Zigzag Idiot

@Belay kelemework That's kinda throwing a wide net. Could you be more specific? Respectfully, I obviously don't see a contradiction or I wouldn't have posted it.

Good question! It points to how we are often split against ourselves.

I agree. Scapegoating is still alive and well today in those who think dualisticly. Jesus is pointing at the truth and the fundamentalist are trying to suck on his finger. Does Jesus want to be worshipped? I think not. Jesus is friend and brother. A big part of his message is - just let go,,,

On one hand - "The Red level of consciousness is impulsive and egocentric. The core motivation is about doing what you want and being who you are, regardless of the consequences (Ooten, Unpublished). Neurotransmitters related to guilt are not physiologically present in individuals at this level, thus guilt is not expressed (Graves, 2005)." - http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/levels_of_consciousness.html On the other hand - "Guilt: The Sage has made it clear that the word guilt, and all ideas related to it, do not have a Cosmic basis. This includes the idea of original sin, as well as the idea that we become guilty for whatever we do or fail to do. The idea of guilt, associated with the image of an inextinguishable stain, is an invention of the collective ego to keep the Individual under control." - The Oracle of the Cosmic Way. Zigzag Idiot finds third force. Awakened Conscience is the intelligence of the Universe. Remorse of Conscience is real guidance whereas guilt is illusory.

Could you have a slight allergy to dairy? I used to love having a cold glass of milk but finally had to admit that milk and cheese were not very good for me,,,, The older I got the more pronounced it became.

This description of 'buffers' is really to the point. Buffered Consciousness One of the keys to psychological absorption is provided in the Guirdjeff- Ouspensky system in the concept of buffered consciousness. Humanity is involved and absorbed (psychologically entangled) in manifestation such that awareness is quite limited, by conditioning, by circumstances, even by transient evolutionary necessity. The principal factor of absorption is ignorance. The human being in general has no realization of his or her true nature, the purpose of his or her existence (incarnation), the nature of the universe (evolution, karma, etc.), the superficiality of material existence, etc. As the human being evolves in consciousness there is successive realization culminating in self-realization or awakening to the higher self. In the meantime, virtually all of the apparent forces and factors in the objective world conspire to keep humanity in ignorance. This is due almost entirely to the inherent inertia of matter and the submission and emersion of humanity in matter (physically, emotionally, and mentally). But it is also due to the (needed evolutionary) consequences of the experience of struggling with this emersion and rising above and beyond this state of conditioned existence. Much of this conditioned existence (absorption) (psychological sleep) is built or compounded upon ignorance, based on (unconscious) psychological comfort and the (unconscious) psychological evasion of inner and outer contradictions. Psychological sleep is in a sense a matter of self-deception. In failing to recognize the reality of manifested existence, human (personality) consciousness contrives unconsciously, and collectively creates a model of manifestation consistent with quite limited understanding (assumptive delusion). That model generally includes the delusion of separate existence (as personalities) and the delusion of material reality (denial of that which is spiritual). The human being does not want to believe in the superficial and transient nature of life in the lower world (and the superficial and transient nature of the lower self or personality) so that a belief system is contrived to accommodate psychological comfort (sometimes through religion, sometimes through personal philosophy, always through rationalization (conscious or otherwise)). In any event, the unconscious assumptions that are made about manifested existence, which contradict reality, contribute to the continued enslavement of human beings to unrealistic patterns of sense perception. In order for a person to awaken from this sleep of deep psychological conditioning (which has been sustained for countless incarnations), a person requires certain shocks (jolts) to the psychological system. Gradual evolution does not provide many major crises or shocks, but there are (merited) occasional shocks (to the unconscious) which spur the individual onward (or back to within the bandwidth of the evolutionary path). Once the evolution of consciousness reaches the point of conscious appreciation of reality, then the series of shocks (intense experience) moves more to the realm of conscious psychological experience and the need for shocks is lessened. But whenever the serious student strays sufficiently from the path (e.g., when the student becomes absorbed in personality experience or expression), the progressive balance must be restored. The spiritual student is really one who recognizes the limitations of human (personality-centered) consciousness and who works to overcome the implied conditioning, eventually becoming self-realized (awakened to the conscious presence of the higher self). From: page 16 https://www.uppertriad.org/Chapters/4_TOP_372.pdf

