StarStruck

Corona is getting on my nerves and I feel lonely. I need female companionship but screw that shit. In the supermarket I saw some nice girls but my focus is on fixing my motivation and productivity right now. No time for distractions.

Today somebody gave me 5 euro because he thought I dropped it. I wasn’t sure but I acted like it was mine because I wasn’t sure. Later on I felt bad. I think it kind of exposed a part of me: it is safer to be dishonest than honest. I mean it was only small amount of money but I totally dropped my values for it. To be fair to myself in the moment I thought it could be mine. I just lied about being sure about it. I felt like I was possessed and on auto pilot. This kind of connects to my psychedelics trip of couple of days ago which you can read above. It was almost like the universe sent me a test and yes I failed it.

@Loving Radiance I finished the program in two days. And it was my second run. I already did the program last year. This time I took notes. About your learning pace... It is something personal. I prefer a fast paste so I keep oversight of the whole.

@Loving Radiance http://julienhimself.com/self-help/ They sell it as a program or online seminar. I did the program. Online seminar is just the same but you can ask stupid questions at the end, and they charge an arm and a leg for it.

Thinking about doing a retreat for two days during this weekend. Nonstop meditation to catch up my lack of meditation this week.

I did a micro dose of 5 MeO DMT. First inhale there was some resistance. During the second inhale I fully surrendered. It was the first time I managed to do that. It was amazing. I was in this different head space and I could see everything clearly. It felt like I could fully use my brain. The contrast between “that” headspace and my normal headspace is similar to an adult’s headspace and a child’s headspace. I didn’t get much time to examine things because the trip didn’t last that long but I definitely need more honesty in my life. Third inhale was something else. I totally lost who I was and I was gone. I still knew who I was but I was definitely out of my body. It felt like a very long time. I really didn’t know what to do with it but I saw the ego was a construction. Eventually came back to the “dream world” (insider joke). This puts a different perspective on things. Experienced nothingness for the first time. It was on a low dose. For a moment I thought I was stuck there but I knew that was not true. I tried to made the best out of it but I wasn’t prepared. There was some inner conversations going on but I don’t have a recall.

@The Don if you search on NLP and ADHD there are some books about it. The book I’m reading is not in English and not in pdf format.

I read somewhere it can be healed with self love but it is very difficult. The older you get the more difficult of a job you have. NLP is a great tool to reprogram the brain. Currently reading a book about it.

I have been eating calf liver for the last year and it helped me tremendously. It is so satiating and packed with nutrients that I rolled back my muscle meat consumption. My body asks for less meat and I'm a big meat eater. The taste of it is strong because it is packed with vitamins, minerals and trace elements. When you develop a taste for it it is actually delicious. Chicken liver and calf liver is actually not strong in terms of taste. You don't even need to consume a lot of it. It has 20x the nutrients that muscle meat has. I try to eat it once a week and it solved all of my health problems. Don't confuse pills with actual food. I hear a lot of people say they rather take live pills but your body only absorbs 1% of the pill. When you actually eat the organic substance, in this case liver, your body actually processes it and can take the nutrients out of the food. I recommend you play around with some recipes. I had to play around to find something that fitted my taste buds. Making it with unions and green peppers is my favorite way. You will eat less muscle meat. I always have great night sleep the day I have eaten liver. And I feel a boost mentally and physically. https://chriskresser.com/natures-most-potent-superfood/

Our ancestors ate organs until not so long ago. Just eating muscle meat is something new for our species. Even tigers and so on go for organs first. They know it instinctively.

"Furthermore, there can be a concern that animals that have been exposed to toxins and pesticides will have toxicity in their organs. It is important to remember, however, that while organs, such as the liver and kidneys, act as filters for toxins that enter the body, they excrete those toxins and do not store them." https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319229 Just munch on some organs, bro.

So yesterday was my dopamine detox. I read some works, got some work done and overall it was a productive day. It didn't go fully as planned though. At a certain point I felt like crack junky looking around for something for something that would give me a dopamine spike. I did watch some YouTube videos. Nonetheless, yesterday was better than my previous days. Even the act of setting the goal to disrupting my not so productive lifestyle made my days much better. I got a lot more done. I had time to contemplate and do self inquiry. I made some interesting insights when I connected the topics of honesty, self deception, trauma and red pill stuff. I saw how I don't really want to be happy and sabotage myself similar to my mother. I did a lot of trauma release using this technique: I need to get more in connection with my body. During my self inquiry I noticed my objectification of certain things. It was a hard pill to swallow and to be honest with myself. I read two books: -The Art of Psychological Warfare: How to Skillfully Influence People (if you know how to do it, you know how to defend yourself against psychological warfare) -The Way of the Superior Man

I love infinite waters: we all need some of that craziness in our lives. After my detox tomorrow I decided to cut out YouTube for 1 week, with the exception of Ralf: 1 video per day. YouTube is a huge drain on my time. Need to make some radical steps. Ain't gonna fix itself. Also: will make full audit of my week in OneNote.

