Raptorsin7

We are cosmic surfers catching a wave called "life". @cetus56

@cetus56 I'm taking that and putting in my journal

I think you need to find balance here. My parents did a similar thing with me where they commented on my looks growing up because they didn't want me to get an ego around it. It didn't matter, I was always insecure and vain and it really bothered me growing up until I was like 19. I think having a positive view about how you look is important. Looks are entirely subjective. What someone finds beautiful and what someone finds ugly varies to the point where one person can call something beautiful and someone else can call that same thing ugly. The important thing here is to find yourself beautiful. If you have healthy psychology it won't distort your ego because you will be focused on other things. And if you find yourself good looking then at some point you will just get used to it and move on from it. But if you find yourself ugly it can chip away at you and hurt your confidence like it did for me. I think it's important to just keep a good relationship with your daughter so that if she ever feels insecure about her looks she can talk to you. That way you can deal with the problem when it arises. Trust and openness are huge here. I remember when I was depressed when i was 19 a big reason was because I thought I was ugly and i didn't think ugly people could be as happy as good looking people at their ceiling. My parents would either shut down the conversation or they would try to persuade me i was good looking, but there was no trust so i didn't believe them. I wasted a year going in circles in my mind over this topic and i feel like if i had a trusting relationship with my parents and had healthy self esteem about my looks the whole thing could be avoided. Now I consider myself good looking, but i don't spend all that much time thinking about it. It's like checking a box. Once i got it i just moved onto to the next thing.

@Nahm Okay

@Nahm What kind of beliefs are necessary? And do you still hold those beliefs? @WelcometoReality I'm not ready yet. I still need to work on basic self development before i go beyond into higher levels. There's still worldly stuff I want to do before I go deliberately try to awaken myself. If it happens on the path then so be it. But I think there are risks to going straight to the top and I'm not going to force myself down that path.

Another solid day: Here's what I accomplished I woke up at around 6:45 and was able to meditate in the morning for 30 minutes. I went to the gym after class even though i didn't feel great because i ate pizza at school. I noticed just how much junk food affects my mood and energy levels. I think at this point in my life I need to be really careful with my diet. The junk has to go. It's time. I did not order any take out and overall i ate very healthy today. A few things need tweaking though. i'm going to stop ordering large coffees from tim horton's and go down to a medium. Eventually i'm going to start going to other local coffee shops and getting out of my comfort zone and ordering different kinds of coffees. My city has a lot of local coffee shops so this can be a really fun adventure for me just going around the city a bit more. I did 90 minutes in the float tank. I really enjoy the float tank. It gives me a sense of calm and clarity. I'm planning on doing it every other day for the near future until I feel like i'm totally over my depression. I made plans with my friends to watch football at my apartment on Sunday. This is good for me to be social and do something I like that's not just going out and getting hammered. I did 45 minutes of meditation before I did the float tank. This session was odd because i basically fell asleep during it. TMI has good points on how to overcome these kinds of challenges so i'm really excited to overcome these and evolve my meditation practice. My third eye or the sensation between my eyes is really starting to thaw out a lot. I feel constant cracking throughout the day, and ever since the LSD trip the cracking has been more frequent. I think moving forward LSD will be used to reset myself if i fall into a rut for more than a day or two. I'm not concerned about peak experiences or seeing the truth, right now i'm in heal mode and want to master the basics of personal development. -The next step for me is going to be improving my diet a lot. I find right now i just don't that much food. I think if i was consuming A LOT of high quality and healthy foods then it would make a big difference. No more junk food for me. I'm done with it. The only exception will be when I go out to restaurants/bars with friends. But even then I'm going to be very strategic with what I eat. I'm also going to limit myself to max 2 drinks every time I go out. I'm going to drink as slow as a fucking turtle if i have to. i drank 3 drinks last night and i felt hung over in the morning, so that's a big no no moving forward. I'm on the up and up. I'm gaining momentum. It feels authentic and genuine. I feel in control of my own destiny. Intention is key. And right now my intention is to heal myself, in every domain of my life. And it's working.

I have a hunch that if your anxiety led you to think about death 24/7 you wouldn't have an anxiety disorder for long lol. Death is a powerful motivator. I'm similar. I have had times in my life where i was very anxious over trivial things. But never much anxiety around death.

@Erixoon50 No it's not. Bread and cake are much worse than peanut butter.

