Azrael

There is neither free will nor determinism because there isn't a person that could be subjected to it in relation on an environment that is separate from it. Therefore all you can really say about this subject is that what is going on is a spontaneous happening that seems to be of itself so when you look from our subset of reality onto it. Remember, when you talk about free will you create by definition a human being that needs to be separate from his environment so that he could act freely or determinedly . That separation is arbitrary because everything you know is a relation between what you call "you" and what you call the "environment". So if you take one of these away you cannot talk about yourself or the other any more because they are interdependent. This is a give-away for enlightenment, anyway.

Typically 60 minutes.

Enlightenment - at least in the first stages - might not even completely solve this problem. It goes deeper then just realizing who you are. You could know who you are and still be shitty a lot - because your unconsciousness brings up all this shit. Enlightenment will probably help you to a degree with that, but deeper inner work is required here - shadow work / integrative work. Yeah, I feel this a lot because I'm involved in so much stuff I love and this takes up energy and mind space - of course. However, I've found a lot of peace with this happening through one of the realizations I had on 5-MeO-DMT. Quote Azrael: "In every moment you are consciously and freely choosing how you feel, what you are aware of and what you think." Now, this is quite contradictory to what we know from out first-hand experience. I mean, I - me personally - didn't choose to be fucked up, unfulfilled and unhappy, right? Well, I'd suggest that most of us are not conscious at all for most periods of the day. I'd call it a dream state in which there is the illusion of being conscious. And I'd also state that we do consciously choose to be in that dream state to experience it in the first place. So, when you do 5-MeO-DMT you get conscious and you can see that you choose to be in every moment like you are. But this state of being conscious is far greater - we might call it super-conscious - then our normal sense of being right here. Now, the solution to your problem is this: Because you cannot become conscious right now (w/o 5-MeO-DMT) and it will take some time to get there, you can fully trust that you - yeah really you - choose super-consciously to feel like you feel right now. Feel into this trust. You really want to be like that right now. And if you develop that trust a lot of the resistance and through that the suffering of your current state will fall away. Now one thing to be said about this. You might ask yourself why you are choosing to be in a dream state and happy and unfulfilled. This is quite strange to the normal ego that seeks happiness. Well, just imagine you would be God and could do whatever you wanted to do and you do all of this simultaneously. One of the possible scenarios is you right now. So trust in that and feel into it. I have a phrase on my whiteboard next to me that I wrote down instantly after my last 5-MeO-DMT trip because I knew that I would forget what I was conscious of then. And this phrase is: "What did you forget?" Cheers, Az

If that is your case find the magic in the commonplace. A Zen master doesn't sit on his ass meditating all day, he is cleaning the toilets, cooking the food and planting vegetables. Now, his disciples do that as well. You don't sit for 10 years, get enlightened, and then go back to normal. You live normal every day and make that your very practice. I'm not telling you to stop your formal practice - Zen monks meditate of course - but you have to keep a balance. And to live a life you need to think, cook, eat, sleep and handle your daily affairs. So, don't put enlightenment and self-realization into such an conditional state like sitting with an empty mind. Realize that in every situation your dual view of reality is consistently changing, that all you really know for now is your first-person perspective and that this expands and contracts in every situation. And you now that, when you go to sleep you go away. When you wake up again, you come into existence - at least that's what you know for now. Think about that. Where do you go when you sleep and what brings you up again when you wake up. What makes your first-person picture change when you tilt your head from side to side? What determines where your conscious awareness goes in every moment. Why can't you hold still for a complete hour. Who determines that? Now, every question here has a scientific answer of course. But meditate on this like you did not know any science at all. It still happens. It doesn't happen because science makes it happening. It just does. Why? Where? And who? Find that out, then a walk into the grocery store will become as magnificent as sitting in deep meditation.

