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Everything posted by LambChop

  1. I just got discharged from the mental hospital. I had fallen back into my depressive ways and ended up being sent there. Consequently, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I've been depressed most of my life, so seeing where my untreated mental illness could take me was like a wake-up call to me. I am going to acknowledge my past and use it as a compass as to where my path is set for me from now on. Knowing that my depression is this serious is actually relieving to me, as I had always questioned if it was even real or not. Now that I am seeking treatment I feel more comfortable in my skin in a way, like all my perfectionist-level standards for myself have melted away. As for the hospital itself, I chose to see it in a positive light. There were a lot of people there from poverty; they have gone through things I can only imagine. I am grateful that I wasn't born in poverty. Though I was abused, I'm happy I wasn't abused with any other environmental risks or stressors. I'm grateful I have a home that I was sent to after the hospital discharged me because some folks are homeless. I'm happy I have insurance because some folks don't and it can cost thousands to stay there as an involuntary inpatient (which in my opinion is very unfair). But yes, I think overall I had a positive outlook on life after seeing things from a new perspective. I used to think I had a "lesser" life, but now I feel plentiful after hearing other people's stories. I feel less alone in my struggle. I would consider myself a high-functioning person, so I believe over a long period of time I can practice getting back into the gist of relearning self-love. I've been binging Leo's content a lot actually, haha. Thanks for reading.
  2. Hello all, There are some things in the past that have happened that I can't let go of. Getting bullied, cheated on, mentally abused, and embarrassing situations that all have lowered my self-esteem throughout my life. For the past month or so I've been trying to psychoanalyze all of these memories one by one and figure out why they have hurt me so bad. Now that I kinda know WHY, I'm trying to figure out how to heal and let go. Can affirmations help with this? Or is there another technique that can help with letting go of the past? Thank you for reading
  3. There is so much wrong with the "pill" philosophies that I could write a book on them. YES, the whole point of being attractive is that you are more likely to get approached by the opposite sex and it is easier to engage in sex or a relationship. That's what the word means! But that doesn't mean that you can't score a date just because you are lacking in some areas. A lot of men tend to go toward this logic when they find that they aren't as attractive as the next guy, or they can't seem to find anyone to initiate a relationship with. It's a hole of self-victimization and black and white thinking.
  4. Hiya guys I recently have gotten together with this guy I had a bit of a crush on for about a month, and we've been having sexual relations ever since. But I don't understand. I feel sexually attracted to him, but I don't feel anything toward him. This also applies to my friends, family, and other loved ones. I just cant feel connection anymore. I think it started about 9 months ago when my ex dumped me out of the blue. I think subconciously the part of myself that loves said "I've had ENOUGH!" and withdrew into its metaphorical shell, and it hasn't come out ever since. Sex doesn't even feel good. I feel kinda hollow. And it's like I could watch everyone I love turn away from me and I wouldn't even feel a thing, yknow? It feels twisted and I know this isnt me. Especially since the feminine domain is based in relationships and bonding. I told the guy I'm with that I dont want to be with him yet, even though I know that logically we'd make a really good long-term couple since we have similar values in life and make a good problem-solving team. Its like, why shouldn't I love him? But here we are! I genuinely dont know where to go from here. I feel like my bond with this man I'm with can grow, but theres a brick wall between me and him. Please help?
  5. Hello, I'm writing this because I have a fear of intimacy, relationships, and sexuality. Don't get me wrong- my heart craves for fulfillment in all of those areas, but there is a deep seated issue that has spooked me out of the dating game. About half a year ago my late boyfriend broke it off with me. It was a complete surprise since we were supposed to be having a fun shopping day, and we had a huge makeout session and talk of our future beforehand. It turned out that I was clinging on too hard (I was insecurely attached), and at that point he held off on telling me his true feelings until the bitter end. It kinda gave me a sort of emotional whiplash and I am scared of that happening to me again. Throughout my childhood I've never been taught about trust with my parents. I remember they made it very clear when I was a child, "If you want to be loved, you must be lovable". That kinda distorted my perception of love and trust, and it taught me that it was all conditional. Kinda screwy, right? If I had bad grades, I was given no love. If I ever expressed innocent love for the same sex (or even expressed love for someone they didnt approve of), I wouldn't get a lick of attention for days. That scared me. I've already messed up my previous relationship from lacking trust in myself and my partner, but after that heartbreak I feel afraid of exploring love, relationships, and my sexuality. I take full responsibility for myself and my emotions, and I just wanna know if there is a way I can help myself become more secure. I really, really, really would love to feel love without fear, and I would love to take on the responsibility of a relationship. If anyone has advice or insight, please!!
  6. I beleive you can only succeed in self improvement if you accept yourself first. Find out what your morals and values are, strengths, weaknesses, and all that, then embrace them all. You can't work on something you know nothing about!
  7. Hello everyone So, to cut to the chase, I grew up around a loooot of tesosterone. I have 2 older brothers, and when I was little I used to look up to them and take after them. I beleive this has sorta molded me into becoming more masculine, to the point where currently more femme lesbians are asking me out than masculine men! My brother has also told me that I have a flat&low voice compared to a bouncy and bubbly voice, which I guess makes me more masculine... but idk if I should change that? So far, the men who HAVE asked me out are the geeky types who are very submissive (and kinda perverted), which isn't my cup of tea. I want to attract a confident man who takes the initiative and leads me along. So I'm currently growing out my hair and self pampering (which includes excercise and hair/skin care), but I know not just looks will cut it. How do I bring my gentle, sweet, and motherly side out more and minimize my aggressive and competitive side?
  8. Hello Everyone A week before my period begins, I grow extremely depressed, anxious, and have sleeping issues. It affects my relationships, eating habits, self esteem, sleep schedule, and school work. Sometimes it gets so bad that I have unwanted thoughts of suicide/homicide. This is not who I am at all and only happens prior and during my period. It scares me and it puts my success and self actualization on a temporary hold. The reason why I bring this up is because other women cannot seem to relate to this. They claim to only get cramps, cravings, and are easy to anger. It is so much more different for me. My mother had the same thing, so it has to be genetic. I have heard that I could possibly have PMDD, but that is very rare! Also, my parents don't beleive in therapy, psychology, birth control, or medication for mental health, so I'm kinda lost as to what to do in this situation. What do I do in the meantime?
  9. @Shin @Emerald I'm really greatful for this advice usually I tend to hold back my true emotions from everyone and withdraw until I'm completely alone, it's kinda habitual! Hopefully this will help me. Thanks a ton
  10. Drawing cute anime girls has been a great stress reliever to me since I was a little kid. I actually havent watched anime in a while! Also, my friend named her Dave!!!