Raptorsin7

The first "down" point in a while for me. Feeling very frustrated, with pent up aggression, energy ,etc. I got in an argument with my mom over text. But i texted her and told her i'm not depressed anymore, and she said my dad couldn't sleep recently because i was depressed. So that's good that he will be happy now. I need to detach from my parents. Better for everyone. They fund everything for me right now so rightfully they feel like they have say in everything I do. I do not want any influence on my life. I trusted too many people in my life. People are so limited in what they think is possible. Need to be discerning with who i trust and who's thoughts I act on. If i go alone then so be it, fuck everyone if it has to be like this. People all live for themselves, i am that way too so i completely understand and i'm not mad. I just don't want to get sucked in to people's shit. I want to build my own life and live how I want to. Not how my deluded mind has led me to live. But to actually live good, happy, healthy life. I feel very confident that my best life, everything i want. Is what god/love wants to. This is not a caravan of despair. I have to be brave, and sacrifice my current life which would never work, it would never make me happy, never give me love. What a "sacrifice" LOL. Negative thoughts, bad outcomes, not feeling good, all that stuff is delusion. Life is meant to be enjoyed. My highest joy and love will be what god wants for me.

@dimitri Great share man that's awesome advice. I have been guilty of this in the past. Just telling people to do what i'm doing thinking everyone wants and needs what I want and need. I'll keep this in mind going forward.

I want to start a business and start working towards financial freedom. This is will be my next focus along with continuing to heal myself and improve my overall mental and bodily health. I feel like i'm ready to start getting more ambitious and adding more habits to my routine so working on a business will be a natural extension. Another great day: Here's what I accomplished I woke up at around 4:30 am. I am very proud of myself for waking up this early. I love waking up early and this is going to be a staple habit moving forward. I went to the gym early in the morning and got in a solid workout. I made oatmeal in the morning and had a vegetable/fruit smoothie before i went to class. Oatmeal is a solid meal choice, but i bought vanilla almond milk and I did not like the taste at all. I think I need a different kind of almond milk for the oat meal, and I need to add some other ingredients to improve the taste. I went to every class today, and i ended up getting a solid mark on my contracts mid term even though I thought I did poorly. I meditated for 45 minutes in the morning. Then another 30-40 minutes when I came home from school. My meditation practice is growing rapidly and i'm excited to see where it goes in the future. I'm expecting some major awakenings in the near future so i'm looking forward that. I feel clarity. My mood is stable, and I have a sense of stability and calm that I haven't felt before. I still have a lot of work to do, but this is major progress and it's quite amazing how much my life has improved since doing the LSD trip. LSD will be my safety valve moving forward. If i notice a dip to bad habits or i'm feeling stuck again then I'm going to do LSD again and get a reset. I'm going to do LSD when I feel it's right and right now I just don't feel a need to trip again. But this may change in the future we will see.

Whats cp? @zeroISinfinity I am feeling better and better thanks man. I'm a bit worried that I won't keep up my progress, but this week has been incredible. Best week in years tbh. One word to describe my state right now: Clarity Lot's of credit to @Nahm He is the real deal.

OP checking in. This post came from a place of boredom and procrastination, and slight projection onto Leo I think. I feel much more clarity recently, and I don't think it's wise to waste time focusing on Leo. Take his teachings and run with them if you find them helping you out and you find they are improving your life. But if they don't resonate just move on and find someone else who does. I personally find the forum more valuable right now than the videos, but spending time focusing on him is a waste of valuable time imo. Worry about yourself.

@zeroISinfinity Lol awesome

Lol people love donuts here in Canada. Canada >EU I love Canada so much haha. People in America love donuts even more. Everyone there is addicted to sugar and terrible food. I think EU is much better, people are healthier and less obese than America. @zeroISinfinity are you a basketball fan? There are lot's of Serbians where i'm from and so many of them love basketball

