LambChop

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Posts posted by LambChop

  1. Posted

    Hi all,

    I've been in a relationship with a man for 5 years. I wrote a topic about him around that time ago because I was actually having trouble understanding how love worked ROFL, but I did eventually get the hang of it. We are doing very well at the moment and are taking things slow for financial reasons. He is a very secure guy :) the only con i can think of is his messy bathroom. Luv him though, he's my baby.

    Anyways, I've been hearing here and there about a "seven year itch". It means that satisfaction in a relationship starts to decline after seven years. I have mixed feelings on getting old with anyone, especially a male. I'm 22 and I'm aware I'm pretty wet behind the ears when it comes to literally everything, but there have been some things I've seen that have proven themselves to be true in my perception. Here is my biggest concern:

    men are sexually active up until a later age. My boyfriend and I are in a monogamous relationship and neither of us is okay with polyamory or opening the relationship up. The problem that arises is the ticking time bomb that is my female body. with every menstrual cycle i lose another egg, and with every year that passes i start to ebb away from being at a "hot" age. Soon, I'll be a fully aged woman with an elderly body-- nothing any man would want. My belly will probably bear stretch marks from having carried children, and I'll look wrinkly and my boobs will hit the floor. Will he even want me in that state? Will I have no choice but to cuck myself just so he's happy? The thought of it makes me feel sick, but I've never met a man whose into women over 45... IT IS SO OVER FOR ME. :( 

    When my mother was in her fifties I found out that my dad was cheating on her with a younger woman, and it made me feel sick to my stomach. My mother had been nothing but supportive to him for over 25 years at that point. He lives on her paycheck, she agrees with literally everything he says, she cooks him dinner every other night, she visits his family more often than her own, she even gave him more attention than to her own children, and he still cheated because she grew old and conventionally unattractive. Her opinion on all this? "sigh...Men..."

    I have talked to my boyfriend about this multiple times, and he swears that he'll remain loyal no matter how long we have remained together. But does he really know that? We're in our early twenties. We've only been together 5 years. We don't know shit.

    Does anyone have any words of guidance on how to navigate this, please LMK. This is one of those things where I have just a little too much evidence for a personal anxiety to be labeled as nothing more than an irrational thought.

  2. Posted

    On 4/7/2024 at 11:27 PM, Emerald said:

    Here are some creepy behaviors that I've experienced from guys...

    • Giving "friendly" hugs that are really an obvious excuse for copping a feel (there is one guy in particular from high school that I'm thinking of who used to be like "where's my hug"? And whenever he'd hug me or my female friends, he'd caress the sides of our waists by grasping his fingers around our sides in a tickling motion. I was in a very huggy friend-group, so we'd tended to hug a lot (guys and girls). But this particular guy was always trying to get really sexual with it.
    • Saying "I would (date/fuck) you if you weren't so ____" I had one guy tell me me that he "would fuck me if it wasn't for the fact that I had such fucked up teeth". I also had another guy who said a similar thing... but it was "if your face wasn't so flat".
    • Making inappropriate comments This has happened quite often. But one instance that comes to mind is when I was in college and busking in the pedestrian area near my school and this random middle aged man came and sat next to me while I was playing the guitar. And he just motioned his hands in front of his chest and said "You have really big boobs." I told him to stop and go away and with a pained look in his face he said, "I guess I'm just a small doses person then."
    • Making threatening comments I was also busking one night and this man (maybe in his 50s) saw me there playing my guitar and he was making advances which I turned down. Then, he got really threatening and said "You better start getting used to running from me."
    • Stating his requirements/likes about what he wants about a woman to a woman who hasn't expressed interest This sometimes is creepy and sometimes is just a red flag. I know it's happened to me before but I don't have a clear memory in my mind about it. But I usually see some version of it online where a guy is saying he wants a "submissive" woman. And as a woman who generally likes to have some elements of a more traditional man/woman pairing where the man is leading a bit more, it just gives off this icky immature vibe. 
    • Following/stalking One time, I was walking back to my apartment from college and there was a guy that was on one of the last roads I had to turn down to get home. And he was clearly on something as he wasn't making much sense. He kept saying to me over and over "I write grants." I think he was trying to impress me by bragging about his job. But he was like a zombie and kept on following me and repeating over and over "I write grants" like a zombie repeats over and over "Brains!"
    • Putting too much emotional weight into the conversation One time in my early 20s, I was out at this cigar bar that I still occasionally like to go to from time to time. And I always go up to the top floor because they have a chess set there, and I like to try to find people to play chess with me. So, I went there one time and I went up to the top floor and there was a bigger guy up there. And he and I started playing chess and at first it was. a pretty normal conversation. But he slowly revealed more and more his self-esteem issues and a kind of bitterness towards women for rejecting him. And I started having to walk on eggshells because I was afraid of hurting his feelings. He was like an open wound that I had to be very gentle with. It was kind of like a dynamic I had when I was in elementary school where no one wanted to be my friend, so when someone did, I would cling onto them too hard. I felt bad for him and felt empathy towards him, but it did put me off as he couldn't just talk to me like a regular person.
    • Feigning concern as a means to get laid There have been a handful of times this has happened. When I was busking, I had a bunch of guys come up to me and ask me "Are you okay?" only to offer me money or a place to stay in exchange for sex. Another version of this was when this one guy that knew me and my then-boyfriend... and he was friends with my then-boyfriend. And I broke up with my bf, and he found me on campus and said "If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, here's my number." And this guys was very obviously be opportunistic as he wasn't a very emotionally supportive person.
    • Not taking no for an answer One time in college, I was going to walk back to my apartment from a party and it was just right down the street. This is right after I had broken up with my then-boyfriend and lots of guys I was acquainted with had caught wind of it and were trying to swoop in. There was this one guy who I had a lot of friends in common with, but that I hadn't personally met until that night. And it's not like we even talked or anything that night, I was literally just introduced. And I was going to go back to my apartment and this guy insisted on walking me home. And I kept telling him "No. I prefer to walk back alone." And he kept pushing and pushing and pushing and refused to let me walk back alone. So, I buckled and he walked back with me. And on the short walk there, he kept pressuring me and pressuring me and pressuring me to kiss him. And I kept refusing, and he kept badgering me. And then, he wanted to give me his number. And I said no a bunch of times. But I eventually put his number into my phone to get him to leave me alone.
    • Comparing me to prettier girls to get me interested in him There was this one guy who used to ride my bus who used to talk a lot about this other girl to try to make me jealous. One time he said something like, "I used to like you but now I like her. So, I guess you're old news." But to me, he and I never had anything going on, and I was never interested in him. So, I found it kind of funny/creepy that he thought he could get to me like that. There was another instance when I was busking  where this older (creepy looking) guy in his 50s (I was 20) came up next to me while I was busking. And he was saying "Wow. You're just some hippie chick. I like that." and he kept repeating that over and over. Then, this beautiful woman (maybe my age or a little older) who was wearing a short skirt and had her hair and make-up done came out of the nearby bar. And this guy then starts comparing me to her like "Wow! She's really hot and you're just some hippie chick." and it was clear he was trying to win me over by getting me to feel a need to compare myself to the woman.