Synchronicities and Oh, I-remember-now experiences. There was a phrase/idea that I heard from an evangelical preacher 20-25 years ago that came to me a couple of days ago. It really describes ego backlash in a weird way. The preacher was making note on how newly 'born again' Christians would give themselves totally over to God but it usually wasn't too long before they started trying to take some back. I saw this in myself as a 'new agey' type when I started really getting into spirituality with Eckart Tolle and flirting with Zen Buddhism. I had a spiritual ego that would collapse whenever life overwhelmed me and I became negative. It was only hindsight which showed me a lot of this. My negativity would trigger both semiconscious and unconscious guilt that I would defend against in a handful of ways. Sometimes I was able to remember myself and not react to a stressful event but more often than not I would go through the cycle of 'acting out' - having guilt - then defending against the guilt through something other than objectively observing it. There were a few ways of defending against the guilt which demanded a rejection of myself as a 'spiritual person' like episodes of long binge drinking or just proud belligerence. Usually not both at once. I was a happy irreverent drunk or a sober 'workaholic company man' who was often too serious on top of disguising my confusion about the world and emotional suffering. To get some relief I would cycle back around to my spiritual ego mixed with a few sincere efforts. I was a mess. My last drunk was in February of 2005. Before that was about 3 years. My drinking really tapered off at the end of the nineties, right after I turned thirty. By the time I pulled my last drunk, I was in spiritual ego most all of the time. I was reading Almaas by then. I really think I was an Alcoholic in my last life. I guess I'll get to the synchronicities later,,,,

Reminds me of a saying of Red Hawk's - "A relaxed body is an honest body". This is in regards to Self Inquiry and the practice of putting attention on sensations in the body to help maintain a non-reactive (non-violent) witnessing awareness. Relaxed with whole body awareness and inner quiet vs being "stuck in one's head" with neurotic, uncontrolled, discursive thoughts.

Who is the Hanged Man? Is he a saint, a righteous man. an initiate? He can certainly be regarded as all three, for all three have in common that their will is an organ of heaven, but what he is most especially, what he represents individually, is neither sanctity, nor righteousness, nor initiation, but something which is their synthesis. The Hanged Man is the eternal Job, tried and tested from century to century, who represents humanity towards God and God towards hu- manity. The Hanged Man is the truly human man and his lot is a truly human one. The Hanged Man is the representative of humanity who is found between two kingdoms— that of this world and that of heaven. For that which is truly human in man and in humanity is the Hanged Man. And it is the Hanged Man who said, thousands of years ago: Has not man a hard destiny upon earth, and are not his days like the days of a hireling? Like a slave who longs for the shadow, and like a hireling who looks for his wages. .. Oh that my words were written! Oh that they were inscribed in a book! Oh that with an iron pen and lead they were graven in the rock for ever! My foot has held fast to his steps; I have kept his way and have not turned aside. . For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at last he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been thus destroyed, then from my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see on my side, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. My heart faints within me in expectation'. (Job vii, 1-2; xix, 23-24; xxiii, 11; xix, 25-27) This is the discourse of the Hanged Man across the centuries. From MEDITATIONS on the TAROT

Our emotions are quicker than our deliberate thinking and that can be dangerous in being impulsive. I've been close to suicide in the past and the idea of possibly being worse off in the lower Astral realms was a factor in my not going through with it. I'm glad I didn't. I don't know any of your story or your trials but life is precious. Hope you can unwind some of your dilemma and experience something that gives you some hope or peace.

@Gog My horseshoes and hand grenade style of paraphrasing and generalizing. "Book of Changes" comes from somewhere,,,? I also understand Confucius had a part in adding to the text way back when. This is one of my sources for others who want to dig a little. http://www.ichingwisdom.com/i-ching/richard-wilhelm/ Thanks for the finer distinctions.

