OctagonOctopus

But if Jesus didn't die for our sins then I wouldn't get to be a Devil!

It can take awhile for your body to adjust to changing your posture. Try getting up periodically and doing some stretches that target the part of your back that is hurting. One is stuck in a bit of a jam here, you bealive it is the tension that is causing your behaviour, in truth the tension is just what it is, feeling sensation. What is really causing the issue is labeling the tension as bad, or harmful in some way. Tension cannot harm you. So then, connect with the aware part of yourself and observe the tension, and also observe any thoughts, images, and feelings that come up as a reaction to the tension. The mind and body are one. That is totally ok a lot of people find it really hard a the start, that is why most quit, but don't give up! Know you will get stronger from doing the practices. I bealive what Leo was trying to show you is that pain can be the result of disowned feelings, one can create space for these feelings threw meditation. A good exercise for tension is deep breathing into the tension, as if you are expanding the space around it with ones breath.

@Danioover9000 Ball lightning? Haha. Is the light following your vision like a hole in your sight, or does it stay the same when you look around the room?

@Danioover9000 Hmm, whenever I get a migrain part of it is always this flickering light that floats around in my vision. I also know that caffeine made it much more likely to trigger. I know when I started opening up to relativity more I would walk into a room and it would feel really small, then another time in the same room it would feel very big.

I have been lately getting into programming graphics so I can create videos for my music that moves with the beat. So I guess that is kind of a combination of the two

Yummy! My own tail!

I think it would be a good idea to couple your meditation with shadow work. It sounds like you could have just been repressing parts of yourself threw medition, rather then just seeing them for what they are. Find out what kind of needs this old ego feels are not being met, ask this part of you questions like "What are you trying to show me?". Understand its needs, and send it love.

Wait, how do I know all of you aren't just Leo making a bunch of accounts talking to himself??? Oh no, OH NOOO!

I'd like to hear some opinions on what everyone sees as being needed most in the human race currently. Where do we need people to be pushing forward? In what areas? How can we push humanity to a more holistic view?

@Nak Khid I was told people were talking to me well I was under, but I don't recall any of it, too busy staring god in the face. Im sure mindset has a effect on how well the human body fights for its survival, how much so is a good question. Having loving support always makes things easier. There is two kinds of giving up here I bealive, giving up as in "Ill never be able to do this" and giving up as in giving up your idenitity realizing it was a projection. The mind is an artist that likes to created identity. Realize this and what is there to fight? Whichever way one chooses, whichever way one creates, different paths, same destination.

Nothing ever began, nothing ever ended, everything is one. The tree dies, becomes the dirt for a new tree. Was the tree a tree, or was the tree always dirt? Maybe both.

Best way to die? By realizing you are already dead. I have watch someone pass before, a friend, he was a child with cystic fibrosis. I had just came out of a coma, conquidentally he was sent to the hospital well I was under. I was put in a wheelchair and brought to his room where I watched him slowly fading away. He passed with a bunch of different medical machines hooked up to him, he couldn't communicate with anyone, so its hard to tell what was going threw his mind. Well I was in the coma I flatlined muliple times, I wasn't the same when I came back out. There is this deep love for life that I feel now, and watching my friend die like that right after the coma was surreal to say the least. The journey to death can be however you want it to be, if you want to kick and scream all the way down then kick and scream, if you want to go peacfully then go peacfully. The choice is yours, but remember, this choice is the same choice as how do I want life to go.

@Leo Gura I am love itself, guiding this human ship to love itself.

I understand, the strive for connection is a strong one. When you are alone, observer the feeling of being depressed, see that it is a feeling. Start a conversation with the depressed feeling, ask it questions, really get to know it, give it the connection it desires. Also contemplate about what a balenced life is for you, really flesh it out the deeper you go into this the deeper your mind will understand why it wants to quit these drugs, thus the easier it will be to mindfully let go of the desire to do them. I know this is harder to do with alcohol in you, but when you are out socializing try you best to remain mindful and pace yourself. Keep reminding yourself that you want to find balance in your life. Don't drill your head when you relapes, accept what happended, observe what feelings and thoughts come up and be with them for a bit.

There is a part of yourself that is being shut out by these drugs, the part of you that wants a healthy relationship, that part of you is in pain and you are covering it up with these drugs it seems. Getting in a relationship will not solve the depression feeling. Realize any relationship you get in now will more then likely end up badly because of this, you need to develop a loving healthy relationship with yourself first. I would suggest talking to some kind of therapist if you feel comfortable. Yes you could, doesn't mean you would have to forever. You could stay at home for the next few weekends, stay with the feeling that come up. It probably will be diffiicult because this is the pain you have been shutting out of yourself and it has been building up, but all things pass.

You are trying to unwire but don't have something to rewire into. What is it that you are trying to bring into your life threw quiting these drugs? Find out what that is and instead of counting the days focus on that. These are very much habit forming drugs, every weekend be prepared for ego backlash when you don't do them.

Sound like you are devloping a healthy detatchment, being able to surf the waves of emotions, noticing the sadness but not spiraling down into it.

@ethanb121 Start coming up with question to contemplate well you are tripping. Find out what questions will help to confirm ones past insites.

Contemplating in a notebook is my favorite thing to do on mushrooms, use it as a tool to face fears and difficulties within oneself. Set an intention, what do you want to explore?

@Aquarius Sounds like a wise choice!

@Leo Gura What if I am addicted to being mind raped?

@Aquarius A joint would have THC in it as well (The psychoactive part to cannabis) which might agrovate Schizophrenia more, I was thinking just CBD alone.

@Aquarius I think there have been studies showing positive results using CBD to help with Schizophrenia.

I agree, before I stumbled into actualized.org I was doing LSD a couple times a month, if I had a more soild framework before those countless trips I know I could have gone so much deeper. Don't reget them though, they were all very beautiful. Thank you for helping me understand all those trips on a deeper level Leo!