    There are other examples of creepy behavior I've experienced over the years. But these are the ones that come to mind off-hand.

    I agree with all of this. I've had experiences very similar to yours. 

    I think, aside from the obvious ones like stalking or making sexual comments, feigning concern is something that really creeps me out. It easily leads into a conversation that leaves me feeling kind of vulnerable and awkward. even if, you probably don't want to mess with a woman who is super keen on opening up about her life problems to strangers. 

    Men who keep the cold-approach convo lighthearted and level-headed seem more charming to me in my opinion. They're also the same type who don't act weird after I tell them I have a boyfriend, and they just move on kindly. It's quite pleasant!

     

     

  3. Posted

    I just got discharged from the mental hospital. I had fallen back into my depressive ways and ended up being sent there. Consequently, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I've been depressed most of my life, so seeing where my untreated mental illness could take me was like a wake-up call to me. I am going to acknowledge my past and use it as a compass as to where my path is set for me from now on. Knowing that my depression is this serious is actually relieving to me, as I had always questioned if it was even real or not. Now that I am seeking treatment I feel more comfortable in my skin in a way, like all my perfectionist-level standards for myself have melted away.

    As for the hospital itself, I chose to see it in a positive light. There were a lot of people there from poverty; they have gone through things I can only imagine. I am grateful that I wasn't born in poverty. Though I was abused, I'm happy I wasn't abused with any other environmental risks or stressors. I'm grateful I have a home that I was sent to after the hospital discharged me because some folks are homeless. I'm happy I have insurance because some folks don't and it can cost thousands to stay there as an involuntary inpatient (which in my opinion is very unfair).

    But yes, I think overall I had a positive outlook on life after seeing things from a new perspective. I used to think I had a "lesser" life, but now I feel plentiful after hearing other people's stories. I feel less alone in my struggle. 

     I would consider myself a high-functioning person, so I believe over a long period of time I can practice getting back into the gist of relearning self-love. I've been binging Leo's content a lot actually, haha.

    Thanks for reading. :) 

  4. Posted

    Hello all,

    There are some things in the past that have happened that I can't let go of. Getting bullied, cheated on, mentally abused, and embarrassing situations that all have lowered my self-esteem throughout my life. For the past month or so I've been trying to psychoanalyze all of these memories one by one and figure out why they have hurt me so bad. Now that I kinda know WHY, I'm trying to figure out how to heal and let go. Can affirmations help with this? Or is there another technique that can help with letting go of the past?

    Thank you for reading :)

  5. Posted · Edited by LambChop

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
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    6
    On 3/9/2020 at 11:56 AM, tenta said:
     

    1. You need looks, your hair needs to make your face look better by emphasizing good features, find a haircut that makes the rest of your face be perceived differently, in a better light. Your eye area is important, deep set eyes are a disadvantage unless the rest of your face is above average and you can't look too aggressive nor like you're a beta. Clear skin. Not bloated. You also obviously need good bone structure. Normal nose.

