kag101

Frustrated I recently posted a version of me playing "Wake Me Up - Avicii" on my instagram. I have to admit that I got frustrated, because I only got like 16 likes. And usually I get from 50-85 likes in my other posts. But anyway, what's important is that I stepped out of my comfort zone and that I liked the result. Nevertheless, it still is frustrating. I'm not going to lie. It's not that I crave for thousands of likes, but I do want at least some amount. But anyway... I also recently stopped following some people that I really have no interest in their posts. I know that some people use those apps that notify whenever someone unfollows. And I got kinda worried that it would give the wrong impression. Other stuff > I have been watching the tv show "Horders". It's really interesting. It inspired me to throw away some stupid shit I don't even like. One thing that I liked that they say in the program is: "Mistakes might happen". But I don't go full-crazy so that I don't have very big regrets. > I have a Pitbull. He is friendly (doesn't bite), but he's too euphoric. And sometimes when he doesn't know the person, the barks at him/er. My little brother came to my house for the first time, and my dog was barking at him. It was frustrating. > Sometimes I am a control freak. I'm trying to improve on that. It's a balance between caring vs not caring. For example, sometimes I want to make everyone happy, but that's a tough order to fill and it's way too stressing. > I've recently started to do some research on colleges. I'm trying to find one that I don't have to stay there for many hours a day. And one that is also not hard or too stressful.

It can be a little challenging... I’m just warning you to not fall into the trap of thinking that you can be fulfilled without meaningful connection with others. A lot of people spiritualize loneliness...

It would be helpful to know more detail about your situation. I usually try to cut ties with the person. If s/he is too close, I limit how much time I spend with him/er. Remember: Being loving ≠ being a pushover Setting boundaries & being assertive is essential for all individuals who want to truly self-actualize! `

You should go to an urologist. Online medical advice (especially from random people) is unreliable. But anyway, I am not circumcised and I never had a problem with that, because when I was a kid, my parents taught me how to pull back the skin. I had a friend who had it, and he started to pull it back by force. He said he eventually made it, but it was painful as fuck. Because you're already a grown-up, I think it would be better to do the surgery. So yeah... a doctor would be really helpful for knowing how to solve that problem in the best and safest way!

First of all, if you had a panic attack bacause of weed, than you are very likely to have one (possibly worse) with psychedelics. They are much more potent than weed. In your case, I think it’s a high risk gamble. Second, having only one friend is not enough for having a solid support system. Bonding with others and having a sense of belongingness is a very important human need. This idea that one has to be content merely through solitude and “self-love” is BS. So my advice would be to find ways to making new friends.

Dude, no amount of willpower can cure it. That could be the case for someone who had one depressive episode, but if it's recurrent, then medication is needed. It's a battle one cannot win. It's you vs. your biochemistry. Trying to overcome mental illness through determination is like someone who has diabetes trying to stabilize his insulin by, idk, thinking positively. It can't be done. I was in denial about this for a looong time. I tried virtually all alternative methods, but sooner or later I'd fall on my ass. And, seriously, sometimes I get angry towards myself for not trying to find a good psychiatrist earlier... I lost like 8 years of my life, and I had to go much unnecessary suffering... (sigh)

Well, I'd argue that wanting to have kids is kinda selfish, because the world is overpopulated and there are a lot of kids who could be adopted. Anyway, here's what came to mind as I was reading your post: Maybe you're trying too hard to socialize. Like, putting too much energy into having an "interesting" conversation, for example. That can be really tiresome. This can quickly drain one's social battery (especially if introverted). Another thing that could be happening is, maybe, depression. When I'm depressive, I automatically get socially anxious. I had always tried to get rid of SA, but I didn't know that my "true enemy" was actually depression. Here's the cycle, in my case: I don't have energy nor will to socialize > Have to force myself way too much > Get drained afterwards and frustrated about my performance > Get aversed to being around people.