@Ingit Thank you

Today was another solid day: Here's what I accomplished: I went to class, and got my exams back. I did much better than I expected. I barely studied for finals, and my grades are average or just below average. I was expecting some F's on these exams, so i'm quite surprised that I pulled off decent grades. My mind is geared to excel in law school, so i don't have to worry about failing out of school. I'm going to be strategic these semester with what classes i go to, so i don't spend more time in school than i have to. I went to the gym and got in like a 40 minute weight lifting workout. Right now i'm just concerned about getting myself to the gym so I don't isolate myself in my apartment like i've been doing in the past. Going to keep up this habit. I really like doing an incline walk to get a sweat going then doing about 30 minutes of weights. I did a TMI meditation. I had trouble focusing on my breathe in my evening meditation, but overall it was a good one. I got pretty deep into the meditation, and i'm so happy I found this book because now I have a structure to my meditation practice that I didn't have before. I woke up very early. I woke up at like 6:30 which is big for me because i usually wake up late. I'm going to continue waking up very early because i don't like being up late at night and I really enjoy my morning time to myself. I went out for drinks with some friends and had a pleasant time. I want to start going out more with my friends, but I also need to pace myself with the alcohol consumption. I don't have a problem with alcohol like I've had with weed, but I still want to control my intake because I don't like the after effects of a night out drinking. I made an appointment with a therapist. I'm actually not sure how good she is because her PHD is in teaching and not therapy. But I think therapy for me is just about finding someone i can confide in and be totally open with. My therapist seems like a loving person, so I think she will be suffice. I'm going to go to her on Saturday, and i'm planning on doing a bit of an interview of her to see if she's up to task. If she's not good then i will find someone else, but if she seems solid then i'm going to stick with her. I didn't order take out for another night which is huge for me. I also didn't smoke weed today which is another big accomplishment. Eating junk food at night and smoking weed was absolutely killing me, and I didn't realize how bad it really was on my mood. This has been the single biggest change i've made over the past few days and it's been transformative. I'm not going to be neurotic about this habit. If i relapse on take out or weed then so be it. But these habits need to die. They are making me unhappy and hurting my healing process. My goal is to heal myself. So these habits need to end. I'm open to smoking weed in the future if i can get a better relationship with the substance, but right now it's hurting more than helping so bye bye.

@Flowerfaeiry What is your life purpose?

@Raphael Okay no problem. If you ever feel stuck in your meditation or you're unsure if you're progressing properly etc keep that book in mind. It's excellent, I can't recommend it enough.

Does anyone have experience with inner child work? What techniques have you used, and what's the best way to engage with and heal the inner child? I read about the concept a bit and I have an idea of how to proceed but i'm not sure. If you could share your experience with inner child work that would be great too. What did you do? Did it work? What are some pitfalls to avoid? Or pressure points to attack?

@Raphael I highly recommend you read The Mind Illuminated. It will give you a map to see how your meditation can progress through different stages. It's been a game changer for my meditation practice recently.

@Michael569 Does the book give exercises? I actually heard someone recommend it a while back and i kept repeating that title during my LSD trip lol. Thanks

Today was a good day. Here's what I accomplished: I meditated for about an hour total using Sam Harris' meditation app I did not order any take out and I ate pretty healthy. I made a vegetable fruit smoothie, i made homemade burgers, and i ate fruit during the day. I started reading The Mind Illuminated and I have a clear map for my practice now. This book is amazing. It's so clear, and I can clearly see where i'm at in the stages and where I need to go to improve. I went for a walk at night. I enjoy the night time walks because I don't like being alone in my apartment at night and it allows me to spend some time outside, which prevents me from isolating myself in my apartment. I went to the gym and had a good work out. I did an incline walk for 30 minutes which was great it got my heart rate up and i got a little sweat. Then did about 20 minutes of weights which was solid. I'm happy with the gym because it allows me to get out of the apartment and be among people. Not too worried about weight or how hard i'm working out right now because i'm going to start slow and build up. The LSD trip was a great reset for me. I feel much more clarity and am more focused on my improvement. I think that's how i'm going to use LSD moving forward. If i notice i'm in a rut or i'm back sliding on habits then i'm going to take a day on the weekend, likely saturday and do a trip to recenter myself.

I'm starting to read The Mind Illuminated. Total game changer. I've been meditating for a few years now but it's mostly been me following random guided meditations or just sitting down and trying to do something i think is meditation. This book has an excellent map of how to progress, and I can see how easy it is to get stuck meditating without a clear map and path to follow. So thankful I found this book.

How are you defining progress?