Today was another solid day, but I ran into an odd problem. So invited a bunch of my classmates over to watch the nfl playoffs today. But only one person showed up I bought a bunch of junk food for them so now i don't know what to do with it lol because i don't want to eat this crap. I wasn't too bothered by people not showing but it made me realize that these kinds of shallow social relationships are just not for me anymore. I want to be social in class but at the same time these relationships are not fulfilling so i'm not going to put too much effort into them moving forward. I'm going to try to be authentic and be myself and allow whatever relationships arise through this natural process. My diet has been much better over the past week and i feel the different. I feel much more clarity and do not feel a desire to eat junk food anymore. Even right now i have cupcakes, donuts, cake, etc in my apartment and i didn't even eat that much so i'm hungry. But i just don't want to eat that crap. I feel like for the first time in the while I have genuine growth and progress, and the food has been the biggest driver so far. I'm not giving this up for a moment of taste pleasure. Not worth it. I want to start a business very soon. I'm not sure whether i should do the life purpose course or just jump into researching business ideas. I think doing the LP could be a good idea because i can probably finish it pretty quick because i'm starting to wake up super early recently. I can do both. I can do the LP course and I can look up business ideas. If one of them resonates with me stronger then I will run with the thing that feels better. Trying more things in my life and seeing how they feel is the path forward for now. I have been stagnant for a while now, and it's time to just change things up and follow the good feels. Here's what I accomplished today: Woke up very early, around 6:30. Meditated for an hour doing TMI technique. I am at stage three in TMI, and i'm going to be re-reading the 2nd and 3rd stages in the near future until I master those stages. I did not order take out, and overall i ate very healthy. Frozen berries, kale smoothie, sandwich from safeway, and fish. I still have a long way to go to purify my diet, but i'm making major progress. I think I need to eat more food in general because i find i'm hungry a lot but i'll address this moving forward. I don't mind the discomfort of being hungry for now I can handle it. I read a chapter of TMI. I think i've learned enough from TMI so far and i'm going to just re-read sections over now when I feel stuck in my meditation practice so i can address my weak spots. The next book i'm planning on reading is Ask and it is given by abraham hicks. I'm going to start dream boarding more actively moving forward so I think learning about the LoA will be important for my growth. One of the first things that i'm going to go ham with is using the dream board concepts to manifest the girl of my dreams. I am ready for the girl of my dreams to come into my life. I'm going to use this journal to describe the traits so i'll probably just make one long blog post about what I want in a partner. I'm at an interesting point. I've improved more over the past week and felt better over this week then I have in years. But I don't feel done or satisfied with the progress. I feel good about where i'm at though. I have excellent resources to learn from and life just feels easier now than it has in the past. I'm excited for where my life will go in the near future. But i also am starting to understand that my life will go wherever I take it. I am the creator of my own universe. Taking action will bring results and change my universe. Sitting on my couch has it's place, but i spend too much time here. Time to change the balance and tip the scales in another direction.

@Consilience

@zeroISinfinity Yeah i used to drink a lot at parties because i was anxious and I felt like I needed alcohol to have a good time. I realized i just don't really like parties that much and the downside of drinking alcohol is too much it's not worth it.

Another good day. Here's what I accomplished: I did an hour of meditation focusing on the breathe. I believe i'm on stage three of TMI so i'm trying to progress by overcoming the gross distractions that pull me away from the breathe. I did not order take out. I ate very healthy today, and my mood is improving likely because of the improved diet. I went to therapy today and learned some interesting insights. I have an ideal i strive towards and I think it's limitng my happiness in the moment because i'm always expecting more. My therapist recommended that I do self compassion meditation which i think is a great idea. I also want to look into volunteering. I went to a party tonight and did not drink any alcohol. I resisted the social pressure with ease, and honestly I have little desire to go out and do normal socializing anymore. I want to do more with my life and have deeper connections. A major thing I need to work on is lack of direction during my day. I noticed that i spend a lot of time procrastinating because i'm just not clear on what to do next in my day. I think making a list and setting clear goals should help resolve this issue.

This times 100000.

I love this music. I watched part of this anime on the plane to Japan this summer and something about it just resonated with me. Great art style, great music, great setting. Just plain amazing.

@Nahm Can i dream board my ideal partner in my journal instead of the board? I imagine if i apply the same principles you discuss from the board it won't matter if i do it on the board or if i do it on the journal. I want to be really specific about traits and stuff and I feel like i be much more nuanced with my computer instead of the board. What do you think? Also for picking traits in my partner. Should i think the trait and see how it resonates in feeling then decide if i want that trait? Or is okay to just go off the top and just write down whatever i want? Like one thing i was thinking of was asking for a really rich partner because all things equal i think it's just better to have more money than less. But what if my inner being doesn't like this notion and the thought doesn't feel good. Do i just scrap that trait and start choosing based on what feels good to me?

@zeroISinfinity Haven't seen those yet i'll check em out. Thanks bud I just got back from therapy. Overall it was a good experience. I learned a lot, and it was nice to be open with someone and just sit there and express yourself. I definitely find more value in my conversations with @Nahm so I think moving forward i'm going to stick with just the life coaching. But I'm going back in three weeks to do a recap of the techniques i went over today. Here are the main takeaways from therapy I learned: I have an ideal vision for myself, and by striving towards that ideal constantly i'm unable to just be happy and present in the moment. This connects back to the ability to truly connect to the present moment, and so far i have been unable to successfully connect. I intend to be more aware of when i'm creating this ideal vision for myself in my activities, and i'm going to intend to be more comfortable just in the present with whatever happens. Good or bad I need to accept life as it is more than I have been doing. It's paradoxical but this will bring more richness to my life I am going to start practicing loving kindness meditation or self compassion meditation in addition to my other meditations I have been doing. This will help me accept where i'm at more and address the suffering i'm creating in my life with too much striving. I am going to look into volunteering so i can give back in my community. I'm going to choose something really simple that I really enjoy and i'm going to take my time with this. If I don't find something that resonates with me then i'm going to push this one. I want to give back, but i'm committed to my own development right now and i am comfortable with this focus. Overall my plan is to address my seeking first, then start a business using my new found energy and happiness from all my personal development work. Then i'm going to start giving that money back to the world. One thing I really want to do is pay for people's online coaching and therapy from the forum that can't afford it. This is a simple yet powerful way to help people.

