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Everything posted by DivineSoda

  1. I use to have nightmares about work for a full year after I quit one of my jobs. Since that time I've started a business, stopped the business, took one more contract job doing similar stuff, traveled minimally on/off for two years using savings/side jobs/parents help, got educated in a new field of study, and am now currently working a very low wage temp job in that field as I build up another business/project on the side. I hear/feel you. Take this as a sign. Dare to do different things than you would normally allow yourself to consider. Take risks. Take a pay cut. Continue working on yourself and your connection to the universe. Be bold. Be patient. Good luck to you my friend.
  2. Does anyone here have experience with quality educational courses on natural/alternative health? I've developed an interest and understanding in natural health, which includes nutrition, supplementation, alternative therapies, etc.. and I even attended a 10 week training course at Hippocrates Health Institute a couple years ago. But I would like to go deeper in my knowledge. My goal is to deepen my knowledge as I continue working in the vitamin/supplement department of a natural health food store. I can then work this knowledge into my side project where I create content to help others improve their health. I don't know if this is exactly my true path, but I would like to go further in order to find out. I have a feeling I should just be reading more books on the subject, but I just haven't lately as my reading time has been spent on other books. Do you feel like more reading and self-study is the best course of action, or is it reasonable at this stage to at least consider some online courses? If so, any recommendations? Thanks in advance for your help!
  3. I'm curious about people's perspectives here on "normal", "everyday", "un-enlightened" people.. and I don't mean to say it as if one is superior to the other, but basically the majority of people out there who don't put the effort into expanding their consciousness, don't care about "inner-work" and are largely living from their ego's, entrenched in materialism. If you are one who has done the inner work, how do you now view them? How do you interact and converse with them? In what ways has your own growth caused you to re-evaluate your past fears around social anxiety, or your own sense of self-confidence around others? What degrees of toxicity in others do you tolerate, and what do you completely avoid? How would you describe your sense of unconditional compassion/empathy for others? Even the assholes/dicks/judgey ones? Most importantly, can you describe the ways in which you now feel empowered, self-confident, and unwavering around others? Regardless of who they are? For me, I'm realizing that I'm still stuck in my old paradigm where other people have the power to intimidate me or have an impact on my internal psyche in a way that is beyond my control. Like who I am and the way I behave is not fully grounded and is still malleable depending on who I'm interacting with or surrounded by. When this occurs in the moment, I can't help but feel degrees of fear, or anxiety, or a lack of self-worth as I'm self-aware of my own inability to fully own who it is that I am. Right now I'm working a temp job while I figure out my next steps, and I'm interacting with a lot of different customers from all walks of life. I am not the same person in my interactions from customer to customer. It's like I'm doing this constant shape-shifting of my personality depending on how my mind is perceiving the other person to be. If they are high energy and light hearted, I open up with them. If they are grumpy and short tempered, I feel anxiety instead of staying exactly who I am and maintaining that sense until the interaction is over. So anyway.. can anyone relate? If so, was there a moment where you were finally able to transcend this and just feel good in your own skin as you walk the Earth?
  4. I think it's in need of a paradigm shift. To somehow get from where we are now ("The Game"), to once again seeing women as no separate from us as men. There is no need to trump up all the differences and how we need to be in tune with them and play to what women want so we can better "obtain" them or win them over. Women and men are both "I"... in all our heads we are just "I". It's tough because women too are locked in the same separate way of thinking, and it's like everyone is aware that this "game" is being played. But this takes us away from being truly authentic and just natural, not the forced authenticity that is layered on top of deeper desires/fears/insecurities.
  5. I recently started a channel as a fun way to express my thoughts about what I've learned along my path and hopefully help others who are struggling with similar stuff I've been through. It was super cool to hike up a mountain nearby and be alone in nature. I just started speaking from my heart as opposed to try and script or structure what I want to say (which I've attempted in the past). Leo was a huge inspiration for me even attempting doing videos in this way. And so I apologize in advance if any of Leo's style comes across in the videos (I noticed it myself). I'm still trying to find my voice/style and at the moment I'm probably borrowing here and there from the many teachers along my path. Anyway here is a video I made on meditation:
  6. Nice, thanks for the recommendations. I'm currently living in a new state for the past 4 months or so. Everyday I have a new opportunity to practice breaking out of my comfort zone, as I've been doing. I'm just looking for some theory behind the practice, because I never really bothered to research this topic. I'm open to any other recommendations as well!
  7. This has always been an area of weakness for me, and while I've developed tremendously in other areas, I'm still very aware of my limitations and fears around social interactions. Can anyone recommend some good YT channels or books around this area? I saw someone post RSDTyler but his style is geared more towards pick up game, and I'm not as interested in that (although I see the value). I appreciate any advice, thanks!
  8. My friend, you said it yourself, it is a limiting belief.. and a false one at that. What does it matter that you have to start all over at age 30? Does anybody else care besides you (as you are right now?). No they don't, because it doesn't matter what-so-ever as long as you don't make it matter in your head. As you know, there are countless people out there much older than you in the exact same (or worse) boat.. and they found their way through the challenge. This whole, "I'm too late in life" bullshit is exactly that.. bullshit. People say the same thing and feel the same way when they're 22, 42, or 62. What difference does it make? So big deal, you start over. I'm doing that myself right now. I'm 34, had a lucrative career in IT, but like you, discovered that it wasn't for me. So I decided to change up my environment, do something simple to earn temporarily, and pursue growth in myself and my life's purpose during my free time. And most importantly, enjoy myself in the process of all this. Otherwise what's the alternative? Deep despair? Depression (again)? Hell no, I'd rather die. I've come to radically accept exactly where I am, and that's what it takes to move forward. Acceptance and non-resistance to the present moment. This is where you are right now, whether your ego likes it or not. The sooner you get with that, the sooner you can start making meaningful steps towards your desires with genuine intention. Anyway good luck to you, and happy to discuss this further as I'm in your shoes right now!
