SQAAD

Today i had a mushroom trip (30g fresh). While having the full-blown experience , everything became quite crystal clear (God - nonduality). But at some point my ego was trying to control God in some very delusional ways. At some point my ego-mind believed that it could will reality. I even felt like i was about to actually become Leo at some point. After the trip i felt very empty, disheartened like i don't know nothing anymore. All the answers i had while tripping seemed to melt away after the trip. It's like the trip did nothing to me other than create an emotional distress afterwards. I felt bad emotions after the trip because in the back of my mind i feel like i was deluding myself while tripping. I really don't know if i will trip again on this dose of mushrooms again... Sometimes it's like i don't accomplish anything while tripping. While tripping everything seems great and Profound but after trip is over your mind isn't quite so sure what the heck happened and you feel bad for deluding yourself in some ways. Also i've noticed that after a trip i am more prone to dysfunctional old patterns of mine based on fear. I don't know why. It's like my ego gets shaken very violently while tripping.. And doesn't know how to react after the trip is over.

@BipolarGrowth I had more intense trips than this one. Some trips i've had were really 'good' , clean and crystal clear when the ego was not reacting and making stories out of the experience. But others trip had a delusional component to it. I don't know why there are different reactions sometimes. I will trip again soon but without lemon this time. This time i'll make sure to surrender also.

@Nahm When i meditate i always let go of thought, and i am pretty good at it. But while tripping sometimes the ego doesn't want to surrender to the experience and reacts out of fear. Actually while tripping Everything was great. You are right about the narrative. Bc the problem was all the narrative afterwards. Mainly because of some delusions i fallen into. That upsets me the most. I want to be closer to Truth, not delude myself. I believe i had some genuine mystical experience but it was sprinkled with some ego BS which ruined it a lil bit fo me. If i had surrendered the trip would be much better for me. My ego was just reacting and could not stop it unfortunately. When i was surrendering for a few seconds , i was blown away from all the Understanding i received from that level of Consciousness. But the surrender didn't last long..

@BipolarGrowth True. I have taken this dose multiple times but never tripped so hard. This time it was too much and my ego wanted it to stop.

@Loving Radiance Yes i agree and thank you for the advice. While tripping my Consciousness expanded a lot. I became Conscious of what God is and it was so beautiful. BUT the problem was that i did not surrender to the experience. My ego was trying to control what was happening because of fear.

Good idea.

@BipolarGrowth Thank you for advice! While i was tripping all distinctions collapsed and this caused some fear later on. Yes you are right that i am being very judgemental and harsh on myself.

@Nahm I have been meditating for the last 4 years on and off (mosty on). I have close to 20 trips i would say.

@Space Thank you for the advice! I took 30g magic truffles (with lemon) which is equivalent to 3 grams dry i think. It's considered a mild dose.

Let's say that right now i am looking at a bottle water. Does that bottle of water exist when i exit the house and no longer look at it?? Or do things exist when only we do perceive them? I guess this question cannot ever be answered..We can't even test this in practice..

I am watching this video. At 1:27:00 of the video Frank Yang says that ''Even saying that Reality is Love, is creating something there. It is just Reality. Reality is just Reality". Shortly aftet this He also mentioned that Leo attached a sense of self in his 5-meo experiences. I didn't understand what he meant to be honest. Any thoughts about this? Why would he say this thing about Reality for example? Maybe @Leo Gura can answer.

@vladorion I will take them at the end of the fast probably. The last couple of days.

Hey , i am thinking on my next 7 day water fast to maybe trip with magic mushrooms. Is this a good idea? Maybe i will trip harder, deeper.

@JohnnyAb Yeah i don't bother eating them anymore. I make tea out of them and only drink the tea.

@Leo Gura Yes i agree. I like watching enlightening individuals on the internet though. And i am trying to understand why sometimes there is so much dispute over some matters. Frank Yang says X, other person says Y and etc. This all creates uncertainty and confusion for me.

@Consilience There is so much Confusion and BS nowadays. Everyone have different opinions even about non-duality. Frank Yang seems quite legit. But sometimes i don't understand the reasoning behind his points.. I stopped watching YourMateTom because his understanding of non-duality is not up-to-date for me anymore...He is too much on the duality side. I can't hear statements like ''Your are not god''.

