Codrina

@modmyth I don't think I am. I remember hating getting up at 7am to go to school as a child. As a teenager and student I would sleep in as much as I could and spent late nights. I started a habit of going to bed at 00:30 and waking up at 8:30 for the last two years. It worked and I enjoyed it. I want more now, as the saying goes

5:30 today, no alarm Saturday was s lot to take in. I am not sure what happened...finding my friend home, the pandemic getting serious in my country as well... what ever happened, I was not happy with how my painting was going - hence the wine and the cookies. I just let it all go. Spend the evening lying on the couch, listening to music - had two visions - one of how to continue with the painting I was working on, the other, a new one I am working on now. I went to bed a little later than 2 am, after a total of three hours crying that night. Woke up on Sunday at 7 am. Eyes swollen, still not in a great place. I decided to spend the day resting. I had a walk, breakfast, laid on the couch , slept some more, had lunch and another walk. Did some reading, went to bed around 8 pm. Woke up 5:30 am. Feeling better. There is still a lot of tension in my legs. I can feel them like I'm standing on the start line, ready to jump up and run. I painted for an hour so far, had breakfast, a walk - I decided to keep all the noise down, so no music, no nothing. I paid close attention while I was eating, relaxing my legs, letting the energy go through them, instead of contracting. I also noticed what a violent act eating is. People are getting ever more anxious. I feel a lot of them don't know what to do with themselves. It won't be easy keeping my balance through this and I feel distractions like music or people talking on YouTube is a big NoNo if I am to keep focused on my work and not be sucked in by the fearful energy floating around. If anyone is reading this, wish you all the best. Take care of your mind and body

Woke up before my alarm chose to lay in bed until 5:30 Had coffee, painted, then left to visit the dogs. My friend was back. I went to the farmer's market and got all sorts of spring goodies. Had a good breakfast, painted some more, went for an hour's run, then cooked lunch, and ended my evening with a bottle of wine and chocolate cookies. All in the honor of my great mind which keeps fucking me over

5 am Whoo hoo It was really easy to wake up this time I still felt more tired than my 6 am day. I guess my body will take a bit to adjust. I might have pushed too much with work, the dogs, the running this week, as well Today I painted for a total of 5 and a half hours.Tended to the puppies. Had an easy run/ walk in the woods for an hour. The rest of the day I relaxed, a worm bath, a nice evening walk, good food. Meditation now, and rest. I find the energy really powerful this week - like everything is vibrating more intensely - either my sensibility or the energy is growing, or maybe both? I do find it more easy to focus. It's like my busy mind is taking a back seat throughout the day. The thoughts are there, but my body is just going through the motions, not being bothered by whatever goes within the mind

@Thittato Thank you This morning I snoozed until 6am. But got up, had a cold shower and felt really good. Not as tired as yesterday. Fruit and coffee for breakfast, painted for half an hour, went to feed my friend's dogs and let them in the yard. Returned home and painted for another 2 and half hours (and washed some clothes) Had lunch, then got on my scooter to see my doctor. She wasn't in. came back, painted for another hour. Took the dogs and went for a run in the woods - 50 min. Got back home, took my scooter again, went to see my doctor, dropped the papers to my employer, came home, had dinner, then evening walk with the dogs. Fed them and put them to sleep. Today I felt much better. I am confident tomorrow I'll wake up earlier. And once my friend returns, I will be able to extend my creative time between 5-6 hours. Now meditation and sleep

@ivankiss Lovely words. @pluto Also thought of Bashar as I was reading. I had that realisation a couple of years back and I experienced myself as multiple frames in a meditation. I reached a couple of times into 'my past'. However, I am certain there is more beyond. In the end all form comes from nothing. Maybe one day I'll get to see that nothing. Until then, I am happy experiencing form. ?

