind of lifestyle probably already thought you countless lessons that others never had a chance to grasp.
  13. This may sound harsh at first but facing it is the first step to dissolve it which is very very possible! You are projecting your self-hate to others. This self-hate is hidden from your consciousness, because if it wasn't then it wouldn't be able to control you. The answer: Love yourself! Accept yourself as you are! Hate is a way of motivation, but you can see it's effects. Also research the psychological term "ego", Leo prolly has by far the most compact and useful stuff on what it is and how it works.
  14. All fears have a need behind them, which can be thought of as a negative motivation you get from your mind to achieve what you need. The trap of this kind of motivation is that even when you get it you won't be satisfied or fulfilled. What you need you will need more and more and more of, as time passes. I think what can help you is to realize the trap of needing. Your fear rejection because you need not to be rejected. Try to befriend rejection, try to play with it. Try to practice it, with however small things at first. You will see that the fear of rejection is much stronger than the experience of it. You can't eliminate the possibility of rejection, but you can accept and even love it. For some motivation I was so shy with girls I wasn't even able to talk to them, since the past 20 years. Now however there still are a lot of people who just cringe my stomach when I see them, but now I'm able to look at it as practice, which makes it weaker and weaker as time passes.
  15. One thing that helps is to understand and face how irrational your fear is, because that's literally how fear works. Fear makes you overestimate the possiblity of the worst case scenarios. You cling to that video not getting out to public. It's not easy but the best you can do is to accept the possiblity that it might. When you will be able to do that, you will much clearer see that the possibility of that is much lower than you think. Also the internet is full of dick pics and videos, noone cares, specially your customers They won't even know who you are