I really like the things he talks about cinema. For example, how violence or tragedy can act as a character. also, how the things he’s going through in his life has to intertwine with the movie he’s making. And as far as LP is concerned, I can’t think of a better example of someone who is on the right track. This even has a nonduality touch to it lol

Your testimonial touched me. I could relate to many things you wrote, as I suffer from recurrent depression. It would be helpful to know some more detail about your "breakdown" (that can mean a lot of things). Did you get psychotic? Were you using any type of mind-altering substances? Did you feel a complete lack of vitality? I understand this feeling of abandonment you must be feeling right now. Mental illness is an extremely isolating thing. A feeling of deep loneliness. Firstly because my natural self goes away. And secondly because I can't connect with someone else in that state. I feel deeply misunderstood. When I'm in that state, I can have moments of brief reliefs by talking about what I'm feeling with someone I trust, but the pain is still there and will overwhelm me sooner or later. The thing about mental illness is, as with almost all other illnesses, it tends to get worse overtime. One common misconception people have about it is that someone who, for example, has depression is always depressive. No. It's a cyclical thing. And, unfortunately, the more time passes without treatment (or with inadequate treatment), the worse it gets. That is, the periods of stability get shorter and shorter, and the periods of crisis longer and longer. I want to share my personal experience with you. I had to reach rock bottom to seek scientifically-proven methods. I used to be heavily against medication. I thought they didn't work, that they would make me feel artificially happy, and deep down I didn't think depression was a real thing. I spent more than 10 years trying to self-heal, and it was a waste of time. I'd get better for a while, then... I would eventually fall on my ass even harder. I thought that feeling an existential emptiness was part of being an adult, and that the lack of will power was actually that I was just a lazy guy. Boy oh boy, was I wrong. It took me a while to find a good psychiatrist. But I am so glad I found the one I'm with right now. He had to up the dosage twice before depression completely subsided. And, man... a huge weight was lifted off of me. it's like I'm a different person. Actually, I am now who I always was supposed to be. My soul is back inside my body, so to speak. To me, it's like the difference between having the flu x not having the flu. In a way, I feel like having gone through so much darkness, pain, and confusion has given me a deeper sense of compassion, sensibility, and even wisdom. But it's just one of those things that I simply don't want to go through again, and I'll do whatever is in my power to prevent it from happening. I had a minor relapse a month ago. I felt depressed for 3 days, and it was hell. I got used to feeling normal, so when that happened, the contrast was so intense. I was like, "OMG, I can't believe I'm going through this again. NO!" I immediately contacted my doctor, and we figured out what triggered it. Have you ever gone to a psychiatrist? If so, how did that go? All the best ?

Well, the thing is, have you tried the traditional methods enough? I used to think that medication wouldn't work, because I had prior experience with it. But in reality, I had only taken one medication, and then I jumped into the conclusion that none of them would work. And another point to keep in mind is: were the professionals good? For example, I've had about 10 therapists in my life, and only one of them was actually good. The rest was terrible--did more harm than good.

@Raptorsin7 I'm a little skeptical about psychoanalysts. It's not a scientific thing. You don't need to graduate in psychology to be one. But anyway, how do you like it so far? Do you look forward to the session? Or is it sort of a grim duty? Do you feel you can trust him? Does he say interesting things? As with taking or not medication, he is not the one to decide on that. You didn't really describe how you feel on a consistent basis, so it's not possible to guess whether you have depression or not. Besides anger, what else do you feel on a consistent basis? Lack of vitality, pleasure, and will power? All the best! I hope you feel better soon

Congrats on the awakening! ? I wouldn't use the word "lazy" though. Be more compassionate towards yourself. You won't get back to life by beating yourself up this way and being neurotic. I also spent many years on this spiritual-bypassing dead-end. I was trying to self-heal my untreated depression and psychological problems. Needless to say, it made matters worse. I have started psychotherapy (and psychiatric treatment) about a year ago, and it has been definitely the number 1 endeavor in my self-development journey. I used to be in a way arrogant enough to think that I was above all of this, that "traditional treatment" wouldn't work on me, and that my problem was actually existential. Nothing could be further from the truth. In my experience: psychedelics, meditation, self-help, journaling, etc are all peanuts in terms of results as compared to the combo psychotherapy + medication. Best of luck ?

Sure, that's why psychotherapy is also important. I do both, but I think that in my case the medication is more important. There are a lot of "personality and emotional issues" that simply went away after the med started working.

Stop reading stupid theories about depression on the internet, and go see a psychiatrist. I was on this dead-end of theorizing and theorizing for more than 10-fucking-years. I would watch many many videos about this topic. I'd follow the advice of a lot of pseudo-experts... I would read thousands of people who had bad experiences with psychiatrists... Etc.... I took radical action after hitting rock bottom. It took a while, but then I found a great doctor and I got into a medication that fits me really well, I'm like a different person. I mean, now I am my natural self once again. Social anxiety vanished. The desire to sleep forever doesn't exist anymore. It was a chemical imbalance in my brain. That's it... I'm living life once again -- not merely surviving. What would you do if you had cancer? I hope the answer would be to go see a doctor (and most likely do chemotherapy). But... if you think the "Big Pharma" is evil and you still want to go down this path of theorizing and do "research" on the internet, be my guest... (Spoiler alert: as with any illness, the longer you take to treat it, the worse it gets.)