One of the biggest failures I see people make is putting awareness as this rare, pure, unreachable thing that you can only get after years and years of mindfulness meditation and even then you're just beginning to see it. That's not true. It's natural that we fall into this trap because we were raised in a way that you need to work up to something great and can't just have it without work. Well, this one is different. Awareness is everything you know - it is knowing itself. When you look at your hand awareness is the non-dual potential and by its nature of being non-dual it must create a dual world which in your case is looking at your hand right now. It is behind every perception you have, every thought you have, everything you will ever experience is awareness itself. So the journey is basically just needed to get a frantic, crying child to see that it actually doesn't have to go anywhere to be happy but that happiness and love (oh know I'm sounding hippie) is the basis and root of all action. But it takes some time to make this transition. So one meditation you can indulge in is simply being aware that you are aware when you are aware. So any time your mind runs off and goes into thought stories, let it do that. When it comes back and hands "your" awareness back to "you" just be aware that you are aware again. After some time doing that, the most amazing things follow.

Yeah, that really resonates with me as well. The way he speaks and frames his topics is just pure gold.

Good'ol Alan. I'm in love since day one.

Your ego was never gone, my friend. YOU = EGO completely the same. There is no difference AT ALL between what happens for you individually and what we call ego. Please don't make that distinction, you'll trick yourself with it and say "Ohh, this is good because it comes from a deeper place" or "Ohh, this is bad because it comes from ego". When you have enlightenment experiences you'll instantly recognize that this is not in the same "dimension" as your ego operates in, that's why it can't be described in ego terms. It's kinda like trying to express the integrity of rational numbers with natural numbers alone. It's not possible. Also, there's nothing inherently bad about YOU = EGO. Don't forget that. Don't make an enemy with yourself, just watch. That's enough. Be interested and see what comes up. The ego has its purpose and you won't even get rid of it when you are enlightened, it just finds a better place to chill. It'll die many deaths until then and rebuild in a more complex fashion, but it'll always be YOU = EGO and that's totally fine. If negativity, anxiety, anger comes over you (what it will do many times in the purification process) there's not much you can do. Just let it kill the side of itself, that needs to be killed so that it can grow from it. It'll be painful, you'll try anything to make it go away and it won't and at some point you'll feel just good relieved and have grown tremendously. Man up, and go through it. You'll learn how to deal with it in the process.

Why does this matter? That's a childish belief. It's like saying: "How can I make sure that I never see the color green again?" Won't happen. What you need to develop is some guts so that self-confidence builds up. Learn to accept the unknown, transform it when it becomes known and let go of it when it goes back to unknown. Everything else is childish play.

You will in the beginning of your journey probably get way more insecure than you are now. That's because all the shit you believe as real right now slowly starts to melt away and there will be no ground for your ego to rely on. So you might go through the craziest kind of personal crisis, ups and downs, suicidal thoughts, leaving everything behind, being depressed, being hyper-aware and anxious, you name it. A lot of this shit might come up. And you have to work through all of this and with time you'll get good at it. You'll be learn to relax into anxiety and depression, to see that you need no ground to rely on and your whole sense of reality will change until you reach full liberation. You'll have a lot of "little" enlightenments on the way that work on a certain aspect of your reality and over time it adds up. I say this because if you really go for the journey its gonna be hard. So if you are one of these ppl who wants to feel good quick, don't do it. Do the normal self-actualization, but don't shoot your head off for curing a headache.

I'd say this is the classic "This is my hero"-feeling. This lowers - in my experience - the more you get to the state your hero is at. For example when I started out with enlightenment / meditation work I looked at all these gurus, teachers and people like they lived in a complete other world compared to my one (and this is to some degree very true I find). As I made my first experiences and went on and on with the journey the relationship to these gurus started to go from a parental to a kind of brotherly level. Kind of like an older brother. So, just see for yourself. But there's nothing wrong with that. Even worshipping can be to some extend benefiting to your journey when you transcend this at some point. I worshipped in the past Alan Watts, Leo, Rupert Spira, Shinzen Young. I worshipped them to the degree that I started to mimic how they think, talk and react (I know this is crazy - but it's the truth) and I fell in love with their teachings and world views. This brought me to the place where I totally got what they were talking about, mastered their techniques and then went on. The thing here is, I went on. And when you do that with some people over some time, you'll finally get to a place where your own life is your teaching and everything you do is your technique. But you start out as a baby and want to be a master in this field. So climbing on the shoulders of some teachers for some while will probably help you. And yes, I am conscious of the fact that there are teachers who say bullshit, who lead you in the wrong direction and want to create a following to worship them. I naturally don't tend to follow such people and I always follow my gut instinct and what I know as a fact when it comes to choosing teachers. Because they don't offer us the things we want. And we do wanna be better. That's our eternal problem as humans. Because at some point we started to play the game "What if I weren't perfect from the beginning of things and needed these other things to be happy?". It has. You are just putting your opinion on everybody else and probably don't know us all, right?

