ivory

I used to have it too. After a while it no longer bothered me. That said, if you haven't seen a doctor you should do that. Take care of yourself man.

As someone who was treated for bipoloar, I'll give you this advice. Your life purpose, right now, is to heal. Take care of your health, sleep lots, drink water, eat fruits and veggies, go on walks, relax, meditate, watch TV. If you have friends, it will help to hang out with them once and a while. You are very lucky to have a family that is taking care of you right now. Good luck.

Haha, wtf did I just watch?!

Man, I just ordered SantataGamana's book and was severely disappointed. Too much talk about chakras and devotion. I was really excited about kriya until I read this book. Now I don't think that kriya is for me. For enlightenment I think I'll stick with my breath+mantra, Rupert Spira, and Nisargadatta Maharaj.

I agree with it partially. On one hand, why would you do something if you didn't enjoy it? On the other hand, life itself isn't always pleasant. This includes meditation. If your meditation isn't teaching you that then what exactly are you learning? Meditation is about being aware. If unpleasant feelings are arising then that's what you should be aware of.

That's a good one. I didn't even think of that. I'd like to be doing something good for humanity

I find myself becoming on dependent on teachers in general. Not just actualized.org. This is for a couple of reasons. First, I don't fully trust my own wisdom. Second, I have a tendency to become addicted to information.

Rupert Spira - Non-duality

I'd find a good therapist and do an extended retreat somewhere.

My question is, can you want to know the truth and still get it? I hear so much about wanting truth being a hinderance to truth on the path? What is really true about this?

Oh, the other thing I thought I'd mention is that I'm currently working on developing stronger concentration so I can examine reality more closely. I'm hoping this will enable me to get some real answers.

I just want to know what reality really is. It's become clear that there are no "things". It seems there are just appearances, sounds, and sensations floating in space. Things are a fiction of mind. So what is really real? As for self, thoughts are just appearing in space without a thinker. I'm getting a handle on what isn't, but not yet on what is.

I'm currently reading the social skills guidebook. I've enjoyed it so far. You might also find it of value.

There's a difference between solitude and isolation.

I like reading, making music, meditating, and doing yoga!

I disagree. We are not safe, we are vulnerable. To think otherwise is to live in denial. Where is the wisdom in that?

I hear you. What ever you do, just know that whatever challenge you avoid will ultimately catch up with you. That said, having your own place is great.

Life will illuminate your past pains. All you need to do is feel your emotions fully as they arise. It's a much more direct path.

You say you want to self-actualize but running away from challenges is never the solution. I'm not criticizing you, but you always want to take the more difficult path on this journey.

You're welcome! Learn guitar, martial arts, draw, paint, etc. The thing is you want to have stuff to do so your'e not wasting your time on Facebook, playing video games, jacking off, etc. Having a creative outlet is very healthy and rewarding.

I can totally relate. I'm speaking from personal experience here. Do your research, find a therapist, do your best to eat a healthy diet, get lots of sleep, meditate in moderate doses. Find a psychiatrist and take meds until your mind stabilizes. Be patient. It takes time before things improve.

Just because one eats meat doesn't mean they have no regard for suffering. I have health issues that have taken me years to get a handle on. I found the diet that works for me through lots of research and experimentation. You're not being open minded nor are you speaking from personal experience.

https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/5-dissolution-entrance-to-the-dark-night/

I eat meat but in smaller quantities mixed with lots of greens. I'm quite sensitive to filler foods like beans and grains. For me health will always trump "morality".

Sounds like you need more life experience. Go on dates, meet different people, travel, try new things but don't bounce around all over the place. You come to know yourself by gaining life experience. You're confused because you don't know what you value. It takes time to get clear on those things so take your time and enjoy the ride.