Farnaby

@RoerAmit this may sound cliché, but I think the problem in this case is that your motivation doesn't come from a place of pursuing health but from a place of rejecting how you look right now. So there's probably a lot of judging yourself, blaming yourself and guilt involved. As you said, you have a deep rooted belief about fat = bad, so in a sense you feel that there's something wrong about you. Most of us (if not everyone) have a deep rooted feeling of "I'm not enough", so you're completely normal in this sense, don't worry. How do you feel when you identify with this belief about your body image? Not good right? When we don't feel good we can't have a healthy motivation. We can brute force our way to work out, which usually leads to injuries or binge eating as soon as we can. Then we feel guilty about that and it's a neverending cycle. My advice is to start exploring all of your parts: the one that thinks being fat is bad, the one that has needed to gain weight for some reason, etc., So you can start to integrate all of them. A psychotherapy would be helpful as well. Good luck!

@Aquarius Thank you! Yes, I agree it's usually better to talk it through rather than bypass it through meditation. I think talking it through opens the window for a deeper bond. However, I find that I get very rational and it feels as if the anger doesn't heal as good as if you cry when you feel hurt. I also agree that anger often covers some childhood sadness, especially in men.

I'm also interested in this. IME, you can meditate before fully expressing your anger. What does fully expressing actually mean? You will feel anger throughout your life. If we had to wait until we have expressed all of our emotions before doing spiritual practices, we would never start. @Aquarius Could you give an example of how a person would express their anger in a conscious and honest manner?

@Kiko my advice is to start noticing the subtle ways in which you may be unconsciously sabotaging yourself. If it happens again, try to reproduce in your memory at which point of the conversation you started noticing that something's off and she's losing interest. What happened inside you right before that? What were you thinking about yourself and her? Could it be that you start judging yourself or her? It takes practice. You can also notice this with friends and other people.

Hi everyone! I was just thinking about this today and asking myself if taking drugs is a symptom of being insatisfied with one's life. I'm not talking about addiction, which is of course a crutch and a way to escape from problems, but more about people who have a healthy life style and like to have a different experience now and then but don't make a habit out of it. Personally, I would say that when done in moderation some drugs can even be useful tools and give you a therapeutic experience. I used to smoke weed almost daily and that definitely wasn't good for me, but I wouldn't say the same about the few times I've tripped on mushrooms over the course of 7 years or so. The one time I took MDMA I found it quite therapeutic as well. However, I'd like to know what other people think about this

Lol you're right, it's just that I'm often faced with an inner conflict. One part of me says: "you aren't an impulsive person and always try to live a more or less healthy life, nothing wrong with being flexible from time to time" and another part of me says: "that's how the people that end up bad think".

@Serotoninluv Yes, I think that distinction you make is really important and it's one that I've always struggled to make. What you said about self critizicing resonates a lot with me. I guess the "pendulation" you experienced is a necessary process until you find your personal balance. We usually grow up with too much rigidity or with too little so we have to explore the other polarity for a while to find our centre. How do you know when it comes from your internal compass of intuition vs. societal conditioning? I find this really difficult, as well as knowing what I feel, what I want, etc.

@Serotoninluv I completely agree with everything you said. Like you, I equate substance use in moderation to traveling and other exciting activities. I'm just worried that equating it this way could be a form of self-deception to justify substance use. Some people seem to think that if one is truly satisfied (whatever that means) with one's life, they wouldn't need any substance. Personally, I think giving oneself permission to explore is a healthier way of looking at life.

Hey everyone! I just found this video and since the topic about neediness/confidence is talked about quite often, I thought it could be useful. What do you think are good exercises to work on insecurities and be able to embody confidence?

She's got a weird vibe that I think many of us sense, especially in her "didactical" videos. I've found her less creepy in the videos of her workshops, more authentic if you will. I think she has valuable content on youtube that can be very helpful and I enjoyed a lot of this content. So, you can take what's useful and leave what you don't like. As happens with many spiritual teachers, to me she seems to have some traits of narcissism and messia's complex, but I've found that to be true for many spiritual teachers, not just her.

Hmm I don't thinks it's so black and white. I've seen not so handsome men go for the hot girl and have it work for them, usually because they were very social, funny and confident. For women I think this is even easier, but maybe that's prejudice. What I'm trying to say is that many of our limiting beliefs such as "she's more attractive and will never find me interesting" are in our minds and are actually preventing us from being attractive. Of course I don't think this always works, sometimes the hot girl/guy will not be attracted to you, but it's better not to take that as a universal truth.

