Arman

Don't think I've ever heard that expression before?

I think the overuse/misuse of psychedelics when I was younger has definitely had detrimental effects on my brain. Memory in particular, but it is hard to describe the exact effects. Specifically one experience with an analogue ayahuasca was pretty traumatic to the old nogin' and took quite a while to recover from. I believe most of these issues could have likely been avoided or reduced if I took them less often, allowed my mind, body and brain more time to rest, and was taking better care of my health in general. I was also young, around 18, and I think the brain is simply still developing too much at that time. Personally I would suggest to wait until early 20s for most folk. It is hard to say what the culprits were. LSD and Psilocybin seem, in my experience and observation of others, to be the least likely to have much detrimental effect on the brain. I would not recommend 25i, DXM, and would really limit the use of MDMA to once or twice a year as a suggestion. I would avoid research chemicals; there are so many and I'm sure many can be useful and fun, but I suggest that it's wiser to stick to more time tested entheogens. Part of the issue with those who promote psychedelics is that there is a kind of informational backlash against the disinformational propoganda of the 60s, in which people were told outright blatant lies about the dangers of drugs. The knee-jerk reaction to this by a lot of people is to now tout these drugs as being perfectly safe, when in fact, this is not always the case and this kind of fanaticism can be harmful. It makes me cringe when people say that absolutely everyone should try psychedelics and that it'll make them a better person. I used to have this opinion when I was younger and thought all the scary stories were just made up. Unfortunately as the years passed, I both personally experienced the repercussions and have seen friends have psychotic breaks or severe incidences that have left long term issues. Personally I would not take back my experiences because I feel that I'm a better person for them and the benefits have seemed to have outweighed the negatives. Still, I would not recommend the path I took to others. I was young and foolhardy. When used correctly, safely and responsively, they have the power to massively awaken consciousness and accelerate self-development. Still, they must be treated with incredible amounts of respect.

I never knew it was possible to have so much fun and excitement. The stuff fairy tales are made from. Then ego death, like the entire OS of my mind was reformatted. An hour and half later I felt very accomplished as I finally remembered what I was "Oh my god, I'm a human. Oh yeah" - Was really exciting about living a life now totally free from conditioned programming, and was then really disappointed as the conditioning immediately came flooding back in as the experience wore off. Also, aliens. out of curiosity what was the dosage?

Probably fluctuates. I bet in the womb we feel whole, one, unconditionally loved because there is no sense of separate self. We are one with the nourishment, with the warmth, with the red ocean of rest. Reality has not yet been fragmented and partitioned. Then when born there is likely traumatic sense of separation. When hungry and frustration, there is desire and sense of separation, then when at our mothers breast, we probably feel whole again. As we grow, reliance on the external world probably reinforces the sense of separation. I think much of peoples desires and behaviors are an attempt to return to that sense of unity; an experience we consciously or unconsciously recognize is available to us, either from deep spiritual knowing, or from imprinted experience of being at the womb/breast.

Cool thread idea. I'm going to post a cool expert that I was reminded of from Frederick Dodson's book 'Parallel Universe of Self'

How can we experience anything outside of ourselves? Within and without is same. Continue to observe yourself and you may discover everything is emanating from within. Still yourself, feel the energy of our body, and then feel the space in the room surrounding your body; feel if one is truly more you than the other. Answer may surprise you. No such thing as negative energy really, energy is just energy. Judgement can make energy seem negative or positive. Likely this energetic experience is arising because when you meditate you are releasing resistance, and this long since repressed energy is slowly releasing and coming to the surface of awareness. Keep allowing and observing, and release labels of the phenomena that arises and it will reveal its gifts.