Leo mentioned synchronicity near the end of his last video. A lot of people overlook the fact that Carl Jung coined the phrase "synchronicity" in large part due to being introduced to the ICHING and its influence on him. A friend of his, Richard Wilhelm is really the one responsible for introducing the ICHING to the west with his translation of it into German. Jung actually wrote the forward to this edition which is still considered by most to be the best translated version of the ICHING to date. I think the world will eventually discover Carol Anthony and Hanna Moog's recent translation and upgrade of the ICHING in their new edition - The Oracle Of The Cosmic Way, and they will eventually get their due. Just my opinion though. In part Jung articulated that it was constrained chance which allowed synchronicity and the "mechanics" of the ICHING to work as it did. This morning I got hexagram 54, lines 2 and 6 changing to a second hexagram of 51. A tiny fraction from hexagram 54 line 6 this morning: "The woman holds the basket, but there are no fruits in it. The man stabs the goat, but no blood flows. Nothing that acts to further." Sooo, what the hell does that mean? ? Its symptomatic of the usual cryptic metaphors handed down from the original translation. Here is a part of Carol's interpretation: "This line can have many possible meanings, all of which circle around the principle that doing something for appearance's sake leads to results that are empty of their promises." You can see the practicality of this in that it addresses my underlying attitude about the here and now. This is a very practical book if one is sincere. Something also pointed out by Jung in the forward of the Wilhelm/Baynes edition. Not related to this mornings reading but another except I would like to share concerning unconditional love from The Oracle Of The Cosmic Way: "The idea of both conditional and unconditional love comes from the collective ego, and reveals its thinking in terms of opposites. Giving love on conditions is the ego's way of withholding love until it gets what it wants. True love is a Cosmic gift to a person's true self, and is meant to flow from there to other's true selves, and back to the Cosmos, in a complete circle. This Cosmic gift is never meant to be thrown away at the ego because the ego is outside the Cosmic principles. The collective ego has invented the idea of unconditional love to rob the True self of its very life force, under the pretense that it is "spiritual" to extend one's love to everyone, regardless of the ego's presence." This is an amazing book. It's more than just a book,,, I've just scratched the surface in understanding all the different facets of it.

The need for exercising the capacity for divided attention,,,, Witness Consciousness,,,,, being the watcher.

Nonduality is multiple choice and includes both rational and irrational. Even appreciation of the humorous and absurd. Why so serious?

Good thread. Vulnerability and authenticity. Practical advice and wisdom. Understanding and relaxing into what Teacher Cynthia Bourgeault calls natural ebb and flow of yo-yo of being.

@Cryptos Yes! Big help,,, Thank you for making the notes!

Traumatic life experiences, if we use the energy in them, can result in becoming more impartial. The more impartial we are, the freer we are inside of other people. Giving Zero fucks. Also not being cynical in attitude about giving zero fucks is necessary. So it's also not giving a fuck about not giving a fuck. Only when I became free of other people did I start to really enjoy people and even appreciate them more. When I care about what people think about me, that's the beginning of inner considering. And the beginning of becoming in subtle conflict with oneself. Most of us don't cross this threshold of giving zero fucks, one time and all at once, permanently. We go back and forth for years and then one day we find that we're more 'there' than not. We're not concerned if the personality contradicts itself because we're not identified with the personality.

You describe how it was for me when I feel I was in a similar place. It's an intense ordeal. It helps to not come to conclusions about anything for a few days. When things "turn bad", there is an inherent tendency to immediately take vows of sorts but if there is any way of just holding things as neutral for a few days and not fixing a label on it, there is often deep wisdom to be had in holding things lightly. It's a common experience and it catches people off guard. There's no shame in that because it is also very real. It's hard to describe how disturbing it can be.