I guess people long for what they are missing. I am much like the child I remember myself to be. I am 32 and still just spending my time between drawing, painting, loving boys, running over the hills (today I ran over the hills for 2 1/2 hours, through forests, with my dog, laughing like a child, through mud and snow, had a swim in an ice cold -literally had to brake the ice for a bath - lake and did the whole thing all over again all the way home). I asked myself at one point on my journey: how many 32 year old women do this? how much of a woman and how much of a child am I ? Some days, I wished I was more responsible, more like an adult. The rest of the time I am grateful for this amazing experience, whatever it has to bring me, even boredom

I smoked weed constantly for 6 years. One joint every night, more joints on weekends, parties. It helped me a lot with issues I was going through (bipolar,self esteem etc). I then found a men with whom I didn't smoke for more than 6 months. Just didn't feel like it. I taught him how to smoke weed,at one point, because he was really depressed about his job. (of course we ended up smoking almost every night after work). It's been another 7 years since then. I only smoke weed when I feel inspired to do so, and use it solely as meditation kit (once or twice a month). I chose to give it up when I noticed it made me dumb and unproductive (if your goal is to grow, staying in the same spot does not help). I do not believe weed creates addiction. Not more so then other addictive substances/habits, anyway. It was far more difficult to give up sugar and cocoa, alcohol and tobacco,toxic relationships, judgement etc. I still drink a coffee everyday, so you know... caffeine to. Weed was actually the easiest addiction to quit. If you really want to understand where addiction comes from, listen/ read Gabor Mate. I know people here don't care much for him, but as far as I can see, he's talking about the same thing Leo is talking, but from his own point of view.

No you don't. It means not caring about what other people say. It literally means loving with all your heart,despite the consequences Yes, it is. It is the most painful feeling to see deep down when people you look up to ,don't. (and I assume you noticed you only care about the opinion of people you look up to) I will say, I have no idea if you can avoid them. I have been trying to avoid them for the last few years. It worked as long as I kept to myself. No friends, etc I am not actively trying to avoid it anymore. I am just living my life, the best story I can imagine for this character that I am. And it seems that, sometimes, that leads to loving others in ways they have no idea you could love. It will hurt you like hell and, I guess, make you grow in the meantime (growth comes with pain, no?). I gave up on the perfect ever after life. I think as long as you play your human role, you need to go through the full extent of human emotion - a whole lot of pain and a whole lot of joy

New discovery

Getting there

Pay more attention to yourself, in a loving, non-judgmental way. Good idea. It is my oldest practice and I think it has helped hugely. Observe your mind and your body, especially when you feel uncomfortable. Do the same with your surroundings. When things look really though remind yourself you are all and all is you, breathe, love and look again.

I usually mediate between 40 - 60 min. Sometimes I go an hour and a half. But I will sit in half- lotus, and my legs go numb/hurt sometimes, it depends on my initial positioning, I guess. I keep bringing awareness back into the body, and I have to straighten my back a couple of times during the meditation, because it slightly lays back. Will try lying down on my bed, like for an MRI. See how that goes

@Kshantivadin Contemplate what Charlie is saying. Listen to your thoughts, to what your mind is telling you, especially in hard times. Listen to it without judging it. Feel it fully. Don't run away from it. A day will come when your mind will tell you a different story - a joyful, full of possibilities story. Your mind will not seek to escape, but enjoy what is. You will find your mind complaining less, and accepting more. And a new sense of you, not your mind, not your opinions, not you - just lovingly observing you.

I have asked myself this question. I have created stories, infinite stories, this separate character to experience. Should I go against it? Isn't that going against Self? At the same time, there are few humans in the world who had the honour of crossing paths with the knowledge we have, and even less who got it, to a degree. So, I just think it is part of the experience the Self wishes. My character, Codrina, ever learning, ever growing, going through being human and sensing more. Now, I am working on honouring both Self and self and looking forward to what experience brings. The day will come when you will realize that he is you. If you think about it, he is there always - it is you telling yourself this is not a good idea, when you do something that is working against your deeper desires. And you know it. You always know it. The voice is always there, guiding you. And often times you dismiss it. If you listen closely, pay attention to yourself more often you will better understand your needs and desires, which will allow you to bring harmony into your life.

@Kushu2000 No, I am far away from that. And frankly, that is what magicians do. There are more exciting experiences to be had. I can wake up after a dream and question my whole direction in life. And casually thinking about an old childhood friend as a possible life mate. And move back to my hometown, 3000 km, and on my first day walking through town, this friend pulling over to say hello. That is a mind fuck, right there

@Kushu2000 Manipulating physical reality as you get more conscious. Whatever version of reality you can imagine already exists. By becoming more conscious,you actually increase your capacity to navigate through this reality. Imagine yourself as a pilot. If you have terrible skills, you can only travel so far. Once you improve your skills, there is nothing stopping you. Whatever reality you dream of, it is already out there. NOW. You just can't see it, because your focus is not strong enough. For you to experience it, you first have to raise your vibration, make it fast enough to catch whatever you desire. If you are scared that you will be unloved, homeless and addicted, I just want to tell you that you already are. If you are thrilled that one day you will be loved and cherished,I want you to know you already are. Whatever reality you want - it is there. The more conscious you are, the more it will be revealed. I am talking from direct experience. This last few months strange and amazing things happened.