Haven't tried 5meo but my personal experience with n-n-dmt has been that it can sometimes trigger a kind of waking dream-state. I don't know why, but suddenly it's like the mind releases from its waking-state functionality and enters a mode more akin to what it's like when we're dreaming - namely, reality seems less convincing and the emotional neurosis become automatic behaviors, the same way they are in dreams. Kind of how like in a dream you can find yourself in an argument, or having sex, and it is not necessary for the mind to know how you got there or connect any dots - it just expresses whatever emotion is in flux. It's an odd state to interact with someone in because in some senses they seem very coherent and lucid, but they are not 'themselves' (they are kind of not at the wheel, so to speak) and behavior can become erratic. This may also explain why you can't really remember it, since it's really hard to hold onto what happens in the dream-state. Whatever the case may be, I'd offer a sincere apology to your guide. Of course it wasn't your fault and as a guide you have to be prepared for these things; still, it can be really unpleasant and a small gesture can will diffuse that.

Not an expert but I've just been going through trial and error to see what helps. The more I relax into the silence and find the silver thread of intuition the easier things seem to be. I didn't start following it because I thought it would be a great idea, more just getting to the point where nothing else seemed to be working to create sustained happiness. Would follow practices, do this and that, behave this way and that way, jump through hoops but still find myself unhappy. I still experience challenges and pain of course, but the more you practice following intuition, the more readily accessible it is, so the challenges seem easier to transmute into growth because you're more able to scale your awareness back and allow the perspective to remind you to access more of who you are. Also it has been leading me to more fun and excitement. If you want to experience the power of intuition firsthand, release all intentions and will over the body and mind and see what happens. Don't resist any thoughts or anything and just be aware of the awreness, and allow the body to do what it does. The body automatically starts healing itself and transmuting the energy that arises breath by breath, it's remarkable. It will also go about the day like a wind-up-toy doing everything it's supposed to, even without you 'willing' anything. Healing, insight, and alignment with better things is observed serendipitously when operating in this awareness. That's intuition 'in-action.'

Gratitude is divine. It is also a choice. I suggest that gratitude does not create attachment. Find out for yourself. It feels unnatural and forced for you because it's not something you have practiced. Gratitude is a powerful way to flow energy into your life. Whatever you are grateful for, you flow energy into. If you choose to flow gratitude into something you like, you receive more of it. If you choose to flow gratitude into the things that are challenging or resistant, they dissolve. When there is a large vibrational gap emotionally between where you are and the vibration of gratitude, then it feels uncomfortable to practice it. In that case start small and general. Like being grateful for the comfortable chair you're sitting on, or having water to drink. The word artificial is a bit of a hang up here. Exerting force over reality usually creates resistance. You don't need to overpower your current experience, but rather accept that you have a choice and align with the kind of experience you would rather have. I think choosing to create your experience is a lot more authentic then having your environment dictate how you feel. Choose to flow energy regardless of circumstance. If you wait for your environment to show you reasons to be grateful, you will be waiting forever. If you choose to flow gratitude into your life regardless of what your mind or other people tell you to be feeling, then your external reality will shift and gratitude becomes natural and second nature. Gratitude may not feel natural to you now, but does where you are now feel natural to you? If it does, why? Inquire into if your current experience feels natural because it is inherently aligned, or whether it is simply because it's what you're most used to, and what you have practiced for so long. If you have been without function in your legs for longer than you can remember, then learning to walk again will feel unnatural. The ego always wants to resign to what was, and negates anything new and positive.

It's fine. Sometimes it can interrupt quality of sleep or make one overly energized depending on the type of meditation and your temperament. In that case you can scale back the time that you do it. If you are not having any issues then you have nothing to worry about. The only thing I would suggest on this note is maybe don't do it immediately before sleeping so you don't associate the two together. If you choose to meditate in the morning or earlier in the day however, you can enjoy the more 'immediate' benefits of meditation throughout the day. This is personal choice. Meditation creates temporary effects that kind of taper off throughout the day. Ideally, you would meditate both early morning right after you get up, and also in the evening to enjoy those benefits throughout. Overall and 'long-term' benefits of meditation will not be wasted if you do it late at night though. As a side note: Some schools of thought say that the thoughts and energy that you carry into the moments before falling asleep are powerfully expanded or imprinted into the subconscious - so perhaps having a clearer mind before sleep would have an advantage in that way as your unwanted thought-energies may be more neutralized.