@mkrksms I don't have a lot of experience with relationships, actually i have 0, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I think open relationships are low consciousness and I would rather commit to one person and use that love as a foundation to build happy meaningful lives in the world. I couldn't imagine spending energy and time managing multiple relationships there's so much more to life that can be done. I see 0 value in maintaining multiple relationships as you evolve and become a better person. My advice. Break up with him and move on. Find someone who wants a committed relationship. Don't settle for that kind of relationship that leaves you feeling bad.

@bejapuskas Recently started watching his videos he's great.

@AwakenedSoul444 Get the book The Mind Illuminated. I just started reading it and it's a complete game changer for me. It teaches you how to actually meditate. I can't recommend it enough. And the poster you just referenced always references it, i think he's super legit i'd listen to his posts.

Another great day. I'm rolling right now. Here's what was accomplished: Early morning meditation for 30 minutes. Woke up around 6 am but stayed in bed for about an hour. Float tank for 60 minutes. I had 90 minutes booked but i came late. Something to work on moving forward, show up a bit earlier so there's more time in the actual tank. 40 minutes of meditation in the middle of the day. I think it's about time i moved up on the TMI scale. My attention on the breathe is good, but the attention is dull and i get sleepy sometimes. The book has recommendations for overcoming this so i'm looking for to reading more. I had an excellent conversation with @Nahm today. I learned a lot about the dream board and non-duality. It's a lot of info he's throwing at me, but it's really incredible what he's teaching me. I think it will be a good idea to spend some contemplating the ideas we discuss so it's clear in my direct experience. I'm going to be talking to him weekly moving forward for the foreseeable future so I will plenty of chances to clarify what's going on. He's an amazing person i feel so grateful that I was able to meet him and learn from him. I did yoga tonight. This was the smoothest class i've ever done. I think its because my diet is getting so much better. I barely ate that much today, i ate a kale smoothie, yogurt, a wrap, and coffee. Diet is so important for energy levels in exercise. Yesterday i had pizza at school and i felt sluggish at the gym. Today my diet was clean and i crushed the workout no problem. I'm done with junk food. I ate enough trash food for this life time. Going to be very strategic moving forward with junk food. Going to limit it to parties or when i'm out with friends. Even then i'm going to be very choosy with what i pick from the menu when i'm out. I ordered take out today. But i ordered a very healthy kale wrap that i think was overall very healthy. It was expensive so i don't want to get into the habit of ordering this kind of thing all the time. But i think moving forward i'm going to go out and buy some healthy food from local healthy restaurants.

The outer world is just a reflection of the inner world. Turn inward and watch how everything around you changes.

@Nahm How can we use the dream board to find an ideal partner? Can you go into distinctions on say writing I want x partner or i want x trait in myself and how that will manifest in our lives. What's the difference between writing i want x, vs writing i am x, vs writing just x. What kinds of traits should we include when using the board to find a partner? Should we super detailed down to the hair color, or is that going to far? I feel like getting specific about race and stuff might be too specific for me, but at the same time if i can get whatever i want i gotta be careful with what i wish for.

What do the people on the forum think of their own eventual death? Higher consciousness individuals usually talk about experiencing physical death which leads to a realization of the truth or god. I wonder if you've had that experience of ego death do you have any fear of your eventual physical/real death? I've never had an enlightenment experience and I don't usually think about death. But if i got diagnosed with terminal cancer tomorrow I'd be terrified and I wouldn't want to die out of fear. How do others on here feel if you were given only a few days to live?

We are cosmic surfers catching a wave called "life". @cetus56

@cetus56 I'm taking that and putting in my journal

I think you need to find balance here. My parents did a similar thing with me where they commented on my looks growing up because they didn't want me to get an ego around it. It didn't matter, I was always insecure and vain and it really bothered me growing up until I was like 19. I think having a positive view about how you look is important. Looks are entirely subjective. What someone finds beautiful and what someone finds ugly varies to the point where one person can call something beautiful and someone else can call that same thing ugly. The important thing here is to find yourself beautiful. If you have healthy psychology it won't distort your ego because you will be focused on other things. And if you find yourself good looking then at some point you will just get used to it and move on from it. But if you find yourself ugly it can chip away at you and hurt your confidence like it did for me. I think it's important to just keep a good relationship with your daughter so that if she ever feels insecure about her looks she can talk to you. That way you can deal with the problem when it arises. Trust and openness are huge here. I remember when I was depressed when i was 19 a big reason was because I thought I was ugly and i didn't think ugly people could be as happy as good looking people at their ceiling. My parents would either shut down the conversation or they would try to persuade me i was good looking, but there was no trust so i didn't believe them. I wasted a year going in circles in my mind over this topic and i feel like if i had a trusting relationship with my parents and had healthy self esteem about my looks the whole thing could be avoided. Now I consider myself good looking, but i don't spend all that much time thinking about it. It's like checking a box. Once i got it i just moved onto to the next thing.