Your problem is that you can't see that you're infinite and because of that you argue from the separate ego's perspective. You are not a separate entity when you wake up. Even now, you are not that. You just convince yourself that you are. But you are not. When you don't talk to yourself, there is no separation. When you don't think about it, there is no separation. When you don't mention it, there is no separation. First when you begin to distinguish that there are things that you think are in your "individual control" (they are not btw - nothing is) you begin to see that there are things you cannot "control" - so a separation happens. This is me (because I'm in control) and this is not me (because I'm not in control). What you experience first-person in a 5-MeO-DMT experience is that what you really are is the individual AND the world that the individual thinks he is not + all the other shit and nuances I wrote about in the prior posts. And again, to the "isn't it strange that we wake up on earth" question: Maybe re-read my prior answer to this. You are infinite, there is nothing to do, everything is. Why wouldn't you spend your eternal time doing all kinds of cool shit? Existence is a celebration of itself.

Imagine you would be infinite potential, infinitely happy, self-aware and complete. What do you do? Play that you are not so that you can love somebody who is not you, to see beauty for the first time, to be afraid that something could go wrong, to fight and kill to experience the rush of it. You are infinite. Why wouldn't you? What other dream states? I don't know. There infinite possibilities you are experiencing right now (you as your body-mind apparatus can just by design not be aware of that). When you die, somebody else will be born. A child, a bird, probably fucking aliens in other universes. I don't know. You'll see.

First and foremost by speaking about what the experience is like, what you need to know to do it yourself and get ppl pumped up. Furthermore, I seriously expect this substance to change my life in such a drastic way in the next 5-10 years that you could at least fill some books with it, keep up the discussion and find the 1% of the 1% of spiritual seekers who are wanting to do this and help them. There are many possibilities, here. It's right now not my first occupation - not my life purpose - but it is a muse that I follow privately and depending on how the future's gonna be, maybe I'll get more involved.

No, I didn't scream although I can imagine that some people do that. You might be talking to yourself out loud, laughing crying, things like that. I spoke without speaking myself the last time I did it. That was crazy. So my lips just move and formed sentences that talked to me. Your body might move on its own. You'll have a very big body load in the beginning that then will crush your ego, so that you can relax. So shaking of the body can totally happen. It might also just vibrate on itself. You give up most of control over yourself in the experience, all there is left is an intuitive notion of what is right to do. And you as an ego don't control that. God controls that. You should go into the experience with the expectation to physically die. I'm not kidding. If you are willing to physically and mentally die to experience Truth and God, then you can really surrender. That's why in that instant when it hits you hard, you really see how much you are longing for Truth. Expect to freak out, expect to have panic attacks, expect to vomit, expect to go through the rudest kind of mental shit that you have buried in your psyche. All that might come up when you start with it. I went through all of it (except when I needed to vomit I couldn't - it was just energy blocks releasing themselves). So yeah, it's pretty crazy and you need some experience until you are at that point where it is only nice. You need t earn that. If you still wanna go for it - - start slow with 10mg, then 15mg ... to 30mg and maybe get some Kola Nut for the deeper experiences.

I do 5-MeO-DMT as a substance by itself. I don't need to mix it with anything, it's crazy enough. I like to do shrooms a week or two after the experience because it seems to integrate a lot of it in another way. I'm experimenting with that. However, if I had to put my path into words I'm mostly concerned with Zen. I have my Zazen practice, and try to use all the ancient principles of living the intuitive, spontaneous, highly disciplined, ritualistic life in the modern times. I really like to bring both together. And on the top of that I add my psychedelic research. That's basically my way of doing it.