Well you kind of have to mess up a bunch to learn. Have you misled them? I dunno. Probably. Like Leo says, awareness alone is curative, so be aware that your words and behavior can have negative consequences and try to have more integrity in your behavior and be more clear and honest in your intent. It's possible to be intimate with a girl and have more defined boundaries. You probably were more aware that you were giving mixed signals at the time than you are admitting to, but now you are just more willing to accept it. these statements sound a little bit incongruous because you knew you were putting them in a situation where they were attached/going to become jealous. Perhaps at the time you weren't realizing the impact that this can have on people. It is gratifying to the ego when girls become attached and it's easy to say "I'm just being me, and that's just how girls are" but it gets to a point where you have to be mindful in your behavior and words. Otherwise these things tend to come back and bite you in the ass, and that is secondary to the hurt it can cause others. Temperate action/behavior rules the day.

Take more time to deeply relax.

For sure. That's a solid statement. I was curious as to how much it looks physically more in regards to how taxing it is on the sinuses. I agree though, not weighing and dosing 5meo is playing with fire.

Few questions for anyone with the experience: Is one more likely to have the full infinity/breakthrough experience by smoking than snorting? Also how much does 30mg look like physically as a line? Is it one thin line? More? How much does 30mg or an other amount end up in terms of vapor inhalations? Like to have DMT breakthroughs I know sometimes you'd need to light, take in as much as you can, exhale, then continue to vaporize and inhale again. Can a full does of 5meo be smoked in one hit? - Also does it give you at least a few short seconds to put your pipe down and away from you? Is the rectal route done by dissolving it with water and then using a syringe? 5meo is probably one of the few drugs I'd try that route since it's worth doing it right and I think rectal administration generally comes on smoother than sublingual. It's the closest thing to an IV experience with some drugs. Plus anytime asks you about how you experienced becoming infinity you can tell them you put something in your butt.

I had all these symptoms a few years back. I took an analogue ayahuasca and had what an adverse reaction. I relate with the brain fog, fatigue and difficulty sleeping, understanding and talking. I remember I would mistype words all the time kind of like a phones auto-correct does and it picks a random word. I'd want to type "I'll see you at the park" for instance and i'd end up writing "I'll see you at the flower" because my brain mixed up related words. The fog really sucked. It was emotionally and physically strenuous. The memory problems made life difficult. Take my word for it when I tell you it was likely just as bad as what you're going through. The good news is that the brain and body recover remarkably. For me most of the serious symptoms cleared up within the first 6 months to a year. I suspect yours will probably be quicker. I relate to when you say "I just really don't see how I'll ever shine out of this" because it feels like so much damage is done that it's difficult to imagine if you'll ever be as sharp, energized and happy as you were. The truth is you will far exceed those levels and be happier and healthier then ever, in time. I believe these experiences are supposed to happen. They are supposed to feel like back sliding, it is just part of the process. Your body is far more resilient, responsive and powerful then you are giving credit for. From the tone of your initial post it seems you are deeply invested in the story of these external things like food and supplements as being responsible for everything you're going through. I don't wish to negate your experience but it's not useful to focus on these stories. Besides you can never fully know why you're going through what you're going through. Don't fall into the self perpetuating victim belief that poor little you has bad luck and everything is just going to spiral downwards because you wanted to improve yourself yet only made these things. Was it out of the belief that there was something wrong with you in the first place that you sought these things? Perhaps it only reinforced the idea that something is wrong. I also suggest you drop the affirmations. Affirmations are generally not necessarily that helpful and require the right frame to be useful. Otherwise they continue to reinforce the idea that there is a problem. You can say 'I am happy, I am healthy' - but does someone who is happy and healthy use affirmations? No, they wouldn't need to. I suggest you replace your affirmation practice with the simpler practice of gratitude for the things that you still have. Anyway just some food for thought there... The main thing is please know that all that is needed is patience, basic good diet, staying hydrated and basic exercise. Even these things aren't necessary, but help the process. Experiences like this make us stronger. It is time to use this as an opportunity to be grounded, healthy, and happy, regardless of what your external experience is telling you. That is the way that you will shift your physical reality - but aligning inwards with well-being, regardless of what your previous identity was. If you can take small steps to be happy and tranquil as life is now, then how powerful will that 'skill' be when you are healthy and happy again? You will know that it doesn't matter what your body and environment is like, that from your center of awareness it is like being in the eye of the storm and you can move from victim-hood to being empowered. Take it one day at a time brother. Wishing you the best.