I've almost responded a couple of times. I've enjoyed the way you have expressed yourself and also your perspectives. You've really been through some heavy stuff.,,,, Inquiry is often painful and the Work becomes a seeming desert sometimes but there are payoffs and Oasises. Thanks for sharing,,,,Don't feel you've painted yourself in a corner in case you change your mind and decide to share again soon,,,

Watching the new one,,, The Voice of Happiness After Bankei had passed away, a blind man who lived near the master's temple told a friend; Since I am blind, I cannot watch a person's face, so I must judge his character by the sound of his voice. Ordinarily when I hear someone congradulate another upon his happiness or success, I also hear a secret tone of envy. When condolence is expressed for the misfortune of another, I hear pleasure and satisfaction, as if the one condoling was really glad there was something left to gain in his own world. "In all my experience, however, Bankei's voice was always sincere. Whenever he expressed happiness, I heard nothing but happiness, and whenever he expressed sorrow, sorrow was all I heard." This story and one the other day about Ryokan and the thief are from this book. About 15 years ago after reading it twice, I started tearing out the pages of the Zen stories I didn't like and just left the ones I did and a few I couldn't decide on. One day I'll probably buy the book again and see if it reveals any change in my impulsive decision. I probably was a bit of a Zen devil at the time.

Time and your own heart resolves the every-which-way-ness,,,, Breathe deep belly breaths. Try not to self criticize.

Jana Dixon has several chapters near the end of her book dealing with Diet and supplements in relation with Kundalini. ,,,,,,It is very important to realize that even though there is massive free radical production with the rising of kundalini, and there is cell die-off because of this, the body uses this mechanism to restructure itself. So the temporary loss of functions should not be seen as pathological, but should be celebrated as part of the Metamorphic process. This "non-pathological stance" is very vital to grasp. This death and resurrection process may seem like an illness to the conventional mindset, but we must learn to see the Whole of it--the die-offs, the loss of cortical function, the pain, the bliss--we must see all of it in the larger picture of the evolution of humanity as a whole. It may appear like I am contradicting myself creating a protocol to prevent severe free radical damage, supporting hormones and neurotransmitters...why not let the body completely exhaust itself and cannibalize itself...doesn't that mean greater evolution? No, the dissolution occurs only in the service of greater order. We must simultaneously preserve the new order while supporting the old to fall away. The bottom line is protect your membranes, build your enzyme and mineral resources, repair your receptors, keep your blood nonacidic and get plenty of raw plant life into your system. Then you have the potential to rise to a higher homeostasis. Higher homeostasis, is to ride the dragon without falling off. ,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,If undergoing an awakening the two most important things to consider even if all else is ignored are: 1. Faith and 2. Antioxidants!!! from chapter Higher Homeostasis http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=HigherHomeostasis.html

I was wondering and glad you checked in. I've been where you are. It can humble the shit out of you,,,, You'll get your legs back underneath you and be ok,,,,, Being "broken open" can often show us the wisdom of integrating a deeper level of loving kindness.

My path has and still involves re-reading books and rewatching videos. It seems that most knowledge has layers and levels of depth plus I forget so much,,,, This was one of the first Youtubes I posted to my Journal. I've probably watched it 10 times in the last 6 months. Being solidly in three centered awareness, is key. There is often a disconnect between this state and ordinary neurotic 'narrative' consciousness. Specifically, in those who experience of periodic heavy depression very little of this higher awareness or energy or Self-Remembering can reach someone in who, to use Echart Tolle's phrase, the painbody is active. I've noticed that Jana Dixon and a few others have actively incorporated the word 'painbody' into their Self Inquiry vocabulary. I think it is a very helpful synonym for irritated or distressed ego. It's a more comfortable word if you're in the shit and trying to study your way out. It sounds more forgiving. Sounds less judgmental. Also that there is a wide variation of pain bodies is a helpful notion. Or, it was/is for me. I thought about starting a forum topic on "painbody". Im watching an older Charles Tart DVD. He is calling certain kinds of Mathematics - a state specific science. Buddhism he his calling - a state specific technology. This makes even more sense having just watched Ted's video about self observation.

??? Ted led a Fourth Way group a while back and he addresses them directly in this video. Knowing this in advance may prevent a little confusion. He expresses some things in just 3 or 4 minutes that are really powerful.