That was a classical panic attack on weed. Funnily, in my experience I had certain phases in which I felt very bad smoking weed and also would be having those experiences from time to time and in other phases it was the classical feeling good / stoned feeling. However, over the years I kind of lost interest in weed. I only do it when I'm out with friends. Then it's quite fun. But I had my time with this great substance. In a 5-MeO-DMT experience you will probably also encounter some panic attacks (as I said especially in the first experiences) but they will probably be worse. Because you lose your normal way of thinking (as I wrote before on this thread "your whole way of functioning") and that is pretty scary to the ego. The transition from egoic effort to infinite harmony can be a tough one. So be careful and start slow. However, right now MeO is my number one substance. Because it's probably like learning to go with a jet plane. In the beginning it's scary and overwhelming, but as soon as you learn how to do it, it's the most crazy thing to do. I also like that it's just 40-60 minutes if you snort it. Very clean, fast and deep experience to the root. I'm hoping to be on the forefront on exploring full liberation via 5-MeO-DMT and I'd like to bring the people who are ready to this great substance. I'm very much looking forward to the future with this.

The first time you do it you might get extremely frightened. I guess my first 20mg trip was to this day the trip with most terror and fear and purging I have experienced so far. But it was also one of the trips that was the most helpful. Basically for me, it goes like this: In the beginning you'll feel strange sensations going through your body. You know something is coming on. In that period I'm mostly repeating a mantra like ("I AM, I SURRENDER, I LOVE") and focus on something I really like. Then at some point I am not able to say the mantra any more because my mental apparatus vanishes, and that's when I know it's coming. At that time you might have a big body load, your heart's beating like shit and your breath is going to 0. In the first experiences this feels like physically dying. Because you are going away and you don't know whether this is for real. Now, after doing it for sometime the transition still is a little bit difficult, but not all like it was in the beginning. So over time, you'll learn to handle it. Also, my pulse now doesn't go through the rooftop any more. When you are on the other side, you are as relaxed, chilled, focused and lost in infinity as you can be. So then, it feels like 1000 hours of holidays per minute. EDIT: Actually, I think I will experiment a lot in the future with this transition phase. Because I think that is the point where you can get a lot of permanent change in your daily life. When you learn to handle this phase so good and do it so often that it becomes second nature, you'll naturally rest in an infinite state. But it takes some guts to do this.

I'd say - but I'm probably a little bit conservative and strategic thinking with this one - at least a few months. Simply for the reason that 5-MeO-DMT won't help you much if you have no practice to integrate these experiences. If you just do drugs and then go off doing whatever you are doing, you won't help yourself much with it. 5-MeO-DMT is kinda like this nitro booster you have in these car games (at least when I was little they had this). You can push a button and get intense acceleration and speed. Well, you can only use that if you have a good car. And meditation (or the practice in general) is your car.

It's even crazier than that. You realize that you chose and choose every program, every situation, every action and reaction that ever occurred for you. You see that you did that in a kind of super-conscious way. When you become conscious of yourself as God you see that this infinite potential is self-aware. And you just say that you "did certain things" and that other things "happened to you" because you are unaware that BOTH are chosen by you in this super-conscious way. It's hard to put in words. But because of that you instantly begin to trust yourself and everything that happens in your life because even though you might not understand it rationally it is all yourself. And this brings forth a kind of stillness and relaxation in every negative and positive thing that occurs because you know that it stems from you. Picture it that way: Everything you know (your perceptions, thoughts, your attitude, EVERYTHING) is like a veil that colours a self-aware infinite potential of things that can arise. It can complicate itself, it can and does create all kinds of realities that for example shape a human perspective. Now this human perspective by design has some features like being aware of itself, being able to perceive and so on. On the other hand there are things in this perspective that that seem to be separate from the human being (simply because the centralized feeling and effort of doing something doesn't go as far as feeling the door next to you in egoic consciousness). Because of that design you think that this is not you - because you can't "control it". it's the same thing with the things that happen to you. Now remember, that what the human being calls himself and what is not in his "direct control" still stems from this infinite potential that just made up this reality for kicks. And it decides and shapes whatever is happening and it can't be any other way by design. And you and everybody else is ultimately that potential that makes all these realities. So you chose super-consciously to be miserable or to wake up. That's why every fear you have, every hope and every struggle is made by yourself and can't be any other way. And if you see this for yourself, it's like waking up out of a nightmare and knowing everything is fine. You can never die, because you were never born in the first place. What you are experiencing right now is a dual dream state in which you got lost. When your dream state ends, you rest in total infinite self-aware peace until another dream will pop again in which you play your role. I think this is the best way I can put it. It's still a picture and a finite, wrong subset of what really goes on, but it gives you a hint in which direction to look.