  9. That sounds like a pretty rough childhood, and it's definitely a mind fuck when the very people who abuse you act like they don't know why you're so distressed and then label you as crazy. It's unclear how conscious/aware your parents were of all this at the time, but I would bet there was some level of psychological manipulation going on, most likely done as a self-protection for them, rather than to further torment you. But nevertheless, here you are all these years later, still suffering the consequences. First of all, know that you are not crazy.. obviously. You just had a fucked up past that has conditioned the mind you're trapped in. Having said that, here is a difficult pill to swallow: the expiration date for blaming your parents as the source of your suffering has passed. They may still be the original architects of the fuckery, but what exists in this moment is all within you and is completely separate from them. Which means that the solution is also within you. So like @Commodent said, you have no obligation to keep in contact with him. However, simply creating a physical distance from your father and tactically severing contact with him may not be enough. I think a higher quality solution exists. I'm not one to say exactly what that is, but for example it would be immensely helpful if you found a way to fully express your emotions/feelings about this. Your trauma is like an energy that has a home somewhere within your being, and the only way you can set it free is to give it a voice and allow it to fully flow through and beyond you. You mentioned this guy Mackler claims there is no need to forgive your parents and that confrontation is the way forward. Well in regards to forgiveness, the reason it's often suggested is because it is a process that alleviates all the negative feelings that are fucking you up inside (resentment, anger, shame, regret, etc, etc). You're not doing it for them, you're doing it for you. Without forgiveness, you're still a slave to your past. So you must find ways to garner some perspective/compassion towards your parents (like @Ibn Sina suggested) so that you can experience deep freedom/peace from your past. In regards to Mackler saying that confrontation is the way forward.. well if you believe that, then you are not going to accomplish this by merely cutting contact. You need to first give this energy an outlet to express itself, and that is what confrontation is about (although I prefer a different language). So that would be talking directly to your father and fully expressing your truth without any need for validation or acknowledgement from him (because you may not get it). Just ask for uninterrupted space to say whatever the fuck you want, and when you are complete, you can then explore next steps (Ex: cutting contact). If you don't like this idea, or feel you aren't ready for it, you could alternatively try talking with others about it (friends, therapist, etc) or even writing a letter to your father (whether you send it or not). Anyway that's all I got for now. Good luck to you and feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about it.
  10. Understand that there are likely multiple root causes to your depression. This should be empowering to know because it implies there are solutions you can access. It will likely require a lot of effort, time and patience on your part, but your potentiality is limitless. Also, if you're serious about receiving help from others, including this community, know that the quality of the answers you get will depend on the quality of your intention behind the questions you ask. Tell us more about yourself. Perhaps try meditating for 30 minutes while doing some deep self-inquiry. Why do you think you are depressed? Even if you don't "know".. deep down, you know. If you had access to your higher self, how would your higher self answer this question? If you'd like to have a private conversation, PM me and I'd be happy to see if I can help you out.
  11. My suggestion would be to not only take steps to address the hair loss specifically, but to take a step back and take inventory of your overall health. Re-evaluate your diet, your daily habits, your lifestyle, your routines, your mental state. Basically, don't just treat this "problem" in isolation, but rather as integral part of an infinitely complex system of inputs and variables. That along with patience and acceptance can go a long way. Because of course, you don't want to further elevate your levels of stress around this issue. I too have been seeing more of my hair fall in the shower in the past couple years. I just take it as a sign that I am out of balance in some way (many ways) and that I need to keep my focus strong on my healing and growth. In that sense, the hair loss and other physical symptoms are all blessings to me.
  12. If you are interested in the college route, check out places like Naropa University in Boulder, CO. It's expensive though. Personally I would go to Asia if I were you. You can start by finding local meditation groups and asking around. Best of luck to you my friend.
  13. Me as as well if you don't mind. Is this your course?
  14. You do know. It's in there. Tell us more about what drew you to the idea of being a psychologist. And then maybe also say more about what making you think twice. Is it just the act of getting the degree and going through those motions? Or is it that you don't know if it'll be the right thing for you after having gone through all that effort/pain. I'd say for the moment there is decent clarity of what you don't want. Maybe shift your focus more on what you do want. And if that's difficult, because you lack the inspiration, motivation or whatever, then start by altering your immediate environment (including the way you think) to make it more conducive to inspiration, motivation, etc. There are ways to do this. Very practical stuff that you can decide to implement right now. If it seems like your current path is not producing that same effect, I suggest you shake up your routine. Try something new. Dare to dream differently. Allow yourself to create without expecting anything in return from your art.. whatever that art may be (we all have something to express). And if the financials are bothering you, be smart and establish something that will sustain you. Cut back on all your unnecessary spending. But that thing you do for work doesn't have to be the thing you do right now. Allow vocation to serve a different purpose for this phase of your life, and just earn enough for now. I fundamentally believe age doesn't matter in the game of reinventing your life. But jesus christ dude, you're only 26! If you want to discover the thing you're meant to do, then you may have to accept and honor the time it takes to get there. As old as you may feel, keep going, your journey has only just begun.