It is a very tricky one because looking at physical reality one can come to the conclusion that all life is deterministic, but then, by switching awareness and detaching from experience, you can start to realize that just your intent and focus alone can seem to change the probable outcome of any given reality at any given time - so it seems that it's generated from within. However then you could say that very impulse to go within and set intention may also be subject to that same determinism. Perhaps it's a combination of both free will and determinism - because one subset or partition of reality (ie. physical reality) can be a lot more predetermined than another, possibly even entirely deterministic until interacted with by a space of higher free will awareness (ie. our individuated soul.) I suspect that the answer isn't going to be binary so much as spectral; like various degrees of decision space, at one end being god which has unlimited power and unlimited free will, and at the other end being the most limited forms of decision space. Like rocks would be closer to this end.

You are on the right path and asking the right questions. Pardon my longer answers, I want to answer thoroughly. Expressing is different to experiencing and letting go. Choosing to experience and letting go are effective and productive, where as expressing is usually ineffective. The reason these energetic charges build up is because of our unwillingness to actually experience them. Usually these emotional charges first imprint when you are a kid through some kind of environmental stimuli. We experience various traumas and naturally we resist the negative emotions and suppress them because we don't know what else to do with the energy. Resisting can be done by physically contracting the body, distracting ourselves, projecting, or any other number of behaviors. Because we are unwilling to be with the emotions and the energies, then they are never processed or integrated. They stagnate and stop our development - not to mention they don't feel very good. Expressing our emotions usually at best just sedates the experience or allows just enough pressure release for you not to feel it anymore, but it doesn't really address the issue or allow it to release. Not to mention it can be readily used as an excuse to be hurtful to people, or act poorly and feel justified. The best way to resolve emotional charges is to be with them unconditionally as they arise. Accept and allow the emotions and they will unravel because awareness is placed on them and the energy is able to process. Awareness is like a magic wand - when you point it at things you love, they expand, and when you point it on things that are uncomfortable, they dissolve. We have an endless number of unconscious behaviors that will do whatever it takes to make you focus on anything other than the emotion. For example, arguing, eating, checking your phone, gossiping, doing drugs, getting caught up in mind projections, etc. Firstly, active life energy is spent constantly suppressing all these emotions. It takes more energy to suppress them than it does to willingly experience them. This uses up tremendous reserves and makes us kind of weak, miserly and ineffective. Your suppressed emotions are greatly defining your reality and supporting many of your belief systems. You may think your belief systems and self image are a reflection of an objective reality, but you don't see the lengths at which reality is being filtered through your belief systems which are supported by irrational emotional charges. For example someone might think that life is a very dangerous place that is always taking advantage of them - and they will experience that and constantly align with data that reinforced that belief system because the emotion of fear has been unresolved and is still colouring the reality subconsciously. People build entire belief systems, paradigms, groups, political movements, and relationships built upon emotional charges. Many behaviors that supposedly purport to overcome negativity actually serve to perpetuate the emotional charges. That is why victimhood can't be overcome through focusing on the vibration of victimhood. It will only reinforce the energy. Only uncondtional presence and acceptance of what is can resolve victimhood. There are tens of thousands of thought, judgements and beliefs that are being fueled by unintegrated emotions. Lots of repetitive thought forms and areas in life that are stagnant are usually the result of emotional charges. By releasing the emotions at the root, automatically many limiting beliefs and reality filters are dissolved. Reality then shifts. As emotions are released, life energy increases and you feel better in your body. The natural human tendency after releasing resistance is to gravitate towards more loving and creative behavior. Blockages in your experience resolve. One also becomes much more effective in the world because as you release resistance, your baseline experience goes up and you align with experienced that are manifested by your conscious intent instead of your subconscious suppressed emotions. It is not necessary to go digging for repressed emotions. It is not as if when we repress an emotion that we are only going to feel it's effect when it has flared into your awareness - rather they are always present and effecting your reality. You need look no further than the most immediate now, as there is always some kind of emotional charge present. These emotions are going to be naturally triggered all day long in your relationships, your work, your spirituailty, your day to day errands, your mind, etc. There is a constant flow of these suppressed energies emerging as various thoughts, discomforts, struggles, fatigue, low energy, physical ailments, etc.' Choose to start being more conscious of how you feel and start to put awareness into emotions that arise. Notice that the reflexive response (automative subconscious behaviors) is to sedate, suppress or experience the emotion. Instead of choosing to do these things, when they come up, you acknowledge them, accept them, allow them to be and keep your gentle awareness on the experience, knowing the energies of the emotion are releasing. This is where meditation comes in handy because it trains maintaining that kind of awareness. By doing this day to day as emotions and experiences arise, you'll follow the bread crumb trail to deeper charges, naturally gain insight and start to become more in touch with suppressed emotions. But it's not necessarily useful to go on a mission to uncover deep emotions and supressed things. This simply reinforces the belief that "I will be happy when x y and z happens." - "I will be happy when I release these negative emotions" Rather discover for yourself that being present with emotions and releasing them not only has long term benefit, but has remarkable immediate benefits and uses as well. It radically transforms experiences and you start to become an active transmuter of energy and someone who can use all situations as opportunities to grow, instead of being a victim to the emotions and energies of life.