@Dino D This topic opened doors. Loved the conversation between you two @Leo Gura @tsuki I just want to say I felt first hand what it's like for the ego to try and anchor itself into an old Christianity paradigm. I was baptized Christian Orthodox, and even though my family didn't have a spiritual practice, I did. I loved it. I used to read a lot of spiritual texts and pray every night. I loved God, my guarding angel and Mary; I talked to them often. Jesus was not on my mind, though. All of this was happening when I was still a child. My father got concerned, for some reason, at a point and yelled at me to stop this non-sense. So I kinda did, especially growing old, getting concerned with boys and all. In my twenties I got back into spirituality, but on the Buddhist side. Years of developing compassion, focus and mindfulness let me to my first awakening experience. It opened doors. I grew more and had other awakenings. Last year I stumbled into Leo, which opened new doors. And found myself, less than 6 months ago, in a very real confusion. For some reason I found myself thinking about God, the Christian version, and the devil, and sin. I was questioning my insights - is it real or is it the devil trying to trick me into thinking I am God... very real confusion! It only lasted for about a week or two, though. I have the advantage of not clinging to my beliefs. I kinda know whatever I think is real right now,it will soon change. Maybe because I, as a human, have always changed. So, I don't take myself very seriously. I love exploring, all domains, and with new information comes new understanding, therefore a new ego with different actions. My last awakening, however, was quite powerful. It made me see reality at a deeper level. I don't think I will ever go back thinking seriously about the Christian God.

I am my favorite Visionary I change Society one human , one home, one city at a time, by bringing light into darkness, order into chaos, beauty and love into ignorance, new perspective into the old. I hope the future will be prosperous, but you can never truly know - I am sure, however, it will be exactly what it needs to be I am self-actualized and I am still working on mastering my psychology

@Apparition of Jack For me it was when I first looked into what Buddhism was, after reading an article about Maxi Jazz (Faithless) which said he was a Buddhist rapper. Buddha was saying that reality is an illusion. So it struck me: 'Hey, science is saying the same thing! If he knew that 2500 years, there must be something to it.'

Last year, I was dancing in my garden, on a full moon. I had a strong feeling that I had done this before. Then I remembered the sign on the river, not far from my house which said witches had been burned here. I then realized I had been a witch in another life and my journey to England had something to do with that - healing. Or better said, My journey to England helped me realize my parallel existence as a persecuted witch in England - I guess there is a strong connection between that life and this one I also have a strong feeling I am a Yogi on another plane. I used to do a lot of yoga as a child, in a playful way. Full lotus was one of my favourite positions and it was something I came up with, as far as I can remember.

I watched today 5 or 7 different tarot readings for Aquarius for 2020 on YouTube. They all received the same message and it was shocking to me how accurate they were regarding the experiences I had last year and so far this year. But then again, I am manifesting my own reality , so how could it be otherwise? ?

Maybe the nightly dreams are a story you create to help you figure out the story you experience in your daily dreams - at least that's what they look like to me

'How am I supposed to change it? If I can't see the wood for the trees?' 'Our hopes and expectations Black holes and revelations' 'Why feel afraid if you can't deny That if you try to contend It will cage you in time.' Translation of the lyrics, from Romanian. 'I'm sitting on the 28th floor I see the world from above But it has not ripen yet. So I can't pick it, I can't understand it, I am waiting for a new flood, Cause I am sitting on the 28th floor. Today I've moved on the 29th. The clouds are raining us only you. By the time I've reached 30 I realized I was locked in a basement. I was actually locked in a poor basement. I am in my elevator, pressing 62. The lift goes up, really slowly. It happened again, We are stuck again. My lift got stuck, again, between us. I am going back to the 28th floor. There is where I've grown There is where I've ripen. There is where I'm staying, on the 28th floor.' I guess songs here are more about the journey to enlightenment. For some reason I resonate with them. Enjoy!

@Identity Thank you. I also thought about a post like this. I do want to thank everyone who is participating here. Thank you for all your questions and all your insights. Thank you for your time. Thank you Leo for creating this space.