    2. You need status, you can't be known as the guy who is shy, hated, has a bad personality etc. (status is gained through looks and being a normie)

    3. Good grades in math, physics etc. because you'll be unattractive to a girl if you have worse grades than her, also nothing that would make you less attractive like norm breaking

    Here are some disadvantages: wide hips, balding, overbite or underbite, bad teeth, too high bodyfat, a bad voice, hair sticking up, too short or too tall

    There is so much wrong with the "pill" philosophies that I could write a book on them. YES, the whole point of being attractive is that you are more likely to get approached by the opposite sex and it is easier to engage in sex or a relationship. That's what the word means! But that doesn't mean that you can't score a date just because you are lacking in some areas.

    A lot of men tend to go toward this logic when they find that they aren't as attractive as the next guy, or they can't seem to find anyone to initiate a relationship with. It's a hole of self-victimization and black and white thinking.

  6. Posted

    Hiya guys :)

    I recently have gotten together with this guy I had a bit of a crush on for about a month, and we've been having sexual relations ever since. 

    But I don't understand. I feel sexually attracted to him, but I don't feel anything toward him. 

    This also applies to my friends, family, and other loved ones. I just cant feel connection anymore. I think it started about 9 months ago when my ex dumped me out of the blue. I think subconciously the part of myself that loves said "I've had ENOUGH!" and withdrew into its metaphorical shell, and it hasn't come out ever since.

    Sex doesn't even feel good. I feel kinda hollow. And it's like I could watch everyone I love turn away from me and I wouldn't even feel a thing, yknow? It feels twisted and I know this isnt me. Especially since the feminine domain is based in relationships and bonding. I told the guy I'm with that I dont want to be with him yet, even though I know that logically we'd make a really good long-term couple since we have similar values in life and make a good problem-solving team. Its like, why shouldn't I love him? But here we are!

    I genuinely dont know where to go from here. I feel like my bond with this man I'm with can grow, but theres a brick wall between me and him. Please help?

  8. Posted

    Hello,

    I'm writing this because I have a fear of intimacy, relationships, and sexuality. Don't get me wrong- my heart craves for fulfillment in all of those areas, but there is a deep seated issue that has spooked me out of the dating game.

    About half a year ago my late boyfriend broke it off with me. It was a complete surprise since we were supposed to be having a fun shopping day, and we had a huge makeout session and talk of our future beforehand. It turned out that I was clinging on too hard (I was insecurely attached), and at that point he held off on telling me his true feelings until the bitter end. It kinda gave me a sort of emotional whiplash and I am scared of that happening to me again.

    Throughout my childhood I've never been taught about trust with my parents. I remember they made it very clear when I was a child, "If you want to be loved, you must be lovable". That kinda distorted my perception of love and trust, and it taught me that it was all conditional. Kinda screwy, right? If I had bad grades, I was given no love. If I ever expressed innocent love for the same sex (or even expressed love for someone they didnt approve of), I wouldn't get a lick of attention for days.

    That scared me. I've already messed up my previous relationship from lacking trust in myself and my partner, but after that heartbreak I feel afraid of exploring love, relationships, and my sexuality. 

    I take full responsibility for myself and my emotions, and I just wanna know if there is a way I can help myself become more secure. I really, really, really would love to feel love without fear, and I would love to take on the responsibility of a relationship.

    If anyone has advice or insight, please!! :)

  10. Posted

    Hello everyone :)

    So, to cut to the chase, I grew up around a loooot of tesosterone. I have 2 older brothers, and when I was little I used to look up to them and take after them. I beleive this has sorta molded me into becoming more masculine, to the point where currently more femme lesbians are asking me out than masculine men! My brother has also told me that I have a flat&low voice compared to a bouncy and bubbly voice, which I guess makes me more masculine... but idk if I should change that?

    So far, the men who HAVE asked me out are the geeky types who are very submissive (and kinda perverted), which isn't my cup of tea. I want to attract a confident man who takes the initiative and leads me along.

    So I'm currently growing out my hair and self pampering (which includes excercise and hair/skin care), but I know not just looks will cut it. How do I bring my gentle, sweet, and motherly side out more and minimize my aggressive and competitive side?

  12. Posted

    Hello Everyone :)

    A week before my period begins, I grow extremely depressed, anxious, and have sleeping issues. It affects my relationships, eating habits, self esteem, sleep schedule, and school work. Sometimes it gets so bad that I have unwanted thoughts of suicide/homicide. This is not who I am at all and only happens prior and during my period. It scares me and it puts my success and self actualization on a temporary hold.

    The reason why I bring this up is because other women cannot seem to relate to this. They claim to only get cramps, cravings, and are easy to anger. It is so much more different for me. My mother had the same thing, so it has to be genetic.

    I have heard that I could possibly have PMDD, but that is very rare! Also, my parents don't beleive in therapy, psychology, birth control, or medication for mental health, so I'm kinda lost as to what to do in this situation.

    What do I do in the meantime? :(