I want to share a startling experience I've had recently. This isn't a particularly serious thread. I hope it is not inappropriate in nature because I'm not really asking anything or putting forth anything very solid, but it's just been something on my mind recently and I want to share for fun. So if that's ok with you, I hope you enjoy reading ahead. My world view is always changing, and it has gotten really wobbly, fluid and dreamy, as opposed to the once stable and firm appearance it had. I think that this reality is basically of the same nature of dreams, especially in that it is a reflection of yourself, and that everything is you, talking to you, reflecting you. I think that dream psychology and symbolism applies to waking life. Perhaps you find that silly, but humour me. The last three days, including today, I have had startling experiences with spiders. The first day I am sitting at my computer in my bedroom, and a huge daddy long-leg spider descended from the ceiling and directly in front of my face, maybe like 10-15cm away. It suddenly came into focus as it was moving around its legs, floating and trying to find compass and it started the heck out of me. It could not have picked a more/less convenient place to drop. I don't remember that ever happening like that. Occasionally I see spiders floating down but never in my face. I watched him climb back to the ceiling and crawl across towards a corner. The next day (yesterday), once again, I am in the kitchen and suddenly from the ceiling it happened again, only this time it was a different kind of spider. Not a daddy long legs, but a more conventional looking one, with a small round body and little thick legs. Again, it descended literally right in front of my face, suddenly entering my vision and making me throw my head back. He reclined back towards the ceiling. I thought it was so strange for it to happen the second day in a row. I was kind of keeping the idea of it in my head, trying to feel for some significance as I stood over the oven on the other side of the room cooking some food, I swear the bastard did it AGAIN! He had crawled across the ceiling to drop right in front of my face. I was astonished, and it made my heart race a little bit. And so just 15-20 minutes ago I am looking at myself in the mirror in my bedroom, admiring my mothers honesty, in that yes, indeed, I am a handsome young man, when suddenly I notice that a small spider is not only hovering right next to my head, but the bastard is somehow attached to it! (and the ceiling simultaneously I imagine because he was floating) As I moved, he moved with me. That's the third spider, three days in a row that decided my head and face are the perfect place to play. --- From the first instance on the first day, I felt that there was some kind of deep symbolism to be evoked. I was reminded of an experience I hadn't thought of in a long time, which was my first encounter with DMT. It was in an orally active form; a capsule with an MAOI to allow for it to become orally active. As I sat there waiting for it to kick in, a rather large and ominous looking eight-legged friend decided to crawl across the carpet. It was one of the largest and oddest looking spiders I had seen. This startled me, and in my vulnerability (after all a very foreign psychedelic experience was imminent) I called my friend in, much like a house-wife in the 50s would call her husband, and he'd come in with his newspaper to lower his glasses and ask 'Damn it, Martha, what's all this ruckus?' Regrettably, I asked him to kill it. The DMT experience, from what I remember, lasted about 40 minutes or so. The experience was not a pleasant one, and perhaps rightfully so out of karmic rebuke from killing him/her. It was not the most insightful experience, but what I do remember was at one point these visuals emerging from the darkness. It was like an infinity of double helixes stacked upon each other, and I instinctively recognized it to be the nature of infinity. Not necessarily literally, but symbolically perhaps. I felt that every single minute point of each helix had its own infinity stack of more helixes that went turtles turtles turtles all the way down. On paper this is may sound interesting, even titillating, but experiencing this first hand was not pleasant. I simply could not handle the scale. The scale, my god man, the scale. It was so harrowing to me, the intricate webbing of infinity. I hence-force refer to that sense as the 'teeth-shattering scale.' It reminds me of in the Bhagavad Gita when Arjuna asks about Krishna's true form, and Krishna goes 'You wanna see some shit?' and promptly explodes into a billion infinities, to which Arjuna responds, 'Good GREIF, OK OK, I GET IT, JESUS CHRIST, PUT THE GENIE BACK IN THE BOTTLE!!!!' - or something like that, I may be paraphrasing slightly. Once that vision resided a little bit, the rest of the experience was mostly me crawled up on the floor wishing my mummy or some other benevolent force would soothe me. My friends cat may have sensed my call because he came to lay beside me. That night, he was my hero. I felt really strongly that the spider meant something, but I didn't understand it at that time. In retrospect it feels very fitting, given the experience I had. Jung says that one interpretation of the spider is that of the Shadow. The shadow being the unintegrated portion of ones psyche. The spiders web, however, being the symbol of wholeness, the mandala. Especially very recently, I am going through large shifts in integrating longstanding emotional charges and portions of myself that I have refused to look at for a very long time. A bit scary, at times; not knowing what is ahead. Also recently is this constantly returning theme of the infinite. I feel like I can't ignore it anymore. The more I let go of my emotional burdens, the more life is reminding me that it's all one intricate webbing which spans beyond comprehension, and that it is critical to remember and embody this. I feel as though the reason that initial appetizer with the infinite was so harrowing was because the experience had to be filtered through all my emotional charges and shadow. It was natural for it to evoke a deep sense of alienation, loneliness, and grief, because that was much of what I carried. Now, some of that weight has been lightened. I can open my eyes just a little bit wider and don't feel the need to run away from the idea. Perhaps that's what the spiders are telling me: to look. At least that is what comes to my mind, but who knows, perhaps the universe is simply telling me to get an exterminator.

