Nivsch

I tried it ? Then the anxiety got worse.

I struggle with this question a lot - Am I suppose to add more love to the technique, or that from some point, more "love" will just be a compensation mechanism and will reduce the effectiveness of the method? But in the other hand, doing the meditation without love at all can be very hard or maybe not effective at all. Say I do the "Do nothing" meditation but I do it only technically. Like "just face your fears and all other thoughts". Do you think it can work at all if we do this under this attitude? I assume that no. But I am interested to know what do you think? love = How you interpret the word from your intuition in your current developmental stage.

@kbone Thank you very much! Can you explain what do you think about the seperate self belief, and instead what is real, and why do you think that? And if you want, I am interested to know what made you think that from your direct experience.

Or we are mostly not in control of ourselves? OR - 3. Maybe foundationally we ARE, and our beliefs about our amount of self-control fullfill itself accurately? OR - 4. Not really, 3 is a fantasy, because there are more factors which affected your self control like diet, heavy metals in your brain and more. Why I am asking this? Because my OCD sometimes makes me so anxious that I feel I just must to do some rituals to solve the current issue my brain drops on me. For example there is a fear that some motion with my body will lead to something dangerous (mostly i know its completely irrational) but the fear is so strong that I feel there is no other way but to do the ritual to calm myself "Now you see you cannot harm your own body with a movement of only the body itself" and I get calm. But 2 months ago I had an insight that "the intensity of the problem will always be what i believe it to be". And then, the following weeks were much better with much less rituals because I believed that the only one who does all of that, is always only ME (and the other voice who forces me to do rituals actually doesnt exists). But last month my belief changed again after I read dr.zwig posts on instagram when he says there are two (or more) voices you have to integrate and make them communicate better. And then when they start to communicate, your psychy transforms, and thats healing actually. These days I really try to love all my thoughs amd feelings and I do it in the framework of the "do nothing technique" for 20 minutes, couple of times every day, and also give love to the scary thought when it pops up. It helps! But they are always come back and I still feel stuck in that problem "matrix", feel NOT in enough control, and fear that one day one of the rituals will harm my body. Classic ERP/cbt attitude just want you to resist the rituals. I tried it many times in the past and It didnt work. This attitude of fighting with yourself sounds to me not less than outrageous and dark. I really struggle with this, and I want to know what do you think about that? Thanks

@mw711 Thank you!! What do you mean by entitlement? The sentence "I deserve more", or something beyond that, that I hold? And what do you mean by "do not act althought you get a treat"?

Today I really think we can be more than this. In the past I have thought we are only observers but no more. Thank you for your detailed explanation. I feel today there is definitely something beyond that. I dont want to live in a daily panic attacks and i will not be in peace with that. I deserve more.

@itachi uchiha I understand but thats not what I asked.

I wish to know better the root cause.

I got to a conclusion that even this doesnt work if you think about it only technically. Because even to think about this method will bring you ocd thought. And I got to understand that the seperation between thoughts is also artificial and an illusion, and that without more Love you cannot never overcome fear. But still when I have ocd attack I bring love to it and then it goes away but always comes back. So maybe the problem is that when I do that i still creating a split between me and a part of myself. But how NOT to do it?? Whats the alternative? Only with MORE Love&consciousness that will come in the future? Still struggle. Edit: My intuition now tells me to dettached from even the notion of "love". I tried this, and suddenly felt a higher form of it. I know that the dettachment wouldnt possible without practicing more love in the first place. Its like an ever fullfiling loop. So maybe nevertheless Im in the right track... I hope

Do you also sometimes find more value in a random self-reflection done loosely throughout the day? In a calm way. Without trying hard. Although I did time-framed mindfulness for 4 years and I think it has its value, the problems as I see it: 1. The very fact you know its an exercise distorts the observation because the whole field you observe on will be different. 2. Pressure to see results within the time frame which will be counterproductive. 3. Your mind knows you want to "hack" him and will turn on his defense mechanisms. But when you do it loosely, I think there is more chance you will able to surprise your mind, when unprepared, with an more authentic and pure self-reflection. Actually I think I had more "OH" moments with significant perspective shifts (about myself, my anxiety and more) when the observation was spontaneous. But I think I have not did it enough and I want to really go more serious with self-reflection and do it more in this way. What do you think? I don't know exactly why I write this question, maybe I want a motivation/validation to this way of observation, or also I have a fear that this way won't be considered as "valid" way by people here or something. But it is also genuinely interesting to me what do you think and what is your experience with that.

Hijacking will happen anyway always. That's the special moments (0.1%) when your mind is unprepared which matters. You will not think at all about meditating. it will be label-less and will come automatically from the desire to self-reflect and/or face the fear connected to the thought that can come at any given time throughout the day. Its individual. for me it wasn't true because I was thinking "what am I gonna do at the free time? dont observe? observe? wont it be better to also observe without timer?" the mind can confuse you anyway. Insights and overcome emotional problems.

