Raptorsin7

So I have a complicated relationship with my mother and I think it has a big negative effect on my ability to grow up and form relationships with woman. I have a deep hatred and resentment for my mother and some for my grandma too (I grew up with my mom and grandma). I was very spoiled growing up, it's a cultural thing where boys are coddled and smothered by woman. As a result i have a co-dependent relationship with my mom, and i'm basically a mammas boy who deep down hates his mother. She just kind of ignores my distain and still wants the best for me, but I just have this general sense of hatred and I know I have to get over it. Has anyone dealt with this and overcame it? I think I have some underlying misogyny towards woman as a result of my relationship with the woman of my family. I want to have healthy relationships with woman, and I've resolved to treat other woman in life better than my mom but I still think it affects my interaction with other woman too

Ahh okay that makes sense

@Shin Haha you had me for the first few sentences

What do you mean woman are the prize in a relationship? A man in the top 1% of earners, who is integrated etc is exceptionally rare. Men's standards for woman are lower than the other way around. Seems to me like at the top end men are the prize and are much more difficult to come by. What do you consider a solid man? And how exactly is there no shortage of these kinds of men?

@LostStudent Do you have a therapist or someone like that? When I had suicidal thoughts I remember one time I went to talk to a friend who I thought would be open to that kind of talk. I opened up to him about a bunch of stuff and It was the best I had felt in months. I was still kinda fucked after the conversation, but it felt good to just open up to someone. Especially if you used to be close to your brother maybe you can try and re-develop that relationship

@Eternal Unity To me he is shady but I could be wrong

Do you know the full story of sad gurus wife? It's very suspicious imo

@roopepa Do you have any sort of formal practice? Did you do psychidelics? Maybe find a teacher in a lineage you are somewhat comfortable with and see what they have to say. Why can't you accept all of this and trust in awareness. You know if you accept it and can surrender there will be no problem

@King Merk What wall are you running into on your path? What have you gained from your spiritual practice and what is different about you now compared to when you started? Were you working alone or did you have a teacher?

@ShardMare Psychidelics can be very dangerous and I've had many trips where i got violently sick etc. But I've experienced complete personality shifts on psychidelics after resting as pure awareness and breathing deeply into this experience. Felt like a completely different person. It was like my entire being got a software update. Complete transformation. But psychs are not a quick fix. I had already meditated for years and I essentially combined self inquiry with my trip. Just the drugs alone won't work. And even then It's not a guarantee they work everytime

@FoxFoxFox I'm working with a Kriya yogi, but we talk on the phone. Is the collapse of the I thought the next step where i'm at? I think the highest i've gone is a crown chakra opening but that seemd distinct from the collapsing of the I thought. I feel in my head, and when I inspect the I thought i feel a lot of sensation in the head. Do you having any experience with clearing chakras?

@FoxFoxFox What is the most effective path to self realization? I've experienced a collapse of the I thought and almost a merging with something behind the scenes of my experience afew times on psychs when I do intense self inquiry, but sober I haven't been able to get close. I'm trying to clear my lower chakras with ohm chanting and do self inquiry, i'm making some results but i'm getting impatient. Im thinking about just doing LSD(haven't tried DMT yet) consistently because i'm pretty confident I can awaken at will on lsd now

@asifarahim I was just asking what you were doing as your single technique that generated bliss. I might look into official kriya yoga in the future but right now i'm doing my own thing

@asifarahim What is the technique you use?

@FoxFoxFox Doesn't self realization make all those things better? Why not pursue self realization and then pursue those things?

The clock is ticking on the forum. People are expecting this to be some major transition in the quality of the forum, everyone is speaking about what they expect etc. Leo is going to shut this place down. He's been complaining about how much of a headache it already is. Mark my words when the post comes. I have learned so much here and i'm grateful for my time here. I feel bad for the future people who won't have this resource, but i got my money's worth that's for sure.

@FoxFoxFox wtf does that mean lol

@FoxFoxFox What was the advice?

Bad idea. There is no self. No self... no emotions do work through. This goes against the core of this work. Mods please close this asap

@Zeroguy Enough!

I was contemplating just now and I realized that nothing matters at all. Anything in life that happens doesn't ultimately matter, either way it goes it really doesn't mean anything. At first glance this can seem bad or misguided, but if you think about it... it frees you of the burden of meaning. If something truly matters then if you lose that thing you're going to suffer it's absence. But if nothing matters then you are free. Any thoughts?

@BipolarGrowth He describes various steps leading to Samdhi during meditation. One of the markers he talks about is the feeling of getting sucked into something, or being drawn like a magnet to the sensation around the third eye. Check out his videos on the spiritual eye and enlightenment I think those will have insights. He talks about different parts of the brain and how it relates to enlightenment/meditation it's interesting.

Yeah this makes a lot of sense. I have an interest in psychology and I have a cousin with mental health issues who's on track to be a teacher/counsellor in the future. I know i was always interested in psychology growing up and I am pretty crazy

@Zeroguy You're just rambling. None of this is true, it's just your distorted perspective.

@BipolarGrowth Check out Forrest Knutson's youtube channel he has good insights related to this stuff. Getting sucked into a black hole is something I spoke to him about recently actually