You and 99% of all men. Including myself.

I bet there are many, google is your friend it's against forum rules

Darknet.

the soul takes on innumerable forms because it's fun, what else would it want to do? it's like kids playing dress up imagine kids playing 'the floor is lava' and they're crouched on top of the couch together, and suddenly one says "what kind of cruel existence is this? who would devise such a lava filled world, where all is fire and brimstone?" - then a few minutes later their mother calls them to dinner and the lava vanishes. that gives an idea of the absurdity of how serious we take this life. the reason we choose to experience a world with limitation is the same reason we play games that involve excitement, danger and limitation - because it is fun. what would be the use of playing a game called 'sit down and everything is fine.' - it might be nice for a minute or two then you would want more. in order to give in to the excitement you need to temporarily forget where you came from. if everyone knew they were infinite and immortal, they wouldn't be able to play this imagination game called being human, so they opt to temporarily forget the same way kids 'forget' that the floor is indeed not lava. if there was no suffering and limitation in this world, then suddenly the game that we created and CHOOSE to play would cease to be fun and useful. to quote the fleetwood mac song 'destiny rules': the spirits are ruthless in the paths they choose

Sam Harris is like WWE for people who outgrew (or suppressed) their love of muscles and spandex.

I'd address you but honestly I'm just too spiritually advanced and your ego is showing so pls get your act together.