I am watching this interview. @1:12:00 of the video when they talk about non-duality Jay Dyer saying that ''God permeates the constructed order but it is not the constructed order''. This doesn't make much sense to me. I would say God IS the constructed order. It seems he enjoys creating distinctions. He makes clear cut distinctions between animals and humans saying that animals are not our cousins. Basically he is ok with eating other animals. The way he justified it seems pretty self-biased to me. We may be not identical to other humans/animals but the Consciousness is identical to everyone. Also he says that mathematics is discovered and not invented. What do you guys think?

@Onecirrus So far the best answer i've come across is that the substance of everything is undefined. I remember one time when i became conscious that the banana i was about to eat was made out of nothingness. I don't think it matters a lot what labels you attach to nothingness/god. I think the banane just IS, and you can't go below ISness.

@diamondpenguin I don't think he is talking sh*t. He didn't make any serious personal attacks. He is just stating his opinion. If i say that a neonazi is relatively very underdeveloped and deluded that's an evaluation of mine. It's not a personal attack.

I want to say Yes But i truly don't know.. I certainly would try though... I am existentially Terrified of extreme pain. The worst thing that could happen to me is if i was abducted by a Mexican cartel, tortured and decapitated while someone was videotaping the entire thing. I made the mistake many years ago to watch some gore videos on the internet. After watching some of these videos you can never really be the same again. You have seen something so brutal and terrifying that is beyond the scope of your ordinary experience. I remember one time one poor guy was decapitated while the blade wasn't sharp enough and it took forever (sorry for if i am disturbing your peace of mind, i just want to share, express so i can feel better). The problem i have with God is that he is capabale of exteme levels of suffering and pain. Frightening~!!!

@Leo Gura Ahahahaha.

I've watched this video. This man says that basically women exchange their beauty for a high value guy who is making tons of money. The more beautiful she is the higher value guy she will go for. And you can't get a 8-10 beautiful woman if you are working at McDonalds. Is this true? This is one of the reasons i don't like playing this survival game and i prefer Celibacy. I would want a woman who is not so interested in her survival. Even if i was a millionaire i wouldn't want to play this BS game.

I have experience with noFap the last couple of years. My experience is : When i fap or have sex then i crave it even more afterwards. When i practice noFap then my sexual desires get diminished. Now i am doing again noFap (day77) and only twice so far i had the extreme urge to have sex/masturbate. While as when i masturbate this intense craving would be almost every day. The longest i have gone without fapping was probably 5 months and at the end it was very easy for me. Only reason i relapsed is because i had a tragic life event happening that screw up all the right things i was doing (meditation, consciousness work etc). I remember Leo Gura was saying some negative stuff about noFap in the past when i mentioned it. I remember he said 'You might as well practice noSh*t.' But i believe he is wrong or hasn't enough experience with it. It is a practice. Not doing something is a practice . When you don't engage in sexual fantasies your mind doesn't crave sex that much. Same thing happens with alchohol, food and drugs. When you quit alcohol, alcohol eventually loses its power over you. You practice not giving in to those tempations by not reacting. I don't know if with this method i can completely overcome sexual desires but i am at a pretty good point where sex has lost much of its power. I don't believe sex is a major need as Leo or some other people make it out to be. You can live happily without it. You can't live happily without food or water though.

@Rilles I Agree.

@Preety_India Nope i disagree. Personally i am not attracted to the type of woman you describe. That's a gross generalization. I have been attracted to very plain women but with good personality. I don't know how other men are. Some men are even attracted to very old women. I don't care about boasting. This is all bs for me. It all depends how evolved someone is. I prefer an intelligent 'plain looking' woman who i have fun with instead of a victoria secret model. Average, plain-looking and nerd all of this is just a construction and a projection. It doesn't exist for me. It's very relative. I have met beautiful women by the standards of society who i was not attracted to them . I have been attracted to 'average' women mostly. Victoria models are also plain-looking for me when they all look the same.