This is probably the best advice This morning I heard an interesting exercise to know what you're boundaries are. Maybe it's useful for you. 1) First you imagine something that goes against your values, such as racism, abuse or whatever activates a strong feeling of rejection inside of you. You tune into your body and see how that sensation of rejection/"No" feels like. 2) You do the same with something that you love, such as your favorite food and you do the same as above. 3) Lastly, you imagine something that triggers a mixture of sensations, where it doesn't feel like a "yes" yet, but neither like something you completely reject. I found this helpful to get to know your own compass for boundaries, without the confusion that often comes when our thoughts start "taking control".

That's a good question. I can only speak for myself. I don't have a lot of experience with one night stands, but when I've had them it was fun but always left me kind of empty. On the other hand, nothing has made me feel better than a loving relationship, where I can be "completely" myself (at times playful, at times vulnerable, etc.). I tend to think that most people, men and women, are looking for this kind of relationship, but maybe I'm just projecting my preferences. Even the guys in my group of friends who brag about how many women they've slept with, who approach many women, etc., when you have an honest conversation with them it turns out that they would love to have a deeper intimate connection. All this "men only want this women only want that" stuff gets in the way of having more authentic relationships IMO. We're all conditioned by culture and our experiences, but we can also let go of that conditioning or at least part of it.

Nope, this isn't true for all men, let alone on a deep level. Yes, we like sex, like you do. But what most of us are really seeking is connection and if possible a deep intimate bond, not just physical pleasure. Of course many of us are also scared of this intimacy and when that isn't healed it may appear as if we just want to get laid. Maybe there are men who only want sex, I can only speak for myself so I can't know for sure. However, even my most sex pursuing friends acknowledge that deep down they want connection. Only sex doesn't satisfy us in the long run. I think @Emerald did a pretty good analysis of what may be happening. Things won't change and easily, but keep encouraging people to integrate their polarities ?

@Emerald That's what I thought too and what my intuition was telling me. I think a good sign that you're connected to your personal energy is that you feel grounded, spontaneous and free.

@Emerald Which brings us to the big question How to get back in touch with your personal energetic signature, without adopting typical masculine/feminine attributes from your culture?

Come on, that's all you got? This is a clear example of lack of self-critique, only dismissing the POV of other people but not actually using any arguments to refute it, let alone taking any responsibility.

@Emerald thanks for that list, I'll see how much my ego resists each aspect However, I was interested in your explanation of how men seek connection with the feminine through relationships. Do you think we are only projecting something that doesn't really exist, or is there actually something like the divine feminine and the divine masculine?

@King Merk Yes, you're right in saying that judgement is not a necessary step and that a good way to deal with life is to be practical about it. I'm just not convinced by the people who tell other people that every time they judge something as abusive, arrogant, condescending, etc., they are actually projecting. Yes, on one hand they may be projecting, but on the other hand they are probably sensing a weird vibe. You just have to imagine these kind of conversations IRL. Would you tell someone who is asking you an existential question that they are too naive to understand life, that they are deluded and don't have the wisdom you have, etc.? Probably not, because it doesn't feel good when other people treat you that way. Making it all about the person who feels offended is every narcissists dream. They use that tactic each time in order to not take responsibility for their behavior. I remember Leo saying that one of the main problems in traditional religion is that they preach about love and self-love but then act very differently and I agree. I think a better approach is to work on your ego so you can notice when you're being arrogant, instead of making it about the other person being too "soft" @Commodent I agree. @Treetalk yes, that's how I see it too. Except I think it's precisely the thought "I'm way ahead than other people" that stems from the ego and leads to arrogance and that is present in every cult. That's actually the root problem with cults: people thinking the "guru" has some kind of attributes that they don't have and therefore they worship him and get triggered when someone calls the guru out (anyone else notices the similarity with what is happening in this thread?). What does it mean to "be behind"? In the end, what matters to me is how a person integrates and embodies their wisdom. If they know a lot about the nature of reality but don't act accordingly, it's just theory, even if they have gained this wisdom through direct experience.