Going to work on cutting my time on the forum. I spend too much time browsing, and I end up confusing myself with all these concepts. Keep it simple. I spend too much time isolated in my apartment as well. This is a huge trap. The isolation and loneliness is bad for my mental health and makes me feel worse. I want to start going to bed much earlier and waking up much earlier. It gets dark here pretty early and I just don't like functioning at night. I feel fear at night and I find myself just paralyzed doing nothing past like 9pm. What I do first thing in the morning, and what I do last before i go to bed are huge deals. I have completely missed this, and it's been a huge blind spot. I have been waking up to browsing the forum and i always sleep in, and then when i go to bed i have been usually eating shitty take out right before bed and smoking weed. No wonder i'm depressed HA. These habits are toxic. Just this subtle change can be trans formative I know it. Moving forward I'm cutting the weed and the junk food at night. I'm not going to go crazy if i relapse here, but these two habits at night have been toxic and i have completely underestimated their impact on my life. I'm going to start reading TMI. And i'm going to use Sam Harris' meditation app for my meditations moving forward until i gain some more momentum with my practice. I find when i just sit with no guide, i get lost in thought and i have nothing to bring me back to the present. Much work to be done moving forward. But my path is clearer now then it was before. My purpose is to heal myself. Heal my depression, heal my diet, heal my mind, and my soul.

How’s the clean diet, fitness, etc? Also, are you believing thoughts about yourself, or no? Do you meditate, write about the feelings that arise, put what you want on a dream board? Very important advice from @Nahm These are basics that I am going to focus on mastering moving forward.

@Bill W Very true. I am guilty of that with this forum for sure. I've been using it to distract from the core changes I need to make in my life. But that's changing now. Yeah i think everyone here who is improving themselves here suffers from similar core problems, we just have different ways of going about it.

@Bill W No problem. Here's my perspective on pills and supplements. They do something. I think a lot of our problems, especially anxious people like you and me, is we have difficulty breaking our patterns. Like right now i'm unhappy and depressed. The labels don't matter so much, but the point is my life is going in a direction i'm just not happy with anymore. So, i need to make a change. Whatever i'm doing in my day is feeding the state that i don't like anymore. So here's where pills come in. It's hard to just stop what you're doing in the moment and transform your life. It requires discipline, focus etc. Pills can change your state so you're better able to make changes to your life so you can get the ball rolling in another direction and build a life you actually like living. But here's the problem. Many people, I think, take pills and expect the changed state to be the end of the game. They take the pills and they think okay i've handled my problem, depression addiction etc, but they don't actually make structural changes to their lives. If you use pills to help get the ball rolling to do all the other things that are necessary to improve your life, like changing your diet, seeing a therapist, getting out of your house, then they will be much more effective. That's my 2 cents anyways.

@Bill W Hey man. I am also an anxious person too. Okay, so i take it in pill form. I take 2 pills in the morning, and the first day i really noticed a dramatic effect but i haven't been paying as much attention to the effect recently. I am new to the nootropic game so i can't provide a ton of help. But i have heard a lot of positive reviews from taking the right supplement on the forum, and i'm open minded so i'm trying it out. Have you checked out the nootropics mega thread? The two i'd recommend trying are pharma gaba and l-theanine. One thing i've realized lately though is be very careful with the rest of your diet. My suspicion is these supplements are subtle in their effect, so if you're downing junk food and taking these you won't get much out of it. Which is what i've been up and until recently lol. I think it's worth trying for sure though. I think L-theanine and pharma gaba are supposed to stack well with coffee. So if you drink coffee but you get jittery or too worked up then these supplements can help directly with that.

@Arcangelo That's awesome about your cousin's husband. Better be careful he might pull you into green Keep it up bud

What I accomplished today: Float tank 90 minutes- This will be very important in my healing process. I want to try to and do the tank everyday, or as often as possible. Meditation- This habit needs work. I don't usually feel very relaxed after my meditation, which should be the entire point for me right now. I'm going to start reading TMI so i can have a better grasp of the meditation technique. I think i'll continue exploring with guided and just plain deep breathing and see what sticks. Walk at night- I really enjoy going for walks. Right now i like walks at night because i have anxiety about just walking around during the day randomly. I think morning walks can be good. But for now i will do night walks because that is better than nothing. I did not order take out. I ate all my meals from food i had at my home which was big for me. Food is mood. This is one area of my life i have yet to ever make real progress in and there is tremendous possibility for growth. I'm going to start by just limiting the amount of take out I order and the types of take out. I was active in reminding myself of my purpose. My purpose is to heal. This will be in the mind with everything I do moving forward. I want to help others who deal with problems i am dealing with now. But first I need to heal.