Scientist: All of this are made by atoms. This is so abvious and Absolutely beautiful.

Yes. Every distinction is imagination but you still have your state of consciousness and I have mine. I am not the only conscious being. We are one system that's true but still you have your own direct experience which is different that mine. Everything that feels to you like the most real thing in the world can eventually be mistake. Solipsism is in my opinion false.

Green-yellow Or GREEN-yellow Not sure.

I just felt my image of the child I was who was relatively alone and not playing with the other kids and was unpopular. I Didn't try to compensate with thinking about social connections I did afterwards, during the more recent years (in my 20's). I just accepted him fully and saw the beauty of him unconditionally, and It really(!) succeeded. I really felt the love. Not just thoughts, but actually felt. But the anxiety still remain, and I still feel something bad will happen to me in the future. One on the forms of the fear is the fear of flying, and I have obsessive thoughts on that. I know the chance to crush is one in millions, but I FEEL something bad will happen when I am imagining it. The thoughts don't leave me. I know the OCD sits on self-esteem but the practice I just did with the self-love that succeded - didn't help now. sometimes it helps, now not and its a bit frustrating. I do mindfulness practices, I did heavy metal checking (results next week) and I don't know else what to do. If someone here has more suggestions I will thank him.

@Waken yes Just give love to myself when there is a thought and allow myself to react as i really want (do nothing about it). And yes you are right, the debate with the thought will never succeed. In private i mean questions not so about ocd but about self love because i see you have a lot of experience with that. If i will have question and if its ok. What you wrote really helps. I would like to hear an example of that.

@Waken thank you very much!! I will need to read couple of times more what you wrote and i will want to message you in private after I will process it again. The example you gave about the anger is great and really connected dots for me here. My new CBT therapist, who is specialized specifically on OCD, said to me this week that I have to show the ocd that he cannot treaten me, and that sometimes you have to put him borders and say him like "i dont want to hear you. go away from my eyes". it sounds to me like condradicting the "being in harmony with all the parts of ourselves" But i dont know ?‍♂️ Also I had another breakthrough this week when I just said to the thought " Its totally fine that I have this thought and i dont have to do nothing about it. It can be here and I allow myself to feel it and its absolutely fine" with love to myself in the situation in LIVE (not stories about the child but just to support myself right now) and then I felt a huge improvement and it lasts and feel great again and again to say that.

Less... ??

Last week I did a heavy metal test which checks a hair sample. I started to add chlorela to my diet (0.5 spoon every day) and I plan to do another test after one year to see what have changed. Is hair test good enough indicator, or do I need also urine or blood test?

Do you mean that (for example) I think I want to imagine myself as a child and hug myself, but in reality this isn't freeing me up and therefore, at least in that specific moment, its not really what I need? So tricky? The mind will want to do a formula of thinking about something he wants will work every time (as the example above with the child?) but the right thing to do is always changing its content, and the structure is more permanent. That's what you meant?

I hope the rest of the message was for me By that you mean to trust myself in a deeper way that I know what I'm doing and something like that? thanks! its not working as I hoped to, but now I think I need to do it in a more subtle way, and not to push it to happen. Unfortunately this doesn't help me at all, unless I do it in an organized way, with a clock, for 15 minutes straight every day. but still not enough. @Raptorsin7 Thanks I want to do it but I cant in the next few years because I will still have to taper my AD. Thanks about that. It helped me to understand it better. I hope the anxiety will weaken in time as I think it has to in the long term if I do it correctly.

This is only right for the state but not the stage which is more permanent. But i have another question: If psychedelics are artificial just like ssri drugs (for example) how can we trust them? I don't trust the ignorant people who make those psychedelics on laboratory. They are just like any scientist. Or, maybe psychedelics are mainly natural substances and only going through a relatively tiny artificial process. I dont know, I am asking.

@Waken Yesterday I had a breakthrough when I felt high anxiety about the ocd thoughts, and about the fact that the self-love doesn't help. But then I had a new thought that said: "You don't have to do self-love, you don't have to do nothing! And then when I don't obligate myself to do it, this is the real self-acceptance and self-love." That was a huge relief. And then the anxiety melted away. it still here but less as I feel I have learned something new and very significant.

@Waken Do you think that because I wanted too badly to feel the love in order to remove the fear, so it hasn't worked because it was too shallow and didnt came from a deep systemic place? Also I think right now that maybe the dramatic love scenes for my inner child can be too emotionally and too different from the regular state, and therefore can backfire and do more anxiety rather than less.

If the anxiety and ocd won't get weaker and weaker over time, so why we do all that? They have to.