Gotta agree The only part I would like to understand a little better is about the divine feminine. I think you're right that we're seeking a deep connection and when we find it we often get scared because it's more chaotic and difficult to understand. What I didn't understand is if you're saying that we're idealizing that divine feminine or if it really exists on an energetic level. Speaking for myself, I can only agree with the part about wanting to accept our feminine side. I would say we want to integrate both, the masculine and the feminine polarity, so we can act spontaneously without always thinking how other people will judge us. I guess it's the same for women. If, for instance, a man likes to dance or sing, probably society has judged him for that, so he may have repressed that part which we could call more feminine. What I've found is that, paradoxically, when you stop repressing that feminine polarity, it can actually manifest in a quite confident, masculine way, idk if you know what I mean. Maybe the mistake is that feminine/masculine are categories that are too rigid.

I think you got it pretty accurately. As children we all have a narcissistic/egotical phase. If that phase isn't propperly transcended, we stay kind of stuck in it, or at least part of us. When this happens, as adults, we only feel good when people are mirroring our positive traits, but we can't tolerate when they tell us something that may threaten that fragile self-esteem. Maybe another thing that can explain why they treat "decent" people like crap is because they have such a fragile self-esteem that these people remind them of their own vulnerability and they hate that. Also, because being seen with these more sensible people could lead them to be associated with them and judged by other narcissists lol. In the end, I think they have a low self-esteem but they put on a mask to protect that. What I'm not sure of is if they're more attracted to sociopaths or to submissive people who they can easily control.

Yes, that's exactly what I do too. I sometimes like blunt lessons that can trigger me, but I don't like arrogance. This time someone whas calling another person out and it resonated with what I'm perceiving lately too and I wanted to tell him that he's not deluded and probably right in his perception. Group thinking is one of the most dangerous things. It's important to call people out when they're acting incoherently with what they preach. A teacher can tell me anything about the ego, how I should let it die or transcend it and he may have really valuable teachings in that regard. But if I feel he often acts from a place of ego, as if he was somehow better than the rest of the people, he isn't an example of embodying what he's preaching. Just like a priest who goes on for hours talking about love, community, etc., and in his daily life doesn't act accordingly (this is something Leo says about traditional religion and I agree with him). Of course we're all human and sometimes act arrogantly, but it's important to own it and not make it about the other person's projections, etc. Lol how naive, you have a long way to go to stop putting him on a pedestal and think for yourself. See, how I just talked to you is how Leo talks to people who disagree with him. I'm sure you sensed some arrogance, defensiveness or whatever you want to call it in the way I answered you. And that's because you're right, I was being condescending and arrogant.

I get what you say, but name calling, treating people like you're on a pedestal and they are below you is definitely ego at its best. Empathy requires sensitivity to the other person's needs, not only your agenda to help them become a better person. That's something I find is not often present in Leo's replies. I know I'm free to go, but I find value in his teachings and the exchanges on the forum. That doesn't mean I won't call people out when I think they are being abusive, which is what the OP was also sensing. You can make everything about the other person and justify arrogance, verbal abuse, etc., by saying that if someone gets triggered because of how you treated them it's their fault. That's textbook manipulation/gaslighting. There are moments where your intuition is right about these things and not only a projection of you.

I like and agree with your perspective. @Serotoninluv That's how I see it too. Not that one (relationship with deep connection and work through struggles and growth together) is better than the other (having many sexual encounters). Since I've been more inclined to have long term relationships, I probably am more inexperienced in the other way of relating to women. I just personally feel more fulfilled when I can have a deep connection instead of just having sexual pleasure. As @Emerald said, we can have fun without the other person being fulfilled by the experience, but nothing compares to a deep intimate connection where it's a shared ecstatic experience.

@Matt23 I agree with you. This is the kind of thing that can become dangerous, especially for people with self-esteem issues who may think they deserve to be treated badly. While I agree that there are always lessons to be learned when we get triggered, defensive, etc., we have to be careful so we don't tolerate abusive behavior. No need to be abused in order to work on your empowerment. This mindset is every narcissists dream, where the issue is always on your side and they never take responsibility. If someone is telling me they're suffering because of an abusive relationship, it may be true that they are tolerating to be treated that way, but at that stage that person needs empathy and help to put up boundaries, not harsh communication that makes them feel 100% responsible for what's happening. I really like Leo's videos, but IMO he clearly lacks empathy.