I've found that meditations at night are more probable to be breakthrough experiences than the morning meditations. It's probably because of the brain chemicals that your brain releases at night and that its easier to relax and so on. So yeah, do it at night. I always meditate in the morning and do sometimes an additional one at night right before I go sleep. Its beautiful.

Maybe read my trip reports if you want an in-depth description about what the dosages do. There is nothing in the MeO experience that is not intense. It is by far the most intense thing you can do. Simply for the reason because YOU die and you think that you are you and not unity and this will freak you out like shit in the beginning.

@dice I doubt that 5-MeO-DMT will help you with chronic fatigue. Maybe it would if your symptoms come from suppressed emotions that then could be worked through with the 5-MeO, but that's not more then a hypothesis. I got a few dudes asking me whether they should take 5-MeO to cure their problems and I told them all that it's probably total overkill. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe it can help with minor things (and I use the word minor here in relation to a full liberation). It is a very exciting experiment, so if you wanna do it, I'd suggest to follow a few guidelines. Read up on psychedelics and what they can used for and how you use them Do a few experiments with mushrooms, vary the dosage from low to your threshhold Read up specifically on 5-MeO and what it does Then experiment with it, start low and get to your threshold I would be very interested in your case. So if you do experiment with these substances, please post it here. There is not enough quality data on 5-MeO in particular. But as I said, maybe it's overkill and maybe you're projecting something into it that it is not. It's not a cure-all. Its a very specific tool. But do experiment and find out for yourself. Be careful and wise in your investigation.

No, it was 100% me. It was completely authentic and completely intimate. Imagine it like everything that you know as you is taken from you, every aspect, every feature, every fear, every hope, but something still remains. And that which remains and that what is ever-present in every situation is you. It's just that in your day-to-day world you like to play with all of your features and get completely lost. Interestingly, in the end of my experience I knew that my old self - my patterns and beliefs - would be coming back and this was fine for me, because in that moment I experienced authentically that everything is okay and everything is fine, so I can play in my daily world every game of "the world might end" but in the end it is a joke. You also understand why we play these games. Just put yourself into the position of God. You are everything and anything, all patterns that is and ever can be. You begin to play with it, make love to it, fight with it and completely get lost. And even when you forget yourself completely it doesn't matter because in the end it's just fine. It's just God playing all sorts of games with himself for kicks. And that's a lot of fun. Yeah, if I wanted. I chose however to melt with the experience and so have periods of 5-10 minutes in which I just sat, nothing inside moved a millimetre and I experienced eternity alone. Then a thought would kick - actually a pretty random one like "what am i going to cook later" and I would for example take my glass of water, look at it and then melted again for some time. It's very beautiful. Yeah, it sounds more special and crazy then it really is. It is that of course if you look with your normal understanding of things on it. But when you experience it, it seems completely obvious and basic. Basically, what you find out is that you and your live got lost in fairytales and stories and that that is your problem. And the actual game of overcoming this, is indeed a game you want to play with yourself, like every other. And this is fine and will go on as long as you want to do it that way. So you gain a shit load of trust in what is happening. You also lose the fear "that you might not get it". Because even enlightenment and all the rest is just games we play with ourselves. A real master has seen through that, recognized the beauty and does what live gives him to do. He shapes and makes it and works with it, not against it and not to overcome it. He uses it to transform it into something else. Do that, and you'll be fine. But because we are all little kiddies who like to play and pretend, it takes some time to get there. And that's fine. There's no rush.