I will be doing a dopamine detox tomorrow. Things that I will allow myself: walks, yoga, meditation, and reading. I'm trying to work up to a hardcore dopamine detox which is in the right column. This year I have the goal to reprogram my brain with NLP. This is the time. With every year gone, it gets harder to reprogram the brain since it becomes less plastic.

The question “what do I say?” Is the problem. Just say what you want to say. I advice you practice authenticity. Get out of your head and feel into your body.

He is lucky he doesn’t have a real job. Imagine freaking out like that and losing your job.

He has some good points on the health and judicial part of his story but these are non-arguments if you live in a country where it is legal and well-regulated. His point about trauma is true though. If the person in question has trauma's things are just more difficult. I can subscribe to that. I just stick at low doses until I get some confidence.

I notice that some people are overly kind but they are that way in an overcompensating way in the sense that they want to be treated the same way or they fear not being liked or something else. I mean I try to be nice too and I catch myself too on overcompensating. I think it is important where that kindness comes from. I always ask myself am I being kind to get something or to give something? Sometimes I’m just mean(in the sense of not being cheery and being closed) if I feel like it. I don’t want to pretend I’m having a good day if I don’t. The problem with that is that if I’m really honest there is no reason to give something for nothing. There is always this little dopamine rush or something that is a reward. What is your position on kindness / meanness?

Book for this week is "The Procrastination Equation: How to Stop Putting Things Off and Start Getting Stuff Done" https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Equation-Putting-Things-Getting-ebook/dp/B003ZSHUP2 Here is a summary: https://blog.rescuetime.com/procrastination-equation/ The whole book is about this equation: I only read the first two chapters and it is a pretty good. It already helped me to put things into perspective and be more wholesome when dealing with procrastination. I already made some links between the formula and how I relate to it. Expectancy is the likeliness of a positive outcome. No need to obsess about past mistakes or possible future failures. Doing that won't get you anything anyway. Just like with enlightenment one has to focus on the now. There is why the difference is made. I don't have an expectancy for the past of the future. I only have an expectancy for myself in the now. Value is linked to the desired outcome, which can be linked to my life purpose. Impulsiveness has to do with concentration: meditation and concentration exercises helped me with this Delay: This indicates how long you must wait to receive the expected rewards, benefits, payouts. The longer you have to wait, the less motivated you’ll be and the more likely you are to procrastinate. This is linked to me to the principle of gain versus pain. I must a greater taste for healthy pain. I still have a major bias for pleasure. I'm trying to get a more balanced relationship between pleasure and pain. Work = pain = success = self love. The more self love I have the harder I will work. Video demonstrating the formula:

This program is creating for dismantling the ego and letting go off all the fears. Especially the stuff that is within the subconscious. This program has altered my paradigm with procrastination, work and girls. After this program you don’t even need to pickup girls. Girls get attracted to you.

@28 cm unbuffed I love being nice to mean people (the ones you described) it fucks their paradigm up. ?

The first time you will remember your whole life and will also probably set the tone of your sexual life. If you do it don't do it out of desperation but from a more sincere/clean position.

I love TikTok. Sometimes I'm in a need for a laugh. There are actually some posters who are grade A comedians.

Also just ditching all friends, feels very inhuman. Social connection and touch is a biological need and it has been proven that it can have bad effects on your health if you stay lonely for long periods of time. This is the reason why Leo might have health issues, although he says his diet is good. These are just my opinions but ditching my non-spiritual friends if I don't have a lot of friends feels like throwing my bad food away because there is no good food around. It is in the hierarchy of Maslow, you need it. You just have to do with the toys that god has given you. If humans hadn't done that, we wouldn't even come so far. In an ideal situation I would only have actualized friends but the actuality is different. Personally, I don't think god has created us to be god, throw away all of our wants&needs and be inhuman. God created us to be human and reach our highest potential. What kind of world would we be living if everybody believed he/she is god? Lmao

To answer the question. It is not either or in my view. Important not to be egoistic and feel better than other people. In my eyes, friends are for mutual spiritual development. One doesn't have to be at the same level or higher for me to be friends with them but there definitely needs to be a give and take. For me it is also matter of demand/supply. If I had a lot of options for making friends, I would be pickier.