Can you prove that?

This approach doesn’t sound healthy at all. Geez...

Hi I've started going to the physiotherapist. It's really worth it. It takes time, but I'm already seeing some minor results. I want to rewatch the episode of patience (it's one of my personal favorites). I think it fits into this aspect of my life. I've been noticing some bad posture habits I have. And it's not like I'm forcing myself to correct them, I am seeing that they simply aren't good for me. It's a gradual process. My grandma has died about two weeks ago. It feels really weird. She's the first person that I really had a strong emotional bond who passed away. This made me reflect on my life, and how I overstress about some minor stupid problems. I had a really good sex on Monday. It was the first time that I actually enjoyed the whole thing. It felt really organic. I'm really grateful that that happened My piano skills are improving. I want to practice the following song by Avicci. In a month from now (9-8), it will be his birthday. And I want to post it on my instagram me playing the following version. It's not easy, nor super-hard. It'll be a challenge, but I think I can make it.

Limit as much as you can the amount of time you spend with them.

I understand. Mental illness is a very serious and complex thing. Some people read some stuff on the internet, and they feel like they're competent to self-diagnose themselves. There's also the romantization of things like depression or bipolar, as if it was a "cool" thing to have. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I also don't like how some people make their condition part of their identity. It's like, "Hi, I'm Joe, and I have depression." I don't have any problem talking about my struggles with mental health, but not all of the time. A person who does that becomes very boring to be around with.

I think that this technique of yours lacks self-compassion. Not all things in life are conquered through brute force. The moment you slice one head of the hydra, other two pop up. Watch Leo's video on self-love:

Can you prove that? Or is that something one can only experience through first-hand experience?

Sleep deprivation is a very serious thing! It can trigger mental illness, for example. If this persists, you should go to a doctor.

Sweet, man. I hope you have a good time here

I used to go to an ayahuasca center here in a rural area of Brazil, and they practiced shamanism there. I didn't like it, tbh. They were overfixated on "obsessive spirits". I was told there once that the master had a vision of me and that I had "10 obsessive spirits within me, and one of them looked angrily at the shaman." That really gave me a paranoia trip TBH. The master there would drink MASSIVE amounts of ayahuasca and would smoke lots of DMT, and she said she was "transmuting the bad spirits from the energy field", but honestly that woman was just... unhealthy IMO. She would twitch here body way too much, she was overly loud and obnoxious at time (she'd say she was incorporating an entity that was blunt), and she was always feeling sick due to the massive amounts of psychedelics in her system. I prefer something more subtle. The real indigenous people here are really amazing. There are some songs that make you feel like there are indeed demons coming out of you (at least while you're high on ayahuasca, lol). They're not my thing... but they're really good. There are other very soft songs, which are my favorites. Some of them sound like lullabies. Soft, yet REALLY powerful. It's great for emotional release. Here's an example: So basically, shamanism is great as long as it is the authentic shamanism. There are a lot of rip-offs nowadays...

So you're not a preacher kinda guy, are you? I have fallen in this trap. I would only talk about deep existential stuff with people, family, friends, etc. But honestly, that becomes very annoying for the other person. Talking about enlightenment, no self, or that "life is just a game/dream" is something I rarely talk about nowadays. For example, if I were to say to everybody around me: "HEY LIFE IS A DREAM. IT'S JUST A GAME." all the time is like if you were playing a board game and you were telling all the time "HEY GUYS THIS IS JUST A GAME. DONT YOU REALIZE THAT???" Haha... Im not saying that you do that. Anyways... Have you ever considered majoring in psychology, or something related to that? If you were able to get your friend excited about something, and if you give good advice, then... you can profit from that. $$$ Just don't tell your friends that you're majoring in psychology, because then they'll wanna make you their "therapist". But obviously that does not work, after all, you have emotional bond with them. One thing I didn't really understand: why does the fact that the person talk about, for example, a software that you recommended bother you? You also mentioned that you get irritated when someone succeed after following your advice, right? Would that be envy? Or maybe you have the impostor syndrome (which is that you're good at something, but deep down you think that you're a fraud)? And my advice for you in the case of this friend of yours who seems like you're his coach now lol is that you do not mention this subject. Talk about other stuff. Chances are, he'll stop it as well. It's like not watering a certain seed. This way, it won't grow. If he insists on talking about it, then you can distance yourself from him for a while.