Natalya
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Everything posted by Natalya
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Very valid points! Thank you! I've never heard of TRE. Will definitely look into it!
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Thanks @Ayla. It's funny you mentioned co-dependency because I just bought the "Co-dependent no more" book following someone else's suggestion in another thread. Reading chapter 2 now and so far cannot relate to any of it. lol But I know nothing about the concept, so too early to judge. Regarding fully experiencing emotions and pain - I think that technique is only a temporary relief. I've practiced it before, and it seems to work better for anger, but not fear.
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@JeffR1, thank you for your reply. Those are great questions. I understand that digging dipper should give me answers, but I think I've already analyzed and over-analyzed and accepted everything I could. I hold no grudge against my parents, in fact what they did and didn't do is not an issue at all anymore. It's my relationships with men after which I'm damaged, despite the fact that I've forgiven them. Although I may not have completely understood their actions. But my issue is too many emotional memories, so the emotional response is easily triggered by certain behavior that I'd like to avoid, but don't know how to stop that response.
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@Rito Love it! Thank you.
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Thank you @Natasha, great thoughts. I should learn more about mindfulness. Could you point me to Leo's video about nothingness? I think I might've missed it.
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@Rob, I'm so glad someone finally talks about negative thinking as one of the root causes of psychological distress. I went through "Attacking Anxiety and Depression" program 2 years ago, and the very 1st foundamental step (out of 12) that needed to be taken care of was negative thinking and stopping the negative thoughts. Some people recovered after completing just that one step. Like Leo said, there's a difference between depression and bad psychology. Oftentimes, changing the thinking process is just enough to feel fine. I was completely recovered after the course - for about a year. But the treatment had to be repeated every now and then because human mind tends to go back to its negative habits as soon as it gets comfortable. Any cognitive treatment eventually stops working because human mind gets used to it. Same goes for Leo's videos. There're only so many times you can watch your favorite video until it stops being effective. So the search never stops even if you've found your magic pill for now.
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@NickOleksiak. Maybe, all you need is repeated exposure therapy, similar to "little Peter" experiment? Google it.
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Natalya replied to Rito's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
The 1st thing you need to practice is converting your negative thoughts into positive ones. It's your negative thinking that causes spiraling into defeat & all the symptoms associated with it. You *think* yourself into failure, while there's no such thing as failure - even bad experience is still experience. Learn to catch your negative thoughts at bay and turn them into neutral or positive, e.g. just because I had a bad morning doesn't mean I'm going to have a bad day. -
There's a book "the 5 Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman. He talks about the importance of speaking your partner's language, meaning responding to your partner's particular needs. For example, some people must have a constant validation, such as complements or gifts from their partner, others may need attention and spending time together, some need space, or deep honest communication may mean the world to them. If you don't meet your partner's most important needs, you don't speak their language. Looking back at my bad relationships, I feel that those needs were not clearly stated by my partners , while my needs were ignored. No wonder it didn't work out.
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It's definitely a phenomenal ability that can sometimes work against us because we may PRE-judge people and situations. Have you ever pre-judged someone based on your past experiences just to find out later that you were wrong? Also, have you ever forced yourself to go to an event that you thought would be boring, but instead ended up having the time of your life? I don't know if there's anything more to the personality reading other than the gut feeling that's based purely on our past experiences. But don't dismiss the possibility of some invisible energy exchange that makes us feel a certain way about someone...
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Couldn't agree more with @Dhana Choko. I don't advocate against a lot of sexual experience. But just like Dhana said, you dont really get the experience that makes you fulfilled after jummping from one bed to another. My point is make sure you know this is exactly what you want before jumping into it. It's too easy to get carried away with something that feels good at the moment, but may eventually have negative consequences. In my experience, most people don't know what they're doing when they engage in sexual relationships. Aside from what a society thinks, are you willing to take the risk of falling for a wrong person, being used, getting knocked up, ending up disappointed in the opposite gender or contracting an incurable STD? Just like with food or gambling, it's all about moderation. And yes, I still think 5 is a good number.
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I really like Susan Elliott's book " Getting Past a Breakup" http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284 It's only for women though.
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Obviously, 5 is an approximate number. I'd like to hear a woman's perspective on this. Guys cannot fully relate to how a woman may feel after sleeping with many men who are wrong for her.
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@Lynnel, a number may not matter in this society if you're a man. If you're a woman, you'll be labeled, but most importantly, sex stops being special and people stop being special after too many partners, especially for a woman, because women get connected emotionally, rather than physically.
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@daing @daing I've been living in the US for over 18 years and still can't understand the mask-driven mentalitly.
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@BeginnerActualizer I think most of us here, if not all, have felt this way. That's why we're here, discussing more important issues than celebrity gossip. But that doesn't mean you should cut off your low-conscious friends altogether because you're human, and sometimes you need to engage in low-conscious behaviors to let yourself go. Or else life would become a boring routine. There're many articles saying that you need to have different types of friends to fulfill your different types of needs. The key is to place your friends into categories, downgrade some and upgrade others, based on your level of need. You don't have to spend every weekend with the same bunch. See them once in a while, explore other options, and eventually, you'll find yourself surrounded by those who you want to hang out with at this time particular time of your life. Once you keep growing - spiritually - your needs will keep changing, and so will people that surround you. It's perfectly fine.
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@Lynnel, a number may not matter in this society if you're a man. If you're a woman, you'll be labeled, but most importantly, sex stops being special and people stop being special after too many partners, especially for a woman, because women get connected emotionally, rather than physically.
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@SenshiAna, yep, just like you, I was in a 7-year relationship with my first man and was always wondering what it would be like with others. Also, regarding food for the ego, it's very true, especially dangerous for women with low self-esteem.
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Sleep with some - not many - now, before you meet your Mr Right because if you don't, you'll always be wondering what it's like with other guys and you'll end up cheating. 5 would be a good number to give you the idea. But ALWAYS use protection - your mouth too. It's funny how people think they're having protected sex with an unprotected mouth. Night stands are ok ONLY if you're THAT much into the guy.
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Stop landing your ear to the negative whiners. They'll stop following you. I'm also a huge believer in positive attraction. Keep catching your negative thoughts - and watch positive things start happening to you.